[Samseau]

(09-21-2013 02:36 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(09-20-2013 06:05 PM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

Also, cognitive reframing is great: She didn't reject you, you found out the massive set of girls who will fuck you doesn't include her.

"Cognitive Reframing"

Thanks for adding that. Thats exactly what this is.

I actually try to avoid the need to "re" frame. I want my frame right the first time.

I strive to have my frame optimized before I enter an interaction.

I would call it "Pre-Interaction Frame Setting/Establishing"

My frame is set before I enter the interaction so if she rejects me, my mind is already prepared to process it in a way that benefits me.

Of course, this doesn't always work and I often have a bit if "reframing" to do.

Call it, "Pre-framing."

[Screwston]

Dusty needs to make a thread on Ellis.

[Dusty]

(09-24-2013 12:04 AM)houston Wrote:  

Dusty needs to make a thread on Ellis.

Maybe I will.

What could be interesting is if a few of us do a book study. I posted a link to a classic Ellis book in this thread. I could start a new thread dedicated to the book study. We could read 1 or 2 chapters a week, discuss it and help each other with our comprehension of the message. More importantly, the book is a psychology book, not a game book, but we can brainstorm how to apply the theory/concepts/philosophies directly to improve our respective game.

I actually have 40-50 pages written of a book (draft) where I apply Ellis' REBT to Approach Anxiety. I'm probably a third to one half of the way done with a completed first draft.

I think there is potential to make REBT the intellectual foundation for inner game. There are applications to all aspects of game, not just approach anxiety. Let's be the pioneers .

[Dusty]

(09-20-2013 01:02 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

But, I must say..

When you feel like shit, I don't think its because of what the other person did.

It's because of YOUR REACTION to what the other person did. Your emotional reaction.

I'm not saying that men should not be emotional. I'm saying that men should not be a slave or a victim to their emotions.

You are not your emotions, you are the awareness who observes them. At least, thats how I conceptualize it.

Choose your emotions wisely. Yes, I do think we have to power to choose them.

Gio,

I'm gathering a few reviews of the Ellis book to kick off our book study. I saw this and thought of what you said above:

Quote:



http://www.butler-bowdon.com/Albert-Elli...nal-Living

Watching your internal sentences

Human beings, the authors note, are language-creating animals. We tend to formulate our emotions and our ideas in terms of words and sentences. They effectively become our thoughts and emotions. Therefore, if we are basically the things that we tell ourselves, any type of personal change requires us to first look at our internal conversations. Do they serve us, or undermine us?

Talk therapy aims to reveal the 'errors in logic' that people believe to be true. If, for instance, you are having terrible feelings of anxiety or fear, you are asked to track back to the original thought in the sequence of thoughts that led to your current anxiety. You will invariably find that you are saying things to yourself such as 'Wouldn't it be terrible if...' or 'Isn't it horrible that I am...' It is at this point that you have to intervene and ask yourself why exactly it would be so terrible if such and such happened, or whether your current situation is really as bad as you say. And ven if it is, will it last forever?

This sort of self-questioning at first seems naïve, but by doing it you begin to see just how much your internal sentences shape your life. After all, if you label some event a 'catastrophe', it surely will become so. You can only live up to your internal statements, whether they make something good, bad or neutral.

Nearly always a choice

Ellis and Harper challenge the reader to accept that it is not people or things themselves that cause us upset and anguish, but what we tell ourselves about those people or things. They cite the Roman philosopher Epictetus, who said: “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.” Also quoted is the famous line from Shakespeare's Hamlet: “There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

People think they are unhappy because of a marriage, or a job, or an illness – but it is always our perception of these things that matters most. The book notes that it is “virtually impossible to sustain an emotional outburst without bolstering it by repeated ideas”. Something will remain 'bad' in your mind only as long as you tell yourself it is. If you do not keep creating the bad feeling, how could it possibly endure? Granted, if you are experiencing physical pain, you cannot simply ignore the pain, but once it is over there is no automatic link between stimulus and feeling. Even with the death of a loved one, you cannot continue to experience depression over the death unless you keep reminding yourself 'How terrible it is that this person is now gone!'.

If you can't accept this, consider the pleasant feelings you have. After you have enjoyed a symphony or seen a play, you cannot keep feeling the positive emotions they sparked without going back in your mind to certain passages or scenes. Emotions need to be generated in order to be felt. Sustained emotion of any type requires thinking, and it is usually thinking of an evaluative type, that is, your judgment about a situation or person.

