[gettingthere88]

Hey guys,

I have an issue that I only know is an issue because I have created it myself. I am 23 dating a 28 year old RN who is terrific in all the ways I care about. Sex whenever I want, BJ's multiple time per week, makes me dinner, etc. I like her family and everything else. We have been dating for 9 months.

I am currently getting side-action when I can (once or twice a month) but it is simply because I can't fight the urge. Nothing to do with her as I know she is great in my eyes. She has been pushing to move in and I am ready for it but at the same time I am not ready because I still want to have my cake and eat it too so-to-speak. A bonus would be saving a ton of money and having a ride or die girl to come home to.

Most of my friends are older they say I am crazy for even thinking about doing this and would be missing out on ten years of freedom and fun. I guess my question is.. If I really truly think I have found a catch, how many of you would kick a good horse in the mouth because of the potential to live a crazier and more ecxiting life not being 'monogomous'?? (We will probably breakup if she doesn't move in) : In her words.. "I am not going to be in a relationship that isn;t moving forward" Shes running out of time I suppose.

Thanks in advanced.

[kinjutsu]

The reason why she is treating you so well and pushing to move in together is because she is getting older and that clock is ticking away.
If she was your age and pushing just as hard then maybe it would be a better deal, but you are getting the short end of the stick.

[Chewbacon]

i have nothing constructive to say because i think there are some legitimate, nuanced issues at play.

But one thing is clear: she is pushing you to commit because she feels her clock ticking. Consider that for what it's worth.

[Skye]

I have to say moving in isn't marriage, obviously. And although it's much riskier you could still have the side action. Just juggle it all till it blows up.

[CrackerDaddy]

Been there and done that....a couple of times. FWIW.....do not, I repeat, DO NOT let her move in with you. This NEVER ends well. It may take 6 months, a year, two years....maybe more; but, you will regret doing this. You need your space and your independence. You are the prize here.....not her -- REMEMBER THAT.

This is a major shit test -- don't fail this test or else you are setting yourself up for a whole line of progressively worse shit tests. Do not buy into her frame here. Set your frame and set it HARD. Have the relationship on your terms -- not hers. Let her hear your steel balls clank together.

Don't fall in the trap of oneitis. As good as she seems or may be, let her walk if she draws the line in the sand. If you got one like her before, you will get another one like her or better again. Sounds harsh.....even painful, but it will save you a lot of pain and misery in the long run and condition you to be a truly alpha male. Just my $.02.

[gettingthere88]

(06-25-2014 06:00 PM)CrackerDaddy Wrote:  

Been there and done that....a couple of times. FWIW.....do not, I repeat, DO NOT let her move in with you. This NEVER ends well. It may take 6 months, a year, two years....maybe more; but, you will regret doing this. You need your space and your independence. You are the prize here.....not her -- REMEMBER THAT.

This is a major shit test -- don't fail this test or else you are setting yourself up for a whole line of progressively worse shit tests. Do not buy into her frame here. Set your frame and set it HARD. Have the relationship on your terms -- not hers. Let her hear your steel balls clank together.

Don't fall in the trap of oneitis. As good as she seems or may be, let her walk if she draws the line in the sand. If you got one like her before, you will get another one like her or better again. Sounds harsh.....even painful, but it will save you a lot of pain and misery in the long run and condition you to be a truly alpha male. Just my $.02.

Thank you buddy! Much appreicated.

[Christian McQueen]

"I am 23 dating a 28 year old RN"

Unless you want to be 30yo with a 35yo don't do it.

I can tell you from life experience, that what you want from a girl at 23yo, will NOT be what you want at 30yo.

Do not do it.

You will feel suffocated as fuck.

[The Reactionary Tree]

Find some newer (and much younger) plates to spin. Push this older one to the backburner. If she breaks up with you because you wont live together, oh well. I have done the living with girlfriends thing as well. It becomes a major problem after a few months. Like Christian said, you will feel suffocated.

