[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

25% inspired by a recent thread by the great WIA

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-41982.html

25% inspired by OGNorCal707's recent bad breakup thread

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-41880.html

50% inspired by some of the posts from others and the desire to encourage & help other cats who have gone through/will go through this BS

Been divorced just short of 3 years

While looking back it was one of the best moves of my life; it does come with eternal scarring and no one escapes unscathed

Case in point - Although I had grew up around players and Game dropped on me from the time I was knee high to a grasshopper; there was a time where I felt like marriage would be a viable option for a player like myself.

In my mind, I had accomplished many of my "player goals"; I had knocked more chicks than I would have ever imagined in my shy guy days and was experiencing the dreaded burnout from the lifestyle in my mid-20's.

Also - I had recently lost my mom due to a long-term illness so I was openly depressed and thinking 'why the hell not? this MUST be the next level of life for a guy like me'

Of course, I was dead wrong in the end, but as I remember other guys I respect saying you miss ALL shots that you don't take.

It's with this advice and presumptiveness that I entered this arrangement.

Fast forwarding past the carnage, I have emerged a changed man but not after I had stayed too long. Remember the part about none leaving totally unscathed?

***Danger ahead - directly during and after a divorce is the most vulnerable time for any man - Beginner/Intermediate/Alpha

Doesn't matter, you ask why?

Well, because it's at this time that you will feel the most alone, attacked, accused and ridiculed. You will feel the need to grab onto something solid in a room of quicksand, a life raft to stay afloat on in a sea of change.

This is grown man B.I. - not everyone is built for this

I would like to think I have thick skin, however I wasn't able to escape some feelings of guilt although I knew I had every right to walk

After all we had a son out of our union - saving grace

We talk a lot about being Red Pill and sometimes overuse the term Alpha within these RVF walls, but not enough is spoken about the importance of family and close friends during times of need.

It's been said a million times, no man is an island

As men, we consider ourselves as hunters and self-sufficient; I definitely count myself among those ranks, yet those close to you can act as a sounding board and a source of encouragement during the storm.

Very important to take this new found free time to focus on numero uno - the man in the mirror

I have witnessed so many guys speed into a rebound fling that turns into an almost incurable case of oneitis or even worst situation than what they just left, primarily out of the fear of being alone.

In retrospect, it's easy to understand. In many cases - a bitch has just snatched the rug out from under you and your sense of security even identity in some cases has just been hi-jacked

BUT - I am here to tell you to MAINTAIN PLAYA

Instead of looking to the next broad for that security blanket, this is the time where you go to work on yourself: self improvement, business, reading, studying and plotting your glorious comeback

Just think after your growth, there is a fine ass 8+ waiting around the corner for the new and improved 2.0 version of YOU

[The_e_man]

The funny thing is no matter how much this makes sense logically, sometimes the only thing that can heal a broken heart is time.

[Vaun]

This is a good perspective to start with - http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/aust...amily.html Stay young, stay single, dont give it away anymore, and enjoy your life, for your sake.

[OGNorCal707]

Well I'm glad my story helped inspire this thread, now I will temporarily hijack it to talk about my feelings and such. Yeah man, as much progress as I've made, how many realizations I've had, and for how much I've moved on and put my ex-bitch in the rearview mirror, I'd be lying if I said shit doesn't still sting a good bit.

Even though I know in retrospect she was not a girl I should have gotten serious with in the first place, and know that by the way she treated me at the end she showed her true colors, and that she's not a solid woman that was even worthy of the love, affection, and support, I still can't entirely shake recurring daily thoughts I have of her. Now, I'm not talking lovey dovey romatic thoughts of putting her on the pedestal and remembering all the "good things" about her, but more like I wake up first thing in the morning and she's in my head, or something throughout the day reminds me of her or triggers thoughts of her.

Maybe this is normal to an extent, but I really want to expunge any thought or feelings of her from my life. It's probably largely because I haven't hooked up with any other chicks since we broke up, and it's going on a month and a half now, so I really need to move on, if for no other reason that I'm horny and want to get my dick wet.

Right now, I kind of realized that I've been going through a depression of sorts, it's a combination of things that have compiled, but the root cause is still her dumping me. I got dumped at a very busy time, so I almost feel like I was so busy that I swept how I felt under the rug, and didn't really process my emotions. Then I thought I was all over it, until my ex told me she moved to Marin Co, and I did the online detective work and saw that 3 weeks after dumping me she had already posted a pic on instagram with her new guy, proclaiming that "she's so blessed to have the man of her dreams in her life, he is her king."

