[norebly]

Now that I have some time to slow down and think about things... I don't have any friends.

I can get along with everyone easily but I have not been standing out nor do people prefer my company. The people I associate with the most are people I work with. I don't consider any of them to be friends since we do not hang out outside of work. I'm not very talkative nowadays so that doesn't help.

I'd like to believe that this is a stage in my life right now but looking back it was never really all that great in terms of friendships. Am I expecting too much in this regard? How can I really get some friends?

[WilliamShatnersEgo]

All of my closest friends are guys I met in karate class.

The first thing you should all myself is "am I the kind if guy who people want to be friends with?". If you don't have friends you probably aren't.

[Comte De St. Germain]

It all starts from a hobby. Martial Arts, sports, hiking, music, etc. Gotta find your niche and open up. The thing is that there are changes YOU alone can change so now go out and change them.

[Vaun]

Hobbies are one way, but so is your worldview. I know people who make friends everywhere they go. Im always in awe of this. I can be like this at times, and other times I am not. Just try chatting people up in your every day life. What Roosh calls "Elderly chit chat" in Daybang. Just make casual observations and be friendly. Its not hard, but you have to be in the right mindset. You cant be walking around brooding all day, or mentally juiced up from fighting with someone or fighting yourself. Take it easy on yourself, view yourself as having the basic human dignity to be able to talk to people, and give it a shot.

[Cobra]

What is your favorite thing to do? Let's start there.

Please don't say watching porn but be honest.

[soup]

The idea of what friends are changes as you get older.

Most of my friends these days are people that I do activities with.

When you are a kid, there's more of a sense of family with friends... I remember that my best friends' moms' felt like they were my mom as well. Your buddies were like brothers. You sleep over at their houses in the same bed and play video games etc.

Now that I'm a man, it's more camaraderie and respect that bonds.

If you want to make close buddies, go do an intense thing with a group of people like working on a movie.

[arribaperro]

Dog tries to revive his dead friend.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

Friends are people that you have a deep connection, a few important things in common, like to hang out and have fun in your free time.

You may find them on your spiritual path (or lack of if you are both ardent atheists), your church, your hobbies - even guys you do Game with - going out at night or doing Streetgame together.

[pants]

(07-12-2014 11:33 PM)arribaperro Wrote:  

Dog tries to revive his dead friend.

Why is this relevant? Lol @ dog trying to wake him up with a BJ at the end

[arribaperro]

(07-13-2014 06:59 PM)pants Wrote:  

Why is this relevant? Lol @ dog trying to wake him up with a BJ at the end

Maybe indirectly relevant because the video shows that even dogs value friendship. He just lost his only friend. Now he's friendless too.
Yeah, I was scratching my head at the licking part, which the dog was hoping would help the other dog wake up.

[Fortis]

You have a forum full of friends. But seriously, there are lots of cool people here who do things besides just pick up. Get another hobby, see if dudes on this forum in your area are interested in said hobby and hang out?

I think people make friendship out to be way harder than it is. Much like Soup, as I grow older I realise that friendship isn't about sitting in some basement and getting randomly drunk (though that has it's place), but about doing things that actually bring you closer.

I have some friends for rock climbing, some for day game, some for video games (not anymore), so for concerts. IF you don't have any hobbies, then I can see why you might find it hard to make friends with people.

[norebly]

(07-13-2014 11:06 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

You have a forum full of friends. But seriously, there are lots of cool people here who do things besides just pick up. Get another hobby, see if dudes on this forum in your area are interested in said hobby and hang out?

I think people make friendship out to be way harder than it is. Much like Soup, as I grow older I realise that friendship isn't about sitting in some basement and getting randomly drunk (though that has it's place), but about doing things that actually bring you closer.

I have some friends for rock climbing, some for day game, some for video games (not anymore), so for concerts. IF you don't have any hobbies, then I can see why you might find it hard to make friends with people.

That is nice to hear. Certainly makes me feel less alone. It sounds like you are saying that I may actually be expecting too much from friendships in general. I'm a bit sentimental so my idea of friendships are really deep but it sounds like you are saying that should just be people to do some basic things with.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

I can relate to your post in some ways. It does make it easier when you have interests/hobbies that take your outside your bubble.

I was always taught that you will be able to count your true friends on one hand. Valuable lesson for me. Seems harder for me to "make friends" these days, because of the effort that it takes. The older I get, the more insular I become. It truly is an investment in time/energy and an exercise in selflessness.

