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find out what happened or leave it?
#1

find out what happened or leave it?

Just curious to see what you guys would typically do...

see a girl a few times.. all is going well - but due to certain logistics (work), we haven't had sex yet... lots of great make out sessions, etc.

last thursday night, quick make-out session before heading off and she asked me to text her tomorrow (friday).. I did, and nothing.. no reply. Now it's Sunday night - still nothing.

A brief history: she had a controlling bf. She had her phone destroyed in the past by this guy, and earlier last week they crossed paths in which he grabbed her (left a bruise) and pulled away her phone to see who she's been talking to.

1) I can stop by her work to see if she's ok
2) I can ask a co-worker if she's at least ok
3) I can forget her and continue on

thoughts from anyone??
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#2

find out what happened or leave it?

Quote: (10-03-2010 08:23 PM)mcr Wrote:  

Just curious to see what you guys would typically do...

see a girl a few times.. all is going well - but due to certain logistics (work), we haven't had sex yet... lots of great make out sessions, etc.

last thursday night, quick make-out session before heading off and she asked me to text her tomorrow (friday).. I did, and nothing.. no reply. Now it's Sunday night - still nothing.

A brief history: she had a controlling bf. She had her phone destroyed in the past by this guy, and earlier last week they crossed paths in which he grabbed her (left a bruise) and pulled away her phone to see who she's been talking to.

1) I can stop by her work to see if she's ok
2) I can ask a co-worker if she's at least ok
3) I can forget her and continue on

thoughts from anyone??
Reply
#3

find out what happened or leave it?

This raises a good question. The more general issue is non-responding. Polite adults at least get back and say ST like "I'm really busy til monday I'll get back to you." unless she's trying to get rid of you and doesn't know what to say.

[I'm assuming she's] American girls seem to do this a lot, maybe it's common elsewhere but I didn't see it much in Russia, at least until a chick was clearly ( made clear by later events) trying to get rid of me.

This girls involvement with a psycho tends to show some kind of screw loose, healthy women don't usually get involved with those.
Probably what shrinks used to call an inadequate personality, someone who is not really functioning as an independent person, whose perception of the world is kind of fuzzy, as well as her clarity of goals as to what she wants from the world.
I mean there aren't THAT many of those asshole guys out there actually percentage wise, why exactly did she find one and probably keep fucking him after he showed his colors?

A weak personality with low self-esteem leaves them open to getting tooled by assholes like that. Grabbing someone's phone and looking at it is clearly over the line, and damaging it is scary criminal psychopath stuff. I know, I worked in prisons for years, and those guys are the ones that start out with that crap.

It escalates in cycles, 1 )honeymoon 2) buildup of tension with irritability and criticism from the abuser ( make or female) 3) outburst of abuse 4) start again at number one until the abuse gets to beatings or sometimes even murder. Please, don't give me men's rights crap that men aren't violent towards women. I worked in the criminal justice system and I know the facts from personal experience. I've also had many male outpatients who were forced by the courts to see me and almost all of them owned up to it. It's real, period. Women attack men too it's true but they are not as physically strong, so far less physical damage is usually done.

Of course if she keeps going back to it ( they usually do until/unless they get a whole lot of therapy) she can't really complain logically
but that doesn't justify violence.

Any creepy stalker violence like that means complete and instant write-off by any psychologically healthy chick, if they have any healthy fear mechanism and boundaries and have been brought up to stand up for themselves.

The worst part: she very well may be f**** him again, and he's warning her against contacting you again.

I kind of wonder if sexually submissive chicks know they can get sexual domination from otherwise "nice" guys , who don't try to control them in a sick way in "real life"?

I guess ideally you should be hitting on enough women so you weed out the non-responders, but if the chicks are really young that may be impossible.

Someone has written something about doubling the time you take to respond, my impression is women who have found assholes in the past strongly tend to keep looking for more assholes until/unless they get much therapy, you're probably too sensitive and ethical for damaged goods like her.

Since guys who kill chicks start out with exactly that kind of sick stuff, might be a nice gesture to see if she's still alive. You'd hear about it if she disappeared unless it's a huge city. It's more likely she's screwing him than dead though.
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