[JayTx]

Tonight may have been the beginning of the end for my marriage, but honestly who knows. I'm writing this to anyone who might learn from my mistakes of not being so called red pill enough from the beginning. I had a half ass red pill train of thought from the moment I met this chick but had no idea the amount of game it took to keep a woman in check, long term.
Let's take a look from the very beginning. Now don't get me wrong she's the best women I've met but she's still a woman.

About 10 years ago my first wife decided to cheat on me and try to pass a kid off as mine well that didn't work out so well for her but in the process left me a broken beta boy.

Fast forward to the future about eight months or so of hating the sound of a woman's voice until I finally said screw this I've had enough. I made a decision on my own I wasn't going to let women drag me down, granted this was way before I found the manosphere. Eight years ago I met this girl through a friend of mine at a bar. We hit it off I asked her out and she said "let's just dance"....... I was just getting back into game and into the red pill environment, even though at this time I had no idea that's what it was called. When she turned me down it honestly pissed me off. I was thinking wait a minute this chick is cute but she's not hot enough to blow me off, which was my mistake I know that now. So I pursued her through a friend and he set something else up. To be completely honest my plan was to fuck her and leave her simply because she tried to dismiss me that night.... Well that didn't work out so well. We went along for the next 4 1/2 years dating on and off until I asked her to marry me.Now to be honest I have wanted kids for a while at this point and she was the best candidate I had found for a mother stable and not crazy in the usual sense. At this point I thought she knew the kind of guy she was marrying but unfortunately she didn't. After some thought it was actually my fault she didn't know what kind of guy she was marrying. We have been married for 4 years or so now and tonight we had a dinner with her co-workers. I let myself get dragged into a discussion I should've kept my mouth shut in her co-workers company but the funny thing was me and my wife had this conversation before and her belief was completely different that it was tonight while her friends were around. Basically it boiled down to I said women don't choose their mate, men choose the women. Well in mixed company that went up like the forth of July....

So on the way home it got brought up again and she was up in arms this time. Saying I can't believe you think that women don't have any choice in the men she's with. Maybe I didn't explain it well enough but to be honest I'm tired of fucking explaining every little thing to women. My tolerance for this shit is getting thinner by the week! To be honest this shit is a lot of work long term. Trying to keep a woman in line for long term is a bitch! Anyone who said you don't have to run game while your married is full of crap because that's when you're game better be tight from the beginning or it could mean ruin for you. If you don't keep things in check it might not mean much 3 or even 6 months down the road but 5 years down the road she'll wear you down and then you're done! It's a marathon unlike being single where it's more of a sprint with each individual woman. Don't get me wrong I love her to death but anytime she tries to pulls a mutiny it must be dealt with harshly.

Again try to learn from my mistakes, not having a clear red pill understanding from the beginning can cause problems down the road. This isn't the only problem there has been it's just the most recent one. I have been drinking tonight so grammatical errors are to be expected.

Jay

[eradicator]

As I understand it, you were talking to your wife's coworkers, you said something they didn't like and they got upset. as long as you didn't get upset and emotional as well, and just said 'hey we clearly disagree here, obviously, we will have to agree to disagree", I think you are fine. If you start to get angry/upset/emotional with them, then yeah, you are fucked.

[Capitán Peligroso]

Quote:

We have been married for 4 years or so now and tonight we had a dinner with her co-workers. I let myself get dragged into a discussion I should've kept my mouth shut in her co-workers company but the funny thing was me and my wife had this conversation before and her belief was completely different that it was tonight while her friends were around. Basically it boiled down to I said women don't choose their mate, men choose the women. Well in mixed company that went up like the forth of July....

You said this to a table full of cubicle dwellers after being married for four years? Really? You just potentially created a harem of harpies that spend 40 hours a week with your wife who are now dedicated, in their pathetic existence, to sabotaging your relationship. People like this have swallowed the blue pill in totality, but they'll be god damned if they're going to tolerate someone (that would be you) reminding them of that in front of all of their friends. If you peruse any kind of academic search engine (like JSTOR, for instance) you will be bombarded with research papers triumphantly concluding that women ALWAYS make the mate choices. It is a lie, but for the 90% of America that believes it, it's true. Here, we know otherwise, but the key to continuing this order of things is knowing when to say it aloud, and when to keep it to a smirk, a raised eyebrow, or a nod.

[Rutting Elephant]

Got to try to reframe somehow and regain hand.
The danger now is that the co-workers are constantly telling her "Don't let him brainwash you!" à la the doctor's office scene in Blue Valentine, which would mean of course that they are the ones trying to brainwash her.

[Uzisuicide]

Yes... I also found out too late that you can never let your guard down in your marriage and allow the wife to start scoring points. Eventually she loses respect for you and a woman will never stay with a man she no longer respects. The woman in the workplace has been a disaster for the family in western civilization. She is surrounded by cunts that get into her head and is exposed to attractions to other men in the workplace.

[Uzisuicide]

... One more thing. This is why it is important for families to attend a dynamite Christian or Jewish church or synagogue. Nothing is %100 but it does give women the boudries they desperately need today in an "it's our world girls" society.

[samsamsam]

JayTx,

Thanks for sharing the story.

Any chance you would share about your first marriage?

Just seems like a lot can be learned from your experiences.

Thanks.

[Onto]

IF I were to ever get married, I would never allow my wife to work. I see how wives are at the workplace with thier girlfriends AND "guyfriends". It makes me sick. If you can't afford to have your wife serve you or she's not on board with that mentality, don't get married.

Do you have children? If not, you are super lucky. Divorce and hit the reset button.

