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I need a holodeck mentality
02-05-2015, 10:46 PM
womb complex.
juts force yourself to approach
approach so many times your friends think youre crazy
you wwill crash and burn a hundred times but you know what? youll get better at it.
and more importsntly youll desensitize yourself to the pain associated with approaching. and thats will help you so much more than learning a thousand PUA tricks.
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-05-2015, 11:46 PM
What in the world is a holodeck?
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-06-2015, 02:26 AM
Holodeck is a virtual reality medium in Star Trek where the user walks into a "holo deck" room and he can be in whatever fantasy he intends. Visually as well as physically.
Relates to the post, stop thinking of Star Trek dude. The holo deck is your life but difference is you take it too seriously. Start cutting down that seriousness a few notches.
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-06-2015, 09:32 AM
I also think I'm being impatient. Wanting a few quick successes increases the pressure on myself, so I'll need to let that go of that notion and do 100 approaches and expect to get 100 rejections so I can actually learn something.
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-07-2015, 11:38 PM
CleanSlate, you are getting what is typically called, "Approach Anxiety".
You may already know this, but fear of death is actually not the most pronounced fear in a majority of people, the fear of public speaking is. This fear stems from a fear of being judged. We are social animals and deep down, no matter who you are, we all want to fit in to society and have others think well of us.
The solution to this problem is not getting more information. It's not finding the absolute perfect thing to say. It's not wearing the right clothes or being in the right spot. The solution is realizing that almost everyone has this exact same fear - and almost as bad as you do. Even the most capable player has this fear to some degree.
What separates those who have gone from where you are to the next level is action. You have to make yourself approach in spite of your initial anxiety. What you will find out is that the nervousness starts before the approach, builds when the approach actually starts, peaks about 10 seconds after the interaction starts, and starts a slow descent and generally fades away to almost nothing in about 3-4 minutes. <<This is exactly the same pattern you are taught during any public speaking course.
You must refocus this energy from negative nervousness to positive fuel. Tell yourself, "Yes, I am feeling this right now but instead of letting this energy hold me back, I will refocus it into pushing me forward." and go through with the interaction anyway.
There is only one way to get better and that is to actually go out there and do it.
Don't be afraid of failing either. Even the most seasoned player fails probably 70-80% of the time. Any time you fail at something, look back at it and learn from it. Write down what you did and how you would react differently next time. Like in poker, the same situation often presents itself. Fail forward, essentially.
Also, if you cultivate a genuine curiosity about people, you will find out that there is something to learn from every single person on this planet, from the most flightly, juvenile teenaged girl to the most curmudgeonly old person you can think of - and it will make approaching that much easier for you.
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-08-2015, 12:16 AM
Dude just imagine her naked, that should calm you right down!
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-08-2015, 07:56 AM
Forget about 100 for now. Can you give us 2 approaches today? If you say yes, I will hold you accountable. I can do that every week if you'd like. It will help even if you ask a friend to hold you accountable. For example, if you don't do 5 approaches a week you have to pay him $20. Something like that.
Another way to address starting anxiety is to tag along with another RVF member in your area.
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-08-2015, 03:47 PM
2 approaches a day, I can do that. I'll do that 5 days a week (giving myself 2 days a week all to myself without thinking about game). Starting tomorrow! Maybe I should start a thread and post my approaches to keep myself accountable?
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-08-2015, 05:24 PM
Get a wing who will push you. Try the old "money trick" from the Mystery Method to get things going.
I mean really, don't bother without at least trying to find one. It's one of those foundational, 80/20 things when it comes to your results. Very few guys get good on their own. It's one of the hardest things to do.
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-09-2015, 08:43 AM
I don't know about the holodeck business. Honestly I ignored this thread for a few days because the title made me cringe.
What I do is just ask myself honestly, will I be kicking myself later if I don't talk to her now?
Your mind is elsewhere, not in the moment. Get in the moment. That's why I think holodeck is the wrong metaphor. It's the complete opposite of a holodeck. This is the real deal. In the modern world, it's so damn easy to escape reality and hide behind a keyboard. Get out in the world with living breathing humans and get away from the simulations.
No opener? No problem. Tell her "Hey, I was here getting lunch and... I realized that if I didn't meet you I'd be kicking myself later on". It's completely congruent with your current state. So what if it doesn't work? Doing nothing has a 0% success rate. Lots of guys make this way harder than it needs to be. Forget about everything you've read. You're going to fill your head with questions about what you should open with, whether your body language is correct, does your hair look good, should I neg her right now... forget it all. You have a real live human female in front of you, and you need to be in the moment and talk to her.
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-09-2015, 08:51 AM
Good looking guys can get away with really douchey openers. If you're ugly to average you're better off going indirect and being funny.
Team Nachos
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I need a holodeck mentality
02-09-2015, 03:55 PM
Stop "approaching" girls! Its a weak frame.
"Approaching" them is giving them the chance to accept you or deny you. That gives them all the power.
Just talk to them, talk to them the way you want to, about whatever you want to. Who cares if she likes it or not. Don't ask for permission and don't apologize. She should be thankful that you are even talking to her.
Talk to girls the way you want to. Don't "approach" them!