[WesternCancer]

The one thing I've been working on the most lately is making sure who I see myself as is the same person that other people see me as. I like to think I'm a nice, agreeable, and neutral dude towards other people, but the way other people see me is much different. I come off as negative, self-centered and I actively push people away.

I did a clean up of my facebook yesterday. I've only had it for a year or two and never posted a ton so there wasn't lots to look through. What I noticed is that I brushed off all attempts by others to be my friend (or more). I have wall posts from at least 10 different girls saying we should catch up, saying something positive about me, apologizing for not keeping in contact, painfully blatant displays of interest, girls from class asking to 'study'. There were posts by guy friends as well posting links to videos, or asking whats up on the weekend.

I know for a fact I didn't follow through on a single one of those. I'd say something like "yeah, sounds cool" or just deflect and change the subject. As I discussed in this post I start pushing girls away as soon as we start banging and it usually results in them being fed up and leaving.

I want to change this. One of my biggest annoyances in other people is flakiness and negativity and I am a complete hypocrite for being negative and flaky.

I've been much more self-aware of this lately and have been accepting offers from friends to hang out and do stuff that I would have normally said no to. It feels great. The other night I went and got wings and beer with a friend and his friend. It was great.

However, this isn't enough I need to take the initiative in changing and that's where you guys come in.

I want to pull a George Costanza and start doing the opposite of what I normally do. Instead of saying no I say yes. Instead of letting people make plans I'll be making plans. Instead of only talking to girls who I'm interested in I'm going to start being friendly to everybody.

From now on I'm going to say yes to every opportunity that presents itself to me provided its not completely dumb, has a negative impact on my health or wellbeing, not illegal, super expensive etc. I'm also not going to do things for people with nothing in return (ie. them always asking for money, my time and giving nothing back) and I'm only going to give friends a few chances. If they want to do nothing but play videogames and drink beer and ask me every day I'll only accept every once and a while.

It would be awesome if you guys could help me out by suggesting things I can go out and push myself to do in turn I'll be checking this thread once a day. Hopefully I'll have some kind of crazy stories to show for it although my city doesn't present much opportunity for nightlife debauchery etc.


Ideas I've got so far:
- reconnect with a few old friends. ask out chicks I always had a crush on in highschool
- dance class
- yoga classes + try to eventually bang a chick from one of them.
- learn + sing a song on my guitar.
- meditation
- direct daytime approaches in various settings
- random acts of kindness (buying people food, giving strangers compliments)
- buying someone a beer at the bar and getting their life story
- climb/hike a mountain on my day off.

Right now its about 3:30pm here. I've already made conversation with a stranger at the gym about their training. Right now I'm going to either go to a coffee shop, read and make conversation with the barista, go to the barber and let them have free reign over my haircut, or go to the mall and try to get the number of a girl working at a clothing store.

[Marlfox]

I'm guessing you've seen Yes Man, with Jim Carrey? It's based on a book by a UK comedian called Danny Wallace (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Yes-Man-Danny-Wa...6&sr=1-1).

I read it briefly once and wasn't that excited, but the premise was that he would start saying yes to any suggestion or question and see how it affected his life. I think he travelled around Europe, filmed a TV show and met his wife during his experiment.

It seems like you have a lot of disclaimers/limiters on what you will and wont do and that's for the best, but you don't want to end up acting the way you were and shutting down lots of suggestions. I've had plenty of good times on unplanned nights and just hanging out with mates.

As lame as it might sound you could join a group on meetup (http://www.meetup.com/find/?allMeetups=t...=default), you should be able to find your dance and yoga classes at the least on there. (I took a guess at Toronto...)

[WesternCancer]

Marlfox: yes, I've heard of the movie, but haven't watched it. The term "yes man" for me is more of a catch term to say that I'm going to both accept offers that fall within my rules (ie. not gonna go do a bunch of drugs or something that 100% goes against my long term goals "hey bud wanna eat pizza and play WoW" sure I might have fun, but fuck that"


Day 1
- at the gym I asked a dude how many sets he had left with the squat rack. he pulled out his earplugs and answered, then didn't put them back in so I asked what he was training for etc. Dude said he lost a lot of weight now is trying to get strong, then tried to give me a whole lotta form advice which I didn't appreciate.

- came home and made this thread then went to a new barbershop to get my haircut. Told them they had free reign and it turned out really well. I look like this now, but with a wider face.



