[Celt]

Okay, I'm sure I may just be called a "beta bitch" or something for this, but I always have this problem where I tend to get attached to any woman I take an interest in. My whole life I've been the kind of guy who wanted to settle down with someone, though it never happened. These days I consciously try to implement "game" and treat women as they should be treated. Unfortunately on the inside I still find myself very quickly developing genuine affection for women and thus becoming attached. Though I can force myself to still "game" them, I still ultimately feel low whenever I have difficulty with one of them.

I'm basically asking what you guys did to move past that stage. I know that the quickest way to get over any woman is to find another, but that's not always possible. Besides, I don't particularly like constantly feeling somewhat heartsick.

[Sonsowey]

You can feel affection for women. There's no problem with that. You can be affectionate with 10 women at the same time. If you are feeling affection, there's no need to turn it off.

Be honest, how many girls have you slept with? Is it under 10? I don't mean to rag on you just to gauge your experience.

Try this: do not get involved in relationships. You can see girls semi-regularly and not get overly attached, but that doesn't mean you are her boyfriend or you are exclusive.

NEVER see girls back to back nights. Maybe 1 or 2x a week, max. Don't talk to her all the time. Don't talk to her every day. Don't even really chit chat with her via text when you're not seeing her.

See more than 1 girl at a time. Have you ever fucked one girl, left, and fucked another girl? This may help you feel a bit better about yourself and get over attachment issues. You will feel amazing. You will feel on top of the world.

Keep your relationships casual. They can still be affectionate when you're together. Lots of people in this cold world just need some affection, it's ok to give and receive it. But if you don't want a girlfriend, don't get a girlfriend. Having multiple girls at a time will help. Build it up as best as you can.

[Onto]

(11-11-2014 01:38 PM)Celt Wrote:  

still find myself very quickly developing genuine affection for women and thus becoming attached.

There's nothing wrong with genuinely caring for someone. What is wrong is believing they are the answer.

(11-11-2014 01:38 PM)Celt Wrote:  

Though I can force myself to still "game" them, I still ultimately feel low whenever I have difficulty with one of them.

I sometimes still find myself suffering this feeling too and have wondered if it stems from some type of narcissism on my part that I should be able to make anyone adore me.

The truth is, people are a mixed bag full of stuff we didn't create and have no control over.

[Celt]

(11-11-2014 01:46 PM)Sonsowey Wrote:  

You can feel affection for women. There's no problem with that. You can be affectionate with 10 women at the same time. If you are feeling affection, there's no need to turn it off.

Be honest, how many girls have you slept with? Is it under 10? I don't mean to rag on you just to gauge your experience.

I have no problem being honest about these things. I'd say it was around ten, but probably beneath. Sounds weird that I can't remember exactly the number when it's so relatively low, but that's the truth.

(11-11-2014 01:46 PM)Sonsowey Wrote:  

See more than 1 girl at a time. Have you ever fucked one girl, left, and fucked another girl? This may help you feel a bit better about yourself and get over attachment issues. You will feel amazing. You will feel on top of the world.

I've never done this. One factor might be that I live in an EXTREMELY small town so opportunities are rare. I can't go to a nightclub and just pick someone up because there are no nightclubs.

(11-11-2014 01:47 PM)Onto Wrote:  

I sometimes still find myself suffering this feeling too and have wondered if it stems from some type of narcissism on my part that I should be able to make anyone adore me.

The truth is, people are a mixed bag full of stuff we didn't create and have no control over.

That's interesting. I never considered it that way.

[Fortis]

How often are you getting laid? I find that when I'm not succeeding with women that I'm more inclined to get attached to a woman whenever they begin to show interest in me. Realise that their interest in you may not be the sort of interesting that you want (Intimate), and that they may start using you. I can't tell you how many times that used to happen to me. Now, I make sure to try and talk to multiple women at once so that one girl's attention isn't as big of a deal.

It may also be because you've been conditioned to believe that you should only be a gentlemen with women and not do what you want. But you should ask yourself this: are you happy with what your current actions are doing for you? You should always consider that before you do something that puts you at a disadvantage.

[Sonsowey]

Celt, I was/am a "girlfriend" kinda guy. Even when I'm seeing multiple girls, I treat them girlfriendish. Meaning, I'm "seeing" a girl, we go to a park, grab some coffee, go to a brewery, maybe catch a concert, do fun activities that I would want to do anyway.

You can go do some sort of date activity with a girl, take her home, then do another sort of date activity with a different girl in another part of town.

I used to live in a small town too, and the key really was girls in neighboring towns. You have other towns within 20-30 minutes of you? There you go. You see Town A girl once a week, Town B girl once a week, and Town C girl once a week.

Start doing activities that you are interested in in other towns. Catch concerts a little bit further afield than usual. See movies in a different theater. Try restaurants a bit further than normal. Go shop somewhere new. Put yourself in new circumstances and you'll meet new girls.

Are you currently seeing any girls? If so, you just have to add one more and then bam, multiple girls.

If not start getting a ton of numbers and work on it.

[Dalaran1991]

To be honest, if you never want to be attached again, allow yourself to fall in love head over heel with a girl.

She will hurt you and despise you. You will be hurt and heartbroken but thats gonna be the last time you will be hurt in your life.

Its not even melodramatic or anything, but you get hurt enough, you will be freed from all the disillusionment of love and attachment. A lot of solid players become so after such instance.

Pain is always necessary to grow.

