[MMM]

I am bowled over.  I knew something was off about one of my plates.  Hot sex and great times, all was good when it was good, but when it was bad, it was real bad.  I had read about BPD in passing in this forum but never really looked into it.  I began to wonder and did a search for BPD, coming up with this thread.  What I read was a frightening revelation.  I googled the DSM checklist of the nine symptoms of BPD and her behavior checked out.  As I read the diagnostic criteria, it was scary how the pieces fell into place and the memories came flooding in.  Gotta cut that loose.  This thread may be a life saver.   

P.S.  Women are so damn crazy that it takes very little to push them into the “crazy with a label” crazy category and makes it sometimes difficult to discern between the “normals” and the crazies. 

[Bushido]

Nowadays my alarms go off when the extreme "push-pull" tactics start.

That alone might not make a girl legit crazy but it's a solid sign to cut them off.

[Grodin]

I will share a little of my story too. I'm ashamed of it because my mistakes are so obvious looking back, and if I told all the details it would expose some very beta behavior on my part. Thankfully, I've only dated the one batshit crazy broad and never again...

Part 1

Unlike most of the stories, she wasn't that hot. In the 6 range perhaps. She was good looking for her age, and was a looker when she was younger. She was incredible in bed though, like a circus performer. Hands down the most amazing blowjobs ever, hooked me from blow one. She was the invincible kind... mostly normal in day to day behavior though quirky. Very social/charismatic. Excellent cook.

- latched on from the beginning.
- very possessive/jealous. She would get jealous of women we passed on the street that I didn't even notice. She got jealous of my mom. She got jealous of my daughter.
- wanted to know every detail about my past. Would later throw these details back at me in the most absurd ways, twisting them up to resemble something else.
- volunteered an ish load of info about her exes. Made her ex-husband appear as a complete spineless wimp, but also claimed he had an enormous cock (weird). All her other exes had supposedly been abusive
- started a fight every time we saw each other. Very hot cold. Intensely loved me then hated. Always horny (wore me out).
- always wanted to be with me, would get clingy if I spent even a day away from her (I was so beta...). Spent so much time at my house that she convinced herself she lived there (didn't find out this part until I broke things off).
- got pregnant, I fully believe she tricked me into this but I don't think she faked it. Is it mine? I don't know...

After we broke up the full crazy showed up
- refused to leave my house, so I left.
- she followed me down the road, screaming at me out her car window.
- sent me 90 texts (which I didn't respond to) the day after I broke up with her. A couple hundred that following week.
- demanded that I pay for an abortion (including flight and hotel costs to a major city, and payment for time she took off work). Then accused me of trying to force her to have an abortion.
- threatened to accuse me of emotional/physical abuse. Her claim on the physical was that I turned around too fast during an argument and struck her with my shoulder (which I don't remember happening anyways).
- told me to drop off her stuff (that she purposefully left at my house..) at such and such time because she wouldn't be home. I showed up, was carrying stuff to her porch to drop off, when she pulled up behind my car blocking me in. Asked me to help her carry stuff into her house (dumb...). Then blocked the door, wouldn't let me leave without "hearing her out". Typical I love you / I hate you bullshit. My son was waiting in the car... what a f'ing dumpster fire
- my kids saw her drive by our house several times, months after we broke up.

Eventually, about 4 months after the break up, she dropped it. Stopped contacting me, etc. I have no idea why, I just count my blessings to this day.

(05-17-2014 10:18 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

Good strategy, get it done quickly. more guys need to do this. In the dating world BPD isn't too much of an issue because you aren't legally connected to crazy, you can simply walk out. For the married guys its a whole other issue.

