[robreke]

Was talking to this hot 8.5 - 9 in line at starbucks. I asked her about the cheesecake. She asked me if I just got off work. She told me where she works in the strip mall ( the same one with the starbucks )

We bantered for a few minutes...she grabbed her drinks and said "nice to talk to you" I said "you too" ....I was going to walk and ask her name and number...but I had to pay for my damn coffee. By that time she was walking out.

Should I go to where she works ( maybe wait a few days or something ) and try to get her info then? Would that be too stalkerish? Or just let her go? Damn she was fine and there was some attraction I'm sure. Advice please...

[Goldfinger]

If you even work remotely in the same vicinity or mall, chances are you'll run into her again. Unless she's Kate Upton or somebody like that, get her off your mind by approaching more starbucks sluts. You'll see her again, you just have to let it go for now.

[Sonsowey]

If you go, yea, kinda stalkerish.

Do not go "looking" for her. Go "buying" whatever is there.

She works in a clothing store, go get some clothing. If she's there, you "accidentally" bump into her. Act like you vaguely remember her. Do not act like you're there on purpose or that you meant to bump into her again. Possibly drop the "are you following me?" line on her.

Don't be like "Hey remember in Starbucks we talked for a minute? I just wanted to come say hi and get your number" that will be a 0% success rate.

In the future focus on extending your interactions until you can get the number.

You can tell a girl who is checking out ahead of you on line "Wait one sec, I'm gonna pay for my stuff". You don't have to tell her why, just tell her to wait for you and if she does, she's at least into you enough to give you the time of day. Maybe she says no and goes about her day, ok, she's not into you.

[WestIndianArchie]

1. It is stalker-ish, no doubt about it
2. Are you going to let society's perception get in the way of you getting the notch?
3. As for the approach, I wouldn't beat around the bush. I'd go direct, ask for her phone #.

Chances are very high that
- she'll view your tracking her down as stalkerish
- you might look low status, you might look weak, you might look beta
- even if she was digging you, she won't be able to give out her phone # in front of customers and co-workers
- thus you're unlikely to bag her

You know what? There's a part of you that wants to find out what will happen if you pursue something that you want. There are plenty of good reasons not to follow up this lead, as there are plenty of reasons to not do anything.

You're curious.

That's the main reason you should do it. To satisfy your own curiosity.

Most of the time you should be testing the game assumptions, especially if you're a newb.

If you manage to get a number, date, notch out of it - that's the cherry on top.

WIA

[robreke]

WIA

thanks for the paradoxical philosophical viewpoint. I honestly mean that. Although its not societys's perception im concerned with....its hers. I mean....its not like I have her number now anyway....so if she thinks its weird....no loss.

I think I'll do a hybrid. I'll wait to see if I see her sometime this week back in starbucks....of course thats a challenge of itself because when I approach her at starbucks....it may also seem stalkerish. If I dont see her there....I will wander in her clothing store next week sometime. She was hotter than Kate Upton........but cool and down to earth..

[polymath]

Cool and down to earth eh?

I bet you didn't talk to her long enough to actually learn all the shitty things about her, only enough for a positive first impression and a blank canvas on which your imagination has painted the rest of the picture.

I would go, but be brief and nonchalant. Ask her if she wants to grab a coffee on her break. If she says no, you lose. If she says yes, get the number in the process of that coffee run and proceed as usual.

[AneroidOcean]

(10-07-2014 02:41 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Was talking to this hot 8.5 - 9 in line at starbucks. I asked her about the cheesecake. She asked me if I just got off work. She told me where she works in the strip mall ( the same one with the starbucks )

We bantered for a few minutes...she grabbed her drinks and said "nice to talk to you" I said "you too" ....I was going to walk and ask her name and number...but I had to pay for my damn coffee. By that time she was walking out.

Should I go to where she works ( maybe wait a few days or something ) and try to get her info then? Would that be too stalkerish? Or just let her go? Damn she was fine and there was some attraction I'm sure. Advice please...

