[jackaroe]

A few days ago, my GF, Sara (We're both late 30s) of 2+ yrs was relaying a conversation with a friend of hers. Sara told me how she told the other chick that she used to always end up with assholes but now she's with a nice guy. So apparently I'm a "Nice guy" now. I've done everything I know of to be RP. I believe in the concepts. I'm regularly called an asshole or dick by chicks at work while they are blushing and giggling. Even Sara calls me an asshole at least a few times a month. A few weeks ago, I put her over my knee for a spanking and have been trying to work that into my routine. At restaurants I order for her. I'm not a beta manboob by any stretch.

I know this isn't a ton of detail, but which of my behaviors should I check for perceived betaism?

The last straw was last night. I was home and she was out with some friends in the city. There was a rape last week in the part of town she was in and there's been this retarded "Knockout" game going on so I was obviously worried about her getting home OK by herself. We almost always give a quick text when we get home, just as a courtesy. I heard nothing from her. I have NO reason to suspect infidelity, it was just a lack of respect, I felt for her not to at least say "Home, GN" or something and I called her on it. She said she didn't like my tone and thought I seemed controlling.

I'm pissed. I need to get hand back and I'm not real sure how to do it. Hopefully someone here has some practical ideas (And yes, I know I could go after younger chicks, etc. but I've invested two years with Sara and she's for the most part great. I'd like to get my RP back within this relationship.) So hit me with your relationship game ideas. TIA.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

You will probably find this article helpful:

http://www.rooshv.com/the-dick-move

[JoyStick]

what's RP?

[jackaroe]

(11-24-2013 11:25 AM)JoyStick Wrote:  

what's RP?

Red Pill.

[jackaroe]

(11-24-2013 11:23 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

You will probably find this article helpful:

http://www.rooshv.com/the-dick-move

I did. So put her on ignore for a day or two? It seems petulant and reactionary though.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Not necessarily an entire day's worth of ignoring. Maybe you can just wait 3x your usual reply time to reply to her next contact, then when she asks why it took you so long just say you were "busy" and don't elaborate. Of course, never acknowledge that you did it intentionally.

These things seemed petulant to me at first, but they work and they give you peace of mind.

[Blaster]

For the record, a girl saying she thinks you're a nice guy doesn't mean that she feels you're a [/i]niceguy[/i]. It's possible that's just her hamster talking.

[Wahawahwah]

Did you call her an hour or so after she was supposed to get back home?
Or anytime in the night, just to ensure she was "alive"?
Maybe she passed out, maybe she intended to text you but crashed on the bed and instantly went to sleep?
You're assuming she disrespected you purposely. That's a reasonable conclusion, but maybe there are other reasons. Either way, though, you need to "punish" her, so to speak, else such behaviour may be repeated.

Its difficult to isolate which of your behaviours was perceived as Beta, since context is necessary when determining betaness.
Don't put too much thought into the "nice guy" label, if you're displaying sufficient dominance, and your girl fancies you, she will think of you well enough to apply that label in a broader and more positive sense of the word. Being an asshole is essential, but specially in long term relationships you do want to counterbalance that with calculated displays of vulnerability and affection. Too much asshole behaviour will scare off or permanently damage your chick.

However, irrespective of this, you do need to largely maintain hand in the relationship. The key now is that you do not come across as insecure or butthurt.
You can confront her about it or ignore her for a day or two, but you risk coming across as, yes, petulant.
A disrespectful gesture on her part needs to be met with a PROPORTIONAL display of dickishness on your part. No need to go nuclear for a simple transgressionon her part, but ignoring the incident altogether will make her think its ok to do so....and it snowballs from there.

Shorten your text responses, avoid her, spend more time "at work",cancel a date with her. If she's into you, she WILL know she's been wrong and she will try to make it right. You need to gauge her response to your behavior in order to determine whether you then follow up with a bigger dick move, or to tone down.

And always, always remember that that you can always walk out on her.

[Statsi]

You are pedestalising her mate, it shows through that you don't want to lose her because you've 'been together for 2 years' and she's 'for the most part great'. Be willing to walk away. Disrespect needs to be addressed immediately and directly, firstly by not letting her affect your emotional state. She should only bring positives to your life, otherwise it's next! You don't need to solve her problems, they aren't your responsibility.