Like I wrote in my story, that shit was the dagger through the heart that caused a volcano of different emotions that were bubbling up below the surface, shock, anger, disgust, betrayal, etc. It was almost like I was getting broken up with all over again, except this time it actually cut me deep into my emotional and psychological core.

Since the break up I've been having really bad seasonal affect disorder, the weather here immediately and abruptly changed with the season and the "falling back" of the time by an hour. All of a sudden it got rainy, grey, dreary, and cold during the day, only to get basically pitch black at 5 pm in the evening. With the weather so shitty, I'm finding myself stuck at home, except now without the companionship and constant sex I was getting for the previous 10 months when I had my girlfriend.

Just like you get used to being single, you really get used to being with someone and being in that relationship, this is especially hard when you are living with a person and literally spending 20 hours out of a day together, and then all of a suddenly they abruptly leave and you are left completely alone. So I know I sound like a sad sack, but the sudden loss of that companionship and sex, in combination with the shift of the season, and a bunch of other stressful factors in my life, have made this a rough patch for me.

I think exploring one's own psychology is very important in times like this, understanding why you think they way you think, and why you feel the way you feel. I came to the realization that I'm at a very immature level for being 30 years old when it comes to experience in relationships. Basically from my late teens to mid-20's I was a MGTOW without even realizing what the fuck that was.

At that stage of my life, I had already been hurt by girls and combined with low self confidence, an extremely shy and introverted demeanor, I basically had sworn off women, telling myself that they are nothing but "stupid stuck up bitches, that will just fuck with my emotions anyways", so I decided to focus on other things in my life. While I lost my virginity senior year of high school from 18-25 I basically wasn't getting laid, wasn't going on dates, and didn't have a girlfriend.

I think most guys have their first serious girlfriend between 16-20 years old and get their heart broken and bounce back, and end up dating other girls and have other serious girlfriends. I didn't have my first serious girlfriend till I was 26 and she ended up being a total psycho bitch with borderline personality disorder, that relationship lasted 8 months, and totally went up in flames.

For the following 2.5 years I was scarred by that relationship and basically just fucked a lot of chicks I didn't care about that were nothing specially (usually in the 6-7 range), some of them wanted a relationship, but either I wasn't that into them or I conciously held back as a mechanism to protect myself from the heart break I had experienced in my first relationship. It wasn't until I started dating my last girl this past December, the one who just dumped me recently, that I opened up and allowed myself to fall for a woman again and allow myself to get attached.

So basically I came to the realization that when it comes to experience with relationships I'm way behind the curve, having had only 2 serious relationships, one at the age of 26 for eight months, and another at the age of 29-30 for ten months, most guys have probably already had a handful of long term relationships at that point, and had their hearts broken.

I kind of feel like an infant or toddler when it comes to the maturity that one would gain from having had those experiences in long term relationship, experience is everything in life, when it comes to women or otherwise, I developed a decent bit of experience gaming women when it came to picking them up for sex, but while I was gaining pick up experience, I wasn't exactly gaining relationship experience.

So now I'm at a point where I know what I need to do, I need to get my ass back out there and meet some new women, and get another notch on my belt, for the sexual release, to snap myself out of depression, and to help myself get over my ex. That said, part of the reason why I'm depressed is because of how bearish I feel about American women and their whorish ways. I know my game is decent enough and my looks are decent enough that after 2-3 solid weeks of going out to the bars 2-3 nights a week, I could find a skank to stick my dick into, but I know that it wouldn't be anything more than that. American women generally, at least a good majority are just damaged goods and aren't really good for anything other than being treated as a fuck toy. Maybe it makes me beta, but this realization makes me kind of sad in a way.

Sure fast easy sex with a skank can be fun, but it just seems too superficial and empty on a certain level, and to know that she's basically a used up piece of meat that dozens have other guys have already treated like a cum dumpster. Yeah I want sex so I will eventually wade back into the muck, and it's not that I want to go out and exclusively find wifey material, but the current state of women and the dating market, just have me feeling downtrodden.