Part 2

Several years later, I get a random message from a guy who says he's dealing with a crazy girl named X (the girl I dated). Says he knows me because she always talked about me. Wants my help/advice.
- she pulled the same crazy shit with him, but to a higher level.
- fabricated a domestic violence claim against him. Fell down his stairs while trying to beat him up as he was leaving his house.
- he had a witness to corroborate his story (his rebound chick that she 'caught' him with). But still lost his case.
- although they weren't married, she got him booted from his own home.
- told the judge that she lived with him, was economically dependent on him and would be homeless if made to leave the house, and he was abusive.
- she lived there for 6 or 9 months before he got his house back.
- more crazy stuff, but I think I may have shared too much already[/b]

[Grodin]

Somehow I just quoted my own post trying to edit it.

[Tailgunner]

I'm pretty much in the middle of this shit right now.
Court in a couple of weeks.
Slapped her in public. Witnesses.
This is the Endgame with these kinds of girls. Sometimes.
Everything above 're: hotness&sexual prowess.
And everything above 're: push/pull,wild mood swings, extreme jealousy.
The Slap happened after she'd punched me in the face twice walking away from the bar where this began. Mid afternoon.
Lesson for many I hope.
Tailgunner.

[augen sehen]

I'm in the middle of this. Fuck. I've been reading up on RVF for the past few hours agreeing with everything.

I need to get out. We live together. She has an intense fear of abandonment, and I fear that she may pull a false abuse claim. What do I do? What's the best way to break up? Do I absolutely have to move out?

[TravelerKai]

(04-05-2016 02:15 PM)augen sehen Wrote:  

I'm in the middle of this. Fuck. I've been reading up on RVF for the past few hours agreeing with everything.

I need to get out. We live together. She has an intense fear of abandonment, and I fear that she may pull a false abuse claim. What do I do? What's the best way to break up? Do I absolutely have to move out?

Do everything very slowly, deliberately, and with a concise plan. No second guessing yourself. If you are truly living with someone that shows all or nearly all of the symptoms of BPD, you are in a very dangerous situation. I cannot go into specifics but one of the main reasons why I had to get a divorce involved this. I also had a false accusation to deal with as well. Lots of others have posted great examples already, which is why I am stressing the need for cautious action. Never yank your arm out of an trap, get it out nice and easy.

The highlights of your plan should be:

1. Financial separation. Quietly get a separate bank account if necessary and start diverting anything you can without her noticing.

2. Separate out the bills. If you got an apartment see if you can time your move around the lease ending, and you get your own place. Crashing with family works too if they are cool enough to help you out.

3. If cars are in your names, make sure yours is available to you when you make a move and she cannot come after it.

4. If you live in a common law marriage state, you may want to talk to a lawyer to make sure you do not miss anything I and others did not list, to avoid liability.

5. Take your most trusted valuables and leave them with brothers/sisters/mom and dad, right before you drop the news.

Plan for items and things destroyed or damage to property, don't assume she won't lash out. Keep your recording device ready at all times.

Don't spook her until you are ready to make your move. Act like everything is normal. Very crucial you do that. Do not be afraid to break up with her over a phone call or remotely. Fuck that chivalry shit. This shit is too serious to play with notions of honor, pride, etc. If you move all your shit out like a ninja with your car gone, etc. tell her over the phone it's over and end it.

After everything is over, never live with another broad ever again unless you get married. This should scare you straight. Lastly don't even think about getting a book on how to live with people with BPD/Histrionic Personality Disorder. All those books could have saved a forest by putting Chapter 1, get the fuck away from that person, list their sources, and end the book right there. No one with these issues are worth the risk in my opinion. I just finished a job working for a person that had a Cluster B Personality Disorder. Never again if I figure it out ahead of time.

[Benoit]

Jon Ronson interviews a woman who's written a book about her childhood - the mother is so obviously BPD, it jumps out from the first few paragraphs.

Spoiler alert - a BPD mother results in a damaged daughter
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/j...to-be-free

Quote:

During her giddy romantic times, Leve’s mother would often disappear for the evening, promising she’d be back after dinner; the next morning, her bed hadn’t been slept in.

“My anxiety is very, very corrosive,” Leve says now. “I work on that quite a bit.”