At this point in my life, I have to admit - I'm pretty selfish with my time. Family being the only real exception

That being said, I do naturally click with certain people and I either like someone or not.

My friends are mostly cats I grew up with - that was earned through trials of fire

We fought each other, played ball/made music together, fought for each other, and learned game/life together

Those bonds won't be duplicated, but I have plenty of "associates".

[Fortis]

(07-14-2014 09:08 AM)norebly Wrote:  

(07-13-2014 11:06 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

You have a forum full of friends. But seriously, there are lots of cool people here who do things besides just pick up. Get another hobby, see if dudes on this forum in your area are interested in said hobby and hang out?

I think people make friendship out to be way harder than it is. Much like Soup, as I grow older I realise that friendship isn't about sitting in some basement and getting randomly drunk (though that has it's place), but about doing things that actually bring you closer.

I have some friends for rock climbing, some for day game, some for video games (not anymore), so for concerts. IF you don't have any hobbies, then I can see why you might find it hard to make friends with people.

That is nice to hear. Certainly makes me feel less alone. It sounds like you are saying that I may actually be expecting too much from friendships in general. I'm a bit sentimental so my idea of friendships are really deep but it sounds like you are saying that should just be people to do some basic things with.

Don't get me wrong. Friendships are pretty deep things. I have a few buddies Iknow I can call in a real jam and get real help. BUT i realise that most people aren't going to do that for me. Hell, I've never had to call upon a true favour from my friends, so I don't know.

however, I feel a general sense of camaraderie with my friends, so it's whatever.

A buddy of mine told me (he's 43) that most of the people you're friends with through your 20s-30s don't last. So I don't sweat it really. He's a successful dude: he's shredded, runs his own business and is very intelligent, so I think he's probably not lying.

Focus on yourself. What's something cool you could do that would be life changing? In other threads, people have suggested that you travel a bit and see the world.

The ultimate question is this one, though: what would you actually want to do?

No one can answer that for you.

[nek]

You have to be part of 'something'. Growing up you were always part of 'something' almost by design. You went to school so you were part of a school, and more specifically a class. You lived in a neighborhood and you were a part of that. As an adult, it's not laid out for you so you need to create your own things to be a part of. I think this is one of the hardest adujstments for people entering the 'real world'. This is where activities come into play. Work is one, but I don't recommend it as a source of social life.

Granted, it also doesn't help your situation that people as a whole are becoming more insular due to social media. Before people had to make friends with people within 100 miles, now people keep their social network from childhood in their phone so they can stay in every weekend and 'socialize'. You just got to blaze your own path. Took me a while where I'm at, but I found a good group of guys to chill with. I strongly recommend martial arts and sticking to it. The guys that stick with it are cut from the right cloth and get alot of the red pill ideas already.

[VforVlad]

I've got the same problem. My source for friendship/buddies used to be ethnic based. I'm originally Serbo-Croat so I used to run within their circles here in the U.S. but I had a bad falling out and disappeared and stopped hanging out where they hang out at. After that, i didn't really know where to go or look for a new circle.

Haven't really had any friends for a few years now and have mostly been keeping to myself, working out/self-improvement and whatnot. I might be getting a job in a different state and will relocate soon, so the excuse of being the "new guy who doesn't anybody around here" might jumpstart things, as opposed to having lived in the same place for a long time and not having a solid excuse as to why I have no friends.

[nek]

(07-15-2014 10:04 PM)VforVlad Wrote:  

I've got the same problem. My source for friendship/buddies used to be ethnic based. I'm originally Serbo-Croat so I used to run within their circles here in the U.S. but I had a bad falling out and disappeared and stopped hanging out where they hang out at. After that, i didn't really know where to go or look for a new circle.

Haven't really had any friends for a few years now and have mostly been keeping to myself, working out/self-improvement and whatnot. I might be getting a job in a different state and will relocate soon, so the excuse of being the "new guy who doesn't anybody around here" might jumpstart things, as opposed to having lived in the same place for a long time and not having a solid excuse as to why I have no friends.

What hobbies/interests do you have?

