[kali]

I'm still on the fence about kids , marriage is an absolute no. Recently a good family friend has had some health issues and cannot function if it wasn't for his wife/ kids to help him. He is in his 70s.

Clearly there is no guarantee your wife or kids will stick around but what is the effective way to handle this when a person gets older? I personally don't want to be thrown into an old folks home or have a care giver who isn't monitored by someone.

There will be a ton of people who will fall in this category in the next 20 years.

[SteveCR]

I wouldn't have kids for that reason. If you're concerned with not being able to physically/mentally take care of yourself when you are much older, then your solution is to bust your ass now and make as much money as you can - which will easily provide for services such as hospice care.

I have a son, he's 3, and he's my greatest accomplishment ever. I could die right now and be thoroughly satisfied with life. He's practically a copy of me - from the same brown hair and blue eyes, down to the same personality and stubbornness.

I am also married, but I will say that I am an American living in Costa Rica. My wife is exactly what I want out of life - a beautiful, sexy, intelligent latina that can completely take care of herself. She's an industrial engineer with a masters degree in an unrelated field.

My advice, as a 36 year old, is to not be so quick to shutdown the idea of marriage and/or children. Finding the right partner is key - without that, I would wholeheartedly agree to never marry and never have children.

[MikeS]

The expectations of particularly your kids taking care of you when you're old must differ a lot between cultures I'm sure. Being from Denmark (whether or not I'll return to live there at some point) I certainly wouldn't expect any future kids I might have, to do much more for me when I get old than arrange to get me into an old folks home and then visit me a few times a year or as often as their lives allow it. I wouldn't expect them to make substantial life changes or sacrifices to try to accommodate an old man in his last years (even if those years might stretch to a decade or more).

I've told my own parents that's what they can probably expect from me (don't know if they can rely more on my sister), and while I've said it in a joking tone I'm pretty sure they know I'm serious.

As far as growing old with a wife. Well, divorce (from any number of wives) might have ruled that out. Or maybe I outlived her by x years. Or maybe she's in worse shape than me and needs more care than I do.

Basically I'm just hoping for sponge baths from nurses and enough energy to sporadically hit on them and the old crones in the retirement home.
I'll make sure to try to live my life to the fullest while I have the physical and mental abilities to do so, so at least old age won't be spent with regrets of all the things I didn't do and then can't do anymore.

[jimukr104]

OP brings up good points but I think in western society MOST children growing up today aren't going to pay important roles in their parents old age. Stats show a greater majority are moving FAR AWAY. Besides today's kids can barely take care of themselves.
You be better off figuring out what 55+ community you would like to live in or with low savings rate-a golden girls type scenario.

In any case if you have a daughter you more likely will get help...seems guilt trips work on them more than boys.

[jamaicabound]

As guys we have the luxury of waiting til later in life to have kids if we want which is nice. I think any guy in his 20's who says he doesn't want kids may have a change of heart when he gets older. I can attest to the fact that things I was into or plans I had for my life at 21 are different now years down the road than they were in my early 20's. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids to each their own and if you don't want kids don't go along with having them to please some chick or you'll be miserable but where as in my early 20's I was all about traveling and partying and no committments now that I'm a few years older I still like to travel and have a good time but my life doesn't have to revolve around that 24/7. I'm not ready to have kids now but 5 years down the road I definately wanna have kids.

NOt the sole reason but having someone to take care of you when your older is comforting vs like others said being tossed into a home or something like that. Like someoen else mentioned though, with less people getting married and more divorces I bet elder care will really be transformed as the baby boomers really start aging. This is actually a huge money making segment of the economy as well for anyone looking to get into something like this. My mom is a social worker/councselor at old peoples homes and had considered buying up some cheap houses and having kind of independent living with minor assistance and someone to keep an eye on them, almost like a nice boarding house for old people. Definately some money in that.