[Nomad77]

Good looking guy: I want to be like you.

Me: Like me? What do you mean?

Guy: I want to be able to talk to any girl I find attractive.

Me: Oh, that's easy to learn: just force yourself to talk to any girl you find attractive and after 100 rejections it won't matter anymore and then you will be able to talk to any girl. When you force yourself to do whatever you fear, the more you do it the less you will fear it. Eventually there will come a time when you won't fear it at all.

[redbeard]

Good quote for newbies!

[Nomad77]

Girl comment: Psychologists call this behavior "Systematic desensitization". Works pretty much on everything, fear, phobia, ocd, panic disorder, anxiety, and apparently on hitting on girls as well.

Me: If you want to accelerate the "desensitization" I recommend hitting on the most attractive and bitchiest girls first. This way you are assured of being rejected in the most brutal fashion. The brutal, outright rejections works much better than the softer ones.

[Renberg]

It's an interesting concept, and many of the guys on the forum bring it up. It's definitely inspiring -- I need to go out and day-game more. I prefer that late-night alcohol-induced confidence. Thanks for the quote.

-R

[Nomad77]

Now, this doesn't mean you should waste your approaches. I have a simple rule: a decent girl in a decent situation - have to approach. What this means is that if I see a girl that I find attractive on some level and she's accessible I will approach it. I usually won't approach if she's with a guy or group of people unless I am extremely motivated. But in the day time you can find a lot of girls who are alone all over the place.

[classicjimmy]

To get into approaching I found just forcing myself to chat people up, whether they were hot blonde bombshells or moms or even guys, I just tried to strike up conversations with people wherever I went - Coffee Shops, bookstores, the subway, even at the DMV. After a while going up to someone and indirectly (or even directly) approaching them seems a lot easier. If you've never talked to a stranger in your life then it's going to be pretty hard to swoop that 10 at the bar first try. If all day you've been chatting up strangers, then it's not nearly as hard when you've got to go for real.

[Nomad77]

Yep, this is called social warmup and I do this too.

[Renberg]

(05-06-2014 10:31 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Yep, this is called social warmup and I do this too.

Has the practice and experience led you to better improvisational skills when talking to women?

[Nomad77]

Yes, I don't even need to think about what I will say anymore. I just walk up and I know something will come out of my mouth.

[Renberg]

(05-06-2014 10:48 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Yes, I don't even need to think about what I will say anymore. I just walk up and I know something will come out of my mouth.

That's awesome. I got to get on that. Is it necessary to be outgoing? I'm a stand-up comic so often when I approach I talk with my dry-humored voice like I do on-stage. Girls think I'm serious when I'm often just joking around. Is the smile + uppityness very important? Appreciate it, Nomad.

-R

[TheChef]

My issue is I let situations get in the way. I.e. She's sitting down and there's no way around I can casually sit close.

I should just adhere to the 3 second and go for it. The least I could do do is ask for where a coffee shop is in the area.

Thoughts?

[Nomad77]

If you over think it you are dead. The three seconds rule came about precisely to stop you from doing that. Don't think of it as "picking up" anyone. You are just being friendly. Having a friendly conversation. This is the first thing to do. Forget about all of this pickup stuff. Just focus on having a normal conversation. It doesn't matter what you talk about. I usually use situational openers e.g. it's hot today, is that special coffee drink any good, did you watch the game last night...

Don't worry about getting numbers or anything else. Just focus on starting and having a normal conversation for five minutes.

If a girl is sitting down, walk towards and look carefully at what she has around her and is doing. If she looks up at you as you approach just stop and use a situational opener. If she doesn't, stop and interrupt her with some question about what she's doing or something she has. Roosh like to ask them about their computer. I ask them about their phones e.g. is that the new iPhone? If I have my computer with me I will also ask them about some design, photo, or website. I will take my computer over to their table and ask them what they think about something. This is called an opinion opener. Girls love to give their opinions about stuff.