Others have given you good advice as far as whether to go visit her work again or not.

I caution you to not let stuff stand in your way (or let it be an excuse for you after the fact).

What you easily could've done is walked right out of line (perhaps telling the counter-person that you'll be right back to pay and leaving your drink) and caught up to her and finished trying to make plans/get a number. It's not like the coffee would be cold by the time you get back for it and if it is....maybe that's a good thing.

You know all those things that you "can't" do are mostly just societal and/or being way too polite.

People will excuse you for walking away for a moment and then returning to buy your drink, we won't excuse you for missing an opportunity with a girl hotter than Kate Upton.

[Rawmeo]

If I were you, I'd go pretend I need something where she works, let someone else help you at the shop, then pretend you have another question and go see her, and "oh by the way I saw you at Starbucks!". You can try a subtle approach to know when she usually goes to SB. They "accidentally" meet her there, and go in for the closing.

[robreke]

(10-08-2014 06:51 PM)alex3948 Wrote:  

If I were you, I'd go pretend I need something where she works, let someone else help you at the shop, then pretend you have another question and go see her, and "oh by the way I saw you at Starbucks!". You can try a subtle approach to know when she usually goes to SB. They "accidentally" meet her there, and go in for the closing.

she works at a clothing store. what's a good way to go there engage her without buying a shirt. just like,I'm here looking? I don't want to have to buy a damn shirt just to ask her out.

[MGK]

Haven't you been out shopping solo??Just roam around the shop looking at clothes and when you get to clothes that are near her you can say something like - oh hey i think i remember you - the girl from starbucks, right?Whats up etc..

[Rawmeo]

I think buying something will make you look less creepy; just looking around a shop where you met a girl will make your intentions too clear.

How's it going? The thread was started a few days ago.

[Travesty]

This is for the future:

Next time this happens, politely tell the cashier to serve the next person in line you will be right back, and let the next person go.

Then go get the number.

Don't be trapped by small things that block you from bigger things. This is something many people fall into in a variety of ways in life. Think outside the rules up to the point it lands you in jail, dead, broke, homeless, or diseased.

[robreke]

Update : Went there to her store today. The 2nd time I've been in a week looking for her. Last time the unattractive older manager helped me but I bought nothing....I finally caught her there today.

the situation was a good setup. I just had a bad vibe going and no balls.

She was the only one available to help me with clothes.

Me after a minute of her showing me shirts: Hey, I think we talked at starbucks the other day.
Her: Really?
Me: aren't you a dental hygienist?
Her: yeah. (giving me nothing else but smiling a little...I think she was just being friendly to sell me an expensive shirt)
Me: Apparently you don't remember.
She kind of laughs.
Shows me shirts a few minutes...she starts off with 200 dollar shirts ...kept asking if I wanted to look at jeans to which I said no. I say " is all you have $ 200 shirts?" kind of laughing.
SHows me some others ....she said this one would be good for me because I have 'broad shoulders' which I kind of do. I try one and pick it.
Me after I come out of dressing room: this one fits the best I'll take it.
Her: I told you it would fit the best.
As I was checking out.
Her; Yeah, I'm working 3 jobs now so I have a lot going on...so my memory isn't working so good ( maybe qualifying why she didn't remember me )
Her: It's funny you ran into me at this store, I usually work at the other one downtown.
Me: Yeah I've seen that one on the way to work.
At the end she asked my name just to put in her system.
Me: what's your name?
Her: Amber
Me: Nice to meet you. (after a pause) Have you taken your coffee break yet today.
Her: (without eye contact fucking with the register) No, I've been kind of congested just drinking water.
then, the older manager who helped me the first time I went in there who had kind of been lurking walked behind the counter where Amber was. The manager had a stony look on her face....perhaps she knew what I was up to? No way I was going to get a coffee date at this point. I should have at least gone for asking her earlier before the manager came up. But I didn't feel I was getting real interest from her. I felt like she was being friendly to sell me something. I think I'm getting too "sensitive" and overanalyzing shit.
Me: Thanks for the help.
Her: you're welcome.
I leave. I need to start being more aggressive. I probably could go back in there another time....but that would start to look ridiculous. unless I run into her at another venue, I'll keep looking for other opportunities.

