[Klasmatic]

I recently got into a committed relationship with a girl I had been dating. This was about a month ago and all has been great so far. The night she asked me to commit to her, we went out to a bar with some of her friends and some foreign guy flat out walked up to her at our table and asked for her number. She pointed at me and said she was here with me but I let her handle it on her own. The guy got the idea and left her alone, but I never acknowledged that she was my girlfriend because she wasn’t. Then at the next bar, some guy kept buying her shots. I was all for it because he was getting her nice and drunk for me and he was footing the bill. Eventually, after buying her three or four shots and me just standing there sipping my drink and keeping an eye on her, she comes up to me and right in front of the guy says “I’m going home with you tonight, right?” I nodded and kept my cool as this clown kept buying her shots. She went out to the outside patio with this guy and his four friends and I did not give chase, thinking it would be dumb to follow her around since she wasn’t my gf and I was only intending to bang her that night. After ten mins, I called a cab, walked outside, grabbed her around the waist and told her the cab was here and it was time to go. She immediately walked away, and hopped in the cab with me. The look on that guy’s face was priceless and he muttered some shit talking, cock-block beta shit while I just laughed at him. On the ride home with her she flat out asked me to be her boyfriend. We have fun together, so I said yes and we banged all night.

Being that we weren’t really “together” at the time, I felt that was the best way to play it but now that we are together, I feel that approach may not be the best idea. Any thoughts on this? Relationship game takes on a different dynamic and I am admittedly trying to shake some beta tendencies so I’m still learning. Now that we’ve been in a committed relationship for about 6 weeks or so, another shit-test came up this past weekend and I basically handled it with the same indifference and aloof-ness as I did that other night. However, being that we’re now committed to each other, I feel I should have handled it differently. Here’s what happened…

This weekend, we went to a st patty’s day celebration parade in our city and began boozing rather early. We had a private patio with a whole bunch of mutual friends and being that she is 5 years younger than me, she was hanging out with her group of girlfriends that were her age, which is pretty typical for her at these social gatherings. When we are out in a social setting, I typically let her do her own thing and don’t stand in her hip pocket or follow her around. She always finds me at the end of the night and asks me to take her home with me so I don’t pay her much mind unless the situation just naturally calls for it. 2 of her best friends were in from outta town and she hadn’t seen them in a while so I figured I’d just let them catch up and do my own thing. No big deal.

So while we were at this particular parade celebration, she comes up to me and my other buddy while we’re grilling up some food and goes “that cop downstairs was just hitting on me.” I totally ignored her call for attention, gave a blank stare and laughed it off. I know she was trying to get a rise out of me but while I feel like I have pretty solid game all around, one thing I’m really good at is acting indifferent or aloof. I’m cool under pressure and don’t let things appear to shake me, even if I’m pissed off on the inside. This didn’t really piss me off though. What kinda pissed me off is what happened later…

After the parade, we all left to meet back at my friend’s house, her included. She shows up with her girlfriends, hangs out for about 15 mins, and disappears with 3 other girls. 2 of her friends that she left behind were pissed off about them just bouncin’ like that without warning, even though we all know where they went. They were going to a massive party not far from where we were, and she had indicated earlier that she wanted to go. No big deal. I wanted to go to a different party where my friends were and being that I am 5 years older than her, and her party was for her friends, I knew I was gonna be out of place there so I just let her go and didn’t say anything to her since she left without warning. Didn’t text to see where she went, didn’t call her out for leaving suddenly. About an hour and a half later, she texts me “where are you?” I gave her the address of my party. She said “I wanna come to where you are.” I told her we were leaving to get some food and told her the restaurant. She goes silent for another 3 hrs. claiming her phone died, which is what I assumed had happened because it’s not like her to ignore my texts. She called me when she was in a cab on the way home trying to find out where I was. I was already at my place, hammered, and ready to pass out. We had a short conversation and she went back to my friend’s place (her best friend lives with/dates my friend) and passed out there.

