[andy]

So I'm at a cross-roads. I wrapped up my Associates Degree with a local community college, and now I have Calc I and II on tap for fall and spring semester, again, at the community college; I'm unhappy with some progress that has not been made.

Progress not made:

1. No DL (more or less, due to living close to an urbanized area, but finally getting it)

2. No car more or less, because of point one

3. Not bringing enough money in, to have autonomy, or move out into a place of my own

I just have a basic Arts Associate (two-year degree), because my original plan was to transfer, and get my history degree (when the economy was good), but since that's not the case, I'm stuck taking Calc at community college, paying my way through, before transferring for an Engineering Degree (Mfg. Tech at NIU)

My work life is living hell. I'm an IT contractor, I make a little over minimum wage (10.75), and the hours are not steady, sometimes I get 25 hours a week, for a month, but when school starts up, it goes down to like 12-16 hours a week, and money gets tight. I'm willing to work any job, my problems mostly stem from not having a vehicle, and my parents always seem to shoot the idea of me buying one down, with the excuse that I can't afford it (insurance), or car payments. I get really frustrated, because I've decided, to just buy a car that's $1.5k-2k, in cash, and just use it as a commuter, and just worry about insurance/gas, but my mom bitches, and just thinks, if I don't spend $10k on a brand-new beta-fiesta car, that I'm throwing money at a bad car.

I'm frustrated, because, the place I work is filled with emotional, MILF age women, they're either prego on their 4th kid, or recovering from a divorce, student loans, or both; and they bitch about computer problems, or random shit. Not being able to be the alpha I am outside work, wears me down from inside. I really feel that, the environment of women is fucking with my esteem. I'm 6'3", tall, skinny, so yeah, just being able to drive, after being cleared by my doc (had seizures, but take meds to control them) and have some freedom, really would boost my spirits, and even give me a sense of direction; plus most of the girls at my CC commute and do things with their own vehicles, so I just want to be able to compete with that too. Add to that, most women have turned me down, despite the game tricks I've learned here, I'm just pissed, everyone is getting the women, while I'm working, and while making progress, not getting near as far where I want.

I just hate having to put my folks in their place, and tell them, hey, I'm an adult, this is my choice, and tell them things, which SHOULD be self-evident. I do have learning disabilities, and still struggle with things like organizing, and school, but I feel most of that and not being interested in furthering job opportunities, have to do with them controlling everything, car and everything.

I want to get my degree, but at the same time, I feel like I'm missing out on the rest of the world, and life in my prime ('20s). So yeah, I guess I'm here to ask advice, on how to deal with the situation, I'm not afraid of my parents, honestly, I find it silly they poo-poo me buying a car with cash, just to get an extra job, and increase my earnings.

[Failing]

Don't let your parents shame you into buying more of anything than you can afford, I've seen people get really screwed over by that. It can be hard to ignore a nasty phrase like "This apartment building is so dirty" when you're used to obedience. Make sure this isn't a 'grass is greener' emotional decision for you, it sounds like you're investing a lot of emotion into the idea of the freedom that owning a car will bring you. It might help, but only if you change the family factors that are stifling you.

If your parents have the money to burn but are just stingy, buy a motorcycle and watch them buy you a car. If they're scraping by too, and visible poverty/low status makes them feel ashamed, just buy a beater van (that you can sleep in if you have to!) and be done with it.

[poledaddy]

So basically, the main short-term barrier you are having trouble overcoming, is standing up to your parents (primarily your Mom it sounds like) over buying a cheap car so you can get a better job/more money?

1.) You already know what you need to do from your post. It sounds like you are just looking for permission to do it. Buy a cheap car with whatever stash you have (try to leave a little left over), so you actually have employment opportunities. Your Mom saying you need to put $10K down minimum on a car or it's not worth it- let me translate that for you: "stay in the house until you are 35 so I can control you". You want permission to not listen to your Mom - I'm giving you permission. Now go out and do what you have to do. There's other threads on RVF with info on the right kinds of "beater" cars to get - older civics, accords, etc. Find them and read up and get it done.

2.) I hate the idea of young guys loading up on student loans, but in situations like this where it's obvious someone a guy needs to get the fuck out of their house because parents are smothering/controlling their lives, it might be called for if you can't find another way to do it (military might be another option to consider). "Just live with your parents to save money" is thrown around a lot in these parts as conventional wisdom, but usually the people giving the advice have functional non-neurotic families (you don't have that), and a significant amount of privacy/autonomy (you don't have that either). If you've got a controlling, negative Mom dragging you down, you need to work on getting out of that living situation ASAP - you say you have calc at "fall and spring semester" - Spring 2015? Is there any way to transfer sooner if you already wrapped up your AA degree?

If not - at minimum, get the car, get a better job, and get the fuck away from your Mom. Live in the hood if necessary if you have to save money on rent, but get out of your parent's house.

[RoadKill503]

The best decision I ever made was to get out of my moms house. The freedom, self reliance and satisfaction really spurred my mental transition from boy to man. I grew up, learned a shitload, confidence increased, found myself doing better in school, got a better job, gym, diet, fun, etc, etc, etc, I could go all day.

Find a friend with a room for rent or get two or three other guys to go in on a cheap apartment with you. Hell, find a roommate on Craigslist if you have to.

[andy]

Thanks guys, the problem I have is, I can't transfer, because to finish school, I would need loans, with THEIR signature; if there is another way, I'm all ears. Right now, I'm debt free, it's taken me longer than usual, because I've had to work through and pay at the same time. I have epilepsy, so the military, hell even the FFL, is out of the question; so I'm stuck at my current part time gig, and trying to work out getting just a decent vehicle, for what I can afford, without taking out any loans/debt. In terms of housing, I barely make enough to just pay for summer classes, so my next two big expenses would be this car, and fall semester, unless there is like a way to get transferred AND get my own loans, for college, which I'm unaware about.

