[Moma]

With all these threads about hot dimes, lizards etc, I can remember the most busted lizard I ever poked. She was a Newfie and I had met her online. She was in her late 30s with kids etc.

The first time I banged her was in her car in the parking lot behind Shoppers DrugMart. She required more sexual romance and I linked her at her apartment once. When she stripped for me in broad daylight, I was disgusted at her pools of flesh spilling out of her garter. She wasn't even that fat, she just had no body tone.

I was even more disgusted at my own erection, strong and sturdy. I came quickly to avoid prolonging the visual misery.

So what about you? What's the most busted lizard y'all have poked?

[Foolsgo1d]

(08-21-2014 05:34 PM)Moma Wrote:  

I was even more disgusted at my own erection, strong and sturdy. I came quickly to avoid prolonging the visual misery.

An erection is like your best friend who promises to be there when shit hits the fan but cops a cute girl on his way to you.

[kaotic]

I haven't even told my friends of this:

I met a Tinder girl out in Pasadena. Turned out to be a huge Persian SIF rolls and all. We literally made out for a quick second and walked into her bedroom...I fucked her doggy cause I couldn't stare at her. I came fast to get out out of there....I layed there for a bit...and banged her again.

She did suck a mean dick but I had no idea what to grab when I was banging her from behind.

Finally left and did a drive of shame, it's a notch that's a funny story.

Few days later she texts me saying if I was DTF I made an excuse.

Week later she straight asked me if I had any STD's because I never hit her back up....I just told her no and "I'm at a really weird place in my life."

[WalterBlack]

Taiwanese FOB girl I met online in LA, a few years back when I was super thirsty. She had a bit of a soft body but she had great tits and arse. Her face was seriously busted - she looked like somebody had hit her in the forehead with a shovel and her eyes were looking in different directions.

She came over to my place and I had to do her doggy style. To prepare for the bang I had to watch some porn and then close my eyes and recall the porn when I was banging her. After I’d finished I told her I had to go to work early the next day in order to get her out my place as fast as possible.

She texted me a few days later and said she wanted to come over with some food for me. I was hungry, so I thought fuck it and asked her to come over and ate her food. She then wanted me to bang her again, so I did, cos I had nothing better to do.

She came over again a few times and I basically kept on banging her to get free food. One day I was banging her and she said “I love you”. After that I stopped all contact with her.

She was so busted that she told me that after she was born, people were telling her mother to leave her at the hospital because she was ugly.

[Hans Dix]

I like this thread already. Everyone's gotta slay a few monsters on the quest of life.

[TravelerKai]

My ex wife.

[runsonmagic]

I find the trend of calling women lizards really disturbing. Who'd want to fuck a lizard?

That said, I banged a girl with something close to mental retardation once who was basically on the intellectual level of a five year old, so who am I to judge. In my defense, she was nineteen, with an amazing body and I met her on a kink themed dating site. She understood only the most rudimentary aspects of sex, and kissed like a fish, but knew she loved when something was in her vagina. After she left I felt like a dirty pedo and had to take a shower, even though she sought me out specifically to get laid. I swore off sex for two weeks to think about my life, but gave back in when I realized I really liked having sex just as much as she did. The only difference between us was about 70-80 IQ points. Still didn't call her back though.

[Onto]

When I was 16 and desperate I was at a lame party where the only girl available was a fat one. I mean really, really, roll her in flour fat.

[berserk]

This one time in Bangkok, I banged a girl with only one functioning eye, the other was white, don't know what was up with that. Must be 10 years ago soon. I had met her online and chatted with her and she was eager to meet up. Looked cute too, small girl with round face and tight body, definitely my type. She lived in Bangna and I lived close to the Kao San area and it was before the Skytrain so it was a massive trip in taxi. She kept calling me up and hanging up instantly, probably because she didn't want to spend money on credit, so I'd have 20 missed calls, which told me she wanted the D.

So I go in a cab and spent an hour and a half stuck in traffic. Bangna was an epic journey for me at the time, but I finally got there and I noticed she kept to my right at all times, then I got suspicious and looked and she had this dead eye. Looked pretty grim considering I was very sheltered and you hardly see people with handicaps back home cause they're stored away. Anyway, she was pretty cute otherwise and had a tight soft body barely at 150 cm, so I thought fukk it, I spent hours getting here and bought some cheap whisky and did the deed. She moaned with pleasure like she hadn't been fukked in ages, which she probably hadn't cause of the eye. Tight, tight pussy, but at 150 cm and 40 kg, that is to be expected. Didn't speak much afterwards and left, but then she began blowing up my phone again and again for weeks. So naturally I did what any sane man would do and returned and fukked her again. Felt quite dirty afterwards, but honestly if it wasn't for her busted eye, which looked rather bad, she was quite hot and a good lay. I was also quite thirsty back in the day.