So here’s where I got pissed off. I knew that the party she was going to was all people she knew from high school, including one particular guy she had dated before and had hooked up with before we started dating. I banged her the day after xmas, left town for new years, and I know she hung out with him then, but I am not sure if anything happened. I also decided I shouldn’t care because I was banging 2 other girls at the time and we weren’t in a committed relationship with each other. Now, since we’ve committed I find it shady that she would want to continue hanging out with this guy since I know their history. I’m pissed off because she did this so blatantly yet thinks I don’t know what was going on. I’ve never talked about this guy to her or acted jealous in any situation. I’ve always played the aloof and indifferent card and it has always worked as she keeps coming back for more. My question is, should I address this explicitly or let it play out, and just cut the cord if she does it again? Being that the last time I was in a committed relationship was long before I discovered “game” I am kind of in new territory here and I’ve seen conflicting information on calling girls out on their shit. My gut tells me she’s just testing me to see how I handle it and wouldn’t act on it yet anyway. Do I need to be more “possessive” or just continue to trust her and give her some slack until she gives me a real reason not to? I know for a fact that nothing happened the other night and I’ve heard her talk shit about this guy but part of me thinks she still has a thing for him and I’m sure he’s tryin’ to work it, too because she’s a hot piece of ass.

Tldr version – new girlfriend tries to incite jealousy, I ignore her attempts and act unfazed. She ramps it up by hanging out with a guy she has history with, I ignore it. What’s the best play here? Call her out, be more possessive, end it immediately?

[MongolianAbroad]

(03-17-2014 10:18 AM)Klasmatic Wrote:  

Tldr version – new girlfriend tries to incite jealousy, I ignore her attempts and act unfazed. She ramps it up by hanging out with a guy she has history with, I ignore it. What’s the best play here? Call her out, be more possessive, end it immediately?

I read your whole post, but didn't want to quote all of it. Just quoted the last part.

This girl's bad news, man. The girls I've been with have never told me when a guy hits on them, because it's irrelevant, because no guy but me is relevant when we're dating. Her doing this stuff is...just no bueno...not good long-term relationship material. She's an adult, she should know how to handle getting hit on without involving you at all. "I have a boyfriend," end of conversation, simple as that, and no need to even mention it to you.

This hanging out with some dude she had a past with...I don't let my girlfriends have male friends, much less males with a past. I'd ditch her, but then, I wouldn't have dated a girl that does that kind of stuff in the first place. Actually, I correct myself, I have dated a girl like that in the past, when I was still green, and she did have male friends, and this kind of stuff did come up...incredible hourglass figure, like the Mexican models on Univision. The drama wasn't worth it, and knowing what I know now, the signs that she was damaged goods were there all along, if I had had the experience to know what to look for.

I say have fun. Remain aloof, don't take a girl like that seriously. You're being a good guy by honoring your part of the deal. If she doesn't, that's on her, but in the meantime, have fun, enjoy her, just don't get attached. When you get older, look for a girl worth keeping. For now, enjoy this girl's beauty if it makes you happy, just don't take her seriously. That's my two cents.

[Klasmatic]

(03-17-2014 10:44 AM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

(03-17-2014 10:18 AM)Klasmatic Wrote:  

Tldr version – new girlfriend tries to incite jealousy, I ignore her attempts and act unfazed. She ramps it up by hanging out with a guy she has history with, I ignore it. What’s the best play here? Call her out, be more possessive, end it immediately?

I read your whole post, but didn't want to quote all of it. Just quoted the last part.

This girl's bad news, man. The girls I've been with have never told me when a guy hits on them, because it's irrelevant, because no guy but me is relevant when we're dating. Her doing this stuff is...just no bueno...not good long-term relationship material. She's an adult, she should know how to handle getting hit on without involving you at all. "I have a boyfriend," end of conversation, simple as that, and no need to even mention it to you.

This hanging out with some dude she had a past with...I don't let my girlfriends have male friends, much less males with a past. I'd ditch her, but then, I wouldn't have dated a girl that does that kind of stuff in the first place. Actually, I correct myself, I have dated a girl like that in the past, when I was still green, and she did have male friends, and this kind of stuff did come up...incredible hourglass figure, like the Mexican models on Univision. The drama wasn't worth it, and knowing what I know now, the signs that she was damaged goods were there all along, if I had had the experience to know what to look for.