I'd just stop texting her goodnight myself, make sure she's the last person to text. If she complains say you don't want to be controlling. If you really want to press the issue tell her you don't want to be controlling so we'll go on a break, then either sleep with other girls, or make it look like you've slept with other girls.

Finally runs letting other people control your emotional state. Happiness is a choice man, you should be enjoying your time with this girl, not stressing because she didn't say good night.

[eradicator]

Statsi nailed most of it. You are pedastalizing her.

but more important, you are forgetting something crucial, don't actually listen or react to what a woman says. Judge her actions and ignore the words coming out of her mouth. By even acknowledging what she is saying here at all and reacting to it, you are making a mistake.

edit:

You want to get hand back in the relationship? Stop getting pissed off by anything she says(or doesn't say, like not getting a "home safe gnite" text. Heck the title of this thread is a huge red flag.

[ryanf]

(11-24-2013 11:59 AM)Blaster Wrote:  

For the record, a girl saying she thinks you're a nice guy doesn't mean that she feels you're a [/i]niceguy[/i]. It's possible that's just her hamster talking.

Co-signed. I've had girls that I've slept with call me a "nice guy", and I realized they were rationalizing it to themselves and their friends because I was actually a dick. Usually goes along the lines of "once you get to know him, in private, he's a really nice guy". It's just girlspeak for attractive.

Unless, of course, it's framed as "well, you're a really nice guy, but..."

[Days of Broken Arrows]

So far on this forum you've only posted eight times yet started three threads, all of them about the same g/f.

In the space of just over two weeks, you wanted to pry her away from her "Hypergamous Friend," then you wanted to instill "Dread Game," and now you're pissed she didn't text you.

This is setting off my troll alarm. How can there be this many issues with the same woman in that short a space? This is coming off to me like you're trying to get reactions from us.

But if you're for real I have one piece of advice: end it. Now. Date around. You're not up for a relationship, esp. this one at this time. No woman is worth needing weekly advice about.

[Wahawahwah]

EDIT- DOBA nailed it.



Alright I just read this - "and I called her on it. She said she didn't like my tone and thought I seemed controlling. "

Cognitive dissonance. The brain has difficulty holding 2 contradictory ideas at the same time. If she's done something wrong and you call her on it, she will not think of herself in a bad way, but rationalise you as being dominating and overly aggressive instead. Even if you were being completely right.
That's why its bad to complain, that's why marriage counselling never works, that's why you can lay the whole naked truth in front of her and she will refuse to see it for what it is. The action is done, and her brain will rationalise it any fucking way it can to ensure that the action is justified. And she will lose some attraction for you, and you will be labelled negatively. Dominating, controlling, butthurt, insecure, small penis, pussy, you're not the same person she fell in love with etc.

You need to keep your frame strong now, and your emotions in check. If possible, disappear for a couple of days. Ignore her calls, stay away from her. A liberal application of Dread Game should work fine in this case.

When she labels you in any way, don't take it personally. Be curt, don't argue, just say okay and ignore her. You need to show her that you are not fazed by her words, her antics. Eventually she should fall back into your frame and submit. Do not confront her about the issue again. Refuse any conversation regarding the subject.

Keep us updated.

[jackaroe]

(11-24-2013 12:48 PM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  

So far on this forum you've only posted eight times yet started three threads, all of them about the same g/f.

In the space of just over two weeks, you wanted to pry her away from her "Hypergamous Friend," then you wanted to instill "Dread Game," and now you're pissed she didn't text you.

This is setting off my troll alarm. How can there be this many issues with the same woman in that short a space? This is coming off to me like you're trying to get reactions from us.

But if you're for real I have one piece of advice: end it. Now. Date around. You're not up for a relationship, esp. this one at this time. No woman is worth needing weekly advice about.

Troll? No way.

Putting her on a pedestal? Guilty.

Also, the more I think about it, the more I realize that every issue I've had with this chick (If you met her you'd understand, lol) comes down to trust. I just don't have it in her and that's a real problem. Seems like the only solution is more plates.

