USA Today: The More Self-Possessed Women Become, The More Relationships Fail
09-22-2013, 05:19 PM
Relevant link: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/natio...s/2843769/
First off, notice how the media manipulates studies to fit prefabricated narratives. Recall that study that analyzed female success/ambition and its effect on heterosexual relationships. Of course, the media immediately spun in a narcissistic way, allowing women to self-aggrandize for other women's "success" and taunt men for having lower self-esteem. Of course, it isn't bullying because men's perceptions stem from male privilege, sexism and out-dated modes of thinking about male provisioning.
Second, note the throwaway comment about men suffering in the job market. See, the problem is the economy, stupid! Couple that with male chauvinism, that explains the problems.
Third, the article transitions into some mindless rhetoric about "leaning into" relationships. Some painful commentary on "negotiating" and "communication" in a relationship that sounds dangerously like an emotionless relationship based on power moves. Then they refer to relationships as a "contract." Sigh.
Then, not to be outdone, the women reading need another therapeutic shot of gender narcissism in the article, with a university female spouting some media-approved talking points on what people should really want in a relationship. The article ends with this Parthian shot:
I talk a lot about narcissism, but a not-so-curious aspect of narcissism is the relationship between ambition and relationships. Narcissists put an incredible emphasis on success in life. That very much means career and material goods in America, but it also applies to relationships, as well. Partners are little more than a way to show off to others how awesome they are.
Now, the vast majority of these women are not clinical narcissists. The problem is, women place way too much emphasis on school/careers and sleeping around through their 20's. They don't learn much about how to interact with people in ways that reflects real, human interactions. The article gets this right, but' of course, fumbles the analysis away. It is not questioning why women put some much emphasis on "careers" that they will, invariably, lean out of simply because there can only be some many chiefs in society - most people are not going to highly successful at their job.
Instead, it tries to justify the status-quo with weak exhorations at learning to get better at relationships. Huh? What the fuck have women been doing their whole life they need to learn how to be in a relationship at age 26? The article continues the therapy by doing nothing to question why society insists on pitting men v. women. Face it, this situation prevents real relationships between men and women.
Further, success is embodied by many forms in life. Women are getting signals that degrees, money/material goods and advancement in a career are the primary and needed signals for success. What about a healthy, loving relationship with a boyfriend? A parent of healthy children? Have fun saying women should put a priority on boyfriends/husbands and children.
A life based purely on the former priorities will *always* be deficient. Some day, you will wake up and realize all those achievements, awards and material possessions mean nothing when facing your own mortality. However, there is a real way avoid this...
I don't know about you, but when you like or love somebody, it just happens. You don't negotiate the contract on the first date, you don't communicate expectations of mutual ambition when considering marriage. It isn't to say those concepts don't matter, but when they take the over as the primary approaches and goals of the relationship you are admitting real human emotions are being sacrificed on the altar of "equality."
This is the problem. In pursuit of this mythical, fanciful goal of "equality," women are just tilting at windmills. This illusion can be maintained through youth - through a woman's early 30's. Sooner or later she will realize she isn't the shit, she isn't a "bad bitch" or going to highly successful. The narcissistic dreams forced on her by society, in name of "equality," drain away. The path is different for every woman, but she will have to come to terms with this loss.
Further compounding this situation is the loss of alpha male attention. The existential terror facing women is very real here. What do you think "cat ladies" are doing? They are living out past successes or fantasies in their head, maintaining narcissistic delusions that allows them to operate at a level in society. Other women settle and then use their children as a proxy for all the stuff they couldn't or didn't do in their life. The latter approach is incredibly common and highly detrimental to a child's development.
At the heart of this, is the fact women do not have stable identities as women. Achieving like men is not natural for most women - women admit as much in their midlife crisis freezing their eggs or undergoing fertility treatment. The most fundamental desire for humans is to procreate. Since getting laid is easy for most women, it has to be a supreme affront to go childless.
For the moment, the status-quo will prevail. However, society is playing with house money. This isn't sustainable not just from a social or economic perspective, but also from a psychological standpoint, as well. My generation is incredibly messed up already - could you imagine us raising the next generation?
It seems to me societies usually corrode from within, a victim of their own success. America seems to be on the same path.
