[UroboricForms]

...what is the better response? To be supportive, (but in a firm, not beta as fuck way), or to act uninterested?

Say for instance a chick is moaning at you about her current life issues. An example of the two responses:

A) You can overcome these issues if you choose to
B) Shut up, I'm not interested

I guess an example of a more betafied response would be "aww, let me help you" or something. You may be dealing with one of the many slightly to severely messed up women in this world who could misconstrue nonchalance.

I currently have two on the roster who have been doing this. One is smoking hot by my previous standards, so I want to keep her around. Have banged. The other is meh, I'm losing interest, always bugs me to talk about some bullshit when I have enough problems of my own right now, have not banged and am starting to really not want to.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

Redirect and/or change the subject - 'Damn, that's a trip. I'm starving - let's go grab something to eat'

Take it from me, she will just do the opposite of what you advise anyway

You answer will likely be grounded in logic, using the powers of deduction and life experience

Her decision will be likely based on impulse, false reasoning and emotion

With girl # 1 you can humor her for a minute or two then re-direct and proceed with her being satisfied that you 'heard her out'

Girl # 2 has or is in the process of friend-zoning you, if you haven't banged yet there's no way she should be getting a pro bono consulting session out of you.

[Nemausus]

(11-05-2014 11:18 AM)UroboricForms Wrote:  

I guess an example of a more betafied response would be "aww, let me help you" or something.

Make sure that you avoid that course of action. It won't do you, or her, any good.

As far as I'm concerned, it's beta-bait that can lead you very quickly into the nice guy/friend zone. Stay away, especially if you haven't banged yet. I agree with everything MY DETROIT PLAYAS says. Just redirect or don't say anything at all and let her move the conversation elsewhere.

With girl #1 (that you did bang), just letting her vent briefly is the best you can do. There's no point offering up any counter advice, or extra support, she has to figure her stuff out on alone. I know that the urge to help her out can be strong, but I think it's best to avoid it.

Don't be the solution to her problems, just be a temporary oasis where her troubles melt away.

[UroboricForms]

Thanks for the responses. My interest in #2 is beginning to wane dramatically anyway, since #1 was so much more of a catch as opposed to #2 (hence the 2nd place ranking). I'm pleasantly distracted for the time being. I can't say I would be overly bothered if it turned out that I never banged her in the end. I have ignored the last few attention seeking messages #2 sent me. With #1 I tried to be as "firm supportive" as I could the last time she was talking to me about her issues.

Just as an example, #1 usually goes on about her "asshole bf" who she is supposedly in the process of splitting up with. The last message I got from #2 was essentially "help, I got sexually assaulted last night, need someone to talk to blah blah". Bitch, I don't even want to know! I can't help anybody with that. Ignored the message.

[Parlay44]

Some girls aren't worth fucking. It's equivilent to guys proposing marriage on a first date. If you take the bait it's instant friend zone. Next.

[lycosidae]

If a girl you're casually dating is treating you like a girlfriend, leaning on you for emotional support, then you need to adjust the overall vibe of the interaction, which should be fun, upbeat, lots of teasing -- You don't want to be the gay boyfriend...

[kaotic]

#1-Deflect, redirect, change subject, keep banging.
#2-Drop her, you've been friendzoned.

[Nemausus]

(11-05-2014 12:26 PM)UroboricForms Wrote:  

Just as an example, #1 usually goes on about her "asshole bf" who she is supposedly in the process of splitting up with. The last message I got from #2 was essentially "help, I got sexually assaulted last night, need someone to talk to blah blah". Bitch, I don't even want to know! I can't help anybody with that. Ignored the message.

Proceed very carefully.

#1 doesn't sounds like she's worth any kind of serious investment. One day, you'll be the "asshole bf" she cheats on. Enjoy her while you can, but don't invest. She's FB material, nothing more.

As for #2..

I strongly suggest you cease all contact with her. Do not go down that road. A text like that is a massive red flag. Don't get involved with crazy.

[UroboricForms]

Getting the impression #1 might be "bored" with me, in the way that girls just lose interest for no real good reason. I always get paranoid in these instances. It fucking pisses me off how it always seems to be "once, then that's your lot" with me these days. Of course, I could just be wrong. She's a shit communicator so it's harder than it already is to gauge the situation from text/online messaging. She isn't quite "on my case" as much as last week.

Should I go cold? I don't want to give into my emotions and potentially make a mess of things. I have some shit going on in my life right now outside of the whole women thing, so stuff like this doesn't help...but I feel like giving into my emotions would undo all the work I put into improving myself in the first place, to the point that I took one look at her, decided "I want some of that", and then made sure I got it. Any opinions?

[Rawmeo]

#2 just friendzoned you so hard that you should pull away right now.

How about just deflecting the subject to something better?

[Giovonny]

- Nod your head

- Take mental notes of issues that are important to her

- Tell her that "everything will be okay".

- Give her a glass of wine

- Rub her shoulders

The rest is up to you!

[UroboricForms]

Have already ditched the second one, and gone totally silent on her

[Feo]

Be a narcissist and talk about yourself..make her forget that she had problems

[Veloce]

At this point in my life I would probably drop both of them. I have very low tolerance when it comes to shit like this.

I mean, girls complain. They vent. We all do. I'm not talking about girls like that. Do what Gio says. Just listen to their problems, show that you're engaged, maybe offer a quip here and there. Keep things positive.

But then there are problematic girls. Girls that have a chip on their shoulder. Girls that have an adversarial relationship with the world. Drop these girls immediately. If they get close to you, they'll cling on super tight and they'll start projecting this status on you, the emotional tampon, the only guy who cares, etc etc. They'll start having super high expectations of you and when you inevitably disappoint them, they'll freak the fuck out. Girls like these treat the people closest to them like shit. Avoid.

In case you can't tell, I'm speaking from experience here.

[Dantes]

I have a different take. A woman looks to a strong man for guidance and reassurance.

Listen

Reassure her that she will be fine

Provide her with one concrete way to improve her situation. Age is relevant in determining how to proceed. I usually date women ten plus years younger. Taking this stance is congruent with this kind of age difference. They will seek guidance from an older man who has more wisdom and experience.

Listen to her

Lead her.