In terms of cars, I'm looking at Eclipses, 98-2k3, I've read on edmunds that the 98/99 one's get 30mpg on the highway, so I'm looking at that and possibly some stuff on craigslist. Yeah, I'm more or less beyond ready to give my mom the bird, and get the car, just waiting around to get the cash is the only thing holding me back (end of the month, but it will come soon enough).

[polymath]

(07-08-2014 08:05 PM)andy Wrote:  

So I'm at a cross-roads. I wrapped up my Associates Degree with a local community college, and now I have Calc I and II on tap for fall and spring semester, again, at the community college; I'm unhappy with some progress that has not been made.

Progress not made:

1. No DL (more or less, due to living close to an urbanized area, but finally getting it)

2. No car more or less, because of point one

3. Not bringing enough money in, to have autonomy, or move out into a place of my own

Sometimes the path to a better life is a slow upward grind.

Point 1, the DL, is easy to solve. Just suck it up and go get it done.

Point 2, the car, is reasonable and not really a lack of progress. What are you going to do with a car that you can't drive? When you get the license, then worry about this.

Point 3, the cash flow, is critical. You can't steer your life without some semblance of autonomy. If you want to improve your cash flow, you have no choice but to spend less. Drop your expenditures to the minimum possible, then go a little lower. Additionally, try to find higher-paying work by leveraging every skill you either have or can readily obtain. Millions of men pull this off. You can too. It's tough to get things off the ground, but once the ball gets rolling, it rolls.

Quote:

I just have a basic Arts Associate (two-year degree), because my original plan was to transfer, and get my history degree (when the economy was good), but since that's not the case, I'm stuck taking Calc at community college, paying my way through, before transferring for an Engineering Degree (Mfg. Tech at NIU)

If it were me, I would switch that to Mechanical Engineering or Electrical Engineering. Bust your ass for a few years at NIU and set yourself up for a better life, you know?

Quote:

My work life is living hell. I'm an IT contractor, I make a little over minimum wage (10.75), and the hours are not steady, sometimes I get 25 hours a week, for a month, but when school starts up, it goes down to like 12-16 hours a week, and money gets tight. I'm willing to work any job, my problems mostly stem from not having a vehicle, and my parents always seem to shoot the idea of me buying one down, with the excuse that I can't afford it (insurance), or car payments. I get really frustrated, because I've decided, to just buy a car that's $1.5k-2k, in cash, and just use it as a commuter, and just worry about insurance/gas, but my mom bitches, and just thinks, if I don't spend $10k on a brand-new beta-fiesta car, that I'm throwing money at a bad car.

First step is to cut it out with the negativity. You won't get far if you get in your own way mentally. You have a job, and you can be grateful for that, because many people who want one can't find one. Your hours suck but maybe you can find a way to work more hours, perhaps with another company or a second job in another industry.

As for the car...To put it bluntly, don't let your parents make these decisions for you. They will never prop you up as a man, because it's not something that can be done externally. You have to do that yourself, even if it means driving an old beat-up Nissan Sentra with body damage. If driving your own vehicle is the key to increasing your income, then do what you have to do. Save save save, buy a cheap car with a reliable engine, and bust your ass to cover gas, maintenance, and insurance.

Quote:

I'm frustrated, because, the place I work is filled with emotional, MILF age women, they're either prego on their 4th kid, or recovering from a divorce, student loans, or both; and they bitch about computer problems, or random shit. Not being able to be the alpha I am outside work, wears me down from inside. I really feel that, the environment of women is fucking with my esteem. I'm 6'3", tall, skinny, so yeah, just being able to drive, after being cleared by my doc (had seizures, but take meds to control them) and have some freedom, really would boost my spirits, and even give me a sense of direction; plus most of the girls at my CC commute and do things with their own vehicles, so I just want to be able to compete with that too. Add to that, most women have turned me down, despite the game tricks I've learned here, I'm just pissed, everyone is getting the women, while I'm working, and while making progress, not getting near as far where I want.

Drop the idea of being alpha. You don't have your own place, your own transportation, a steady job, or an education. If you want to be alpha, knock down those goals first. Otherwise you're just fooling yourself. I know I'm being a little harsh here but if you don't realize this you're not going to be hungry enough to advance your life.

People bitch about their lives everywhere. It's cathartic for them, and sometimes there's nothing good to talk about.

Quote:

I just hate having to put my folks in their place, and tell them, hey, I'm an adult, this is my choice, and tell them things, which SHOULD be self-evident. I do have learning disabilities, and still struggle with things like organizing, and school, but I feel most of that and not being interested in furthering job opportunities, have to do with them controlling everything, car and everything.

You have to tell this to yourself first. Once you believe it to your core, it won't be necessary to put them in their place. You will be able to explain reasonably, firmly, and persistently, exactly what you need from them and what you are doing. Don't aim for their approval. Aim to gain their trust that you are doing something good for your life, because when they trust you, they will back off and give you the room necessary to make decisions.

Quote:

I want to get my degree, but at the same time, I feel like I'm missing out on the rest of the world, and life in my prime ('20s). So yeah, I guess I'm here to ask advice, on how to deal with the situation, I'm not afraid of my parents, honestly, I find it silly they poo-poo me buying a car with cash, just to get an extra job, and increase my earnings.

Four years ago, I was a 20-year-old morbidly obese college dropout who lived with his parents. Nowadays I am a physically fit graduate of a top college who works at an investment bank in a financial hub, making six figures and traveling frequently to foreign countries, where I stay in five-star hotels and party with models and actresses. I busted my ass to get here, and if you bust your ass, you can get your life off the ground too.

It's up to you whether you want to focus and sacrifice.