[Mr. Butterworth]

OP already knows the answer to his question. He just needs to hear it a few dozen times to be fully sure.

I'm positive you've read enough stories and such on this forum to know better.

[lowside]

if she were 21 that'd be great.

[Benoit]

Nothing wrong with an older woman in your early 20s, but moving in together "because that's what we should do" is the beginning of the end.

Read the words you've written. You think you could cope, but don't really want to move in together. So don't.

Do you really want to be with a woman who issues ultimatums and is prepared to torpedo the relationship if you don't give in to her demands?

[ridiculous_nicholas]

Age differences aside, I would never move in with a girl unless I was sure I was going to marry her. I have seen waaaaayy too many people move in with each other that don't last and then its a giant hassle when they break up. At 23 years old you are an adult but you have a lot of learning to do in these situations. You know how they say experience is the best teacher? I think learning from others' experiences are even better! 9 months really isn't a long time in the dating world. If you guys are still together in a year from now and madly in love, I'd say consider it.

[gettingthere88]

I can tell you from life experience, that what you want from a girl at 23yo, will NOT be what you want at 30yo.

Thanks a ton Christian. Hearing directly from you is very solid reassurance. I realize my taste is changing now and will keep on changing more in the future.

[Fighting888]

Don't move in.

You'll notice those little annoying behaviors more.

[trainwreck]

(06-25-2014 05:00 PM)gettingthere88 Wrote:  

Hey guys,

I have an issue that I only know is an issue because I have created it myself. I am 23 dating a 28 year old RN who is terrific in all the ways I care about. Sex whenever I want, BJ's multiple time per week, makes me dinner, etc. I like her family and everything else. We have been dating for 9 months.

I am currently getting side-action when I can (once or twice a month) but it is simply because I can't fight the urge. Nothing to do with her as I know she is great in my eyes. She has been pushing to move in and I am ready for it but at the same time I am not ready because I still want to have my cake and eat it too so-to-speak. A bonus would be saving a ton of money and having a ride or die girl to come home to.

Most of my friends are older they say I am crazy for even thinking about doing this and would be missing out on ten years of freedom and fun. I guess my question is.. If I really truly think I have found a catch, how many of you would kick a good horse in the mouth because of the potential to live a crazier and more ecxiting life not being 'monogomous'?? (We will probably breakup if she doesn't move in) : In her words.. "I am not going to be in a relationship that isn;t moving forward" Shes running out of time I suppose.

Thanks in advanced.

So I'm going to tell you my little story regarding this.

A little bit more than a year ago, I started dating a solid 9. 19yo, rich family, gets hit up by model scouts constantly.

She was pretty much everything I wanted. Stable, good family, hot as fuck, smart, nerdy and insane in bed. So I decided to let her "officially" move in with me after 6 months of dating.

Turns out that even though she was constantly at my place in the 6 months before, just her paying half the rent was enough to in her words "make me think 'i had you finally'" and give up the good stuff. Man, I remember getting a blowjob in the airport bus on the way from the airport in Barcelona to the hotel. I don't remember having that anymore after she moved in.

A lot more cracks started to appear- I started getting pissed off at shit i'd find priorly cute, she became distant, I cheated several times and inevitably, we broke up a few weeks ago.

- Don't do it. If you do it, at least pay the full rent. This way you can say "this is my apartment, and you're merely a guest allowed to stay". If you don't do this part, she'll see as less of a man and she'll become less attracted to you. Meanwhile, you'll have to deal with all the emotional drama of a woman.

edit:
As other ssaid, you'll feel suffocated as fuck. Unless she's totally fine with you having buddies over for a football game and beer, then you'll have to find other places to do this at. Basically, there's just negatives to it, unless it's with this ONE PERFECT GIRL

PPS: If she's 28, and you're 23, there will be another issue: She will see the value disparity rise between you both. She's 28, about to hit the wall, you're 23, probably ambitious and about to get access to even hotter women. So... don't do it.