[Cobra]

Hmm .. My first was a girl that shaved every day. No not there .. Her face! Yes, and yet I still live.

[Suits]

Significantly overweight Kenyan chick. Cute face, but I actually preferred her when her clothes were on. Kept poking her for about six months until a non-overweight girl with the most busted face ever came along and then I switched over. I don't know which was worse, after that weird 9 month period, my sex-life has been on its way up ever since.

[Quintus Curtius]

Worst lizard?

Number closed a lizard at a club in Atlanta a long time ago. The club's name was just 3 numbers, but I can't remember it. 512? 112? Something like that. I tried to Google it and couldn't find anything. Must have shut down.

Anyway, she was clingy freak but the body looked OK with the lights down real low. One of those overly enthusiastic black girls. I threw the napkin that had the number on it in my buddy's closet at his apartment, never intending to call her.

But I found the number about a month later and said, "what the hell" and called anyway. Because we're guys, and we just do stupid shit like that.

She was down even though I hadn't spoken to her in a month. Met her up at her place and went to work. But she smelled rank, and I mean rank. Just very strong odors. Some women are like that, but this was just nasty. So I had to try to tune it out and go on autopilot. But it wasn't working too well. Plus her roommate had a fucking cat that kept walking around the room and distracting me.

All in all, a depressing waste of time. Or was it?

One must run the gauntlet before one can grasp the golden chalice.

But there it is. Got to make your bones.

[Only One Man]

Most everyone has banged a practice girl.

[Mentavious]

(08-21-2014 07:52 PM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

Worst lizard?

Number closed a lizard at a club in Atlanta a long time ago. The club's name was just 3 numbers, but I can't remember it. 512? 112? Something like that. I tried to Google it and couldn't find anything. Must have shut down.

Anyway, she was clingy freak but the body looked OK with the lights down real low. One of those overly enthusiastic black girls. I threw the napkin that had the number on it in my buddy's closet at his apartment, never intending to call her.

But I found the number about a month later and said, "what the hell" and called anyway. Because we're guys, and we just do stupid shit like that.

She was down even though I hadn't spoken to her in a month. Met her up at her place and went to work. But she smelled rank, and I mean rank. Just very strong odors. Some women are like that, but this was just nasty. So I had to try to tune it out and go on autopilot. But it wasn't working too well. Plus her roommate had a fucking cat that kept walking around the room and distracting me.

All in all, a depressing waste of time. Or was it?

One must run the gauntlet before one can grasp the golden chalice.

But there it is. Got to make your bones.

Hahaha 112!!!!! That place is great

[vinman]

I woke in my barracks one Sunday morning naked with a chick sleeping on my chest. I looked under the covers and saw the most perfect chocolate body I had seen in my life. Flawless. When she raised her head and looked at me she was so ugly that I flinched. I faked a cramp. She wanted to stay in bed and cuddle, and I wanted her gone. I was getting up to coax her out and heard people in the hallway hanging out. There was no way in fuck that I was letting anyone see this ugly bitch leave my room, so we had to stick around. Of course I fucked her twice more before I got the all clear to get her out. Whenever I wasn't looking directly at her, or when she was giving me head she was a goddess.

[Captain Gh]

Damn... glad that I'm not the only one who's had a lay of shame! Mine was a SIF that I met on Craigslist that was a fat cat lady... but she had some monster tities... and that's exactly my weakness. My dick literally smelled like a dead fish for 4 days. Bitches need to start washing their pussy for real! Geez

[RougeNoir]

I got pissed from not getting laid during Mardi Gras and it was wee hours Wednesday morning. I was with a wingman and told him fuck it, next two fatties I see together, I'm inviting them to the crib. Sure enough, we saw too fatties walking together and simply said, "hey, yal want to take a ride with us?" They accepted and we went to my house, a 5 with fake blue contacts and a 5 with long fake hair. I had the one with the fake hair. We banged both of their fat asses on the same bed. We had to hold back our laughter at how ridiculous this shit had become until I busted out laughing and said, "what the fuckkkkk are we doing?" The fat girls didn't give a shit. I had to stop mid stroke since I caught a terrible whiff of ass and wet fat pussy when I turned her over from spoon position to hit from the back. I pretended to go to sleep but my wing kept shaking the bed. I became frustrated and told my wing to hurry up so we could drop these motherfuckers off all the way across town.