I say have fun. Remain aloof, don't take a girl like that seriously. You're being a good guy by honoring your part of the deal. If she doesn't, that's on her, but in the meantime, have fun, enjoy her, just don't get attached. When you get older, look for a girl worth keeping. For now, enjoy this girl's beauty if it makes you happy, just don't take her seriously. That's my two cents.

Thanks for the reply and I think I am leaning towards your advice anyway. Just helps to hear other people's input.

I'm generally a very laid back, loyal, and trusting person and I expect others to reciprocate. I would never ask anything of someone else that I wouldn't do myself. I have integrity and seem to value that more than other people do, but I will not tolerate disrespect.

Most girls have guy friends of some sort but to know which ones she's hooked up with and which ones are just long time friends is key.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

My advice is the following if this isn't a work of fiction (the guy-buying-her-shots story strains believability):

1). Have as much sex with her as humanly possible since I assume she's hella gorgeous.

2). Get out.

She's a woman who gets off on drama. This is an archetype. You see it in old films where women caused men to get into fights and showdowns. When you leave the scene, she'll make the next guy jealous with someone else. He'll be you. I was in this situation a bunch of times when I was younger and like a fool I attempted to deal with the situation, not step back and asses the larger issues going on.

If it's any consolation, I dated a few of these types of women and it seems they're the ones that age by far the worst. This could be coincidence. But their pictures are frightening now. Maybe drama takes its toll on them physically or something.

PS: My brother dated someone like this who also started up some drama with a cop. It ended with my bro getting beaten up by the cop and temporarily jailed.

[Travesty]

You are already losing too much hand, she isn't into it enough if she sneaks time with a guy that use to bang her.

End it or start hooking up with other girls on the side and don't care.

I see this as over, there is no future with a girl like this. She is great for sex and partying. Use her for what she is good for.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Immediately stop treating her like a girlfriend. If she wants to drop by and have sex, that's cool, but otherwise behave as if you were single. You don't have to let her know, though you certainly can if she asks.

[Blondelover]

This is relationship game. You are playing a different game now. At the beginning of a seduction there is more push than pull. In a relationship, there should be mostly pull with intermittent push.

Firstly, it was a mistake to get into a relationship with an obvious attention whore.

You are now in a situation where your girlfriend is clearly cheating on you. There is no such thing as "friends with exes". If she is seeing her ex, I can guarantee there is banging. I assume you casually brought this up, and she brushed it off as "nothing". Reaffirmation.

I remphasize what other posters have said. This girl is absolutely NOT relationship material, so you should start by mentally accepting that. After doing so, what you choose to do with her is your business. You can try to solidify commitment for perhaps another two months by offering an ultimatum (alpha is not all about aloofness, an alpha has boundaries and you can't take this shit from anyone, let alone your girlfriend).

What I would do is keep using her for sex while banging on the side, until you get caught. Once you do, she disappears from your life and problem solved.

[Klasmatic]

(03-17-2014 11:05 AM)Blondelover Wrote:  

This is relationship game. You are playing a different game now. At the beginning of a seduction there is more push than pull. In a relationship, there should be mostly pull with intermittent push.

Firstly, it was a mistake to get into a relationship with an obvious attention whore.

You are now in a situation where your girlfriend is clearly cheating on you. There is no such thing as "friends with exes". If she is seeing her ex, I can guarantee there is banging. I assume you casually brought this up, and she brushed it off as "nothing". Reaffirmation.

I remphasize what other posters have said. This girl is absolutely NOT relationship material, so you should start by mentally accepting that. After doing so, what you choose to do with her is your business. You can try to solidify commitment for perhaps another two months by offering an ultimatum (alpha is not all about aloofness, an alpha has boundaries and you can't take this shit from anyone, let alone your girlfriend).

What I would do is keep using her for sex while banging on the side, until you get caught. Once you do, she disappears from your life and problem solved.

yea all of the advice here follows the same general path. I think that's the best way to play it. And no, I have not brought this up with her yet and have not even mentioned that I know who this guy is. I only know who he is because over a year ago, we were banging (not dating) and then she moved away for a year to chase her ex-bf who eventually cheated on her so she came back home. anyway, at one point during our fling a long time ago, she mentioned that she dated this guy briefly at one point. I just know from seeing her pics on facebook and instagram that she hung out with him during her brief visits back to our home town after she broke up with her bf in DC. There has been no indication of her hanging out since we started dating...no proof anyway.

honestly, I dont think she even knows that I'm aware of him. I have no proof he was at that party but I'm guessing he was. I have no proof they still talk but I'm guessing they do. I never see her texting him or anything, it's just a feeling.

