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A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
#1

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

So - the other day - a friend of mine got a phone call at work. The guy told her that he was leaving her - and had met somebody else. They had being together for nine years...

Now - apparently this guy met another girl (an ex partner of his) a month ago and fell in love with her. And now wants to end his current relationship.

But listening to all the upset caused at work, one question popped up in my head.

If we accept that it is okay to leave a girl for another girl. And any sane person would agree with that. Then it only seems rational that you would want a 'trial run' with the girl for a few weeks before deciding to end one relationship and start another with her.

Yet - that 'crossover' period gets classed as 'cheating' by the other half. When you tell her about the other partner.

So - presumably. Women would prefer it if you dumped then. Then spent some time alone before moving on to a new partner?

But - there is a problem with that. The only way you can sensibly end a nine year relationship - is to build up alot of arguments and drama between yourself and the other partner. As opposed to just springing it on them as a complete surprise when everything seems to be okay between the both of you.

Doing it that way comes across as if you are having some kind of weird mental breakdown. A bit like being perfectly happy at work and then deciding to quit your job. For no reason. And without having another job lined up.

So - sorry for the long ramble. But it seems to me very difficult to end one relationship and head straight into another. Without women considering you some kind of 'dirty two timing little shit'.

Yet when you break it down logically - there doesn't seem any other realistic way of nexting a bitch. And going straight with another.

So if you noticed a pretty girl at the bus stop. And if you want to pursue her - you expected to immediately text your partner that 'we are finished' before even approaching the pretty girl to see if she is interested? It is unrealistic and silly to expect flawed human beings to work in this way.

Anyway - just wanted to throw this question out here since shit is too real at work for me to raise this question there. I am just wondering if my analysis of this situation is flawed?
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#2

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

There was this monkey in the jungle. It got done eating all the bananas on the tree it was on. It saw more bananas on the next tree over so it reached over and grabbed a branch on that tree. It held on to its original tree until it had a firm grip on the next tree.

Other monkeys hold on to branches of two different trees at the same time.

No one gives a fuck how monkeys eat bananas.

It's a jungle out there.
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#3

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Quote: (09-21-2013 09:31 AM)cardguy Wrote:  

So - the other day - a friend of mine got a phone call at work. The guy told her that he was leaving her - and had met somebody else. They had being together for nine years...

Now - apparently this guy met another girl (an ex partner of his) a month ago and fell in love with her. And now wants to end his current relationship.

Unless this guy was a member of this forum and knew the score about modern marriage, the fact he was with her for nine years and they weren't married is a strong sign that he was never really committed to this broad. He probably always strongly felt that he could do better, but couldn't muster the courage to leave a sure thing. I'd also wager this isn't the first time he cheated. Maybe the previous girls just weren't quality.

He was already ambivalent about her, and then you add nine years of her aging, plus meeting a more attractive girl, and he finally cut the chord.

Edit: I missed that this was an *ex-partner* of his. So, there you go - he always preferred the previous gf.
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#4

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

"I think we should take a break." Women use that line on their boyfriends all the time.

You probably need one anyways if you're considering leaving your woman for someone else.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
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#5

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Who cares what your soon to be ex will think.

Unless it is going to affect your standing financially or professionally it doesn't matter. Dump away and pick another back up.

Personally, I'm not a serial monogamist. I like time away from being "attached" so to speak.
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#6

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Women do this shit all the time. They always have the next guy lined up. In fact the only time a woman is "single" is when she's fighting with her boyfriend. And the only time she "has a boyfriend" is when she's not interested.

The only time you should break it off nicely is if you'd like to fuck her again in the future.

Don't over-think it. Plow on as usual.

Team Nachos
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#7

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

The cruel part was telling her he'd met someone else and that he'd been messing around on her for a month.

Better to just say, 'this isn't working for me anymore', and leave. A more detailed explanation of the reasons behind dumping somebody never does any good.
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#8

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

To directly answer your question, no there's no other way.

The REAL problem is the framework that one chooses to operate in, the "One girl & One guy" only model which is sanctioned by society, which is really just a watered-down version of marriage.

Imagine if society sanctioned a framework in which everyone was EXPECTED to date multiple people at the same time until you chose to get engaged/married.

When most people lived in small communities there would have been social repercussions for violating the preferred mating method, but that doesn't really apply anymore.
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#9

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Sometimes it takes meeting someone new that excites you to give you the impetus to end a relationship that you want out of. People will often stay in a stale relationship because they feel the alternative, being alone, is worse. Women are chronic monkey-branchers. Women will claim to want honesty, but that honesty stings. There's no painless way to end a 9-year relationship. Women love to play victim in break-up scenarios.

"The best kind of pride is that which compels a man to do his best when no one is watching."
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#10

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Quote: (09-21-2013 09:51 AM)Ensam Wrote:  

The cruel part was telling her he'd met someone else and that he'd been messing around on her for a month.

Better to just say, 'this isn't working for me anymore', and leave. A more detailed explanation of the reasons behind dumping somebody never does any good.

Yeah he probably could have just said that he wasn't happy to be in a relationship with her anymore
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#11

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

You're largely correct. Once you discard the traditional marriage model of 'til death do us part,' the situation you cite is pretty much the result. Dalrock wrote an article about this.

