[h5757]

Based on what I’ve read about pickup, a lot of sources make it seem like during a date, you should be the one doing most of the talking and you should focus on yourself and tell the woman DHV stories and make jokes and entertain her in general. I recently read about an interpersonal communication model that is specifically for basic social skills, but it applies to dating as well, and it says that the interaction should be focused on you asking the woman questions, showing interest in her and getting to know her. So I’m confused. I’ve always thought that asking women lots of questions and trying to get to know them will make them friendzone you.

Basically, some pickup sources focus on talking about yourself and showing status and entertaining the woman and that is what makes her attracted to you. The interpersonal communication model focuses on asking the woman questions, showing interest in her and getting to know her and that is what makes her attracted to you because people want to feel like others are interested in them. Pickup theories seem to state that you should be the one doing most of the talking, but the interpersonal communication model states that the woman should be doing most of the talking on a date (mainly responding to questions that you ask). The interpersonal communication model states that a date should be like an interview, whereas some pickup theories state that a date should be entertaining the woman and letting her know how interesting you are.

So which model is correct? Or are both correct? In what sense? During a date, what should be the ratio (percentage-wise) of you talking vs. the woman talking? Should you be mostly asking questions and when she answers them, your response should be related to her answer? What should you be talking about on a first date?

[ChrisPitts]

No model of game is necessarily incorrect, but it all boils down to your own personality type. The older method seems to be about being the "entertainer" with your stories, doing most of talking, and generally entertaining her as a means to gain attraction. Now, this only solves one half of the puzzle, which is generating her attraction to you. You still need to isolate and talk to her person-to-person, asking those deep comfort questions in order to open her up for the bang. This type of game will work well for high energy types, or extroverted personalities, however, it is not for everyone, and you do run the risk of being seen as the clown, especially if you don't make an effort to get beyond your attraction routines and into some comfort.

The "newer" method of game seems to be more optimized for introverted or low energy guys which will focus more on showing your interest from the start (i.e. going direct) and then getting her to a hook point where she takes over most of the talking. As we all know, a woman's favorite topic to talk about his herself, and by letting her open up to you, you are letting her become more comfortable with you from the start. By going direct, and having good dominant body language, you generate most of the attraction that you'll need, so you won't have to worry about the friend zone. In my experience, you would only fall into the friend zone from this method if you fail to escalate by touching or going for the kiss.

So there you have the two general methods, and this by no means limits it all down. I would be willing to bet there's a lot of mixing of these two general mindsets for most guys, but that's for you to determine what works best for you. Are you a low energy or a high energy guy? What method feels like it would better for you? Try it and report back. When you get your next bangs, analyze what you did that worked and piece it all together into your method. At the end of the day, you are the one that has to go out and find your own method that makes the girls want to play "hide the pickle"