On other occasions, life in the apartment turned dramatically less romantic. Leve once heard her mother scream, “I’m bleeding! Ariel, call the police!” She flung open her bedroom door to see her mother physically assaulting her boyfriend, his face bleeding from her scratches, clumps of his hair in her fist.

Then there were the panic attacks. When an optician told Leve she needed glasses, her mother shrieked, “Ariel is going blind!”

“It wasn’t about me,” Leve says. “It was about her anxiety and I had to reassure her. I was the parent and she was the child. But it did, of course, give me an anxiety as well.”

He challenges the mother:

Quote:

During our hour together, Leve’s mother says the word “fucking” a few times. It’s incongruous to hear a sophisticated, 79-year-old Upper East Side woman speak like this. I’m reminded of Ariel’s complaint that she’d talk to her about her boyfriend’s “huge cock”, and how she was too young to hear those words.

“That was bullshit,” she says. “She was not some innocent child.”

“How old was she at the time?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” she says. “About 10.”

“She wrote about the times you’d say you’d be home by dinner but wouldn’t come back until…”

“That was such bullshit,” she interrupts. “I was a single parent. I had to make a lot of money to put her in these private schools. Do you think that was easy as a journalist? I killed myself! I got sick working so hard! She never understood that.”

Quote:

“There’s nothing positive about this book for me,” she interrupts. “This book is humiliating. It’s made me cry. It’s made me feel suicidal. Parents are people. I’m a human being. I’m a great writer. And I devoted myself to her. She turned out pretty good. She’s polite, and smart, and compassionate. Who brought her up? I gave her the gift of the gods. I feel that she owes me respect. Such a slap in the face.”

“Can you appreciate how beautifully written it is?” I ask.

“She copied [the structural style] of one of my books!” she replies. “She’s a wonderful writer. It’s too bad that what she wrote about her teacher and mentor was so insulting. To say that I ruined her brain chemistry!”

[toejam]

Holy crap batman.

[Benoit]

http://www.latimes.com/projects/la-me-framed/

Quote:

“I apologized over and over,” Peters wrote in her account to school officials. “I gave him a hug and I thought she looked like she was OK with everything.”

Easter was not OK. She seemed fixated on the tennis coach, by Peters’ account, and wondered whether he had touched her son. Wasn’t it strange that the coach had brought him to the front? “I kept saying no, it’s not strange, a lot of my instructors bring the kids up,” Peters wrote.

The conversation made Peters uncomfortable, and she wanted to end it. “She made a comment as I walked away that she wondered how I could sleep at night with the way I treat people. I went inside and started crying I was so upset,” Peters wrote. “But the weird thing was she never changed her facial expression. It was always the same weird smile.”

[XPQ22]

(07-04-2016 06:12 AM)Benoit Wrote:  

Jon Ronson interviews a woman who's written a book about her childhood - the mother is so obviously BPD, it jumps out from the first few paragraphs.

Spoiler alert - a BPD mother results in a damaged daughter
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/j...to-be-free

<snip>

Sadly, this is all standard stuff you'll hear from a child of a borderline/narcissistic mother. Controlling, blaming, child-parent inversion, all the rest.

The stuff about "I gave her the gift of the gods" is fucking textbook. They really do think they're a hero and deserve all sorts of special treatment and gratitude simply for having a child, which happens a million times a day.

Treat the kid like garbage, then claim you're the best parent in the world.

Quote:

“She copied [the structural style] of one of my books!” she replies. “She’s a wonderful writer. It’s too bad that what she wrote about her teacher and mentor was so insulting. To say that I ruined her brain chemistry!”

It's like they all run from the same script.

[griffinmill]

Guys - need some help. I was in EE recently doing some Tinder and daygame. One of the girls I met was a 35 year old seemingly normal career girl with her own beautiful home in Gdansk. I met her one evening, then returned a few days later and spent the weekend with her. We banged, and only one of those times did I rawdog (and only for about half of that). The rest of the time I was safe. We had a perfectly nice time, and she was attentive, sweet, and kind.