[LostSoul]

(05-06-2014 09:44 AM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Me: If you want to accelerate the "desensitization" I recommend hitting on the most attractive and bitchiest girls first. This way you are assured of being rejected in the most brutal fashion. The brutal, outright rejections works much better than the softer ones.

Agreed on the general idea of desensitization but no way should you start with the hottest and bitchiest women, thats just asking for trouble imo. Speaking from my own experience and especially for guys with low self esteem and confidence, getting brutally blown out by these hot women will do nothing but make you even more depressed and unsure of yourself to a point where you dont even want to try anymore.

I think you gotta do it gradually, starting with the less hot ones and work your way up.

[Nomad77]

I guess it all depends on your personality but hey, whatever works for you that what you should do. I have a bad habit of jumping head first into things and then thinking about the consequences after.

[simonafc]

Alot of guys spend time validating themselves to one girl. But after many, it becomes repetitive so it become easier.

[robreke]

[quote='Nomad77' pid='720095' dateline='1399439767']
If you over think it you are dead. The three seconds rule came about precisely to stop you from doing that. Don't think of it as "picking up" anyone. You are just being friendly. Having a friendly conversation. This is the first thing to do. Forget about all of this pickup stuff. Just focus on having a normal conversation. It doesn't matter what you talk about. I usually use situational openers e.g. it's hot today, is that special coffee drink any good, did you watch the game last night...

Don't worry about getting numbers or anything else. Just focus on starting and having a normal conversation for five minutes.

I think the last part about just focusing on a five minute conversation is so key....I sometimes feel like I'm "in a rush" when I'm in the first minute or so of convo....like they're going to walk off or I need to rush and get the digits. I just need to be laid back and converse.

What do you do if you're conversing after the open and she's being friendly and polite and smiling...but, say, after your last comment she kind of agrees with it like "yeah that's true..ha ha" and she starts to drift off/walk away or turn her body away? Do you keep talking and or asking her questions to try to get her to turn back around and stay in the convo? DO you do like Paul Janka and basically say "hold on wait...I want to talk to you"? Or do you let em go?

[Nomad77]

I don't try to keep them around. If I feel there is some level of attraction on her part or I really like her I will go for the number because maybe she just needs to go somewhere.

[coginnav]

(05-04-2014 03:41 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Good looking guy: I want to be like you.

Me: Like me? What do you mean?

Guy: I want to be able to talk to any girl I find attractive.

Me: Oh, that's easy to learn: just force yourself to talk to any girl you find attractive and after 100 rejections it won't matter anymore and then you will be able to talk to any girl. When you force yourself to do whatever you fear, the more you do it the less you will fear it. Eventually there will come a time when you won't fear it at all.

Well said... I've got to up my game this week...

[Krusyos]

(05-06-2014 09:44 AM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Girl comment: Psychologists call this behavior "Systematic desensitization". Works pretty much on everything, fear, phobia, ocd, panic disorder, anxiety, and apparently on hitting on girls as well.

Me: If you want to accelerate the "desensitization" I recommend hitting on the most attractive and bitchiest girls first. This way you are assured of being rejected in the most brutal fashion. The brutal, outright rejections works much better than the softer ones.

A fellow masochist here, eh? I agree on that point, at least. Approach, approach, approach is my philosophy. Approach everyone from the ones who look like they had their face mutilated by a serial killer to the ones who look like a Renaissance Painting. The constant rejection phase is inevitable. Get it done with as soon as possible and try to run as fast as you can through this section.

Another point, especially with guys like me who were very introverted for a large part of their lives, is to chat up everyone-- male, female, old, young, pretty, ugly. Not only will it give you great practice making small talk, you may also hear some great stories and perhaps make a useful connection. Remember that most of the time, people will welcome a friendly conversation with a stranger. They are just too self-conscious to initiate the encounter. Be confident and start those encounters. There is no way to lose.