This is going to sound kind of weird, random, and kind of gross, but my ex said she was coming back to town for a week, and tried contacting me multiple times, because she left an enema kit at my house that she wanted to get back from me. It was in a bag under my sink in the bathroom and I ended up throwing it in the garbage. She texted me and called me 3 days in a row, I'm not sure why she was so persistent and wanted it back so much, but I decided to completely ignore her and not reply to her texts at all. There were times I was tempted to send her a couple angry texts telling her off. She used the enema one of the few times I fucked her ass, but she wouldn't really let me since my dick was too big and it hurt her.

I was temped to say something like "sorry my dick was too big and you couldn't handle it in your ass, I'm sure your new guys dick is much smaller, but if he wants to fuck your ass, he can go buy you a new enema kit", but I basically decided that would me look like a spiteful little bitch, and not replying was the best course of action. It felt good completely ignoring her like she didn't exist, she was very persistent texting me 3 days in a row, and she was probably surprised that I didn't at least reply, because I always was so nice to her, and always got back to her immediately. Maybe now she knows I don't want to have anything to do with her. Still I will admit with her texting me, there was still a little beta voice left inside of me, saying maybe this is just a guise for her to reach out to me, maybe she really wants to see me and this just an excuse. Perhaps I could just booty call her and get her come over to deep throat my cock. Then I bitch slapped myself (metaphorically ofcourse), and realized that not only was that probably not the case, but even if it was, it would just prolong this post break up suffering period, and be a mind fuck that will ultimately just make me feel worse in the end.

I guess there is nothing left for me to do but hold my chin up, figure my shit out, process all of it, then work on myself, bettering myself, and getting my ass back out there, to fuck chicks, but now with more experience and a better filter, till hopefully I find one that's worth keeping around for a while.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

You know OG it's best that you make a clean break from this chick

It's like you suffered a bad accident that left serious scars and although you've taken some steps treat it back to a healing state, by continuing to contact her back (regardless of who initiated the contact) you are ripping off that bandage before you've properly healed.

It's clear you are at a stage where you are burned out or at the very least disillusioned with the pump and dump scene, but I must caution you that if/when you bump into your future ex-gf you make her invest in you over a longer period of time, and most importantly try to access her value to you independent of her sexuality.

After all 75% of a relationship is spent outside of the bedroom

[rudebwoy]

I gave the OP a rep point awhile ago, he drops gold nuggets here and there.

I now see this comes from his experience.

[Tim_S]

Talk about a timely post. I'm just entering the same situation. Only in my case, I was married for 30 years.

Your advice about not jumping into something makes a hell of a lot of of sense. I almost did - but now looking back I'm glad I didn't. Would not have been fair to her or to me.

The biggest problem I have now is the feeling of time pressure on myself because I'm a lot older than most of the guys out here and don't have forever to find someone. I am in really great physical shape for my age, but still, hitting on 20 and 30 year olds is gonna be weird. And there are great looking women in their 40's and 50's out there - but not that many compared to the ones who've let themselves go.

I'd welcome any advice you or others might have.

Thanks,

Tim S.

(11-15-2014 06:37 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

25% inspired by a recent thread by the great WIA

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-41982.html

25% inspired by OGNorCal707's recent bad breakup thread

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-41880.html

50% inspired by some of the posts from others and the desire to encourage & help other cats who have gone through/will go through this BS

Been divorced just short of 3 years

While looking back it was one of the best moves of my life; it does come with eternal scarring and no one escapes unscathed

Case in point - Although I had grew up around players and Game dropped on me from the time I was knee high to a grasshopper; there was a time where I felt like marriage would be a viable option for a player like myself.

In my mind, I had accomplished many of my "player goals"; I had knocked more chicks than I would have ever imagined in my shy guy days and was experiencing the dreaded burnout from the lifestyle in my mid-20's.

Also - I had recently lost my mom due to a long-term illness so I was openly depressed and thinking 'why the hell not? this MUST be the next level of life for a guy like me'

Of course, I was dead wrong in the end, but as I remember other guys I respect saying you miss ALL shots that you don't take.

It's with this advice and presumptiveness that I entered this arrangement.

Fast forwarding past the carnage, I have emerged a changed man but not after I had stayed too long. Remember the part about none leaving totally unscathed?

***Danger ahead - directly during and after a divorce is the most vulnerable time for any man - Beginner/Intermediate/Alpha

Doesn't matter, you ask why?

Well, because it's at this time that you will feel the most alone, attacked, accused and ridiculed. You will feel the need to grab onto something solid in a room of quicksand, a life raft to stay afloat on in a sea of change.

