[ElJefe]

This is something I've had always, I think.

When in the game, under pressure, and a girl has flung the ultimate shit-test at you, you need to be cool under pressure in order to weather the situation.

Especially in relationships. If she's a hottie, generally cool personality, there will be times when you guys will have a battle of wills where one of you cannot stand the displeasure of the other party.

Intellectually, we all know the drill, but I find that I have real trouble in those situations where superhuman grace is required.

What can I do to improve this? It's probably a huge weak spot and if I ever get in an LTR or develop serious feelings for a girl she'll have me by the balls if I don't get this handled.

[playharder123]

I am facing something similar. I have started game after long break. got the number from a gal last week after long time. I reply initiate chat myself. Checking what's app hoping to get the reply.
After all the reading the forum doing same mistake irritates me.

[Coldfire]

If its some random approach I couldn't careless how it turns out I'd just move on to the next one but if I like her a lot then I feel tons of anxiety.

[Grange]

It probably never goes to zero, but if it's a significant amount of anxiety it means you haven't internalized your game all the way. You're invested in the outcome because you're not sure if you can pull another one if this one doesn't work. The other thing is you should aim to displease her sometimes. Don't be a dick but making her happy 100% of the time is not your job. Sometimes getting put in her place is really what she's looking for.

EDIT: Meant to ask if this sounds legit to you. Maybe you have anxiety for another reason?

[Fortis]

Remember that she likes you and is entertaining the idea of fucking you. GGL gave me that mindset

[Barron]

I have this problem if I haven't gotten the bang yet.
If we've already had sex then I know I have the upper hand because all the pressure is on her to keep me around, no matter how much I like her

[PittFighter]

go fuck someone else or go on a date with someone you don't like to distract yourself. That is what women do.

[MrXY]

Totally normal- if you like a girl a lot you are more invested and thus fear her loss more.

The best treatment for this is abundance; if you have banged a lot of other girls and have others in play while you are seeing her that will reduce the anxiety of neediness some.

But it never completely goes away, I still have to consciously restrain myself from being too nice or needy with a girl I really like and make an effort to game her with my best technique.

It's an irony of game that your game is best with girls you don't care that much about.

[Apollo21]

Anxiety is just pent-up energy. It can be redirected into excitement and help sharpen your game.
I've found if a new girl doesn't give you butterflies (a little), then you probably can do better.

[General Mayhem]

This post could easily be called "how to withstand discomfort"

Being able to withstand discomfort isn't just a skill for game. It is an essential trait for a man. Period.

I think the reason a lot of guys come across as overeager both with women and in real life is because they can't tolerate uncertainty or discomfort.

One of my good friends has been seeking my advice lately with his girlfriend. He is a member of the triple digit club but is worthless with any girl he actually likes because he can't stand discomfort.

In the time they have been dating they have gotten in a few arguments and I always tell him to play it cool, but he never listens. He tries to restore balance as soon as possible because he can't stand the discomfort. He's whipped because he can't take the discomfort.

This is why I talk about how game is just being a fucking man. One reason men have become so soft is because they lack the salt to handle discomfort.

I look at all the men I know and most of them lack the ability to make tough decisions and to do the hard things that men used to be required to do.

Another one of my friends was in a relationship that just went stale but he didn't want to end it. He wanted the relationship to be over, but he wasn't man enough to pull the trigger. She really liked him and he didn't want to hurt her. He was staying passive and letting her suffer. It was bad for both of them.

I told him the sick puppy analogy.

This comes from my grandpa. Whenever there was anything ugly, dangerous, or hard grandpa was the one who did it. They had a dog that the family loved, grandpa included, but when it got sick who was going to be the one to put it in the ground? It was grandpa. Why? Because a man should be able to bear that burden. Being able to do those things is what separates us from women.

I tell people stories about my grandpa all the time. He has been married to grandma for over 60 years and still ignores her when she acts unreasonable. Is it because he is an asshole? No. He is just really good at dealing with discomfort. He knows it will be alright in the end.

Now to bring this back to Jefe's post.

I'm going to go against the grain here. I don't think it's about abundance, because quality women aren't abundant in America. If you are in an LTR odds are you probably wouldn't be able to pull another one just like her in the next couple of nights.

Abundance mentality is a means of rationalization in a way. That's not a bad thing. The human brain is built to rationalize things, but really at its core abundance mentality is a means of dealing with discomfort and the possibility of loss.

It shouldn't matter if she is one of millions or if she was the last woman left on planet earth, you should still be able to handle losing her.

Elite game in my opinion is knowing you have a girl who is superior to the majority of other girls, and still being able to handle discomfort in the relationship, but not because you are telling yourself that bitches ain't shit and she is easily replaceable. Instead, you handle the discomfort because you are a man who has the ability to handle all that is hard in this world.