When I left everything was fine, until that first night when she visited my Instagram and found a video of me with another girl. This is my business account. I'm a videographer, and one of the films I had used my ex as a model. She was able to deduct this was my ex, and since then her behaviour has been crazy.

She has been alternating between insanely jealous and then trying to make it up by being sweet. I have lots of texts from her telling me she misses me, how much she enjoyed the time she spent with me, and then the next day she's viciously attacking me and my "whore" ex-girlfriend.

There were no red flags during the time I spent with her, other than her telling me at the end of the weekend she was on anti-depressants.

I've told her politely that because of the distance it simply won't work, but I'd love to be friends and perhaps see her again when I'm in town, but the texts I'm receiving from her ensure I will not be going anywhere near her again. I have ignored her for over a week now.

She has:

1) Told me she was in a car accident the other day and hit her head
2) Told me I gave her an STD that has made her bedridden
3) Threatened me with jail
4) Said I will pay for "cheating her" for the rest of my life

Today she sends me a text saying because I didn't "straighten things out" that her lawyer is "taking the final case to court tomorrow".

What case?

Thankfully I have all sorts of romantic message saved from after I had last visited her, but running into crazy girls like this from time to time really stresses me the fuck out and it seems to be a hazard of the game, especially when you get older.

Thankfully we are miles apart, but would visiting the police be a good idea?

[Jetset]

(09-23-2018 07:34 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  

She has:

1) Told me she was in a car accident the other day and hit her head
2) Told me I gave her an STD that has made her bedridden
3) Threatened me with jail
4) Said I will pay for "cheating her" for the rest of my life

Today she sends me a text saying because I didn't "straighten things out" that her lawyer is "taking the final case to court tomorrow".

What case?

Thankfully I have all sorts of romantic message saved from after I had last visited her, but running into crazy girls like this from time to time really stresses me the fuck out and it seems to be a hazard of the game, especially when you get older.

Thankfully we are miles apart, but would visiting the police be a good idea?

What case? Hopefully the hearing for her commitment to an insane asylum.

I don't know how it works in Poland, but if she's threatened violence, I would be tempted to make a report.

Otherwise, no. It's one thing if she well and truly hangs herself and leaves a paper trail, but there's no reason to invite the police to get her side of the story.

[DarkTriad]

(07-09-2015 01:35 AM)Grodin Wrote:  

I will share a little of my story too. I'm ashamed of it because my mistakes are so obvious looking back, and if I told all the details it would expose some very beta behavior on my part. Thankfully, I've only dated the one batshit crazy broad and never again...

Part 1

Unlike most of the stories, she wasn't that hot. In the 6 range perhaps. She was good looking for her age, and was a looker when she was younger. She was incredible in bed though, like a circus performer. Hands down the most amazing blowjobs ever, hooked me from blow one. She was the invincible kind... mostly normal in day to day behavior though quirky. Very social/charismatic. Excellent cook.

- latched on from the beginning.
- very possessive/jealous. She would get jealous of women we passed on the street that I didn't even notice. She got jealous of my mom. She got jealous of my daughter.
- wanted to know every detail about my past. Would later throw these details back at me in the most absurd ways, twisting them up to resemble something else.
- volunteered an ish load of info about her exes. Made her ex-husband appear as a complete spineless wimp, but also claimed he had an enormous cock (weird). All her other exes had supposedly been abusive
- started a fight every time we saw each other. Very hot cold. Intensely loved me then hated. Always horny (wore me out).
- always wanted to be with me, would get clingy if I spent even a day away from her (I was so beta...). Spent so much time at my house that she convinced herself she lived there (didn't find out this part until I broke things off).
- got pregnant, I fully believe she tricked me into this but I don't think she faked it. Is it mine? I don't know...