[Klasmatic]

(03-17-2014 10:53 AM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  

My advice is the following if this isn't a work of fiction (the guy-buying-her-shots story strains believability)

definitely not fiction or trolling. We were at the bar, ordering drinks, some hick starts offering to buy her a shot and I was ok with it since she was getting drunk on someone else's dime, making it easier on me to bring her home and fuck her brains out. the point of that part of the story was that we weren't "together" at the time so I let her do as she pleased. now that we are together, I'm thinking that approach is not the right one to take.

Every time she's introduced drama to a situation I have acted entirely indifferent and 100% of the time, she's come crawling back to me when the night is over and it's time to go home.

while she was at that party, she was only gone for less than 2 hrs before she texted me trying to meet back up.

tbh, she's kinda weird in that she's all chatty and outgoing with other people when we're at social gatherings but doesn't even chat much with me at all. I'm fine with it because I usually like to be social with other people too, and reserve talking to her for when we're alone together. If it's my social circle she's hanging with, she'll stay right in my hip pocket and socialize and be a good girlfriend, but if it's her social circle, it's almost like we aren't even together but at the end of the night, without fail, she always latches on to me and wants to leave with me. It's the strangest relationship dynamic I've ever been a part of.

[Tigre]

I would go with the "call her out" option, but do it in a certain way. Make it a teachable moment. Set boundaries. "When X happens, I expect you to do Y".

Also, when she does something right, mention it and give her props for it.

Beware of overgaming. A certain amount of aloof can be good to keep her guessing. That doesn't mean that more is always better.

[Klasmatic]

(03-17-2014 11:31 AM)Tigre Wrote:  

I would go with the "call her out" option, but do it in a certain way. Make it a teachable moment. Set boundaries. "When X happens, I expect you to do Y".

Also, when she does something right, mention it and give her props for it.

Beware of overgaming. A certain amount of aloof can be good to keep her guessing. That doesn't mean that more is always better.

fair enough. thanks for an alternative perspective.

Does anyone have ANY success with calling out a girl for her shit? as in, you called her out for something and she ended up responding just how you wanted her to and ended the bad behavior?

[Blondelover]

(03-17-2014 11:13 AM)Klasmatic Wrote:  

(03-17-2014 11:05 AM)Blondelover Wrote:  

This is relationship game. You are playing a different game now. At the beginning of a seduction there is more push than pull. In a relationship, there should be mostly pull with intermittent push.

Firstly, it was a mistake to get into a relationship with an obvious attention whore.

You are now in a situation where your girlfriend is clearly cheating on you. There is no such thing as "friends with exes". If she is seeing her ex, I can guarantee there is banging. I assume you casually brought this up, and she brushed it off as "nothing". Reaffirmation.

I remphasize what other posters have said. This girl is absolutely NOT relationship material, so you should start by mentally accepting that. After doing so, what you choose to do with her is your business. You can try to solidify commitment for perhaps another two months by offering an ultimatum (alpha is not all about aloofness, an alpha has boundaries and you can't take this shit from anyone, let alone your girlfriend).

What I would do is keep using her for sex while banging on the side, until you get caught. Once you do, she disappears from your life and problem solved.

yea all of the advice here follows the same general path. I think that's the best way to play it. And no, I have not brought this up with her yet and have not even mentioned that I know who this guy is. I only know who he is because over a year ago, we were banging (not dating) and then she moved away for a year to chase her ex-bf who eventually cheated on her so she came back home. anyway, at one point during our fling a long time ago, she mentioned that she dated this guy briefly at one point. I just know from seeing her pics on facebook and instagram that she hung out with him during her brief visits back to our home town after she broke up with her bf in DC. There has been no indication of her hanging out since we started dating...no proof anyway.

honestly, I dont think she even knows that I'm aware of him. I have no proof he was at that party but I'm guessing he was. I have no proof they still talk but I'm guessing they do. I never see her texting him or anything, it's just a feeling.

Your gut feeling is always right in these situations. Always right.