Even in business contracts, there's usually some penalty for breach of contract. There is no such thing with non-marital relationships. You're in a relationship until you decide you aren't in one.
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#12

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Quote: (09-22-2013 01:59 AM)master_thespian Wrote:  

Quote: (09-21-2013 09:51 AM)Ensam Wrote:  

The cruel part was telling her he'd met someone else and that he'd been messing around on her for a month.

Better to just say, 'this isn't working for me anymore', and leave. A more detailed explanation of the reasons behind dumping somebody never does any good.

Yeah he probably could have just said that he wasn't happy to be in a relationship with her anymore

I wonder if this a guy thing? I know I prefer a woman to just disappear to say I'm not doing it for her anymore because its less damaging to my ego to be able to think 'ha, you just can't handle who I am' instead of having her say that she is now banging someone that she prefers more.

I also agree that if marriage isn't "till death do us part" its just a relationship with a cash bonus for ending it when you don't like it anymore. I had this argument the other day over the issue of some woman being married her husband being on drugs but refusing to get treatment. She of course thinks she should divorce him.

I said, as his wife she signed on to be the last person to leave him. Even if he was sent to jail for some sort of incident and she was left alone, she's got to wait that shit out until he's dead. She signed on for it. For better, for worse or for death.

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
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#13

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Quote: (09-21-2013 09:31 AM)cardguy Wrote:  

Yet when you break it down logically

[Image: theres-your-problem.jpg]
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#14

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

I did the same thing albeit the nicer way... She said "why do you have to break up with me? Why didnt you just cheat? I wouldve never known..."

^^ This rocked my world, I believe women secretly prefer you cheat and get it out of your system then leave them, they just dont want it blatantly thrown in their faces. Unless youre a minicelebrity or super attractive alpha just lie your ass off about banging other girls. 90% of women who cheat do exactly the same...
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#15

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Quote: (09-21-2013 09:31 AM)cardguy Wrote:  

So - the other day - a friend of mine got a phone call at work. The guy told her that he was leaving her - and had met somebody else. They had being together for nine years...

Now - apparently this guy met another girl (an ex partner of his) a month ago and fell in love with her. And now wants to end his current relationship.

But listening to all the upset caused at work, one question popped up in my head.

If we accept that it is okay to leave a girl for another girl. And any sane person would agree with that. Then it only seems rational that you would want a 'trial run' with the girl for a few weeks before deciding to end one relationship and start another with her.

Yet - that 'crossover' period gets classed as 'cheating' by the other half. When you tell her about the other partner.

So - presumably. Women would prefer it if you dumped then. Then spent some time alone before moving on to a new partner?

But - there is a problem with that. The only way you can sensibly end a nine year relationship - is to build up alot of arguments and drama between yourself and the other partner. As opposed to just springing it on them as a complete surprise when everything seems to be okay between the both of you.

Doing it that way comes across as if you are having some kind of weird mental breakdown. A bit like being perfectly happy at work and then deciding to quit your job. For no reason. And without having another job lined up.

So - sorry for the long ramble. But it seems to me very difficult to end one relationship and head straight into another. Without women considering you some kind of 'dirty two timing little shit'.

Yet when you break it down logically - there doesn't seem any other realistic way of nexting a bitch. And going straight with another.

So if you noticed a pretty girl at the bus stop. And if you want to pursue her - you expected to immediately text your partner that 'we are finished' before even approaching the pretty girl to see if she is interested? It is unrealistic and silly to expect flawed human beings to work in this way.

Anyway - just wanted to throw this question out here since shit is too real at work for me to raise this question there. I am just wondering if my analysis of this situation is flawed?

Women want to act like they understand pure logic, but women can't truly comprehend it because their biological make up is made for group logic, and in turn they are natural followers. This whole write up is challenging their logic, and taking it into consideration. That makes you a follower of female logic. Don't follow female logic because it makes no sense.

Instead, follow penis logic. Your penis is in a relationship and magically monogamous because your facebook status says so, but your penis yearns for more ambitious adventures like that cute asian chick who always wears booty shorts on your campus. Your penis is the only logic you should follow, and when you do, you'll find it lodged between that cute asian chicks twat.

Disregard what women say.

Always trust your dickstincts.

A humble gentleman's blog about pussy, cigars, and game.

LATEST POST:
The Problem With Nightclubs

Also check out my blog for cigar discussion and reviews.
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#16

A question about the ethics of 'cheating'

Quote: (09-24-2013 07:21 PM)defguy Wrote:  

I did the same thing albeit the nicer way... She said "why do you have to break up with me? Why didnt you just cheat? I wouldve never known..."

^^ This rocked my world, I believe women secretly prefer you cheat and get it out of your system then leave them, they just dont want it blatantly thrown in their faces. Unless youre a minicelebrity or super attractive alpha just lie your ass off about banging other girls. 90% of women who cheat do exactly the same...

I completely agree. My girl definitely knows something is up, and I think in a weird way it turns her on, but at the same time, as long as the commitment is strong, I rarely hear anything that hints at me cheating on her.

However, if I'm out and about and foooling around with other females and ignoring her for a week or some shit, she starts to slightly mention, even ask if somethings up because she gets insecure.

So, give her security.

Fuck her good.

She'll have nothing to worry about.

A humble gentleman's blog about pussy, cigars, and game.

LATEST POST:
The Problem With Nightclubs

Also check out my blog for cigar discussion and reviews.
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