[Redwing]

My last three dates said, "I don't want to date you". What am I doing wrong?

The first one I met three weeks ago on a Friday night at a meetup function. I get her number. Later that night and after I go home, I realize that she was into me. The next day, I text her at 10 pm to come out to a bar. She comes. We talk for an hour and a half. I go to kiss her and she says, "I don't want to date you".

The second one I met two weeks ago on a Friday night at a meetup function. Before I go home, I realize that she is available. I ask her to go see a play with me the next day. We see the play and then go to a bar for drinks afterwards. Walking back from the bar, I grab her hand. She says, "I don't want to date you". We walk back to our cars. I hug her and see the kiss is open, so we kiss. And then say goodbye. The next time I text her, she clarifies with a text message and says she was sending mixed signals and she meant what she said.

The third one I met at a dance class. I see her a few times and she gives seems interested eg. she asks me questions. I get her number. Tonight was the date. We go to a restaurant and then see a concert. Leaving the concert, I grab her hand and she says, "I don't want to date you."

What am I doing wrong here?

[El_Superbeasto]

I'm not in your shoes, so I can't tell you for sure, but it sounds like you're coming off like you want a relationship. If these are younger chicks (early 20's or younger) there's a good chance that they're just looking to have fun without getting into anything serious. "I don't want to date you" != "I don't want to have sex with you".

My advice is to save the dinners, plays, and concerts for after you've had sex with her. For a first date, take her out for drinks. If you are going to do food, then do a happy hour. Early dates should be kept light and fun.

Your dates telegraph too much relationship interest too early. A good rule of thumb is that it's alright for guys to show interest in hooking up right off the bat, but not to show interest in a relationship.

Btw, my response to "I don't want to date you," would be something like:

"Who said I wanted to date you? I just want to have a fun time."

[Parlay44]

Just try to have a good time and get laid. A woman will tell you when or if she wants something more than sex. You'll get the dreaded "Where is this going" relationship talk.

[JayD]

You have boyfriend game(concerts,play,restaurant). Escalate further, if you are going to invite a chick out for drinks at 10 pm - go all the way. I think you could have banged all these chicks but you turned them down.

[LeBeau]

This seems odd that you're getting literally the same line from 3 different girls...or is this a translation from another language?

Anyway, basically it looks like your putting out the friend vibe a lot.

I didn't see any descriptions of sexual tension, escalation, flirting, laughter, etc. in those summaries.

You sound like you are probably a nice guy with interesting conversation, since they made the effort to meet you and talk for a while, but there has to be more assertiveness and clear intentions from your side if you want to avoid getting friendzoned.

Perhaps the next time you guy out to a bar/club, do the opposite, and work on sexualizing things faster with a smooth progression.

Don't think in terms of dates for later, try to SNL some girls. Even if it doesn't work out, it will help balance out your time sensitive game with your date game.

Be bolder than you normally would when the situation warrants, and push your comfort zone a bit.

Hope this helps, let us know how it goes.

[Ensam]

Sounds to me like you might be jumping ahead in your escalating. It should start really subtly, just gently guide her around and touch non-sexually. You have to get her used to your physical presence before jumping to things like kissing. Think of it like petting a cat who's super shy rather than petting a dog. You don't just run up and grab it, instead you place your leg so it's just barely touching the cat and you let the cat rub up against it. You get the idea.

Also never take a girls hand. Instead have her take your elbow. Chicks love that shit.



It's a lot easier to kiss her from this position too. When the moment is right just drop your arm around her waist and pull her in.

[Redwing]

"I didn't see any descriptions of sexual tension, escalation, flirting, laughter, etc. in those summaries."

I know that this is a real weak point for me.

"Sounds to me like you might be jumping ahead in your escalating."

Probably true.

Thanks for the feedback

[Prosal]

To reverse the famous adage and to apply it to dating, "when there is no smoke, there is no fire".