[Wayout]

(06-25-2014 06:59 PM)Christian McQueen Wrote:  

"I am 23 dating a 28 year old RN"

Unless you want to be 30yo with a 35yo don't do it.

I can tell you from life experience, that what you want from a girl at 23yo, will NOT be what you want at 30yo.

Do not do it.

You will feel suffocated as fuck.

I would be more terrified to be 35 with a 40 year old!

[jamaicabound]

I feel like I can chime in on this. When I was 21 I started dating a 30 or 31 year old women. Kinda funny I think I lied saying I was a couple years older and she said couple years younger. Was about six months in before we both came clean.

I have to say she was probably the coolest chick I ever dated. Very laid back, very easygoing, wasn't trying to steal all my time we kicked it like a couple hours one weekday and one weekend day, that was our understanding and she was cool with it. She was divorced and I think learned a lot of lessons about not to be a controlling bitch so when I got her she was super cool. Sex, Bjs, etc whenever I wnated because she said that wasn't something she did in her marriage and thought it was a problem, did't nag, etc.

I wound up spending like 7 years with this chick, getting stuff on the side through most because I had so much freetime and nobody breathing down my neck.

In some ways I feel like I wasted a good part of my 20's not being able to really live it up but i still got to ave my fun and she was a good chick too. We broke up about two years ago, honestly I miss her and wonder if I made the wrong decision breaking it off, I think I really just wanted some tme to run around and be crazy which is actually something she offered me before getting serious and moving in.

I wouldn't advise not to move in, if its rigt for you and you dig this chick by all means go for it. My biggest piece of advice however would be dont get trapped b/c you live together if your unhappy. I had a few buddies wo moved in with chicks young and then probably shoudl have moved out after a year but wound up getting trapped and being unhappy for years before finally getting the balls to move out

[Saweeep]

This is a crazy idea.

[Lothario]

Many of us have faced the same problem, about 2 yrs ago Caligula started a thread where he broke up with a fine girl like you described because steady sex was hurting his game.

I also sense a mild case of Oneitis from OP. Get out there and a few more girls to your harem and see if you still feel the need for her to move with you.

General concesus is going to be don't do it.

Happy Hunting.

[Sp5]

Ha, did the same thing when I was young, with someone 5 years older than me, ended up marrying her and then had a bitter divorce many years later.

[heavy]

Causality...Part of really clicking with someone is not being around them all the time.

As has been mentioned, do what *you* want. If you don't want it, don't do it. If you don't want it and you end up living together, she'll know. They alllllwwwayyyys know.

[jamaicabound]

Dont let us make your decision for you. Use the advice given here as some things to think about. Make a pros and cons list. Though its impossible to truly do try to invision what you want or where you want to be five years down the road but dont listen to anyone on here in terms of making your decision for you. If your happy with this chick and wanna move in do it. If after hearing some of this advice you wana keep it casual and maybe leave the living together for 6 months or a year down the road if things are still going well do that.

[Dr. Howard]

I echo most of the sentiment but think you should also relate it more to your own state of mind. If you feel like you would be 'missing out' on your 20's and currently feel th e need to bang on the side for variety, don't move in with any woman...even if she is a 10/10 undiscovered porn star that buys you everything. You will feel like you have missed an opportunity.

I have found that there is a point in time where I didn't have that "what opportunity am I missing" feeling, which made an LTR that much easier and I was about 12 years older.

[Fighting888]

If she's 28 and you're 23, is a future together realistic?

[GyopoPlayboy]

Yep. Pretty much what everyonew saying here is spot on.

The problem with shit tests like these is that they never really end.

Agreeing to move in together might take care of her current shit test but guarantee that 6 months later itll be "are we getting married? Decide or i leave" then another 6 months later its "i need a real house. R u gonna buy one for us or should i leave?"