This is grown man B.I. - not everyone is built for this

I would like to think I have thick skin, however I wasn't able to escape some feelings of guilt although I knew I had every right to walk

After all we had a son out of our union - saving grace

We talk a lot about being Red Pill and sometimes overuse the term Alpha within these RVF walls, but not enough is spoken about the importance of family and close friends during times of need.

It's been said a million times, no man is an island

As men, we consider ourselves as hunters and self-sufficient; I definitely count myself among those ranks, yet those close to you can act as a sounding board and a source of encouragement during the storm.

Very important to take this new found free time to focus on numero uno - the man in the mirror

I have witnessed so many guys speed into a rebound fling that turns into an almost incurable case of oneitis or even worst situation than what they just left, primarily out of the fear of being alone.

In retrospect, it's easy to understand. In many cases - a bitch has just snatched the rug out from under you and your sense of security even identity in some cases has just been hi-jacked

BUT - I am here to tell you to MAINTAIN PLAYA

Instead of looking to the next broad for that security blanket, this is the time where you go to work on yourself: self improvement, business, reading, studying and plotting your glorious comeback

Just think after your growth, there is a fine ass 8+ waiting around the corner for the new and improved 2.0 version of YOU

[Vaun]

Tim_S - you are in the right place. Also check out the dadsdivorce forum as well if you are in the throws of divorce, especially with custody. They have a list that is the primer on divorce, that every man should read when starting.

OG - hey buddy, I hear you. I just finally shook off one of these as well. I was with her for about 9 months before I first broke up with her, but on and off with her for two years. I was at about a year or so after my divorce, and I was working and thinking I needed a GF to fit in, so I went hunting for one. She had it all for me, looks, job, chemistry. I dove in head first, she was early 30's. Quickly the topic of marriage came up, 4 months in she had to move out of a very nice apartment and "had no where to go", I let her live with me for a bit. She was a hot girl, when she was young posed in Playboy Latin America, I thought it was the best sex of my life and I was banging her multiple times a day for months. I quickly met her family, everything was speeding off a cliff. I let her in way too far.

Then it struck me, she always talked about other guys, her friends were hot carousel riders, single moms, sleeping with their bosses, and she had a sketchy past but a good job. She started going in my phone, I broke up with her a few times, then she was texting with a guy that I happened to see accidentally on her ipad(by that time I didnt GAF), and kicked her out for good. We kept it going on and off for a year and a half since then. I think mostly for the sex. During that time I was non-exclusive with her and with other women.

The toughest thing was that she was familiar, and the sex was good. The first time I really cut her off I made the point of not speaking to her or contacting her for several days straight. The first time it was 28 days. I started looking at her pictures, I contacted her, I started back in. That lasted until a month ago when I cut her off again for good, this time I have made it 35 days. She gave up trying to contact me. I used the Lift app to count the days. Literally, cutting off from her was the hardest thing for me because a) we personally connected deeply and enjoyed our company b) we fucked like crazy up until the last time together and c) she was the most attractive women I have ever been with.

Given the craziness of being with her, her insatiable need for me to put a baby in her, her crazy friends and questionable background, I had to make the break for good. I picked her up at a low point, but reignited my game while I was with her and I have never been happier.

Literally count the days dude. Like doing time "standing on your head!", if they still say that. It will take a while, but it will happen.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

As an older guy who has kept himself in good condition, you can still pull quality younger tail. Never fall into societal expectations of who you should or should have in your bed.

Remember as men we tend to gain value as we age as long as we are cognizant of our health, live an active lifestyle and continuely look to keep a sense of style

Older guys can be seen as being worldly, knowledgeable, and esteemed and there are younger women out there who are attracted to that type of guy. He can introduce them to new experiences that their younger boyfriends never could.

The key is to remain social and avail yourself of every opportunity to associate with attractive women no matter the age.

[Sp5]

(11-15-2014 09:20 PM)Tim_S Wrote:  

Talk about a timely post. I'm just entering the same situation. Only in my case, I was married for 30 years.

Your advice about not jumping into something makes a hell of a lot of of sense. I almost did - but now looking back I'm glad I didn't. Would not have been fair to her or to me.

The biggest problem I have now is the feeling of time pressure on myself because I'm a lot older than most of the guys out here and don't have forever to find someone. I am in really great physical shape for my age, but still, hitting on 20 and 30 year olds is gonna be weird. And there are great looking women in their 40's and 50's out there - but not that many compared to the ones who've let themselves go.

