Sigh.
HR should give seminars on this or something.
Here's how you do surreptitious shagging in the workplace:
* The disabled toilets.
Thank you, wheelchair guys!
Disabled toilets are ideal for a quickie, there's a lot more space than normal toilets and they usually have a wheelchair accessible railing or a sink you can bend her over. Obviously DO NOT USE during normal working hours, and don't both leave at the same time.
* The stationery closet.
Not as good as the disabled toilet, but still good for a blowjob or if you just want to feel her up, get her all hot and bothered, then send her back to her desk so she's sitting in a puddle gagging for you the rest of the day.
* The corporate event.
Anything that involves Powerpoint, booze and a hotel is Office Shag Central. Just take commonsense precautions - don't slam the bed against the wall if your boss is in the next room, and keep a wary eye out so people don't see you entering and leaving the room.
DO NOT:
* Fuck her on the photocopier. Those things can easily break and leave glass embedded in her arse. Questions will be asked.
Not even once.
* Bang anywhere in an open plan office. You never know when a colleague / security guard / cleaner is going to turn up.
Office Shagging: Extra Credit
* Always have an alibi. If you're caught leaving a hotel room / stationery cupboard / toilet cubicle together, have a prepared story in case you run into someone you know. Say she had a nosebleed or lost a contact or something.
They won't believe you, but they won't contradict you either.
What Would Shaggy Do?
* DO NOT do sexy times with another woman and then go straight back to your wife or girlfriend. Bitches have super smellers and will sniff your sex stank as soon as you wallk in the door. You need a minimum of a shower and a change of clothes. KEEP THE SEX CLOTHES WELL AWAY FROM HER TILL THEY'RE WASHED. Gym memberships come in handy for this, and also provide a cover story.
The result of poor office shag planning