People make the mistake of thinking that emotion 'just happens' in response to something, but in fact this is rare. Some types of anger are a direct response to a situation which relate to our inbuilt survival mechanisms. These are biologically rooted reactions. Generally though, it is thoughts you generate that determine the quality of your emotional life.

[mr_lucky]

It is good to remind one's self:

Rejection is a beautiful thing.

The only approach that matters is the next approach.

But Roosh might have summed it up best: "I can’t tell you how important not giving a shit is. I never met a successful player who cared. The only problem is it’s hard to fake."

[Gopher]

I don't call it a rejection. I call it a warm up.

[Giovonny]

(09-27-2013 11:39 PM)Dusty Wrote:  

Gio,

I'm gathering a few reviews of the Ellis book to kick off our book study. I saw this and thought of what you said above:

Quote:



http://www.butler-bowdon.com/Albert-Elli...nal-Living

Watching your internal sentences

Human beings, the authors note, are language-creating animals. We tend to formulate our emotions and our ideas in terms of words and sentences. They effectively become our thoughts and emotions. Therefore, if we are basically the things that we tell ourselves, any type of personal change requires us to first look at our internal conversations. Do they serve us, or undermine us?

Talk therapy aims to reveal the 'errors in logic' that people believe to be true. If, for instance, you are having terrible feelings of anxiety or fear, you are asked to track back to the original thought in the sequence of thoughts that led to your current anxiety. You will invariably find that you are saying things to yourself such as 'Wouldn't it be terrible if...' or 'Isn't it horrible that I am...' It is at this point that you have to intervene and ask yourself why exactly it would be so terrible if such and such happened, or whether your current situation is really as bad as you say. And ven if it is, will it last forever?

Dusty,

Thanks for posting this. I'm a little shocked! I didn't know that my Bro-science research was in such agreement with these world class experts. This gives me a lot of confidence. I knew I wasn't crazy! My research is based off of thousands of approaches.

I can't wait to hear more about Ellis.

[Dusty]

(09-28-2013 12:09 PM)Gopher Wrote:  

I don't call it a rejection. I call it a warm up.

I'm starting to even doubt if "rejection" is the right word most of the time. Even if the approach does not end in digits, for most of my approaches, I feel pretty damn good! Nearly always the girl acts flattered, and we end up having a nice conversation. I feel like I made her day. And I feel like I have an iron set of balls each time I do it..I can just walk up to a girl I find attractive and talk to her without giving a fuck what anyone thinks of me. If it ends with "I have a boyfriend", I'm not sure I would call it a rejection. I think it was a successful interaction but she was not available. But, my approach made me feel like a man, and it made her feel like a woman, a win-win if you ask me. I've walked away from "rejected" approaches and looked back only to see the girl staring at me with a big smile on her face because she was flattered. I wonder if some of these girls get moistened panties, or replay the approach in their mind later to get excited.

The "worst" rejections I've experienced have been the girl just acts in a hurry and doesn't want to talk. Big deal. And it's over with in a couple of seconds.

I've yet to be "blown out" but I'm sure it will happen eventually. If it does, I'll just chalk it up to the girl having mental health issues (bipolar or some type of personality disorder) and not feel bad. I generally don't take seriously what people with mental health problems say. I've had homeless guys yell at me and say weird stuff to me, but I don't buy into what they say because they're nuts.

[Dusty]

(09-28-2013 12:19 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Dusty,

Thanks for posting this. I'm a little shocked! I didn't know that my Bro-science research was in such agreement with these world class experts. This gives me a lot of confidence. I knew I wasn't crazy! My research is based off of thousands of approaches.

I can't wait to hear more about Ellis.

Thanks Gio. Yes, I notice you are a natural. You're one of the few people who figured this stuff out on your own.

I used to date a girl who was a natural like you, and had a belief system similar to what Ellis advocates. She just figured it out herself. I showed her some of my Ellis books and talked to her about it, and her reaction was "duh, it's just common sense." For her it was common sense, for most of us we need to learn.

I think I read here Gio that you do game coaching. As you learn about Ellis, the material and concepts might be something you add to your coaching arsenal.

[Dusty]

(09-24-2013 12:04 AM)houston Wrote:  

Dusty needs to make a thread on Ellis.

Houston, Gio, et al...I created a thread on Ellis and REBT here:

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-28873.html