[desertsol]

So - went out with this girl from work. Picked her up. She was dressed to a T. Perfume to knock out a rhino. I paid for the concert. She did not offer to pay half.

Then, we were heading to dinner, "ran into" her brother, whom she invited to dinner with us. Strange. At this point, I was like, oh she is not interested. Then, while her brother is in the bathroom, she invites me back to her apartment for a drink.

Her brother leaves after dinner. We go back to her place. One drink becomes five. I'm physically escalating successfully. She starts to talk about her ex-husband. Escalating continues. I move in to kiss her. Rejection. She says, "I think I just need to be on my own right now."

Whatever. I think I'm done with her. But, the next Monday at work, the flirting emails continue and she is inviting me to do more things.

Thoughts? She is a 9.

[Basil Ransom]

You should have tried to kiss her a second, and third time. She invited you to her place, a pretty strong indication of interest. It seems like she was testing your confidence by resisting. Some girls like to resist, and to be manhandled. And after the fifth drink is a bit late.

Based on what you've said, I would make muted responses to her overtures, and do something with her where closing would be easy, eg, inviting her over for drinks. If you can't get her there (and try multiple times in the same night/setting), then she's a waste of time.

Occasionally girls will flirt without any intention of doing anything; they enjoy the attention. Never let 'em have it without giving back.

[Trotter]

Well I find it strange that she would invite her brother to sit with you during a "date". I wouldn't even doubt if they planned this so that her brother could provide his stamp of approval mid-date to help her make up her mind about you. That would be a little far fetched considering it's her brother and I've only known this to happen with a date using her friends for the validation trick.

I don't know the exact details on what went behind planning this date but just from your description I feel like a lot of mistakes were made. And if this was a first date then I really feel that mistakes were made on your part. If it's a first date you should always arrange it around a setting that will allow you to be more intimate. A concert doesn't exactly sound like this type of environment, and you paid for it on top of that; I disagree with the practice of paying for a date.

Discussing her ex-husband could have been a sign that she was losing interest, but that should have been your cue to change things up or to even escalate. If she's talking about her husband you bring her back to your reality. You have to guide the direction that things are going. My guess is with the kiss rejection was the lack of kino and intimacy. It just sounds like a whole lot of things went wrong here. She may in fact may not be ready to make that next step. Or maybe she's a traidtional dater. All those things really shouldn't matter so long as you keep her in your reality.

Either way use it as a learning experience.

[twigman]

my tip is that I have learnt never ever to discuss exs.
(Not that you did actively discuss it with her). I think from your post you sensed it was not a good thing yourself, so good intuition.

WHen she thinks back to the ex she is filling her emotions with thoughts about a relationship that went wrong, or if her ex rejected her and she's still into him, that you're not him; but someone else. At that stage her emotions were not where you wanted them.

At the stage she mentioned the ex, you were going to be rejected. She broke the frame/environment of seduction you had planned for her and which she had participated in creating. This either could be a shit test, or else she is genuinely not over her issues. Frankly, you never got to find out which. In the rare case she may be genuinely self-sabotaging her enjoyment of you because she's still got baggage. But even girls with baggage make out with men.

You have to do something radical like say - ''all thats baggage. I want to talk about the future.''; or "I don't discuss exs with people I'm interested in" (my favorite), or maybe even just change topics. Basically I have discussed them in my old days, and the whole interaction is f-ed up - you go directly to being a counsellor or ''friends' sharing bad luck stories".

Hard to escape your fate, but I would do what basilransom says; invite her over for drinks and don;t muck around with anything.

[Roosh]

Yes you may have given up too early. Chill out for 15 minutes, ignore her words, and try again.

The brother part may have been her way to get out of a bad date. But since you were cool he left and it continued.

I don't see the harm in calling her for a drinks-only date at a cheap bar. No more dinners.