First off, notice how the media manipulates studies to fit prefabricated narratives. Recall that study that analyzed female success/ambition and its effect on heterosexual relationships. Of course, the media immediately spun in a narcissistic way, allowing women to self-aggrandize for other women's "success" and taunt men for having lower self-esteem. Of course, it isn't bullying because men's perceptions stem from male privilege, sexism and out-dated modes of thinking about male provisioning.
Second, note the throwaway comment about men suffering in the job market. See, the problem is the economy, stupid! Couple that with male chauvinism, that explains the problems.
Third, the article transitions into some mindless rhetoric about "leaning into" relationships. Some painful commentary on "negotiating" and "communication" in a relationship that sounds dangerously like an emotionless relationship based on power moves. Then they refer to relationships as a "contract." Sigh.
Then, not to be outdone, the women reading need another therapeutic shot of gender narcissism in the article, with a university female spouting some media-approved talking points on what people should really want in a relationship. The article ends with this Parthian shot:
Quote:Quote:
"Imagine if men were on our level and working as hard. We'd have such a more balanced and understanding society, and people would feel so much more respected."
I talk a lot about narcissism, but a not-so-curious aspect of narcissism is the relationship between ambition and relationships. Narcissists put an incredible emphasis on success in life. That very much means career and material goods in America, but it also applies to relationships, as well. Partners are little more than a way to show off to others how awesome they are.
Now, the vast majority of these women are not clinical narcissists. The problem is, women place way too much emphasis on school/careers and sleeping around through their 20's. They don't learn much about how to interact with people in ways that reflects real, human interactions. The article gets this right, but' of course, fumbles the analysis away. It is not questioning why women put some much emphasis on "careers" that they will, invariably, lean out of simply because there can only be some many chiefs in society - most people are not going to highly successful at their job.
Instead, it tries to justify the status-quo with weak exhorations at learning to get better at relationships. Huh? What the fuck have women been doing their whole life they need to learn how to be in a relationship at age 26? The article continues the therapy by doing nothing to question why society insists on pitting men v. women. Face it, this situation prevents real relationships between men and women.
Further, success is embodied by many forms in life. Women are getting signals that degrees, money/material goods and advancement in a career are the primary and needed signals for success. What about a healthy, loving relationship with a boyfriend? A parent of healthy children? Have fun saying women should put a priority on boyfriends/husbands and children.
A life based purely on the former priorities will *always* be deficient. Some day, you will wake up and realize all those achievements, awards and material possessions mean nothing when facing your own mortality. However, there is a real way avoid this...
I don't know about you, but when you like or love somebody, it just happens. You don't negotiate the contract on the first date, you don't communicate expectations of mutual ambition when considering marriage. It isn't to say those concepts don't matter, but when they take the over as the primary approaches and goals of the relationship you are admitting real human emotions are being sacrificed on the altar of "equality."
This is the problem. In pursuit of this mythical, fanciful goal of "equality," women are just tilting at windmills. This illusion can be maintained through youth - through a woman's early 30's. Sooner or later she will realize she isn't the shit, she isn't a "bad bitch" or going to highly successful. The narcissistic dreams forced on her by society, in name of "equality," drain away. The path is different for every woman, but she will have to come to terms with this loss.
Further compounding this situation is the loss of alpha male attention. The existential terror facing women is very real here. What do you think "cat ladies" are doing? They are living out past successes or fantasies in their head, maintaining narcissistic delusions that allows them to operate at a level in society. Other women settle and then use their children as a proxy for all the stuff they couldn't or didn't do in their life. The latter approach is incredibly common and highly detrimental to a child's development.
At the heart of this, is the fact women do not have stable identities as women. Achieving like men is not natural for most women - women admit as much in their midlife crisis freezing their eggs or undergoing fertility treatment. The most fundamental desire for humans is to procreate. Since getting laid is easy for most women, it has to be a supreme affront to go childless.
For the moment, the status-quo will prevail. However, society is playing with house money. This isn't sustainable not just from a social or economic perspective, but also from a psychological standpoint, as well. My generation is incredibly messed up already - could you imagine us raising the next generation?
It seems to me societies usually corrode from within, a victim of their own success. America seems to be on the same path.
