[cardguy]

I keep butting heads with my boss over this.

He keeps telling me that personality is more important to him than looks - when it comes to the wimminz.

I think he is lying - and is just saying that because he has an ugly gf and cannot do better.

Yet - I hear a lot of betas spout this bullshit. And I sure it is bullshit - since any guy in a position (through looks, fame or wealth) to have pretty much any chick they want - always skew their search in favour of chicks with good looks.

Which also agrees with the basics of evolutionary thinking as well.

Anyway - for some reason this really bugs me. It is definitely the male equivalent of the hamster.

For me - my first 'red pill' breakthrough was when I started been honest with myself. And told myself I gave zero shit for a woman's personality - and only cared about her looks.

Being honest like that and cutting through all the PC shit was a big moment for me.

Never looked back.

Anyway - just wondering if others come across this alot?

[Matt3B]

I don't think it's black and white. A good personality can make a girl more attractive and a bad personality can make a girl more unattractive.

Essentially, it seems like an excuse for guys not being able to pull hotter girls than they're currently getting. But if you want a feminine girl, you look at more than just her looks and you get more attracted to her by little quips about her personality.

I've seen pictures of girls and thought "meh", but then when I've met them I've thought to myself that the girl is a lot more attractive than her pictures give her credit for - simply because of her nature and personality.

[kinjutsu]

I consider myself a fairly good looking guy. In the past i relied heavily on it to get girls.
Then as i got older i started losing girls left and right. I was too arrogant and asshole like for them to be comfortable around me.
So i worked on my charisma a ton...
Now I'm at the point where once a girl is in front of me i can seal the deal.

Having a shit ton of charisma while being ugly will get you some 5's and 6's but not much else.
Having good looks but a crappy personality will get you 7's and 8's but not keep them around.
Average looks with high amounts of charisma is the golden ticket imo.

[davyjose]

Yep, I hear this kind of bollocks all the time. The male hamster is right.

Usually from staunch blue pillers who couldn't pull so much as a cracker at Christmas, and in an attempt to rationalise their behaviour try to tell anyone who'll listen how important a woman's personality is in her overall attractiveness.

Well buddy, you can't fight biology.

Enjoy your 18stone troglodytes personality if that's what gets your dick hard.

[user10726]

Maybe they see attractive girls the same way they see celebrities. Sure, they're attractive, but they're unobtainable so they give them no thought.
They see a 5-6, they can imagine themselves with those girls, they put thought into that idea of being with them and it becomes attractive in their idealized thoughts.

I'm sure though that some people genuinely don't care about looks.

[samsamsam]

Just doesn't want to admit what a sack of potatoes he is banging.

But I hope you have a good relationship with your boss. Pressing sensitive matters of your boss is generally not a good thing.

If you think his hamster is spinning over this personality vs looks thing, imagine how it spins if he thinks you are disrespecting/clowning him over his ugly girl.

[Bacchus]

(03-16-2014 06:36 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

Anyway - for some reason this really bugs me. It is definitely the male equivalent of the hamster.

Rationalizations are not exclusively female. Although girls rationalize everything in their life, so that, in their mind, it is never their fault, men can also rationalize an bad situation in their favor. Men just do it far less frequently than women. Hard-up men will rationalize their lack of success with attractive women by making it seem like they like the female losers more than the girls they (and everybody else) really want. So they elevate personality above looks and go after uggos, when, in fact, fatties and busted bitches can be some of the most unpleasant people to be around. Or claim to prefer 'experienced' women over young girls. You get the picture. In any case, there will be no convincing him. His ego acts to preserve itself.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

Great topic. I think your boss is wrong, of course. But one thing I found that does matter is demeanor.

If a woman photographs like a model, but comes off boyish, mannish, or coarse, that actually makes me feel she's less attractive. This ties in with the "online photo" stuff I keep bringing up. Some women photograph well. But when you meet them, it's just not happening.

How a woman carries herself is really important. It's one reason that when Scarlett Johansson speaks she gets sexier, but when Thora Birch (or Kat Dennings) does, their sex appeal plummets.

We also need to flip that script. Women judge us by how we speak. I'll re-tell a story here. In college I was moved to a new dorm and would come in late at night with my guitar, leather jacket, and long hair. Girls got an "outlaw" image of me which they liked, so they started knocking on my door, trying to get my attention.