In general you can't just tell a woman in an argument, "this is the way it is!" To successfully shut her up you have to put her into question. So when she says, "I can't believe you said blah, blah, blah...". You cooly respond, "Oh, what should have I said?", or "Why don't you agree with that?"

She'll respond and then you ask her another question in regards to her new response...digging deeper. Most people, men and women, can't stand this kind of questioning and she'll soon lose all taste for battle with you, because she'll learn to engage with you will cause her to have to THINK. That's the last thing women want to do.

That's my strategy anyways, and it works pretty well with both genders.

[Onto]

(02-20-2014 02:33 AM)JayTx Wrote:  

At this point I thought she knew the kind of guy she was marrying but unfortunately she didn't.

Everybody knows who they are marrying. From the moment you meet someone, on an unconcious level, you know what that person is all about.

(02-20-2014 02:33 AM)JayTx Wrote:  

After some thought it was actually my fault she didn't know what kind of guy she was marrying.

How is this your fault? I'm confused. Please explain.

[Menace]

A bigger question is actually that you think your marriage could be over based on this event...doesn't sound like you have a lot of confidence in yourself. The thing is, you probably haven't really internalized the so-called "red pill" beliefs. Once they become natural, which takes time, it stops being such an effort. I know some guys disagree, but I just never want to discuss anything serious with girls. That's what men are for.

[teh_skeeze]

I get the feeling that there is more going on in your marriage than this story. From the way you explain things, you come off as a boxer getting pummeled in the 11th round and you are ready to throw in the towel. There's no reframing necessary, just a deeper explanation. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. While women get decide who gets to stick what in where, it's the men that make the final decision to keep her around. Only go into it if she brings it up first. It's better to not poke the hornet's nest.

When it comes to the red pill, you are like one of those Christians that only talks about loving Jesus and how he died for our sins. You need to become that guy that can rattle off Bible verses whenever someone comes to challenge your faith. What I mean by this is most followers shrink when challenged. A good pastor will come back at you with wisdom, humor, and charm. We call it amused mastery. He may not change your mind, but you won't be pissed at him. Personally, I take a Taoist approach. He who knows, does not speak. He know speaks, does not know. You can talk game until you are blue in the face. Most people aren't going to listen, and a few will even get pissed at you for it. It's best to nod and give a knowing smirk to the things you know are bullshit. Actions speak louder than words.

[JayTx]

Ok things have been busy since I've posted this that's why the late response. I'll answer some of the questions and issues but I'm on my phone so bear with me.
No I didn't get upset her reaction on the way home it surprised me. I think she was more upset at the fact it got brought up with her work people but I don't pull punches when it comes to these topics and after thinking about that she has known this from the beginning.
Oh man I'll have to make a seperate post on my first wife. She was the poster child for the all American crazy slut and I didn't heed the warning signs because I didn't know what they were or that people could be so deceitful. It was a learning experience to say the least.
Yes I do have a child with this wife.
Skeeze you're right there are some other small things but over all she's a decent woman. Typically I don't bring up these types of topics but on that night I made a mistake right off the bat. I started drinking on a empty stomach and I know better. I wasn't wasted but I was feeling good and my filter had long since been tossed aside! We've all those nights I'm sure. My tolerance for many things in this country are short to non-existant stone cold sober and alcohol on a empty stomach didn't help. I'll just blame Christian McQueen I listened to one of his podcasts that afternoon and he went on a political rant and got me fired up hahaha....

I guess my main point to all of this is keep things tight if your married or in a ltr. It's a marathon that's for sure.

[WD-40]

(02-20-2014 01:29 PM)Onto Wrote:  

From the moment you meet someone, on an unconcious level, you know what that person is all about.

This is very true. Where people often misunderestimate is in believing that their significant other can be "fixed".

Sometimes it is possible though.

[Cobra]

If you're married it's fine. You're not fucked. You must have made that decision before coming here. So did I. There are ways to deal with it. I agree with the above posters. The problem is that implementing that shit is hard in a traditional marriage that's based in some religious or cultural belief. Anyways...

Corner her; not physically but emotionally. Let her know you don't give a fuck and that she's expendable. Women love this (subconsciously). There are many ways to do this and I can tell you what I did if you'd like. For example, I went to the gym when I want and still do; no matter what she wants to do. If she wants to go out instead, I say no. This sent two messages in my case: I care about being masculine AND I won't let her lead.

When you corner her, and do it consistently, it will get to that point where it won't be worth a damn what anyone else thinks. If she cares more about what they think, it's time to go anyways dude.

I've been in similar situations, but replace the co-workers/friends with family; it was bad. I did re-frame but it was a matter of time, a very long time. I'm still working on it but she'll side with me pretty much all the time. When she cries, I let her and don't give a fuck.

[Captain Gh]

Like my fellow RVF posters, I get the feeling that you've suffered a couple of knockdown through your marriage and that you're currently on the rope trying to stand still. I won't lie by saying that you're situation seems to be highly critical. and that you need to react fast.

A lot of posters gave you some amazing advice on how to re establish your frame and to try to use humor to subtly diffuse the situation when she gets aggressive and trying to test you. In your case, I would recommend that you listen to this gentlemen named Patrice O'neal aka the master of relationship. Enjoy!! The Genesis of Patrice O'neal

[JayTx]

I'm not on the ropes it's was more of a kidney shot when I wasn't looking. My point for this post was more of a warning not to let your guard down. They know when you do and they will exploit it.

I found Patrice a couple of years ago great info from that guy. Speaking of him if you listen he point blank tells you it's a full time job keeping a woman in line for the long haul.