[weambulance]

I posted this in the latest student cries rape thread just now:

Quote:

My best friend just got hit with a domestic violence / sexual assault protective order last week. His ex accused him of all kinds of shit, up to and including rape. When he went to the court hearing he proved she was lying on every count but the rape, because it's pretty hard to prove something didn't happen several years ago. She even admitted several times that she had "misremembered" things.

Despite showing that his ex had lied under oath about 4 out of 5 accusations, the judge still put him under a 1 year protective order because she apparently thought it was still reasonable that his ex was being honest about the rape. Thank you, preponderance of evidence standard. In actuality we think the (female) judge was giving the 1 year order as a consolation prize to his ex, against all logic.

The outcome wasn't as bad as it could've been, but it will still affect his future. Innocent man is accused, woman is caught lying under oath, no consequences for her and now his future employment prospects are in danger, he might lose his security clearance, and who knows what else will come of this.

So, what are the likely consequences of having a 1 year protective order against you on the basis of sexual assault or domestic violence? I've read a few threads here about it but I am still confused how big of a deal this is.

The only thing I'm 100% positive about is he can't buy any guns for the next year because the 4473 has a question about restraining orders for domestic violence.

Is it the kind of thing that's going to come up every time he tries to get a new job, for example?

[vinman]

Counter suit for libel. That's the only thing I can think of to restore his reputation. Or get her to somehow make an admission that she was lying or "misremembered". What country is this in?

[weambulance]

United States. He was hell bent on suing her before the hearing, but he's convinced he got off really light and my impression right now is he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. But if there are going to be long lasting consequences, he's going to want to go after her in court.

This is a small town, less than 50,000 people. It's like 2 or 3 degrees of separation between everybody around here. It might be a coincidence but today his girlfriend's boss asked if she was being abused by him because she had a dime size bruise on her arm. Might just be a standard issue white knight, but the protective order is public record, he talked to a lot of people asking for witness statements before the hearing, and I wouldn't be surprised if a lot more people know about it by now just through the rumor mill.

He actually told a lot of his witnesses he was being accused of rape criminally rather than try to explain the difference between a protective order and a criminal charge so they would take it seriously and help him out.

[vinman]

He needs to fight. Just to save his name. A man is only as good as his word and reputation.

[Bobco]

Domestic violence rap will result in felony applications of your right to possess or buy firearms. Its a forever thing in the USA.

[iknowexactly]

Did he actually get arrested? I don't know about restraining orders, but the cops can check if you've ever been arrested, anywhere. The FBI keeps records of it forever.

Even just getting arrested can have long lasting consequences, even if charges are dropped.

[Brodiaga]

I would consider getting out in that situation. He can go teach English in Thailand or something.

[Sp5]

(07-01-2014 10:28 AM)Bobco Wrote:  

Domestic violence rap will result in felony applications of your right to possess or buy firearms. Its a forever thing in the USA.

Yes, also while the restraining order is in force possession of firearms is a federal felony. If the restraining order expires, your right to have a firearm is restored.

If you're convicted of a domestic violence crime, on the other hand then you're barred for life like a felon, even if the crime was a misdemeanor.

(07-01-2014 11:13 AM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

I would consider getting out in that situation. He can go teach English in Thailand or something.

Yes, good advice. While a restraining order is in force, all she needs to do is say she saw you near her house or following her in a car. If he doesn't have a rock-solid alibi, her word against his.

Sometimes all you can do is leave town if you can't have a 24/7 alibi.

When I was practicing law, I used to call this "restraining order hell" endless drama of her calling the cops and guy getting hauled into court and eventually jailed.

[samsamsam]

(07-01-2014 08:40 AM)vinman Wrote:  

A man is only as good as his word and reputation.

So true.

Slight tangent.

It used to be a man's word was his bond. People made deals by looking someone straight in the eyes and shaking their hands and knowing it would happen as agreed.

Now so few care about following through on what they say.

[weambulance]

He was never arrested. All the drama with this chick happened 3 years ago or more, and I guess what happened was he saw something about her on facebook a few months ago and sent a pleasant e-mail saying "hey, saw you on facebook, hope you're doing well" or something like that and she wigged out. I saw the e-mail in the court documents, it was as benign as it could possible be.

I already had a general policy to never speak to exes, but this cements it. And I'm going to start keeping a freaking dossier on any chick I'm involved with just for self defense purposes.

Apparently she did try to get him arrested for the "rape" last year, but the police wouldn't pursue the case unless she would wear a wire and get him to confess, which she didn't do because it was bullshit. He never heard a thing about it from the local cops until this restraining order business. Violent crime is super rare here, and this is a university town; seems to me if the cops thought it even remotely likely the rape really happened they would've hauled him in and questioned him. It was front page news a couple years back when a guy was mugging students for their cell phones, and a rape is much bigger than that.

Thanks for the Lautenberg amendment info, I had forgotten that. I think that alone will be enough incentive for him to sue her ass off. Fortunately he has plenty of money and the girl is broke as shit.

I think there's very little chance he would leave the country, but if people start treating him like a rapist he'll probably bounce to another state. He wants to anyway for other reasons. He's quite young and pretty naive about the real world, but perhaps this will cause him to question things a bit more. It's a shitty world where a girl can completely disrupt your life with the full force of law without an iota of proof.

[runsonmagic]

When accused of a crime, always do two things:

1) Shut the fuck up.
2) Get a lawyer.