After we broke up the full crazy showed up
- refused to leave my house, so I left.
- she followed me down the road, screaming at me out her car window.
- sent me 90 texts (which I didn't respond to) the day after I broke up with her. A couple hundred that following week.
- demanded that I pay for an abortion (including flight and hotel costs to a major city, and payment for time she took off work). Then accused me of trying to force her to have an abortion.
- threatened to accuse me of emotional/physical abuse. Her claim on the physical was that I turned around too fast during an argument and struck her with my shoulder (which I don't remember happening anyways).
- told me to drop off her stuff (that she purposefully left at my house..) at such and such time because she wouldn't be home. I showed up, was carrying stuff to her porch to drop off, when she pulled up behind my car blocking me in. Asked me to help her carry stuff into her house (dumb...). Then blocked the door, wouldn't let me leave without "hearing her out". Typical I love you / I hate you bullshit. My son was waiting in the car... what a f'ing dumpster fire
- my kids saw her drive by our house several times, months after we broke up.

Eventually, about 4 months after the break up, she dropped it. Stopped contacting me, etc. I have no idea why, I just count my blessings to this day.

(05-17-2014 10:18 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

Good strategy, get it done quickly. more guys need to do this. In the dating world BPD isn't too much of an issue because you aren't legally connected to crazy, you can simply walk out. For the married guys its a whole other issue.

Part 2

Several years later, I get a random message from a guy who says he's dealing with a crazy girl named X (the girl I dated). Says he knows me because she always talked about me. Wants my help/advice.
- she pulled the same crazy shit with him, but to a higher level.
- fabricated a domestic violence claim against him. Fell down his stairs while trying to beat him up as he was leaving his house.
- he had a witness to corroborate his story (his rebound chick that she 'caught' him with). But still lost his case.
- although they weren't married, she got him booted from his own home.
- told the judge that she lived with him, was economically dependent on him and would be homeless if made to leave the house, and he was abusive.
- she lived there for 6 or 9 months before he got his house back.
- more crazy stuff, but I think I may have shared too much already[/b]

Yeah, that booted from your own home for up to a year is some crazy restraining order law that shocked me the first time I read it.

[redbeard]

(03-27-2014 10:47 PM)LeBeau Wrote:  

Another thing regarding guys recognizing their own red flags.

If you're someone who usually sees the optimistic side of things, or see the potential in everyone to better themselves, you'll be more likely to get drawn into drama with these chicks.

It's like a male version of females wanting to change their man "for the better", or sometimes a variation on white knighting.

As someone who always sees the positive light in people, this rings very true for me.

Thankfully, this forum exists - to remind me what's up.

[mr-ed209]

I think all girls are susceptible to BPD behaviours, it's just a matter of wether they have sufficient direction in their life to avoid it. Girls who are overly fluid often attract drama because all people around them will enable them. Unless a girl has good parents or a well put together group of stable friends, literally everyone else in her life will be willing to corrupt her and extract value from her. Because young pretty girls have all the value in the world, and everyone wants a piece of it.

It's why long term break ups can be so tragic for girls; the conventional wisdom of go out there and have fun to get over it seems all well and good. But as a girl it must be difficult to draw the line; when say every nightclub they go to gives them cheap drinks, guys are peddling them with free drugs and constant after parties. It's no wonder so many girls get used up and discarded.

That's quite an obvious example. But more subtle would be girls developing entitlement lead behaviours, crying the sexual assault whistle just so someone will pay attention to them; realising they can basically earn any preferential treatment at any time by playing the victim. That for me is when BPD becomes severe, when girls have gone without that natural social feedback, perhaps because they got stuck in with a degenerate crowd. You see it night and day with these girls as well; those who refuse to listen to reason or criticism. A mindset develops that everyone is just 'jealous' of them; when in reality people all to well can see the cluster fuck of nihilism associated with their actions. When you devalue anyone who tries to meaningfully help you; then all you are left with is the enablers of degeneracy.