Anyway, if you are looking for some mechanics, one of my tutors gave me this tip: once the girl is no longer in front of you, she is no longer in your life. Stop thinking about her until you have to text/call her again. Basically she doesn't exist. Once she is there give her your undivided gaming focus.

This does two things: it stops you from being attached, and stop bad game due to overanalysis.

[Isaac Jordan]

I'd like to point you towards the Catching feelings thread, as your question is similar to the one there. My reply is here, although I'll summarize my thoughts on this thread as well:

Feelings are natural. There's nothing you can do about them. When you meet a girl you click with, you're going to develop feelings for her, just like your mouth waters when you smell a tasty meal or your dick gets hard at the sight of a naked woman.

The key is not to prevent those feelings from occurring, or to attempt to ignore them, but simply to not make decisions based on them.

If you find yourself getting attached, fine. It means you've found someone you like, and that's a great thing. The danger lies in letting that attachment determine your course of action, because generally the best game decisions are made when you're aloof and indifferent.

For example, instead of getting caught up in affection for a new girl and buying her gifts or texting her ten times a day, imagine how you'd react if you were in bed with three Playboy playmates. Yeah, that doesn't change the fact that you feel strongly for this girl, but understanding that those feelings won't help you to achieve your goals will go a long way towards improving the quality of your decision making.

Experience will acclimate you to strong emotions, and if you're unlucky enough to get burned by a girl you may be able to prevent them from growing so quickly in the future. But they'll always be there, lurking underneath the surface.

Instead of fighting them, enjoy them. Life is short and difficult; if you're lucky enough to be happy, to find a great girl, to fall in love, relish the experience. But don't base your decisions on love, and don't let your feelings dictate your actions.

[heavy]

The change that made a difference for me, especially on not seeing them but 1-2x per week...was making my own life more interesting.

Playing basketball and lifting more, as well as planning out or doing more for my future (in the evening). It makes me shrug "eh, I don't really care about seeing her tonight".

Telling her you're busy is intoxicating to them.

[Feo]

You're making girls the focus. Things changed for me when I started making myself the focus and let girls become a little side thing. The hard part is "actually" focusing on yourself and not "appearing" to focus on yourself.

[brick tamland]

^ top notch advice in every reply
I'll add - your worst case of one-itis (which is probably on its way) will be the biggest step on the path to being a player. You'll learn how badly 'girlfriends' can treat you in the end despite giving them your time, attention, buying gifts, texting and calling them frequently, being too available etc (the opposite of alpha conduct). You will also learn that girls ALWAYS try erode your frame (mostly in subtly ways). Once you lose frame the girl disappears. Listen when girls tell you unwittingly about their sex and relationship history and notice that they almost crave degrading treatment by alphas. Notice the crazy things they've done with strangers, especially due to peer group pressure. Know how muddy their history can be. Pay attention and see how girls spent years with guys who didn't even do one tenth of the things you've done for them. Learn that girls are not loyal.

Given all of the above, you will never become attached. You will never again present yourself as boyfriend material to girls. You will be selfish about your time. LTRs are time-consuming and you lose out on notches. You will put your goals above spending time with a girl. You will take on the hard challenge of re-inventing and becoming the guy who bangs them and leaves them.

[XXL]

I didn't do anything myself to move past that stage. Girls did it themselves.

Basically when you date girls and you get to know them better you quickly see how that "wow effect" slowly disappears and you see the real person instead of the public image. And then as time passes the magic bubble crumbles and those seemingly amazing girls become just girls. Then after many times of this you finally understand that they're just normal human beings with flaws and problems.

Now, I don't mean that all girls are disappointing. I'm just saying that often times we're too attracted to girls to really see them who they really are. It's sooooo common.

[CimbomluBkk]

(11-11-2014 01:46 PM)Sonsowey Wrote:  

You can feel affection for women. There's no problem with that. You can be affectionate with 10 women at the same time. If you are feeling affection, there's no need to turn it off.

Be honest, how many girls have you slept with? Is it under 10? I don't mean to rag on you just to gauge your experience.

Try this: do not get involved in relationships. You can see girls semi-regularly and not get overly attached, but that doesn't mean you are her boyfriend or you are exclusive.

NEVER see girls back to back nights. Maybe 1 or 2x a week, max. Don't talk to her all the time. Don't talk to her every day. Don't even really chit chat with her via text when you're not seeing her.

See more than 1 girl at a time. Have you ever fucked one girl, left, and fucked another girl? This may help you feel a bit better about yourself and get over attachment issues. You will feel amazing. You will feel on top of the world.

Keep your relationships casual. They can still be affectionate when you're together. Lots of people in this cold world just need some affection, it's ok to give and receive it. But if you don't want a girlfriend, don't get a girlfriend. Having multiple girls at a time will help. Build it up as best as you can.

This.

I had the exact same problem, but I managed to overcome it. No matter how hot the girl is now, I develop 0 feelings. I think the more chicks you have sex with, the less you get attached. I still show affection, but I'm just acting, deep down I have 0 feelings.

This is one of the best traits a man could have, seeing a lot of girls, and yet not developing any feelings.

[Noir]

Solid advice in this thread.

'I have affection for all the girls I have seen and currently see however I noticed I enjoy each girl's company for different reasons. They are all different and that is what attracts me to each one, so I focus my appreciation on what makes them different that I am aware that attracts me.

I look back with affection for various girls who had traits that my current ones don't and appreciate the current ones for not being batshit crazy (yet) as the previous ones ha.