- I facilitated conversation with the dude in the other chair. turns out he moved here from winnipeg and helped start one of the gyms in town and was actually pretty funny. The barbers (1 f 1 m) were kinda quiet, but they opened up. The dude mentioned how his friend just got a sheep for free and told a pretty funny story about how its the only sheep and the cows always avoid it. I said "man, it must get lonely being a sheep" the chick laughed, gazed into my eyes and told me "awwww thats the sweetest thing I've ever heard, you just care about that sheep so much" or something. I could tell she was an "edgy" kinda person so I agreed and amplified and basically said I fuck sheep which they laughed at and then said "yeah I logged into facebook last night and the dudes wall is blowing up with those kind of jokes" THe old dude had left by this point and the milf was basically laying down in the other chair looking at me and the guy. The smock or whatever they put on you had designs on it and she makes a comment about the design right where my dick is, maybe this chick was all around horny. Who knows.

- I hit the mall after. It would have been poosy paradise if I had been 16. The girls were all in groups, but I saw a few lone cuties. They were all on their phones, they'd look up at me then look back at their phone like they were scared or something.

Went to this other store and a bubbly sales girl smiles warmly and runs up to me asking if I'm looking for anything. I tell her it must be my lucky day because the sales are nuts (everything 70% off) I ask her how long its going for and she says till next week then says 'I'm cathy by the way" and tells me how if I can come back I can ask for her if I need anything. I complimented her and said she was very helpful.

Went to look at the stuff, shit is set up great for daygame... if only there were people in the store. Mens stuff basically right next to women's stuff. I looked at some blazers and noticed this pair of tanned, thin legs that stretched for days. This girl was 10 feet away looking at jewlery. She turned around and was mega-hot, top 10 girls I've seen here so far. I told myself "I need to talk to her" started walking over and said "wait i should grab a stupid shirt and ask her what she thinks" then I thoguht "no fuck that I should grab something I'd actually wear" she walked off shortly after and never looked my way.

[Parlay44]

Quote:

One of my biggest annoyances in other people is flakiness and negativity and I am a complete hypocrite for being negative and flaky.

Yeah tell me about it. I've been trying to setup a white water rafting trip for the past month. I texted a bunch of people that I thought would be interested. I posted about it on facebook once a week trying to get a headcount. I had over 12 people telling yes for sure. It's 6 to a raft so I was like awesome 2 rafts full of friends will be an awesome time plus dinner and drinks at the end.

Most of them flaked on me and then said they would go and then flaked again. So annoying. I finally got a solid group of 6 and booked the trip 3 days before. The problem is I have to charge it on my credit card to book. I would have been screwed if I booked for 12 and only 6 showed up.

[TheSlayer]

(08-22-2013 08:30 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

The problem is I have to charge it on my credit card to book. I would have been screwed if I booked for 12 and only 6 showed up.

I have learned this the hard way. I never ever volunteer to book trips/events to my credit card anymore because of last minute flopping. If I say yes, I mean yes but most people aren't like that (including guys my age these days). Guys will talk shit and make elaborate plans and then flop last minute or never actually initiate anything. It could just be "get better friends" thing but I have seen this in multiple social circles. If I say yes and the person books it on their credit card, I am going to show up and pay but too many people these days are flakes.

[T and A Man]

That's just an awesome post.

Neil's recent events have demonstrated what it means to have a winners mindset.

The hater's say you can't, as well as saying you should settle for the mediocrity that is most peoples lives. To validate their own mediocrity, they ant to tear you down, make you not progress beyond them.

Teddy Roosevelt said something along the lines of this.

The best outcome is to try and succeed.
The second best outcome is to try and fail.
The worst is to not try at all.

The fact is we all learn when we fail. I would say the most outstanding learning experiences is when I have failed dismally, and it cut me so deep I ensured I didn't want to fail like that again.

We can then either avert future failure by learning how to succeed, or just cease trying in the future. - that's two choices, and I think it seperates winners from losers.

Yours presents a winners mindset, and whilst you'll put yourself up for some failures, there is no shame in failing. You just have to learn from them and improve tomorrow.

Well done brother.

[WesternCancer]

Thanks man. Its amazing how seemingly disconnected events can stew in your unconscious and eventually just 'click.' Over the past week or so I've seen a variety of videos, had some ideas. They just kind of clicked and I knew I have complete control over my life and I can do as I please. I just need to push my boundaries to get somewhere.


Sure I froze up with the hot chick today, but that is irrational fear. I think it was Rosca who was just asking small questions to girls to get his confidence up. That shit really works.

"The only difference between you and me is that I conquered my fear"

If no one has any suggestions my goals for tomorrow will be to connect with some old friends and drink with them at the bar, do a few approaches while I'm there.

If no one is free I'll decide on a country for my teaching English goal and get a good night's sleep after cooking a dish from that country. I have a 12 hr shift that day.

[thebassist]

Awesome idea dude.

I think the sociability aspect of this is great, and I've been working on it as well. Now that I think of it, I've gotten to know quite a few people just by casually chatting to them in the line in the cafeteria, or in the lift. It's starting to get to the point that I have to shake my head at the idea of people awkwardly standing next to each other in complete silence in an elevator.