[Hardy Daytona]

It sounds to me like you're unfulfilled.
I've been down that road myself many times over the years and kept thinking that if I had more friends and a larger social circle that I would be happier.
Oh how naive I was.
It's quality and not quantity that you should be seeking.
The only 2 things we can rely on are our bodies and our minds - not family nor friends because both are ultimately transient, no matter how much we wish they weren't.
Admittedly the journey of life can be more enjoyable if there's someone alongside you can share it with.
It's already been said, but hobbies/interests are a great place to start. Once you start interacting with people more and start learning about the psychology of your fellows and the tells of body language, you'll soon be able to filter out who you do and don't want to associate with.
It might seem daunting at the moment, but remember that it's a marathon.

[Cobra]

Man.. I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I spoke to hwuzhere recently and he had some insights which I connected to this thread.

Friendships as defined by current culture are a frail concept, especially in the west, one that actually used to be stronger in the past when social dynamics were less complicated and expectations were more consistent.

Lot of it has to do with the western mindset of "individuality." Everyone wants to be special; and everyone thinks they are sooo different from everyone else. If you look at asian cultures or flash back to the 50s in America, you would see that there was more of a "community" mindset where everyone focused on external topics than internal "about me" topics. It's tough to realize this difference unless you have been living in both cultures.

In a sense it's easier in the west because you can "stroke peoples' ego" and thereby amplify their "individuality" mindset. It works. Plugging Danger & Play a little here, but a simple "Tell me more" and "Wow, that must have felt amazing" as a follow up to someone's comment on something can help you make connections effectively. Christian McQueen also had a recent ROK article on Charisma that is relevant here. Make them feel like the shit, another words.

Another point relevant here insofar as comparison with eastern cultures is the whole "transcendent" mindset in the western world versus the more "grounded" mindset in the eastern world. Basically, what I mean is that in the west, for example, people feel like they are always looking to transcend to the next level. Given the opportunities available in a first world country, it makes sense. A third world country on the other hand, has more limitations than opportunities, especially for the average Joe (or Jane). This causes people to be more grounded to their "community" and latch on to it pretty strong. In that "community" mentality, connections are easier because you share so much in common due to the lack of transcendent opportunities.

This is why a lot of foreign guys (e.g. Asians, Indians) have a tougher time connecting with their western counterparts because they are not familiar with "individual" connections yet. I would assume a white American guy would have similar problems if he has latched on to his own family and limited set of friends and hasn't really transcended yet.

Same shit, one is micro and the other is macro.

[Fortis]

So, to the Op. What are you going to do?

[Dragonstone]

To the OP, are there any topics or areas of interest that people respect your input or knowledge? It's often easier to "break into" a social environment if there's something that you can contribute.

[norebly]

Thanks Everyone.

To answer some questions... This will sound really strange.. and probably a large source of my problems. I don't really have anything that I really really enjoy besides being with a girl.

At a certain point in my life I decided to culture a lifestyle where I am not addicted to anything. That backfired on me since I was addicted to girls and now I don't do anything long enough to form any hobbies.

Although I want to get into martial arts or boxing.

[poledaddy]

(07-20-2014 11:30 PM)norebly Wrote:  

Although I want to get into martial arts or boxing.

Is there anything in particular that is stopping you?

[pro14]

to the op; good to see that you found this forum at 24. this is a great start. keep looking forward. im going through some similar struggles now and I have a decade on ya lol.

in my 20's I didn't bang girls, I banged my girlfriends. I was so relationship focused and when they ended, id get into a slump till the next one. I wanted a marriage and a family and all that bullshit.

if I could go back id just party more, go out more, spend more money, and have more fun. go find yourself before you go find a girlfriend.

in my early 30's I got out of a relationship that was going south after a couple years. I started drinking and going out and having FUN. that lasted for a few months then I met a girl out and we were together for a bit, and I got WRAPPED UP in the relationship when I should have been wrapped up in CONTINUING TO HAVE FUN

you say you're sentimental and I can relate. i'm a guy who is caring, trusting, and sensitive to other people. truth is a lot of guys aren't like that. I 'get it' more now but its still tough to understand.

so like poledaddy said above - what's stopping you - martial arts and kickboxing is everywhere right now - join up. you're at a great age to just try shit out. and whatever you do don't get into a relationship and give up your hobbies or yourself. girls eventually for the most part don't respect a guy who is only 'all about them' they'll end up just leaving your ass to look for a challenge!

[norebly]

(07-21-2014 11:32 AM)poledaddy Wrote:  

(07-20-2014 11:30 PM)norebly Wrote:  

Although I want to get into martial arts or boxing.

Is there anything in particular that is stopping you?

Nothing besides the time the class is offered although that is an easy one to overcome.