[h5757]

When I message some girls on okcupid, they’ll respond to my message, but they don’t say anything to keep the conversation going, like asking me a question at the end. When I message some of these girls back, they respond, but they again don’t ask a question at the end of their response (or say anything to keep the conversation going). Is this a bad sign? Would these girls still be willing to date me? Or is it a sign that they aren’t interested in actually meeting up with me? What should I do in this type of situation? I’m curious specifically about online dating messages, but I’m guessing it might apply to other things as well.

[Sensei Creation]

Attention whoring .

[polymath]

It means nothing.

Conversation is dynamic and it doesn't have real rules. Some people get good at it and will converse with anyone, but others only open up to those people that they find attractive, and still others get nervous when it comes to talking to people they find attractive.

You have to just.....talk. If the girl doesn't seem interested at first, give her something to be interested in. This is the real value of being funny or witty, because even if you are not very attractive, the girl will still find you interesting and fix her attention on you for a bit.

Also, there are no rules that say she has to answer. Same goes for you.

A lot of people think that "good conversation" means you are both extremely interested in one another, or that lots of words are said, or that every phrase is structured as response --> statement --> question. In reality, all that matters is that both people feel comfortable and energetic enough to keep interacting. The trick is to get the girl to the point where she actually likes talking to you.

[ryanf]

(12-18-2014 08:42 PM)polymath Wrote:  

It means nothing.

Conversation is dynamic and it doesn't have real rules. Some people get good at it and will converse with anyone, but others only open up to those people that they find attractive, and still others get nervous when it comes to talking to people they find attractive.

You have to just.....talk. If the girl doesn't seem interested at first, give her something to be interested in. This is the real value of being funny or witty, because even if you are not very attractive, the girl will still find you interesting and fix her attention on you for a bit.

Also, there are no rules that say she has to answer. Same goes for you.

A lot of people think that "good conversation" means you are both extremely interested in one another, or that lots of words are said, or that every phrase is structured as response --> statement --> question. In reality, all that matters is that both people feel comfortable and energetic enough to keep interacting. The trick is to get the girl to the point where she actually likes talking to you.

The answer lies a bit in both answers above. Some are just on there to get you to chase them for validation, but many are just not sure how to keep a conversation going. Being girls, they never had to learn those skills, and online, they don't know how to flirt like they normally would (hair flip, touching their face, etc).

[Pontifex Maximus]

It's like one who lays missionary during sex. You will have to do all the work. Because girl power means the girl having to use none.

[tallandblonde]

You're completely over analyzing the conversation. Many girls will be on there for validation and attention whoring. This is the reality of online dating when there is a marketplace with many more men than women.

How do you weed these girls out? I'd ask for their phone number as soon as possible. Some will say that they "want to get to know you better" or "want to talk more" before giving their #'s out. These girls are straight up attention whores that really have no desire to meet up in person.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

There is no absolute answer to this one

It could mean:

-She's playing coy
-She is attempting to redirect the conversation
-Not good at small talk
-Not feeling you
-May be having multiple chats
-Busy

You can let it go, come back few days later and restart with humor or an observation, but you don't want to try to force interaction if she's being neutral or seeming uninterested.

Chances are she is being bombarded left and right. I've run into the same wall and the minute I went for a meet up the chick was down

Just because she doesn't answer right off shouldn't knock you off your square...the real goal is to get her offline anyway

[Sonoma]

She's not interested OR
She's not interesting


Either way, she sucks. Next her

[Agreddor]

This is actually a huge problem I've noticed with girls nowadays; they are bad conversationalists.

With a really boring girl, I have to talk about 3/4 of the time.

Sure you could next a boriung girl, and if the next ones' boring as well, you could next her; but how long can you keep this up?

Anyone care to share their inputs on this?

[The Reactionary Tree]

She's probably an attention whore. I've ran into women like this online as well. Typically nothing materializes. You could try dropping some bait to try and get her to ask you a question. Usually if a broad is not asking you questions, she's not interested in you.

If it seems like its going to this direction, ask her if she has aspergers.

[UroboricForms]

Agree with all the above points. I find a large majority of girls my age are so, so bad at just having a conversation. Same with hitting a wall in the convo and then days/weeks later, hello, suddenly interested again. One even messaged me first! On a dating site! You might need to read that twice for it to sink in....you can absolutely bet that even average to pretty looking girls are getting considerable attention. Hot girls, well, they probably get 50 messages a day, really wouldn't suprise me.

[The_CEO]

Have you ever been in a coffee shop lately? With every girl (and guy usually) glued to their phone/tablet?
As has been said, people have awful social skills and can barely make eye contact.

Having said that, if a girl does not ask me a personal question in a social setting (e.g. party) within a reasonable span of time, it's not a very productive conversation and I will leave for better prospects.

[coverdoc]

Over saturated man market used by delusional girls who are only hotter online than in reality.

[Feldeinsamkeit]

If a woman doesn't ask you a question after a few exchanged messages, it means she's a self-centred attention whore and isn't worth the candle.

[Beyond Borders]

The first couple times I wouldn't overthink it. There are all kinds of reasons why, from lack of interest to thinking that she's supposed to be coy to keep you interested (lest we forget about shitty advice mags for women) to just not being fully engaged yet. I'm no online dating expert, but I've had girls do this but a message or two later all of a sudden completely drop their guard and start reciprocating or even investing more in the conversation than me.

Yes, girls can be self-centered attention whores online, but look at it from their perspective too. Would you fully engage with every person that messaged you if you got dozens of messages (a lot more on some sites and especially spread out across all accounts) on a daily basis, often even from good-looking guys?

It's not humanly possible to give each person the time of day . Guys who run websites and get messages from readers all the time, or even guys on this forum with a big repuation, can likely relate.

Unfortunately, that puts a lot of the power in their side of the court in the beginning of the interaction. If you don't like it, stay away from online dating, but where is the same dynamic in some form not present in female/male interaction? Here's it's just more in your face because there's no body language and unwritten communication. Therefore it takes facing a few more ugly truths head on.

You can bet she senses the thirst in everyday life all around her too, but this back and forth just plays out in a different way.

Don't be thirsty but I wouldn't write off a chick because of one or two noncomittal responses either. It's a fine balance but like with most social dynamics you've got to develop a feel for the subtexts of the interaction.

Make the most of your profile. Reread what the guys who are getting success are doing. Control what you can control.

[amusedmastery]

Ugh. Online dating=10000 thirsty betas=Over inflated female ego from hell

Too many dudes. Get out and meet live girls one on one where the betas fear to tread. It's called......Game.

[PapayaTapper]

The rules of communication are different for each medium, People communicate differently online than they do in person, on the phone or even texting. Thats becasues each has a different level of "intimacy" and context.

The good news for you is there's a SHITLOAD of great information based on the combined experiences of a lot of very experienced dudes on this forum. If the information is used wisely this forum is the Wikipedia of how to communicate with chicks in ALL mediums