I think the key is just to put yourself out there, and give everybody a chance to prove that they're cool. If the chick you talked to was a complete bitch, now you know she's a bitch, and if the random dude you joked around with in the line to get coffee at school is a great drummer, maybe you guys will start a band together. You never know who you're gonna meet.

Really hope you keep this up man!

[Laner]

Good for you WC.

I think that Vancouver can easily suck the "salt of the earth" from a person, so its good to see that you recognized this and are making moves to better yourself.

We talked about this briefly over that beer, when I mentioned that your town is quite friendly with some nice women. You disagreed with me (its your hometown, you have that right!) but looking at it from your point of view of Vancouver vs. Other it makes sense.

I grew up in a place where everyone says yes. They roll around busy from morning to night working, helping out, seeing how others are getting along, etc, etc and it took me a couple years to realize that its just a better way to live.

You are on the right track with saying yes. You will get a rep as a solid guy. Therefore you will get invited out more to things where someone (like Parlay mentioned) has to foot the bill on their CC to be reimbursed later.

[WesternCancer]

Thanks guys. Laner, after seeing both my hometown and Vancouver recently I'd have to say the people of my hometown are more boring, more into the whole get married and have kids way of life. People in Vancouver tend to be more exciting on the outside, but they still follow a certain life path just like those from my hometown its just a different path. Hope your trip is going well, I actually went to Vancouver last night haha.

Day 2 ie. yesterday

I told myself I wouldn't speak poorly of anyone I work with and work on building a rapport with my superiors. I kind of failed on the first part but the person before me royally fucked a bunch of stuff and gave me an extra 2 hours at least of work to do. I made some playful jokes with my immediate boss, she laughed and was more friendly. I asked another superior about what they were doing (some long term experiment they seemed to be interested in) and she gave me a looooonnngggggg ass speech on it, but as we all know here getting people to talk a lot about themselves and what they're passionate about is a big plus.

The second part of the days goal was to catch up with some old friends from highschool or something. Buddy from school texts me asking if I want to go to Vancouver for his friends bday. I rush home from work, throw on a vneck, jeans, some boots and down a red bull and we're off.

Sat down in the pub when we got there after downing a bunch of vodka on the bus and I noticed girls at the end of the table checking me and my friend out. We got some beers, I got the birthday dude a beer, but he was too hammed. We left shortly after so I slammed my $10 pint of craft beer in a few seconds... I don't think my vibe was right for this place hahaha.

Headed downtown and got free tickets for like 5 different bars, stamped up my arms, bought a few rounds of drinks and on our way to gastown from granville we run into my buddy stumbling down the main strip, drunk as fuck, and he invites us to his (smoke show) sister's bday party. I'm catching up with this guy and the bouncer tells him "go get some pizza and come back in an hour you're too drunk to come in" buddy doesn't even hear him and he walks right in. and is forced right back out. I try to talk to the bouncer to no avail so I make like I'm taking my buddy off to the side to give him a talking to and get him to stand right by the side entrance to the bar. I tell the bouncer his friend is meeting him so hes just gonna hang there for a few mins. I go to use his sisters guestlist and this pretty cute chick in front of me tells the card girl "oh, hes in our guestlist too" and smiles. I totally forget what she looks like 30 seconds after, because I've got a much more important mission.

I walk past the side door and bump it ajar, my buddy sneaks in quickly and we stumble onto the dancefloor to find his sisters hot friends. I introduce myself, more drinks etc. I find my other friends sitting way off on the other side of the bar being boring. I sit down and start running some solid blackout game.

I open the table of girls right next to us and get one talking about herself while I make wise cracks. She buys me a jagerbomb, I spill the jager everywhere. Drop it and say "hey keep up" she slams hers and realizes I didn't have me and playfully hits me. Shit is on mothafucka!!! They close off that side of the bar so we move to the dance floor area and get more drinks. I'd been talking to this chick for a good 30 minutes and my friend starts trying to run shit on her so I tell him to stop cockblockin. Her friends call her over to their table and gossip about bullshit.

My drunk ass buddy's ex shows up and they start talking, then making out. I let the liquor do the thinking and go into full caveman mode. I walk over to this chicks table (turns out we actually went to highschool together) and say "lets dance" and stick out my hand. She grabs it and her friends pull her back saying "buuuuttt we want to talkkkkk to her mooooreeee go aweayyyyy!!!" I smirked and said "I dont care" then grabbed her upper arm and dragged her off to the dance floor where we're grinding in the most sexual manner ever. Shes rubbing herself all over me, hands all over her. I turn her so her ass is against me and say "how low can you go" and she starts grinding her ass all the way down she gets up I spin her around so our legs are interlocked and start making out with her.