[Ensam]

When I was 18 and had no self esteem I dated this obese (200+lbs) chick for a few weeks. The funny thing was her sister was super hot - I found out later she had a huge crush on me and I could have hit it.

[kinjutsu]

I just finished having a migraine and i was horny as fuck
I looked on craigslist and found a girl wanting to try sex with a black guy. I drove 45 minutes to her place.
When i got there she was doing a drug deal and told me to wait till the guy left.
I walk up to the door and she's like 5'1 and about 200lb pounds.
I walk inside and i see this huge flag of a swastika on the wall.
Turns out her bf is the local leader of my city's neo-nazi group. She called her pet cat n*gger. No joke.

So she starts givign me head and i'm paranoid as fuck thinking her bf is gonna come home with his friends and murder me.
I bang her out on the floor and i notice shit is coming out of her asshole.
I was close to i finish on her ass and leave so fast. Days later she's blowing up my phone to come over again.

[Hans Dix]

(08-21-2014 07:13 PM)Cobra Wrote:  

Hmm .. My first was a girl that shaved every day. No not there .. Her face! Yes, and yet I still live.

Mother of God man

[DarkTriad]

I nailed a girl with a huge disgusting mole on her face. I flipped her over to improve things, and she had an identical huge disgusting mole on her upper back, staring right at me.

[Quintus Curtius]

(08-21-2014 08:16 PM)Mentavious Wrote:  

(08-21-2014 07:52 PM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

Worst lizard?

Number closed a lizard at a club in Atlanta a long time ago. The club's name was just 3 numbers, but I can't remember it. 512? 112? Something like that. I tried to Google it and couldn't find anything. Must have shut down.

Anyway, she was clingy freak but the body looked OK with the lights down real low. One of those overly enthusiastic black girls. I threw the napkin that had the number on it in my buddy's closet at his apartment, never intending to call her.

But I found the number about a month later and said, "what the hell" and called anyway. Because we're guys, and we just do stupid shit like that.

She was down even though I hadn't spoken to her in a month. Met her up at her place and went to work. But she smelled rank, and I mean rank. Just very strong odors. Some women are like that, but this was just nasty. So I had to try to tune it out and go on autopilot. But it wasn't working too well. Plus her roommate had a fucking cat that kept walking around the room and distracting me.

All in all, a depressing waste of time. Or was it?

One must run the gauntlet before one can grasp the golden chalice.

But there it is. Got to make your bones.

Hahaha 112!!!!! That place is great

Mentavious:
Yes! That was it! Is that place still around? Many great experiences there...

[StrikeBack]

How the hell did you guys manage to poke those chicks without losing the boner?

I tried a fatty once amid a dry spell. She had nice big tits, I thought whatever, what can go wrong? My dick rage-quitted half way through.

[Quintus Curtius]

(08-21-2014 10:19 PM)StrikeBack Wrote:  

How the hell did you guys manage to poke those chicks without losing the boner?

I tried a fatty once amid a dry spell. She had nice big tits, I thought whatever, what can go wrong? My dick rage-quitted half way through.

Yes, this is true. Used to be a show-stopper back in the day...but thank God for Cialis.

[General Mayhem]

A few months ago I was on a dry spell, this pudgy girl with glasses was over at my house.

My roommate had her out on the back porch with his hand down her pants, then decided he didn't want to fuck her. I was laying in bed trying to sleep when I heard them come back inside. I was horny and saw an opportunity to hit a legit slump buster, so I got out of bed and went out into the kitchen in my underwear where my roommate basically passed her off onto me.

I spent a couple minutes bullshitting her, then I picked her fat ass up and brought her into my room and fucked her like an animal. She was so wet that it went through the blanket and soaked the comforter of my bed. My roommate's girl said it was the loudest screaming she has ever heard from sex.

Eventually I told her, "I bored, I'm going to bust and go to bed." So I did, but I went to the bathroom to wash my dick off first because I already hated myself.

Then, when I walked back in my room I see this poor girl just crawling under the covers. I sighed, took a deep breath and said, "You're going to have to sleep on the couch."

You should have seen the look on her face, this bitch was stunned. She was looking at me for an explanation so I told her I had night terrors.

Then, when she asked me for a blanket I gave her the one that we had just fucked on and was soaking wet.

The first thing I did the next morning was throw my comforter in the wash and take a shower.