Hung out with a girl on new years. Weve banged before and last night we banged around 10pm. We were at a party and she said she needed to leave to pick something up. Something not exactly legal. Anyways she said she would be back within the hour. She never returned and texted me today "hey sorry got pretty fucked up and wasn't planning on it ha." I haven't responded yet because I'm not sure whether to act cool or if this is a case where I need to show some anger and or punish her for disrespecting me. Btw I'd just like to keep her around as a fuck buddy for now with the possibility if a short term relationship in the future.
When to show anger
Don't show anger. Admiral Akbar knows what happens.
Just don't call her, why should you give her any of your time if she is just going to waste it like that?
Showing you are angry lets her know that what she does affects you emotionally.
Go see a different girl.
And what was this not exactly legal thing? Full auto MG? Fissile material for a dirty bomb? Come on, if it's drugs, just say it, jeez, we aren't in middle school.
Just don't call her, why should you give her any of your time if she is just going to waste it like that?
Showing you are angry lets her know that what she does affects you emotionally.
Go see a different girl.
And what was this not exactly legal thing? Full auto MG? Fissile material for a dirty bomb? Come on, if it's drugs, just say it, jeez, we aren't in middle school.
Women are like psychic vampires. They thrive on emotion, whether it's good or bad. Starve her of emotion and let the hamster run. I had this thought rattling around in my head, but the late great Patrice O'Neal (RIP) verbalized this and it resonated with me.
"Feminism is a trade union for ugly women"- Peregrine
Quote: (01-02-2014 01:12 AM)vinman Wrote:
Women are like psychic vampires. They thrive on emotion, whether it's good or bad. Starve her of emotion and let the hamster run. I had this thought rattling around in my head, but the late great Patrice O'Neal (RIP) verbalized this and it resonated with me.
Lol don't you mean psychotic vampires.
"You either build or destroy,where you come from?"
Almost never. Use their tactics - when a woman doens't tingle for you she's indifferent to you, now turn the tables - don't let it be your only tactic though.
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Anger can break a woman's perspective that she was 100% right, and turn her on too. Women are emotion machines. If you want to stimulate them, don't always take the same emotional presence with them.
But also, anger is a form of weakness and can do the opposite. It is 100x better (and more attractive to women) to be shrewd. Stay calm and assess the avenues you have available to regain some control over the situation. The easiest way is to just bounce from her life, and make it clear what the reason is.
Even bitchy disinterested girls will feel shitty when you do that. I've had girls who flaked turn around and apologize, then take the initiative to set up another date because I said something along the lines of "hey, I wanted to see you but it's disrespectful to break plans on such short notice. I don't want to date a girl who doesn't respect me. So, goodbye." But sometimes I also just go radio silence and let her come around, ideally with her making more of an effort to be considerate.
My experience has been that women start to feel nothing if they get the sense that you will desire them unconditionally.
Why do you want to keep her around?
But also, anger is a form of weakness and can do the opposite. It is 100x better (and more attractive to women) to be shrewd. Stay calm and assess the avenues you have available to regain some control over the situation. The easiest way is to just bounce from her life, and make it clear what the reason is.
Even bitchy disinterested girls will feel shitty when you do that. I've had girls who flaked turn around and apologize, then take the initiative to set up another date because I said something along the lines of "hey, I wanted to see you but it's disrespectful to break plans on such short notice. I don't want to date a girl who doesn't respect me. So, goodbye." But sometimes I also just go radio silence and let her come around, ideally with her making more of an effort to be considerate.
My experience has been that women start to feel nothing if they get the sense that you will desire them unconditionally.
Why do you want to keep her around?
Good stuff guys, this is the avenue I was leaning towards, which is why I havent responded yet. Ill give it a few days and see what happens. The thing is, Im really not mad so it would be weird for me to act that way. If she doesnt contact me in a few days I might shoot her a text.
A chick that disrespects you means you didn't set boundaries early on, and show your wrath then.
not putting your foot down is an easy mistake to make, cause when you're in the early stages the last thing you're thinking of is how to make a girl fear your reactions or your absence. Usually the only correction you give is, "No teeth".
So when a chick doesn't meet your expectations, rather than try and be stoic and above it all , which is the standard advice, you should voice your displeasure and let her know she fucked up.
OH NO I'VE LOST HAND!
That's the minute by minute reaction, and you take a loss on the public scoreboard for game.