[Capitán Peligroso]

I'm going to suggest a somewhat different approach here: I think what you need to do is leave something that a girl would leave, like a hairpin (the classier/sexier/girlier the better, but small. You want plausible deniability that you didn't *happen* to find it yourself first), in a place in your apartment that she will find it. Have an excuse ready, but something not completely air tight, that will leave a small but niggling suspicion in her mind about whether you are bullshitting her. Something like: "oh, that must have been Petunia's, she stopped by the other day on her way home from work." This works better if she sort of knows Petunia, or at least knows OF Petunia, and Petunia is attractive enough that your girl could see you wanting to bang her if you had the chance. Keeping a good frame throughout this conversation is key to its effectiveness, of course. And if you haven't built the relationship correctly up until now ie: she'd NEVER believe that you could replace her with a quickness if you decided to, and if you don't have the skills to do something like this, it explains a lot about why she behaves this way in your relationship, and why you need to develop them. Also, if you can't think of three or four Petunias off the top of your head that would work for this scenario (ie: attractive, breeze in and out of your life from time to time and probably on some level because they want to fuck you) that's some feedback for you too.

I'll leave you with a saying that was on a poster with a picture of an eagle in my sixth grade elementary school class: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours forever; if not, they never were." Quite relevant to your situation...

[Capitán Peligroso]

And IRT your last post about spinning more plates, you can facilitate even more objectives by borrowing said hairpin from Petunia herself... say something like: "hey can you do me a really big favor and let me borrow one of these for a week or two?" Naturally she'll ask why, tell her that you can't tell her until later, that you just need her help right now. She'll do it, because she's a *friend* and wants to help, but she will also be intrigued and wondering what the hell you're up to, especially if you shroud this whole conversation in well-timed smirks and an air of mischief.

[Glock]

(11-24-2013 11:17 AM)jackaroe Wrote:  

A few days ago, my GF, Sara (We're both late 30s) of 2+ yrs was relaying a conversation with a friend of hers. Sara told me how she told the other chick that she used to always end up with assholes but now she's with a nice guy. So apparently I'm a "Nice guy" now. I've done everything I know of to be RP. I believe in the concepts. I'm regularly called an asshole or dick by chicks at work while they are blushing and giggling. Even Sara calls me an asshole at least a few times a month. A few weeks ago, I put her over my knee for a spanking and have been trying to work that into my routine. At restaurants I order for her. I'm not a beta manboob by any stretch.

I know this isn't a ton of detail, but which of my behaviors should I check for perceived betaism?

The last straw was last night. I was home and she was out with some friends in the city. There was a rape last week in the part of town she was in and there's been this retarded "Knockout" game going on so I was obviously worried about her getting home OK by herself. We almost always give a quick text when we get home, just as a courtesy. I heard nothing from her. I have NO reason to suspect infidelity, it was just a lack of respect, I felt for her not to at least say "Home, GN" or something and I called her on it. She said she didn't like my tone and thought I seemed controlling.

I'm pissed. I need to get hand back and I'm not real sure how to do it. Hopefully someone here has some practical ideas (And yes, I know I could go after younger chicks, etc. but I've invested two years with Sara and she's for the most part great. I'd like to get my RP back within this relationship.) So hit me with your relationship game ideas. TIA.

Read this:

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixte...s-of-poon/

[Vendetta]

When she says nice, she might not mean nice as in "nice guy syndrome" but actually mean, she's happy with you. 2 years is a long time, you sound like you're still keeping it fun and sexy (spanking over knee EG)

The assholes she refers to might be guys who just ignored her, watched the TV and then banged her and went to sleep.

I hear a little paranoia and hearing bad words when maybe there aren't any. Her accusation that you sound controlling might be a way of alerting that you're suddenly acting out of character (which I guess you are)

Just chill - you don't need to be ALPHAMAN 24/7. Looks like you've got it handled pretty well already.

I could be totally wrong about everything though, just going off your post.

Good luck.

PS - if you feel she's ever rubbing it in your face about being a "nice guy", approach some women in front of her and make them laugh. That'll shut her up quick time.

[Glock]

Quote:

She said she didn't like my tone and thought I seemed controlling.

I always laugh when I hear women complain that some man is "controlling." Women are ten times more controlling than men -- with their never-ending "honey do" lists, incessant texts and calls, and nagging.

A "controlling" man is someone who simply wants to know where and when his woman will be coming and going. Women are never called controlling even though all of them expect men to give them access to their phones, answer questions about female co-workers and exes, and serve as their personal beasts of burden.

[vinman]

1. "Never be afraid to take the L (loss of a woman)" Patrice O'Neal

2. Goes along with what PDog posted, "Never be afraid to start a bidding war" Women are highly competitive. They may be worried that you've upgraded. She may be younger, hotter, etc.