[robreke]

(10-18-2014 05:12 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Update : Went there to her store today. The 2nd time I've been in a week looking for her. Last time the unattractive older manager helped me but I bought nothing....I finally caught her there today.

the situation was a good setup. I just had a bad vibe going and no balls.

She was the only one available to help me with clothes.

Me after a minute of her showing me shirts: Hey, I think we talked at starbucks the other day.
Her: Really?
Me: aren't you a dental hygienist?
Her: yeah. (giving me nothing else but smiling a little...I think she was just being friendly to sell me an expensive shirt)
Me: Apparently you don't remember.
She kind of laughs.
Shows me shirts a few minutes...she starts off with 200 dollar shirts ...kept asking if I wanted to look at jeans to which I said no. I say " is all you have $ 200 shirts?" kind of laughing.
SHows me some others ....she said this one would be good for me because I have 'broad shoulders' which I kind of do. I try one and pick it.

When I went in the dressing room, I noticed a little piece of red something stuck to my chin which has a few days stubble. It looked like a piece of cloth or even a small piece of a red pepper. Embarassed , I swatted it away without seeing what it was. Maybe this weirded her out. It wasn't huge, but definitely noticeable. I'm usually always good about checking my grill before engaging women.

Me after I come out of dressing room: this one fits the best I'll take it.
Her: I told you it would fit the best.
As I was checking out.
Her; Yeah, I'm working 3 jobs now so I have a lot going on...so my memory isn't working so good ( maybe qualifying why she didn't remember me )
Her: It's funny you ran into me at this store, I usually work at the other one downtown.
Me: Yeah I've seen that one on the way to work.
At the end she asked my name just to put in her system.
Me: what's your name?
Her: Amber
Me: Nice to meet you. (after a pause) Have you taken your coffee break yet today.
Her: (without eye contact fucking with the register) No, I've been kind of congested just drinking water.
then, the older manager who helped me the first time I went in there who had kind of been lurking walked behind the counter where Amber was. The manager had a stony look on her face....perhaps she knew what I was up to? No way I was going to get a coffee date at this point. I should have at least gone for asking her earlier before the manager came up. But I didn't feel I was getting real interest from her. I felt like she was being only as friendly as she had to be to sell me something. I think I'm getting too "sensitive" and overanalyzing shit.
Me: Thanks for the help.
Her: you're welcome.
I leave. I need to start being more aggressive. I probably could go back in there another time....but that would start to look ridiculous. unless I run into her at another venue, I'll keep looking for other opportunities.

[Feo]

Yea..let this one go. Lesson learned, go more aggressive with the next chick. You don't want to buy clothing from her or talk about weather..you want to fuck her

[WestIndianArchie]

(10-18-2014 05:12 PM)robreke Wrote:  

I leave. I need to start being more aggressive. I probably could go back in there another time....but that would start to look ridiculous. unless I run into her at another venue, I'll keep looking for other opportunities.

This is a learning moment.

You followed up on a hot chick @ her work place.

We all told you this was fool's errand, and now you see that we were right.

Your curiosity has been satisfied.

As for breaking down the interaction
- you tried to jog her memory
- it failed
- you fell into the role of customer/shop girl

When you made your reapproach, as bad as your game was - she had her opportunity to connect with you on a sexual level and DECLINED. And then she sought to juice a commission out of you.

This also confirms your first instincts. You should have gotten her # when she was in line.