I don't even know you and I'd bet 100$ you are being cheated on, assuming your account is true.

Simply assume the highly probable. I can see there is wishful doubting in you, you really wish to hold on to this one prospect. Think with your head and don't let your emotions rule you.

The first two paragraphs describing the way she interacts with men already disqualify her as relationship material, regardless of her present cheating.

[Klasmatic]

(03-17-2014 11:47 AM)Blondelover Wrote:  

Your gut feeling is always right in these situations. Always right.

I don't even know you and I'd bet 100$ you are being cheated on, assuming your account is true.

Simply assume the highly probable. I can see there is wishful doubting in you, you really wish to hold on to this one prospect. Think with your head and don't let your emotions rule you.

The first two paragraphs describing the way she interacts with men already disqualify her as relationship material, regardless of her present cheating.

yea truth hurts but you are right. In the past, i've had a problem with justifying my way out of tough situations like this one and I guess this all part of the transformation here. I think I am going to slowly cut off contact with her while trying to find a new gash to bang.

I do know for a fact she hasn't yet cheated (keyword being YET) but your point about her not being relationship material is correct nonetheless.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Damn, why was this guy banned? He seemed solid. I always get stuck giving advice to new posters who get banned within a few days - maybe it's not them, it's me...

[Bluesexplosion]

So she crash a party without warning you, probably get her ass fucked by an ex and you still considers staying with her? Dawn man keep your shit together, dump that bitch

[20Nation]

You are an alpha dude and she is lucky enough to be in an exclusive relationship with you. You need to lay down the fucking law and tell her how it is. Tell her she can't hang out with any ex. I've had girls try to do this and I just tell them that if they hang out with any ex, then we are done. And I'm usually not even in a committed relationship but i feel they must be committed to me.

[PrtSc]

Do it like this. Don't tell her she can't hang out with her ex. Instead, set the standard that you don't think a guy and girl can just being friends. When the topic comes up about her and this other guy, ask her "so what are you going to do?" She might try to rationalize why there is no harm hanging out with him. Your answer to that is then "Interesting." Don't say anymore. She will see that you disapprove of her actions but aren't telling her what to do.

If she ends up doing the right thing and not seeing or speaking of this dude again, congratulations, she may be a decent chick after all. Anything but that needs to be an immediate cut. If it was me and she really was that hot, I'd keep fucking her as long as I could, but that's it. Wouldn't do any of the nice relationship type shit she would want. She will of course eventually figure out you aren't into it anymore. Whether you eventually tell her why you aren't is up to you. In my experience it makes no difference, it's not like she'll suddenly learn and things will be good. Good luck dude.

[PocketAA]

You don't need to handle this "shit testing". It is you that should control the relationship.

Summer is coming, it's not a good time to be thinking about GF's.

I have been two girls at once for a year and I never treated them like GF'S. They only come over my house get bang and leave.

If you want a GF then act like it in front of her. If not then don't act like it. If you hit it right she will still bang you.

[Christian McQueen]

"I do know for a fact she hasn't yet cheated"

^OP: No, you don't know.

She may have very well fucked and sucked 4 guys at that party and you will never know.

I know EXACTLY what type of broad this is and trust me if you are wise and don't want to waste energy on a bitch like this, then end the committed part of the relationship.

She can be a FWB, but that's it. She's not emotionally mature enough to be with You (based on your response you sound mature), and you would be a fool to continue dealing with this.

Her phone dies? But yet she called you from the cab? Did the cabbie charge it, but yet not ONE person at the party had a charger? Right.

Eject. And let this be a lesson to you to NEVER commit to a girl until you have dated for at least 6 months.

She's drama, slutty, a party girl and NOT LTR material. She is though, fuckable material. But break off the commitment aspect my friend and don't hesitate. If you do, I can promise you she will cheat (if she hasn't already) and you'll be back on this board asking for advice again.

[Merenguero]

(03-18-2014 08:12 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Damn, why was this guy banned? He seemed solid. I always get stuck giving advice to new posters who get banned within a few days - maybe it's not them, it's me...

He made some really helpful and accurate posts in this thread, but I think he was trolling in one or more of the other threads.

Edit: He was trolling in the Los Angeles thread.

