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Advice Needed For Retail
#1

Advice Needed For Retail

Hi guys,

I'm new to game and have been reading this forum over the past two weeks before deciding to register and get involved in the conversation.

First of all, last year I was chatting up this shop girl for months on end. I really liked her although she was married with kids. One night she shows up at my front door, apparently to make sure things were still okay between us (we'd had an awkward exchange earlier in the day). I thought to myself that there's no way she'd show up at my front door for the first time ever just to make sure we were okay when she already has me on Facebook. So obviously I made a move, but partway through she stops me and says "he's a nice guy" (referring to her husband) and I took that as a sign for me to stop. She left and nothing happened. Now she's gone from my life. It really got to me because I wanted her badly. I vowed never to let someone slip through my fingers like that again and that vow finally led me to this forum. I kind of cringe at the obvious mistakes I made that night based on what I've read here. Mainly not continuing on regardless of her comment.

But the past is past, right? Got to move on and learn from my mistakes, and now I find myself interested in another shop girl (just by coincidence), but I'm not sure how to proceed at all. I think I made a fatal mistake early on by asking her out for a drink before she could possibly have been very comfortable around me. I thought the direct approach would be appreciated. She said, "maybe at the end of the month, I'll let you know". I took that as a "no" at the time and sure enough, she never did let me know (I see her every few days). I also made what I now know to be a screw up from reading this forum by saying to her "oh I thought you'd be married" (she's an older woman). Turns out she isn't married. She said, "well I am in a relationship, but I can be your friend". I didn't want her to see me as a friend so I just let it drop.
Nonetheless, I've continued to chat to her and she's very responsive, although as noted on this forum: those in customer service have to be. So it's kind of hard to tell whether she genuinely likes me as a person, or whether she's just being polite.

I've read a few threads on this forum about retail game, but I wanted to ask about my situation specifically. Have I screwed this up beyond repair, and if not how do I get her interest back?

I hope I've given enough information here. I'm six foot, one inch tall and have no problem approaching women whatsoever. I do wonder whether I might have intimidated her by being so forthcoming.
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#2

Advice Needed For Retail

A girl shows up at your door, there's only one thing to say:

"Would you like to come in for a drink?"

It doesn't matter what words are coming out of the hamsters mouth, the fact that she's at your door is beautiful.

Asking a girl out early is fine. There is no comfort building step. Sometimes she's just not that into you. And you have to accept that and move on, and don't let one failure inform all your other efforts unless logic tells you otherwise...
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#3

Advice Needed For Retail

Quote: (11-07-2014 03:34 PM)lycosidae Wrote:  

A girl shows up at your door, there's only one thing to say:

"Would you like to come in for a drink?"

It doesn't matter what words are coming out of the hamsters mouth, the fact that she's at your door is beautiful.

Asking a girl out early is fine. There is no comfort building step. Sometimes she's just not that into you. And you have to accept that and move on, and don't let one failure inform all your other efforts unless logic tells you otherwise...

Cheers for the reply. Yeah you're right, but in all honesty I think that particular failure will haunt me forever. Damn I wanted her.

I think you're assessment is accurate. What I'll do is continue building a relationship with her and go ahead and game other girls as usual. If something comes of it, great. If not, no problem.
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#4

Advice Needed For Retail

Over at the blog Alpha Game, Vox Day has written about "the window of opportunity" men have with women. In a lot of cases, it's open for a brief period, then shuts.

You just experienced it shutting. This doesn't happen in all cases. But with a married woman, she probably let her guard down temporarily for you, then thought the better of it.

The only advice I can give is hold your frame more. When she stopped you and said "he's a nice guy," instead of "I took that as a sign for me to stop" you could have said something like "Um hm, sure" (agree and amplify) and just continued on. Or you could have immediately changed the frame by faking a temporary muscle spasm, getting her to give you a back rub, then continuing on.

I think this falls under the "last minute resistance" (LMR) category and this is not my area of expertise. So you might want to look elsewhere for info on that. But I do know that when a woman says something like that, she's looking for reassurance that what she's doing isn't wrong.

You didn't reassure her of that. What you did was "the nice thing," philosophically speaking, but in the sexual realm, it didn't work. You probably amplified her guilt and definitely allowed her to take you both out of the moment.

Roissy/Heartiste has a list of Maxims that would be good for you to read (Hawaiian Libertarian compiled them here).

One of them is this: "Maxim #30: Women will not hold it against you for trying to get into their panties on the first night. In fact, they will respect you more for your boldness and willingness to follow your manly desires."

I would add that women often won't forgive when you're not bold enough, probably because it tells them you didn't desire them that much. And no matter how much bullshit the media throws forth about catcalling, sexual harassment and the like, all women want to be desired first and foremost (it's been argued that women's talk of harassment is actually a covert way of "humblebragging" about how hot they are, but I digress).

I'll leave you with a story I've told on here before. Back in my teens I was a hands-off nice guy with some girls and a sexually-oriented a-hole cad with others. When Facebook rolled around some twenty years later, I found to my surprise that the girls who went out of their way to contact me were the ones I was a cad with. The girls who I was nice to sometimes would not even honor my friend requests.

That says something about the nature of women that is not discussed in media, school, or church but we talk about here. Those places would have you believe every aggressive move you make is date rape. While you want to steer clear of pushing it into that realm and getting yourself in trouble (obviously), a little more intensity and focus on your own frame, not hers, will probably go a long way.

In other words, make sure to climb into that window before it slams shut.
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