A few months later they got to know me and were unimpressed. They expected The Ramones, but felt I was like Woody Allen. In other words, my personality undid the good impression my looks made. It took years, but I learned from that experience I needed to modify what I was putting across, esp. at first.

So the same goes for women. But make no mistake, all the sweet demeanor in the world won't make up for a total lack of looks. You should get your boss a huge Lena Dunham poster and watch him try to justify liking it.

[StrikeBack]

Hunters develop preferences for the kind of preys they can catch and have successfully done so in the past.

Once a girl passes the basic visual boner test, other factors can make a much bigger difference than you think:

- Smell
- Voice
- Demeanor
- Movements
- Posture
- Gestures

[clever alias]

i adopt a binary system: a girl is 1 or 0, not a scale of 10. thay said, any girl that is a 1 is basically good enough fir me. betond that, i put almost all my chips in personality

[FortyAndFantastic]

Someone once told me that you should pick a girl like you pick a horse, find one with a good temperament..
Boner test accepted, for the girl, not the horse.

[germanico]

Personality over looks?

[Espresso]

[Bushido]

This thread doesn't compute for me.

Here in Asia a good personality is a given - men here would say "of course it's about the looks!".

[deathtofatties]

If they are telling the truth about preferring personality over looks, they're likely doing so because they are very low testosterone males. A strong preference for beauty in women (over personality) is an indicator of high testosterone.

[kosko]

Betas are sleaze bags. They will say anything to get laid.

Now I don't want a girl whom is a complete bag of bricks but I am foolish to think that the most intellectually stimulating women if she can't give me a raging boner is some how ideal. She can talk sweat stuff to me all day but if she looks like a hag I can't do nothing with that.

Betas spit that nonsense to cover their backs if they date uglies and they think its the shit girls want to hear. I used to be one of these guys, I am sure many of us on here were and I can say I would always publicly say that shit because thats was sleazy betas do. Now though its obvious what runs the show. My little head has to have say in all female matters and he gets the deciding yes or no.

I am sure the biggest beta on earth Kanye West lauds at how cool and interesting his sex-tape soon to be wife is when we all know he got drunk off that booty and couldn't resist. He will alluded to that shit constantly at how she is a just some real "cool chick" when nobody else sees what he is talking about.

But getting back to it, its all about ratios. I think a women doesn't need to hold much more then her overall value in regards to 30% to personality. 70% to looks. With 70% I can still rage and lust for my women, but she won't bore me to tears or be completely vapid that it drives me insane. That is the trade off. If dudes do decide they want to settle down with a broad whom is going to have his kids you have to trade some things off. She has to look good to you but she also has to be sane and balanced to be a good mother. A women only needs 15-20 years of fertility to riffle off healthy children, she then only needs to devote 30% of her energy and resources to building interests, hobbies, etc to balance and round her out. The rest of her resources should be spent maintaining her looks and health to be desirable for us men to want to dump our baby batter in her and possibly commit.

I say this openly to women all the time. They sneer and dog me for it but they know its fucking true. I tell them point blank any real man worth his two balls isn't going to date you because he thinks your "interesting" or "cool" because his mother could be those things and he has no desire to be with her either. We go after women because we like they way they look, everything else is just complementary to it all. If the equation isn't long-term then we will weigh looks more heavily.

[unbowed]

Reminds me of this:

[All or Nothing]

(03-16-2014 07:14 PM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  

If a woman photographs like a model, but comes off boyish, mannish, or coarse, that actually makes me feel she's less attractive. This ties in with the "online photo" stuff I keep bringing up. Some women photograph well. But when you meet them, it's just not happening.

How a woman carries herself is really important. It's one reason that when Scarlett Johansson speaks she gets sexier, but when Thora Birch (or Kat Dennings) does, their sex appeal plummets.

I agree with this completely.

When a woman is already physically attractive, it is her demeanor that will make the difference between being:

Hit it and quit it just so I can say I did it.

and

Someone I would like to keep around.

[Bad Hussar]

Law 36: Disdain Things You Cannot Have. Ignoring Them Is The Best Revenge. aka Sour Grapes.

I won't comment on Cardguy's male boss. It's obviously sour grapes. But the problem with women wanting their achievements, intelligence and personalities to be the main things guys consider when looking them over is just crazy. Due to the natural, and quite normal and understandable, process of hypergamy women aren't really going to be happy with a man who hasn't achieved more, is smarter and who has a better personality than her anyway. So he is already going to be above her in these ways, or else she wouldn't want to be with him. So why would he be impressed with her attributes here when his surpass hers?

