[drachenfels]

Purely as an experiment, I'm thinking of trying my hand at getting back with an ex, if only for a few last bangs (We were in an 8-month relationship after being friends for a few months, one of the greatest reverse LJBFs I've pulled off.) Please understand that what I am trying to do is going to be merely an exercise at testing social dynamics, not an "I want to get back my girlfriend" rant. I have been preparing for this since the beginning of the relationship, and am simultaneously gaming other girls in the background.

So, here goes:

We broke up around 2 weeks ago (she tried the "We need to talk approach, and I agreed to the breakup, which totally threw her off balance). Like Roissy instructs in his posts, I have let her go completely, adopting a rather Zen-style approach that seems to have gotten her on edge. During the first one and half week, she was acting clingy and concerned (which I brushed off, or replied to neutrally), and for the last few days she's been acting angry, offended, tearful, and angsty. (I know this since we both live in the same hostel.) I have maintained state control, and as far as I know, she hasn't jumped to a new cock.

Since the three-week mark is near (according to a post by Roissy, the loneliness of the dumper maximizes at around three weeks), I was wondering whether I should re-initiate contact at the 21-day mark, or simply let it slide and let her contact me if she wants to. I don't really care either way, but this chick is pretty easy (honestly) and I don't want to look possible gift pussy in the mouth.

[drachenfels]

Aren't you guys replying because my situation appears too absurd? I don't think taking a single step towards trying to salvage an 8 month relationship is beta, specially if done while creating other options.

Any thoughts? (Would be welcome, even if it's something like "This is one-itis, next her and move on.")

[ZTheGreat]

You're being exxxxxtremely methodical and over-analytical with your approach to this. Schedules, numbers, statistics. Relax, man. In my experiences, the more you plan something for a girl, the more likely you're gonna fail.

You were in an 8 month relationship with this girl. You know her. Just relax and do whatever you know will go over well with her. Stop thinking so much.

[drachenfels]

Just trying to break it down. I guess on the whole, gaming other girls and walking away would probably be the best thing to do, and let the shit slide where it may with this chick.

[iknowexactly]

(10-28-2010 11:56 PM)drachenfels Wrote:  

Just trying to break it down.)

just some ideas off-hand:

1) I would guess her _stated_ reason for the breakup is relevant, although of course it won't be the real reason.

2) Is her stated reason what she actually believes consciously, or was it just PR?

2) What do you think the real reason is? Was she talking about kids/marriage, wanted more sex than you, or exclusivity? You might have been too hot/too cold-- contrary to a lot of PUA dogma you can be too cold such that she feels humiliated ( in a bad way.), although I know as a RAFC my tendency is to be too needy. Maybe YOU were too needy.

[drachenfels]

Her reasons for the breakup were

1. Me being too needy.
2. Me wanting sex more than her.

The problem was, being a RAFC myself, I would alternate neediness with cold displays of aloofness, something that I guess is probably not very conducive towards getting laid. Also, when she refused sex, I made the worst possible mistake of appearing frustrated instead of calmly walking out on her.

I guess others can probably learn from my mistakes, specially in the context that this was a 20-year old girl: the age at which they have flighty minds and even flightier vaginas. And I, being 22, can *think* like an older alpha, but often fail to calibrate my aloof behaviour properly. (I sound a bit robotic, but yeah.)

Anyway, I'll try initiating general, neutral conversation with her while nonverbally conveying to her that I have options. That seems to be the best strategy. Also, I bet a chick's a bit thrown off if you calmly accept a breakup of an 8-month relationship (which went pretty well) and calmly start flirting with other girls.

[Quasi]

Why bother getting her back for a few bangs & social dynamics..? I dont believe your reasons to be honest.. if you want her back fine.. but dont lie to yourself.

"as far as I know, she hasn't jumped to a new cock."...

[drachenfels]

I'm not lying to myself. As I told you, we didn't have that much of an emotional bond (note: I started reading about game *before* getting into this relationship.) As a result, I'm aware of a couple of things

- There are a lot of women in this world, and there is no reason to get hung up on one
- Once a chick has lost respect for you, it's pretty hard getting her back

which is why I believe a proper LTR (i.e. say 2 years or more) is now impossible with this girl.

However, since I was not gaming new chicks *that* actively when I was involved with her, I'm going to have to put in some hard work to get a new girl. I'm currently swamped by a ton of work, so I don't have *that* much time to get into game. (Stress caused by this work was the result of some of the neediness that I displayed with her.)

However, I have been flirting with, and going on outings with one other girl, but haven't gotten her to the lay stage yet, again, because I'm *really* busy.

Hence, if you want me to say it, yes, I want her back, but only because I'm too busy right now to get a lot of options for fresh tail. I know for certain that whatever "relationship" we end up having (if we do have it) is going to end up like the Spanish Armada. The good thing is that I'm prepared for it, so why not stage a "get back together" and then dump her once I have options? That would teach her not to dump people randomly (she's broken up with four previous boyfriends this way, all of whom handled it like mewling betas and agreed to be "just friends" with her. Trust me, I would be doing all men a favour.)

[drachenfels]

H'm. So 24 days later (after a breakup), and alternately talking to and ignoring me, my ex initiates contact, and says she'd like for us to be friends, and that she misses me.

With a firm smile, I say "all right" (that is it, nothing else), cause I don't want to provoke any sort of reaction, and then chat for a while and cut her off.

Any suggestions for re-initiating a sexual frame? (I mean doing kino, etc, the whole thing again)?

The friends thing sounds a bit like an LJBF, but not so sure with the "I miss you" part. Note: She hasn't been going out with another man yet. So I figured this might be as good a pickup try as any

[drachenfels]

_ (Sorry for the double post)