So now you've learned some valuable game lessons
- most of the time, you only have one shot (that's okay, there are 3.5 billion women on the planet)
- strike when the iron is hot
- don't think you can recover with a shop girl if you can't get her out of the shop girl mentality

WIA

[Rawmeo]

There are plenty of fish in the sea. At this point I would just move on to another girl, as you said it yourself, there was a bad vibe. Get to the closing as soon as you have the chance.

[Duke Castile]

Here's how you recover:

Take the shirt back to the store to return it.

If she's not there and the manager is, just say "No, I'd rather Amber do it. I'll come back some other time. When will she be working again"?

If the manager won't tell you just stop by later that night, chances are good the manager's shift will be over and you can ask someone else. Remember, that shirt is the perfect indirect reason to be there so don't let anyone do the return but her. Otherwise you'll have to come back and buy more clothing.

Report back and good luck.

[robreke]

(10-19-2014 12:00 AM)Fisto Wrote:  

Here's how you recover:

Take the shirt back to the store to return it.

If she's not there and the manager is, just say "No, I'd rather Amber do it. I'll come back some other time. When will she be working again"?

If the manager won't tell you just stop by later that night, chances are good the manager's shift will be over and you can ask someone else. Remember, that shirt is the perfect indirect reason to be there so don't let anyone do the return but her. Otherwise you'll have to come back and buy more clothing.

Report back and good luck.

Fisto,

Kind of surprised you're advocating this ^ . To me , this would just reek of stalkerism. What do you suggest when I return it? What reason would I use....and which reason for only asking for her? Then,...you think I should ask her to meet for coffee or her number at that point?

I think WIA is right, it's a lost cause and lessons learned.

[WestIndianArchie]

(10-19-2014 12:14 AM)robreke Wrote:  

(10-19-2014 12:00 AM)Fisto Wrote:  

Here's how you recover:

Take the shirt back to the store to return it.

If she's not there and the manager is, just say "No, I'd rather Amber do it. I'll come back some other time. When will she be working again"?

If the manager won't tell you just stop by later that night, chances are good the manager's shift will be over and you can ask someone else. Remember, that shirt is the perfect indirect reason to be there so don't let anyone do the return but her. Otherwise you'll have to come back and buy more clothing.

Report back and good luck.

Fisto,

Kind of surprised you're advocating this ^ . To me , this would just reek of stalkerism. What do you suggest when I return it? What reason would I use....and which reason for only asking for her? Then,...you think I should ask her to meet for coffee or her number at that point?

I think WIA is right, it's a lost cause and lessons learned.

You can always get your money back!

WIA

[Duke Castile]

I'm not sure if you know I'm trolling you or not but do not do that haha.

If that was an unwanted expense I would get my money back.

An analysis of your interaction though.....

You should just assume she remembers you. If she doesn't don't comment on it.

She may very well have remembered you but since you didn't bring it up, she actually PLAYED into your frame that you're forgettable.

Once you did that..it's just game over, she went into salesgirl chit chat by default because whatever chemistry you shared before at the coffee shop was deleted from her goldfish memory.

You are only as good as the last conversation you have in these early stages of attraction building.

[lycosidae]

I once met a girl in a bar and forgot to get her number. I could tell she was interested. I knew she worked next door to the bar at a pizza joint. Months after our bar conversation and several bangs later, I walked in and set up a date right there... She was still excited to see me.

It's only "stalkerish" if she didn't volunteer the detail of where she works. Otherwise, it's bold. You just have to be bold. Don't hide behind the clothing racks waiting to pounce. Walk in there and act like you own the place.

(10-07-2014 02:41 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Was talking to this hot 8.5 - 9 in line at starbucks. I asked her about the cheesecake. She asked me if I just got off work. She told me where she works in the strip mall ( the same one with the starbucks )

We bantered for a few minutes...she grabbed her drinks and said "nice to talk to you" I said "you too" ....I was going to walk and ask her name and number...but I had to pay for my damn coffee. By that time she was walking out.