I'd welcome any advice you or others might have.

Thanks,

Tim S.

Ha, I was married for 32 years, and am out of it for two years now. Been here for about a year and a half.

No matter what, no matter how, the end of a marriage that long is going to disrupt you a lot. One guy I met in Bangkok said, you go through one year of insanity.

This is a good warning:

(11-15-2014 06:37 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

***Danger ahead - directly during and after a divorce is the most vulnerable time for any man - Beginner/Intermediate/Alpha

Doesn't matter, you ask why?

Well, because it's at this time that you will feel the most alone, attacked, accused and ridiculed. You will feel the need to grab onto something solid in a room of quicksand, a life raft to stay afloat on in a sea of change.

The feeling of being adrift and looking for something to grab hold of is familiar.

I almost jumped into another marriage with someone who would have been a disaster for me. Luckily, by then I knew enough from this forum and other places to jump off the train.

I recommend you read through the contents of this blog http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/ I learned more from it than anyplace else.

I was lucky enough to be able to travel and spend time at the gym and learning new things. I've been though a series of relationships and am wondering where I'm going. I might give the game up, I have a strong candidate but I am testing my own judgment.

Don't feel time pressure, you will do fine with women down into their 30s until you are past 60.

[Vitriol]

(11-15-2014 03:04 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

I think exploring one's own psychology is very important in times like this, understanding why you think they way you think, and why you feel the way you feel. I came to the realization that I'm at a very immature level for being 30 years old when it comes to experience in relationships. Basically from my late teens to mid-20's I was a MGTOW without even realizing what the fuck that was.

...

So basically I came to the realization that when it comes to experience with relationships I'm way behind the curve, having had only 2 serious relationships, one at the age of 26 for eight months, and another at the age of 29-30 for ten months, most guys have probably already had a handful of long term relationships at that point, and had their hearts broken.

I kind of feel like an infant or toddler when it comes to the maturity that one would gain from having had those experiences in long term relationship, experience is everything in life, when it comes to women or otherwise, I developed a decent bit of experience gaming women when it came to picking them up for sex, but while I was gaining pick up experience, I wasn't exactly gaining relationship experience.

I think you're creating a false category of "relationship experience" which doesn't really exist. Is the experience of keeping one particular woman content somehow more important than life experience, wisdom, and maturity in general? I'm not sure that this concept really matters nearly as much as you think it does, and I can't remember any great men who made a big deal out of it.

Here is an interesting thought experiment for those of you who are going through something like this: I remember Tom Leykis had a broadcast where he was reading through some list written by a woman about all the things she thought an ideal husband should do (maybe someone can find it if you know which segment I'm talking about). Obviously, the checklist involved a lot of suffering and sacrifice to keep the other person happy. Tom's response (as someone who has been married and divorced several times) was to ask, why the hell anyone would want to live like that? Based on his experience of being an older guy who has been in relationships, lived with women, been married and divorced, and all the things that come along with that, he decided it just isn't worth it and seems to favor not getting serious with any woman. Assuming there aren't any kids involved, is it just better to just never get seriously involved with any woman and avoid the obligations and heartache? There isn't really a "right" answer to this question, but it seems like based on the choices a lot of young people are making to either delay marriage or not form committed relationships, getting serious just isn't worth it for a lot of people.

I'd be curious to know if any of you who have been through a divorce or serious breakup think it just wasn't worth it, and if you could go back in time you would just stay single and have fun banging random sluts and having your time to yourself.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

Hindsight is 20/20

I try to live with 0 regrets

Short answer: I would tell my 25 year old self to stay single and continue to travel

[AneroidOcean]

I'd like to add one thing to this thread.

It's absolutely crucial that you sever any and all ties you can to a girl.

If you have a kid, obviously you can't do this, but you CAN only interact with her with an eye towards benefiting the kid at all times (and being polite but not being sucked into/caught up in drama).

In the case of a girlfriend, you may have to not hang out in group settings for a while where she will attend. Just tell people you need to move on and in order to do that you need to not have her in your life as a reminder. Also, if you have any love letters, pictures, memorable gifts/mementos, etc... GET RID OF THEM.

If you absolutely can't get rid of them, put them in a box and put them somewhere where you will NOT TOUCH THEM. Hide all the pictures from your social media, remove them from your social media.