What I'm suggesting is that you let this broad know what's up. And if she bitches, let her loose. Never chase only replace.
It is only through your ability to pull another chick that you are free of any one bitch's tyranny.
Believe me, she has hand right now, it's why she can get fucked up and get fucked and think a text message can smooth it over. This won't be the last time.
WIA
not putting your foot down is an easy mistake to make, cause when you're in the early stages the last thing you're thinking of is how to make a girl fear your reactions or your absence. Usually the only correction you give is, "No teeth".
So when a chick doesn't meet your expectations, rather than try and be stoic and above it all , which is the standard advice, you should voice your displeasure and let her know she fucked up.
OH NO I'VE LOST HAND!
That's the minute by minute reaction, and you take a loss on the public scoreboard for game.
What I'm suggesting is that you let this broad know what's up. And if she bitches, let her loose. Never chase only replace.
It is only through your ability to pull another chick that you are free of any one bitch's tyranny.
Believe me, she has hand right now, it's why she can get fucked up and get fucked and think a text message can smooth it over. This won't be the last time.
WIA
Quote: (01-02-2014 09:49 AM)Jam Man Wrote:
Good stuff guys, this is the avenue I was leaning towards, which is why I havent responded yet. Ill give it a few days and see what happens. The thing is, Im really not mad so it would be weird for me to act that way. If she doesnt contact me in a few days I might shoot her a text.
Krauser has a post about his married days when he got really angry at his wife. In that case it worked out because she had flat out disrespected him to his face and he called her on it, hard.
My natural tendency would be non-committal, but after re-reading what WestIndianArchie wrote, it does make sense to call her on it. I wouldn't wait too long, and you don't have to rant, just be direct and say that her flakiness is not attractive. WIA is right that she's got this behavior pattern because men have been her enablers.
It's possible to show disapproval without anger. I would communicate that I disapprove.
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To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
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"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
I would like her to know she can't pull this type of shit again. So if I were to text her today or tomorrow what would you suggest I say? I don't want it to come across as butthurt but I need her to know I'm not gonna let her walk all over me.
Quote: (01-02-2014 01:04 PM)Jam Man Wrote:
I would like her to know she can't pull this type of shit again. So if I were to text her today or tomorrow what would you suggest I say? I don't want it to come across as butthurt but I need her to know I'm not gonna let her walk all over me.
Direct & succinct. "good to know that you're unreliable".
Don't text. Soft next.
You've said that you just want to keep her in the rotation. Showing your anger with her will not assist you in that goal. It has its place in LTR game and (sometimes) in building connections. But you've already had the bang with her and are doubting her LTR propects. As such, don't waste your emotional energy.
Also, as some of the above posters have pointed out, she may crave drama - but that is a super-shit test. Don't give it to her.
Reinitiate in a few days and act like her flake never happened. In the meantime, continue to ignore her latest and any subsequent attempt to contact you. If she does it again, hard next her. Life is too short.
You've said that you just want to keep her in the rotation. Showing your anger with her will not assist you in that goal. It has its place in LTR game and (sometimes) in building connections. But you've already had the bang with her and are doubting her LTR propects. As such, don't waste your emotional energy.
Also, as some of the above posters have pointed out, she may crave drama - but that is a super-shit test. Don't give it to her.
Reinitiate in a few days and act like her flake never happened. In the meantime, continue to ignore her latest and any subsequent attempt to contact you. If she does it again, hard next her. Life is too short.
Controlled anger might work if you're in a LTR with her and have asserted your dominance and boundaries you don't want her to cross. I don't mean screaming your head off at her, but scolding her like a child if she crosses you and expressing your disappointment.
With a girl you've just met the dynamics are different because neither of you are really invested in one another. Flaking is common in situations like this, but it could've been for any number of reason. Shrug it off, because remember that you shouldn't care, and he who cares least controls the relationship. She flaked, so fight fire with fire - Disappear on her. Let her make the next move, and if she wants you enough she'll put in more effort. This is something I've had to deal with a lot, because flaking is the #1 worst behavior I can experience from a girl. She'll want someone who's confident and in control, and part of that is 1) Not caring what others think, and 2) Having enough stuff going on in your life that you shouldn't care if some random chick flakes or insults you.