Should I go to where she works ( maybe wait a few days or something ) and try to get her info then? Would that be too stalkerish? Or just let her go? Damn she was fine and there was some attraction I'm sure. Advice please...

[robreke]

(10-19-2014 10:14 AM)lycosidae Wrote:  

I once met a girl in a bar and forgot to get her number. I could tell she was interested. I knew she worked next door to the bar at a pizza joint. Months after our bar conversation and several bangs later, I walked in and set up a date right there... She was still excited to see me.

It's only "stalkerish" if she didn't volunteer the detail of where she works. Otherwise, it's bold. You just have to be bold. Don't hide behind the clothing racks waiting to pounce. Walk in there and act like you own the place.

(10-07-2014 02:41 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Was talking to this hot 8.5 - 9 in line at starbucks. I asked her about the cheesecake. She asked me if I just got off work. She told me where she works in the strip mall ( the same one with the starbucks )

We bantered for a few minutes...she grabbed her drinks and said "nice to talk to you" I said "you too" ....I was going to walk and ask her name and number...but I had to pay for my damn coffee. By that time she was walking out.

Should I go to where she works ( maybe wait a few days or something ) and try to get her info then? Would that be too stalkerish? Or just let her go? Damn she was fine and there was some attraction I'm sure. Advice please...

Yes, In our initial conversation, she told me where she worked at the clothing store and which dentist she works for as a hygienist. Not sure if this was overt interest/dropping hints or just her outgoing demeanor.

In any event, I believe WIA was correct that 'the magic was gone' when I went in the store. You've got to strike while the iron's hot. I'm not sure if I'll go back to see her or not. She is really super hot though.

I do know if I see her in any other context, like back at the starbucks or the grocery by chance, I'll approach her. I'd rather be rejected than not try. That's what an alpha would do and I'm trying my best to be one.

[xmlenigma]

So, yes you missed the MOMENT. But, doesnt mean you couldnt find ANOTHER MOMENT. You just can FORCE the VIBE at the wrong moments.

At her shop she was in SELLING mode and has to meet some SALES targets. Her BOSS / MANAGER is watching her. Put yourself in those shoes.

Is it possible to bring her into the MOMENT and change VIBE.. Sure, not impossible but you TRIED TOO HARD.

I've had similar experience with a salon and an istore. Did not get explicit information like you, but get vibes and such from the girl.

Salon girl says she has a BF, but I was just having 'funny' conversation with her about certain cultures and certain families (not insulting but how astonishing some of the variances are) and teasing her a little bit. She left her counter and came to hang with me, but said sorry after a bit as she had to get back take care of the customers.. I said go ahead.. you need to watch your fort.

[robreke]

There are many shops around here with cute young women working in them. Often during the week it's really slow and no one's in the store, so I can go in and look around by myself. I was in one yesterday and there was a cute girl. She was helpful and went between talking and flipping her hair a little to .....saying "let me know if I can help you" and going back to her cellphone. She didn't really give off a nervous vibe...but a semi helpful one. She wasn't "cheking me out" as I walked around the store, but rather kept her face buried in her cellphone.

My thinking was: Here's this girl all alone in this shop with me, a stranger, a tall much bigger man. I'm here under the pretense of being interested in the furniture. How can I switch from asking about table and chair prices to going for her number? If I do that...she may feel "weird" or threatened....even more so because it's just me and her in this small confined store. We're not in a public place with a lot of people where she feels more "safe" So...I kept it friendly and left. I thought to myself I'd rather run into this girl at the grocery or a bookstore where I'd feel more comfortable "hitting on her" than us two just alone in this small confined store where she may be scared. It's crazy because it was just me and her one on one....her willing to talk ( albeit about furniture) .....what better audience/opportunity?

Am I right in any way in this line of thinking that girls in these situations may be easier creeped out than ones in public when you sexualize or show interest? I'd love to here what you guys would do..."how to open" a girl like this in this situation while not scaring the cat.