A man should be able to outlast a woman in the battle of wills every time. Not because of abundance, but because operating under conditions of uncertainty and discomfort is a man's game.

[Apollo21]

(02-11-2015 05:30 PM)General Mayhem Wrote:  

Elite game in my opinion is knowing you have a girl who is superior to the majority of other girls, and still being able to handle discomfort in the relationship, but not because you are telling yourself that bitches ain't shit and she is easily replaceable. Instead, you handle the discomfort because you are a man who has the ability to handle all that is hard in this world.

A man should be able to outlast a woman in the battle of wills every time. Not because of abundance, but because operating under conditions of uncertainty and discomfort is a man's game.

Well said. Many people naturally tend to shy away from "discomfort, risk, pain, etc"
while others learn to embrace it and accept it as a challenge.

As soon as you are afraid of losing her, you've already lost.

[WestIndianArchie]

1) pre-approach - you've got to man up and walk over there

2) during the approach - there are a lot of ways to handle shit tests, but the one that I like to go to essentially calls her on her behavior.

3) in the context of the relationship

a) prevent it in the first place! -

Never get too invested - do this by spinning plates and keeping yourself out there, being too busy to spend too much quality time.

If she wants more of you, she has to invest more. You have to really think about what you want out of a chick, because every last one of them can read a recipe and make a special meal. You need something more than that.

b) after the fact - Call her on it, defuse the situation, teach her that what she's doing is wrong, and if she continues, you will leave, because you will not be treated like that.

Her behavior is the underlying issue, whatever the shit-test was is usually just a test. her emotions have to be managed, but you have to give her the tools to manage herself. (this is my key realization over the past year).

Game typically requires the player to be ever vigilant when he's in the context of a monogamous LTR. In my experience, this is one of those situations where the concept of "hand", having the upper hand/calling the shots, disappears.

Most of your time, your "emotional labor" lol, is spent keeping her in check. Betas buy chocolate, Alphas get their chick to go out and buy them chocolate.

So you have to teach her how to get control of her own emotions, so she doesn't come at you with bullshit.

Every time you solve a chick's issue, you're enabling her to bring you more of her issues. Lot of dudes vacillate between being super hard, I gives not a fuck, - and their bitch walks out on em, frustrated. The other set of dudes cave into her every desire, and the bitch walks out bored.

Your real job is teaching this chick what she needs to do to make you happy, and herself happy. Otherwise, left to her own devices, she's gonna destroy the beautiful thing you've created together.

Underlying all of this
- you pulled a 10, you can pull another one
- you're an attractive dude, you've got game
- there are a billion chicks out there, and when you look around the club/coffee shop, at best you've got 2-3 guys that can challenge you, but there's enough chicks for all of you.

So even in the situation where you don't want to lose the chick, you have to operate on the premise that you are better than her, and is she leaves, you will be better off.

Not to get cliche, but most problems that guys have with chicks come back to that voice in their heads that says don't rock the boat, make things easy for everyone, deny YOURSELF for the greater good.

She has no such voice.

She might cry when she breaks up with you, but she'll be okay.

Average dude is often destroyed. Not the player.

WIA

[Travesty]

I really think the ugly truth is if you want a LTR that works you have all these guys say keep your options open and fuck other girls. I don't think the happiest guys with their girlfriends and wives are doing this.

I think you need to rise your value to a level high enough where you are indeed dating down, but still be dating a hot chick. Not your equal nor a bit a higher.

If you know you have higher buying power than her you won't sweat long term.

Trying to seriously date a girl you know has higher buying power (anxiety) than you means your confidence and worth aren't high enough to really take the driver's seat full time.

You have to know you are the prize (your worth is more and will continue to grow relative to hers that will fade much more drastically with age), and this is not a fake it til you make it type deal.

You need this in stone the first time you move on her.

I believe girls that are at your level or a bit higher (your game was better than average at that time, you faked it til you banged her) are only good for flings. Good news is you decide what level you are at and can change it anytime you want.

[ElJefe]

Dating down is a very interesting concept to me.

GM, thanks for that epic post. Basically, the message is you have to be comfortable with discomfort - imagine it's like a little ball that you can hold in your hand and observe dispassionately. Accept the situation, the infatuation, or whatever, but recognize they are JUST feelings and not necessarily connected to anything else in your life - so being able to separate the discomfort and anxiety from the rest of your life, and not making other outcomes in your life dependent on the discomfort is a truth you must KNOW.

But KNOWING is different from feeling.

So what concrete actions can you take in situations where you are feeling overwhelmed with discomfort. Meditation perhaps?