With a girl you've just met the dynamics are different because neither of you are really invested in one another. Flaking is common in situations like this, but it could've been for any number of reason. Shrug it off, because remember that you shouldn't care, and he who cares least controls the relationship. She flaked, so fight fire with fire - Disappear on her. Let her make the next move, and if she wants you enough she'll put in more effort. This is something I've had to deal with a lot, because flaking is the #1 worst behavior I can experience from a girl. She'll want someone who's confident and in control, and part of that is 1) Not caring what others think, and 2) Having enough stuff going on in your life that you shouldn't care if some random chick flakes or insults you.
If she's not your girlfriend then you don't get mad. Both of you aren't invested seriously in each other so you don't owe each other anything, but you should not tolerate disrespect. Cut contact and move to next.
Quote:Quote:
Never chase only replace.
It is only through your ability to pull another chick that you are free of any one bitch's tyranny.
This is the essence, distilled.
Quote: (01-02-2014 12:04 AM)Jam Man Wrote:
Hung out with a girl on new years. Weve banged before and last night we banged around 10pm. We were at a party and she said she needed to leave to pick something up. Something not exactly legal. Anyways she said she would be back within the hour. She never returned and texted me today "hey sorry got pretty fucked up and wasn't planning on it ha." I haven't responded yet because I'm not sure whether to act cool or if this is a case where I need to show some anger and or punish her for disrespecting me. Btw I'd just like to keep her around as a fuck buddy for now with the possibility if a short term relationship in the future.
I'd act cool. Maybe cold and distant. I'd ignore the apology, which seems a bit fake although better than nothing.
I'm sure rage game could work for some guys in this situation but personally I hate being angry and hate emotional conflict and some chick who bailed on me for drugs would definitely not be worth the energy.
Easy to become pissed off, but like Vinman said, women feed off emotion, whether it's good or bad. Don't give it to her. Go bang someone else, and who knows, she may roll up again. If she does, then go to town. If not, then who cares.
You're the prize. Not her.
And with regards on when to show anger.
You're the prize. Not her.
And with regards on when to show anger.
'Logic Over Emotion Since 2013'
So I didn't reply to her fake sorry text. Waited over a week then invited her to a party last night. Radio silence. So naturally I'm thinking I should've at least responded earlier to keep her interested. Can't help but think I missed out on a few more bangs.
Next her with this current situation. But I would do what WIA said. Cool, controlled anger is the best followed by ignoring her for the next week to two weeks if she gets down on her knees and apologizes. Always keep the frame of mind that they are disposable and they will be all over you for fear of getting abandoned.
"Until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words,— 'Wait and hope'."- Alexander Dumas, "The Count of Monte Cristo"
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Quote: (01-02-2014 01:40 PM)RockHard Wrote:
Quote: (01-02-2014 01:04 PM)Jam Man Wrote:
I would like her to know she can't pull this type of shit again. So if I were to text her today or tomorrow what would you suggest I say? I don't want it to come across as butthurt but I need her to know I'm not gonna let her walk all over me.
Direct & succinct. "good to know that you're unreliable".
I used that exact quote with a girl who bailed last night and she has texted me three times today already without a single response from me. Will use this line as a rule of thumb. "direct and succinct" thanks!
Dude getting pissed is a sign of weakness. Just coldly glare at them and then say something like "I won't respond to you unless you want to talk to me like a mature adult"
I used to get angry when things weren't going my way when I was younger. Now, I realize that not only does getting angry have medical disadvantages (My family has a history of high blood pressure cases) but also increases my self-esteem issues.
I trained myself to stop getting angry easily by being more patient and having an aloof mindset in terms of my emotions. I always think, "Ok, this is just temporary so why waste my time exerting the effort to become a hothead."
A real alpha is always patient and will not let his anger get in the way of his actions.
I trained myself to stop getting angry easily by being more patient and having an aloof mindset in terms of my emotions. I always think, "Ok, this is just temporary so why waste my time exerting the effort to become a hothead."
A real alpha is always patient and will not let his anger get in the way of his actions.
Quote: (01-02-2014 09:56 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:
It is only through your ability to pull another chick that you are free of any one bitch's tyranny.
True words. I was in a self-imposed nightmaric prison of a relationship for years that was 100% based on my unwillingness to buckle down, put in the effort to learn game and expand my options.
I thought she was the only girl I could have and was my only possible avenue for consistent sex and affection.
The amount of bullshit I put up with would offend you guys.
Every man needs options. It will result in you naturally making better choices for you rather then putting up with intolerable behavior out of fear of loneliness.
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