Can you add them back in the future once you're actually over it? Sure. But you need to make a clean break and move AWAY from thoughts of her. Only time and keeping yourself busy and improving your situation will help. You're going to be upset. Try to be upset and then MOVE ON. Don't be upset and sulk forever, it will crush you worse.

If you really want to be a man on a mission to get over it, take everything that reminds you of her and instead of putting it in a box or throwing it away, take it somewhere where you can be alone and you can BURN IT.

I'm serious. BURN IT. Sounds like a dramatic scene from a movie, but there's something about seeing something burn that lets you put it to rest.

This is some of the only red pill advice I ever took back in my hardcore blue pill days. I used this technique to get over a long-term gf/ex so well that I had no qualms 6 months later letting her suck my dick in an attempt to get me back despite me having a date right after she came over. I came in her mouth then had the best date of my post-breakup and converted that other girl to a plate for a long time, never seeing my ex again after that.

You can't just turn off emotions, especially huge ones like that. You have to consciously and consistently make an effort to improve your situation and get past the emotion, because no matter how much it hurts, once enough time has passed you'll realize it was all just in your head.

[OGNorCal707]

(11-19-2014 02:46 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

I'd like to add one thing to this thread.

It's absolutely crucial that you sever any and all ties you can to a girl.

If you have a kid, obviously you can't do this, but you CAN only interact with her with an eye towards benefiting the kid at all times (and being polite but not being sucked into/caught up in drama).

In the case of a girlfriend, you may have to not hang out in group settings for a while where she will attend. Just tell people you need to move on and in order to do that you need to not have her in your life as a reminder. Also, if you have any love letters, pictures, memorable gifts/mementos, etc... GET RID OF THEM.

If you absolutely can't get rid of them, put them in a box and put them somewhere where you will NOT TOUCH THEM. Hide all the pictures from your social media, remove them from your social media.

Can you add them back in the future once you're actually over it? Sure. But you need to make a clean break and move AWAY from thoughts of her. Only time and keeping yourself busy and improving your situation will help. You're going to be upset. Try to be upset and then MOVE ON. Don't be upset and sulk forever, it will crush you worse.

If you really want to be a man on a mission to get over it, take everything that reminds you of her and instead of putting it in a box or throwing it away, take it somewhere where you can be alone and you can BURN IT.

I'm serious. BURN IT. Sounds like a dramatic scene from a movie, but there's something about seeing something burn that lets you put it to rest.

This is some of the only red pill advice I ever took back in my hardcore blue pill days. I used this technique to get over a long-term gf/ex so well that I had no qualms 6 months later letting her suck my dick in an attempt to get me back despite me having a date right after she came over. I came in her mouth then had the best date of my post-breakup and converted that other girl to a plate for a long time, never seeing my ex again after that.

You can't just turn off emotions, especially huge ones like that. You have to consciously and consistently make an effort to improve your situation and get past the emotion, because no matter how much it hurts, once enough time has passed you'll realize it was all just in your head.

[Cr33pin]

[rudebwoy]

^ that was awesome!

[Cobra]

MDP is the real deal. I had the pleasure of meeting him in person.

This post is gold. I feel like I met a celebrity.

[RoastBeefCurtains4Me]

(11-16-2014 10:04 PM)Vitriol Wrote:  

I'd be curious to know if any of you who have been through a divorce or serious breakup think it just wasn't worth it, and if you could go back in time you would just stay single and have fun banging random sluts and having your time to yourself.

I was married for 25 years. I married a divorced mother of a 4 year old boy, with the father out of the picture. I turned out to have poor sperm motility, and never fathered a child of my own. I adopted the boy. We bonded fairly well, but when he became a teenager, he rebelled, and without the genetic connection of fatherhood, he didn't respect me, and my wife didn't support me.
My wife was 2 1/2 years older than me. I was/as a nerdish engineer, although I've been working on fitness, style, and confidence since taking the red pill. I was blue pill, and of course, didn't know any better.
There were good times. We shared a huge portion of our lives together. However, she was bitchy to the point of being a raging maniac for so much of the time. Our sex life slowed down 15 years ago, with nothing but the worst kind of starfish sex. It's physically disgusting for me to think of what I put up with now. It eventually turned into dead bedroom, and I was glad not to fuck her, because I couldn't stand the starfish behavior. I actually thought of it as corpse like, but starfish is the more well known term.
I felt absolutely obligated to make it work, and felt that I didn't have grounds for divorce. I had read that people who stick it out are generally able to look back 5 years later, and say they are glad they stayed together. However, in my case, I hit a crisis where I was ready to leave about every 5 years at years 5, 10, 15, 20, and finally the end at 25.
I'm completely certain she's never cheated on me, and unlike most cases, she started out fat, and lost weight about 10 years ago, then recently got a tummy tuck due to loose skin. She looks her age, but I'd say she's objectively better looking than 90% of women her age, maybe 95%.