To be specific: I've tried a situation where I got shitty treatment from a one-itis and I felt physically ill. My heart-rate shot up and I had to go lie down in order to calm down. I'm pretty sure I'm overly sensitive (all my parents/grandparents are writers or creative types who destroyed their lives and relationships), but tools to manage this would be very useful.

[Mr Finish]

Using an example from my own life I'd say the types of women I game are a direct result of how I view myself, which had varied. I backslid a year ago and haven't fully gotten back to where i was. I always had 8+ women in my rotation and I walked around like i was 30 feet tall. I kept women on the defensive because, regardless of how fine they were, I genuinely believed I could do better. I think, in our own eyes, we need to raise our self esteem and confidence continuously to adhere to the structure and exigencies of game. How we do this differs from one man to the next. Maybe Targeting women who are higher quality than the one in question would make her seem less than she is.

[heavy]

"Anxiety is just excitement without the breath"

Breath.

Realize what's causing the fear...social awkwardness, which is harmless.


A few years ago I ran into a hot chic my friend was dating at the gym. Anxiety hit me hard as I started chatting with her briefly.
Literally, during the interaction I breathed and said "Heavy, wtf are you anxious for?"

I still have this happen in social situations sometimes. Breath and admit your your anxiety (basically admit you're being a pussy for having a heart rate increase because of a social situation).

[blacknwhitespade]

(02-11-2015 04:55 PM)Apollo21 Wrote:  

Anxiety is just pent-up energy. It can be redirected into excitement and help sharpen your game.
I've found if a new girl doesn't give you butterflies (a little), then you probably can do better.

Exactly. I'm dealing with major approach-anxiety as well as apathy to approach right now for a girl I like. The apathy is another issue that I have to bust through by summoning energy for life; the anxiety/nerves I feel when I talk to her can be re-directed towards amping me up to push further, game her, get wild, show her my personality and convey desire, etc.

It's actually good to have a little nervousness when talking to girls, it helps to convey interest and create the subtle sexual attraction vibe. Just keep it from overflowing to the point that it stifles you and use it to create the vibe and win her interest.

[Apollo21]

(02-13-2015 02:21 PM)blacknwhitespade Wrote:  

(02-11-2015 04:55 PM)Apollo21 Wrote:  

Anxiety is just pent-up energy. It can be redirected into excitement and help sharpen your game.
I've found if a new girl doesn't give you butterflies (a little), then you probably can do better.

Exactly. I'm dealing with major approach-anxiety as well as apathy to approach right now for a girl I like. The apathy is another issue that I have to bust through by summoning energy for life; the anxiety/nerves I feel when I talk to her can be re-directed towards amping me up to push further, game her, get wild, show her my personality and convey desire, etc.

It's actually good to have a little nervousness when talking to girls, it helps to convey interest and create the subtle sexual attraction vibe. Just keep it from overflowing to the point that it stifles you and use it to create the vibe and win her interest.

It just takes practice. Once you've had the experience of losing a girl
to your buddy that you could have had simply because you waited too long
to make a move...you'll throw caution to the wind and chase that butterfly

[Mujeriego]

Get experience having too many women in your life. Anyone that's had 3+ girls on deck can tell you it's like having another full time job. The end result is you realize how interchangeable/similar they are. Once that happens you stop giving a fuck.

[Nascimento]

Maybe a bit against the grain, I honestly feel anxiety when dealing with a girl I don't like.

Girl A: Bangable girl with some feature that entices me to approach her. Average personality and vibe.
Girl B: Cute/beautiful girl with several features to like about her. Fun to be around.

I might feel more nervous to approach the second, but I'm actually a whole less anxious when out with her on a date. Escalation I find is also much easier with girls I am more strongly attracted to.

I actually am off my game, my heart is not into it, I hesitate, am more anxious around girls that I have low attraction to.

With cute and hot girls, it's a whole different feeling. I feel alive, and I vibe so much better..

I've had Girl A on my bed giving my puppy eyes as she was within kissing distance and I did not make a move. I was too nervous and anxious. I've pulled through with Girl A type before, but it's much harder.

I have a very high conversion rate with Girl B's. I have close to 100% success rate for at least a kiss/makeout with these girls when out on dates, and a good conversion for sex as well. To me it's much more natural and there's a primitive desire to take things further. I vibe much better with these girls.

This year I am focusing almost exclusively on Girl B's and trying to get more solid numbers that lead to dates from meeting them.

Getting Girl B's to come out on dates is harder of course since they are higher value. Therefore, I have to apply the numbers game, and more effort in order to get them out on dates/meetups.

When I am able to get them out though I'm fairly confident in my ability to proceed. Kissing/makeouts are almost always a guarantee, sex on the other hand requires more crafty logistics and is influenced more by other factors, some I can't control.