[FrenchCanadian]

Sometimes, I'm attracted to a woman... but I can't stand her, for various reasons.
I think it's important to nuance the difference between "physical attraction" and overall desire, delight, and fondness towards a woman.
That being said, although she might get my dick hard, physically... if she's a ratchet ass, arrogant cunt, I won't break my back to try & game her. Fuck that bitch.

[Blaster]

(03-16-2014 06:36 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

I keep butting heads with my boss over this.

He keeps telling me that personality is more important to him than looks - when it comes to the wimminz.

Personality is important to me in the sense of tolerating someone's presence when not having sex.

Also, certain aspects of personality can definitely influence boners (coyness vs masculine, etc.) although in this respect, the behavior relies on and is only enhancing the looks that are already there.

But for sex-- yes it is mostly looks. Or more precisely physical appeal, which includes touch, scent, and voice quality.

[VincentVinturi]

A lot of wussy boys only *think* they know what they want because they haven't had anywhere NEAR enough experience with women to arrive at any real preference.

In the absence of knowing they adopt knowledge. And knowledge is something that's always borrowed from others. Knowledge is linguistic, theoretical, academic. Knowing is empirical, existential, real.

So they borrow the preference du jour served up by mainstream PC culture because it makes them sound like they know something about women and about themselves in the absence of any actual knowing.

"Looks don't matter to me", "money isn't important" and similar delusional B.S.

Of course...there's no doubt that a woman's personality is important. Any guy who's lived in the US and visited a country with sweet, feminine hotties can attest to the incredible power of a nice personality to make a girl that much more beautiful.

But any dude claiming that personality is more important than looks (or the ONLY important thing) is full of hot air. I'm sure there are outliers who actually, really & truly feel that way but they're oddities.

The only other scenario I can think of where looks would take a backseat is if you were looking for a dependable housewife to cook, clean, etc. But then again, if you're in a position to finance that kind of arrangement you'd have no problem attracting a woman who's got looks too.

So in conclusion: beta bullshit through and through.

[Timoteo]

Human beings will generally attempt to justify their choices in some way. Sometimes the justification actually makes sense, but other times...

It's the equivalent of what we discussed on other threads about women in their 30s and 40s extolling the virtues of being single. As if it were a conscious choice, as opposed to an unavoidable circumstance resulting from their own mistakes. They aren't really trying to convince themselves - it's others they're really trying to convince. They know the truth.

It's particularly sad when I see a man that could, or should shoot higher, but doesn't because he's lacking in confidence, or could make certain small changes that could get him better. Personality DOES matter, but we are initially attracted to what we see. It doesn't have to be either/or. We don't approach marginal or fat bitches hoping they can compensate with their sparkling personalities. We approach women we think are attractive, and hope everything else clicks. If not, we may tolerate until we can smash, THEN move on. However, it's a crime for a decent guy to sport a subpar-looking woman JUST because she's got a great personality. If you like her that much, keep her around as a fuck-buddy that your boys don't know about.

[The Beast1]

Meh when it comes to a serious LTR, personality combined with looks makes it.

I've certainly had my fair share of daliances with sub personality girls. In fact, the more time I spent around them the less attractedr I was overall. I couldn't get it up after a month or so of hooking up.

With a good personality, i've been mesmorized and kept. The two girls i knew were 6s but oh man their voices and aura drew me in. It was such a polarizing femininity. I'm more loyal and the paternal instinct gets fired up. ;

It happens, but I want a woman i can show off to a group of people. I want both and i certainly deserve it. I'm not going back to my home town without a dime piece to show for it.

[Giovonny]

They are "lying" to themselves to maintain their sense of pride and sanity.

If we think something is unattainable, we often say -- "I don't want it anyways"

I have heard guys on this forum say that they are not attracted to white girls. I knew they were lying (to themselves). They just didn't believe in their own ability to get a white girl. Instead of admitting that, they just said -- "I don't like white girls".

It's a cop out.

I've heard guys say that they don't like 18 or 19 year old girls. Really? They just don't BELIEVE that they can get one. So, they say -- "I don't want one"

It's a lie.

I've heard guys say that prefer thick girls over thin girls.

Okay, you get my point..

I could have given up on 18/19 year old girls years ago. I didn't. I knew I could bang them and I worked very hard to make it happen.