Near the end, when we'd had sex about 6 times in the past three years, I'd been getting back in shape, and I reached a point where I believe my testosterone must have increased, and I must have broken out of metabolic syndrome due to a low carb diet, and all the sudden my libido turned back on, with an intense desire to bang other women, and I knew the status quo was unacceptable, no matter what I thought about avoiding divorce.
I reviewed the situation, and realized she liked talking to me. She shared interests with me, and seemed to like spending time with me. She was proud of me and bragged about my job and my income to her coworkers. However, she apparently had no attraction to me whatsoever.

It was this recognition of attraction as distinct from valuing other traits in a husband that made me able to accept the red pill when I stumbled across it. The idea that PUA techniques for picking up sloots are the same techniques a husband must practice to keep his wife's attraction would have been bullshit to me before, but because I had recognized the attraction angle, I recognized the red pill was true. It was a conversion experience for me. I found MMSL, and tried these principles. I made progress, but it was as if she was fighting not to have a normal sex life and I reached a point where I felt that I could game hotter chicks for less effort that it would take to truly win her over to be able to have hot sex. I made an ultimatum, then left.

I'm still in contact with her, and now we actually have decent sex. I have no intentions to ever remarry her, but we date. I also see other women. I feel responsible for her wellbeing, as part of my vows. I still don't believe in divorce, but I feel like I was at a point where I couldn't take it anymore. It would have been better if I never made those vows.

If I had to do it over again, if I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would say to move on and dump her. I could have had a much happier life either married to a different woman, or never married at all.

[ordinaryleastsquared]

Get your whistle wet!

I got dumped by my LTR girlfriend less then 2 months ago, we lived together and traveled twice to central america this year (she mostly had to watch me surf, but thats a different story). I was depressed and lonely as hell for a few weeks, but I FORCED my self to get back into the game immediately. This was harder since we just moved to a new town together, and I was starting a PhD program.

I hooked up with a girl two weeks later, not up to my standards (ie a 6), but it helped break the physical attachment to my ex. One month later I have two 8's on rotation and am taking applications for a third. When you're trying to manage the logistics of mulitple girls and working/living a normal life, you won't have time to dwell on your ex. At this point, I view my breakup as a blessing, and I no longer miss my ex in any way.

[Vitriol]

(11-22-2014 08:13 PM)RoastBeefCurtains4Me Wrote:  

I'm still in contact with her, and now we actually have decent sex. I have no intentions to ever remarry her, but we date. I also see other women. I feel responsible for her wellbeing, as part of my vows. I still don't believe in divorce, but I feel like I was at a point where I couldn't take it anymore. It would have been better if I never made those vows.

If I had to do it over again, if I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would say to move on and dump her. I could have had a much happier life either married to a different woman, or never married at all.

After reading through this thread and reflecting on my own experiences, I don't think I've ever met a guy who was "happily married" or said it was a good decision. The responses always range from "it's ok, but it kind of sucks sometimes" to "it was the biggest mistake of my life". I'm sure my experience in this regard isn't unique which makes me wonder why the hell any guy is still getting married in 2014. There's plenty of info about how much it sucks all over the internet and I'm sure a guy will always get warnings from his male friends, but plenty of guys still do it.

[Sturmgeist]

(11-22-2014 11:47 AM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

The comments section of the video is brutal, which is expected on Youtube. I'd say 99% of the commenters/trolls missed the point of that video.

Great post Cr33pin.

[Travesty]

(11-23-2014 12:12 AM)ordinaryleastsquared Wrote:  

One month later I have two 8's on rotation and am taking applications for a third.

Ok you're in the U.S.?

You were out of the game for a long time and 2 months later you have two different 8 just on rotation.

Please break down your game.

Where do you live?

What field is your PhD in?

How good looking are you?

How did you meet and fuck these chicks?

If you have that kind of game I want to learn.