[TheChef]

Like everyone's said here: a girl who hangs out with orbiters is bad news. Outside of this dude and her getting lunch in the middle of the day, there should be no hanging out at parties, bars, etc.

Also, a girl who is your gf should not bounce from a party she came with you to another one without checking in. That's just disrespectful no matter how "drunk" or "swept in the moment" she became. She bailed without warning, which ain't cool.

[XXL]

You have to address her stupid behavior, but not the fact that you're jealous. I'd call her out saying something like...

"Look sweetheart, I know very well what you're doing, you just trying your best to make me jealous which is super fucking immature to me. I thought I'm with a real woman but it turns out you're just another insecure little girl. It can't be like that no more. Be real. Make up your mind. You know the rules. I'm loyal to you and I expect the same from you. I'm not possessive type like every other chode out there. it's simple, you know the rules and if you fuck up I'll ditch you like a thrash in a blink of an eye and never come back. Just so you know. Do what you want. I want you stay with you but I'm not like every other fucking lame ass to be toyed with."

Frame her behavior as insecure/immature and present yourself as a man with strong boundaries. That's what you should have done on day one with her. You might be tough to lay down the law now but it's doable. That's all you can do cause you can't control her all the time. Do our best what's within your control and let go.

Meet up with her. Don't argue or debate cause that also form of giving attention too. Just shut her up and tell her what's up. Then leave her for some time. Don't answer calls/texts. Show her what it's like when you're gone. She has to associate her silly behavior with bad consequences aka lack of your attention. Disappear for some time and let her understand the rules.

Simple punishment/reward thing.

[mental]

My standard tactic is similar to XXL's - first be aloof and consider her cries for attention as cute and childish.

However, if she continues doing that shit, I blow up completely and leave so she gets so scared she shits her pants and starts to cry. One hour later I text her something like this:

"Your tantrums are childish, annoying and immature.
I neither know nor care why you have the need to be such a drama queen, and, honestly, I'm tired of your weak vulnerable ego.
I hope you are happy with yourself and have someone who loves you unconditonally, for I surely don't - your arrogance and immaturity have killed any tingle or respect I may have had before.
I bid you farewell and hope you find a real purpose in life."

After that I ignore her calls and her attempts to fix things between us.

A month or so later I give her a booty call - why waste an opportunity for an easy lay?

[kaotic]

I've gotta agree here, def not GF material.

FWB or keep her as a main fuck and have fun with others.

If she keep acting like this, simply call her out, put her in her place. If she doesn't like it, say bye Felicia and move on.

It's HARD to do, I had to do it with a needy HB 8 man. That pussy was great but damn was her thirst greater !

[Klasmatic]

(03-18-2014 02:56 PM)PrtSc Wrote:  

Do it like this. Don't tell her she can't hang out with her ex. Instead, set the standard that you don't think a guy and girl can just being friends. When the topic comes up about her and this other guy, ask her "so what are you going to do?" She might try to rationalize why there is no harm hanging out with him. Your answer to that is then "Interesting." Don't say anymore. She will see that you disapprove of her actions but aren't telling her what to do.

If she ends up doing the right thing and not seeing or speaking of this dude again, congratulations, she may be a decent chick after all. Anything but that needs to be an immediate cut. If it was me and she really was that hot, I'd keep fucking her as long as I could, but that's it. Wouldn't do any of the nice relationship type shit she would want. She will of course eventually figure out you aren't into it anymore. Whether you eventually tell her why you aren't is up to you. In my experience it makes no difference, it's not like she'll suddenly learn and things will be good. Good luck dude.

thanks for the solid advice. I am still unsure about this girl as she is sending mixed signals on a daily basis. She got really ill last week with the flu and I was really busy with work so we really made no effort to hang out. I wanted to confront her about her bullshit that day when I saw her face to face. I always feel that's the best route when you're having tense conversations because you need to be able to read facial cues and such...

anyway, after us texting back and forth during the week, keeping the rapport going, I sensed she was going cold so I cut off contact for a few days. Yesterday, she hit me up and made more conversation because I could feel she was getting anxious. I think it was just a test though to see if she could get me to respond. like a dumbass, i did of course and now I'm left holding my dick. At this point, im not even gonna talk to her again. im just gonna delete her number and move on. thanks for the response though.