She pulls away after a few seconds and says "but I'm waiting for my boooyyyyyyyfriennnndddd, hes waiting in line" I said some smart ass remark and try to kiss her again. She goes to walk away and I pull her back, she frowns and then says shes gotta get back to her friends. We talked a bit later, but she did infact have a boyfriend who she lovingly kissed when he got there.

My friends all bail and I'm in the zone. Find the most approachable chicks and just go caveman. Made eye contact then just grabbed this chick by the waist and started dancing. Shes pretty cute, but a bit on the chubbier side (big ass tittieezzz) but still very bangable. Then we start talking and she has the sexiest posh British accent. Blackout game is in full effect, we make out a bit. I swear at one point she said something to her friend about wanting to leave with me, but it was loud. I hit the bathroom and when I come back shes leaving with her friend. FUCK!

Its crazy though that kinda shit is very out of character for me. I rarely ever do caveman direct shit like that. Logistically I couldn't really do anything and I was in the part of town where everyone lives 40 minutes away (same with me I was a 15 minute walk after a 40 minute bus)

I leave and hit up all the places that I had stamps for. They're all pretty dead and then I hit this one place thats full of frat/sorority types. I see this chick that looks like Sasha Grey that pornstar. I could just tell she was freaky. Had that aura about her you get when you know a girl is something else. Legs for days, as tall as me. Shes dancing with her nerdy/chubby friend and wearing these low cut jeans and I got mesmerized by those dimples in her lowerback and her flat stomach. We make eye contact and I walk over, ask her to dance, she smiles and looks away. I grab her arm and she pulls it away. I smirk and nothing so I just head home. I was exhausted, there were these two chicks on the bus basically begging for dick from their guy friend. I maybe could have gotten in on that, but I could barely keep my eyes open.

Woke up, turned on my friends TV and office space was on. I thought it was pretty funny. Then we got some bomb ass bagels from these two gorgeous eastern european girls. I chatted a bit, but was hungover and my friend had to get back into town. Its crazy though. In one block of vancouver at 9am on Saturday there are more gorgeous girls than I've seen in my current city in 3 months. It finally hit me how much I took the place for granted.

[Gmac]

I'm happier when I do as I please, so the idea of being a yes man doesn't appeal to me. I've gone through phases where I got streamrolled by colleagues because I wouldn't say no to work or helping them out. Looking back I wish I had declined more often. Out of the workplace I get asked by friends and roommates or girls to go do stuff, and I always go if I want to and refuse if I don't. Makes for a more enjoyable life for me.

[WesternCancer]

I definitely understand the "do as you please" way of life, but I've realized my "do as you please" is the direct opposite of my goals. I basically had been saying no to everything my whole life out of irrational fears. I do enjoy personal time and do not have a high requirement for interaction with other people, but I enjoy that stuff too

That being said an update:

haven't done much lately, I've made a daily checklist for habits I want to get into. Talked to some old friends, bought some clothes for my wardrobe.

I have 2 more things I'm going to start doing.

Eating a strict diet of fatty, bone in meat, vegetables and eggs with two cheats during the week (similar to chaos and pain's "apex predator diet" I'm counting any drinking as a cheat. So basically I see it this way: get wasted (and don't eat) one night if at all. and then do something like all you can eat sushi another day and thats all I eat for the day (save for some shakes). I could probably eat max 4000 calories in that one sitting and that won't fuck everything up since I'm lifting 5x a week (~30min) and walk 8 hours a day.

pt 2:

I've realized I've been using indirect daygame as a crutch so that I don't have to nut up and put myself out there as opposed to letting the girl come to me.

I'm going to start doing direct approaches. I'm aiming for the "100 approach challenge" kind of deal, but since I've yet to see 100 bangable chicks since moving here (partly due to working lots and not leaving the house, and partly due to the chicks being very 'homely' ie. chunnnnky). University is starting back up in the next week or two so I'm gonna troll the hell outta that place.




Anyone have any suggestions/requests for me? I'm game for any idea

[soup]

You don't have to say "no".

That Japanese have don't have a word for "no".

Practice saying no without actually using the word "no".

If a girl suggests we "meet somewhere in between" I obviously want to decline, but saying "no" immediately puts me in opposition/argumentative frame with her.

I suggest either meeting on a different day or somewhere else, but even that is still opposing to her.

Instead of saying no, I might not answer and move on to the next girl.

The trick is to not have to ever say "no". Organize your life in such a way that you are never in a position to decline people.

You have to be the giving father, the god, who isn't threatened by anything and doesn't need to say "no". It's the life of abundance.

You have to give off a vibe that will let girls know that they can't corner you into a situation where you are forced to say "no".

I never dump girls. It's get to a point where I am too much for them to take. They are always the one to verbalize it and break up with me. I have a big heart and have never told a girl "I need some space" or anything like that.

I might tell her "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" or "I'm single" but never anything like "I don't want to see you again"

I leave that to the ladies.

I have a big heart for girls.