I've been lurking here and posting about topical shit for a while now, but have never really gotten personal or engaged deeply in the game forums before.
I'm not really sure where else to say this or who else to say it to, as this place (RVF) is honestly the only place I can even imagine discussing this. Since taking the metaphorical red pill, I feel very isolated and disconnected from everyone around me, even close friends and family. How do you confide in someone when you're effectively speaking a different language than they are?
That in mind, please excuse the spilling of guts that is about to ensue.
My problem:
(Is it even a problem? If it is, am I the problem or is my environment?)
As time goes by, I'm finding myself less and less interested in engaging with women on any level. Sex is fun and all, but the logistical effort and mental drain involved in fucking women compared to the enjoyment I get from it more often than not feels like a net loss.
I have no travel experience outside of the US or first hand dealings with women of other cultures, so I feel odd acknowledging this, but everything about American women truly disgusts me. Their wannabe masculinity, bitchiness, sense of entitlement, perpetual victim mentality, shallowness, and insecurity turns me off more than their bodies could possibly ever turn me on.
I've never really considered myself MGTOW, and I don't think I'm a pathetic beta, but to some extent I'm the cuddle/romance type I guess you could say.
It goes without saying how compatible that outlook is with American girls...
I want to seduce worthwhile women, make love to them, and potentially even engage in a long term relationship with them.
I do not want to engage in incessant sarcastic verbal gymnastics to entice her to fuck me. I do not want to throw her around in bed, pull her hair, and call her names. I do not want to have to restrain my moderate interest in her in order to foster insecurity and maintain whatever dysfunctional attraction to me she's even capable of, lest I otherwise quickly be labeled as needy and desperate. I enjoy none of these things, very much to the contrary. Yet I push myself to engage in them.
Though I'm FAR from being a great player, I'm basically satisfied with my current ability to get women into bed... But every sacrifice of my true desires in sex and courtship sucks some enjoyment out of it, and I feel like I'm becoming a fucked up product of other people's piddly neuroses, all for the lackluster and numbing payoff of sliding my dick into a slit between their legs.
I don't expect sex nor love to come easily or without effort and compromise, but am I really engaging with women on my own terms if I'm continually altering myself in undesirable ways in quest of winning their favor?
I hesitate to say that I want to pursue relationships more than I do sex, because the idea of either is becoming less and less appealing with American women in the equation.
Am I deluding myself in believing that there ought to be something more out there than being an asshole to a girl to squeeze a few lays out of her? I don't, by any means, delude myself into the sad beta pipe dream of wanting to find that "perfect, fascinating, intelligent woman who completes me", but a large part of me wants to find a woman that I can at least have some semblance of interest in as a person and a woman.
Am I just whining and making excuses for myself; blaming American women for my own problems and shortcomings? Should I try to experience things outside the US to see if they're even that much different/better?
Any general advice?
Thanks.
I'm not really sure where else to say this or who else to say it to, as this place (RVF) is honestly the only place I can even imagine discussing this. Since taking the metaphorical red pill, I feel very isolated and disconnected from everyone around me, even close friends and family. How do you confide in someone when you're effectively speaking a different language than they are?
That in mind, please excuse the spilling of guts that is about to ensue.
My problem:
(Is it even a problem? If it is, am I the problem or is my environment?)
As time goes by, I'm finding myself less and less interested in engaging with women on any level. Sex is fun and all, but the logistical effort and mental drain involved in fucking women compared to the enjoyment I get from it more often than not feels like a net loss.
I have no travel experience outside of the US or first hand dealings with women of other cultures, so I feel odd acknowledging this, but everything about American women truly disgusts me. Their wannabe masculinity, bitchiness, sense of entitlement, perpetual victim mentality, shallowness, and insecurity turns me off more than their bodies could possibly ever turn me on.
I've never really considered myself MGTOW, and I don't think I'm a pathetic beta, but to some extent I'm the cuddle/romance type I guess you could say.
It goes without saying how compatible that outlook is with American girls...
I want to seduce worthwhile women, make love to them, and potentially even engage in a long term relationship with them.
I do not want to engage in incessant sarcastic verbal gymnastics to entice her to fuck me. I do not want to throw her around in bed, pull her hair, and call her names. I do not want to have to restrain my moderate interest in her in order to foster insecurity and maintain whatever dysfunctional attraction to me she's even capable of, lest I otherwise quickly be labeled as needy and desperate. I enjoy none of these things, very much to the contrary. Yet I push myself to engage in them.
Though I'm FAR from being a great player, I'm basically satisfied with my current ability to get women into bed... But every sacrifice of my true desires in sex and courtship sucks some enjoyment out of it, and I feel like I'm becoming a fucked up product of other people's piddly neuroses, all for the lackluster and numbing payoff of sliding my dick into a slit between their legs.
I don't expect sex nor love to come easily or without effort and compromise, but am I really engaging with women on my own terms if I'm continually altering myself in undesirable ways in quest of winning their favor?
I hesitate to say that I want to pursue relationships more than I do sex, because the idea of either is becoming less and less appealing with American women in the equation.
Am I deluding myself in believing that there ought to be something more out there than being an asshole to a girl to squeeze a few lays out of her? I don't, by any means, delude myself into the sad beta pipe dream of wanting to find that "perfect, fascinating, intelligent woman who completes me", but a large part of me wants to find a woman that I can at least have some semblance of interest in as a person and a woman.
Am I just whining and making excuses for myself; blaming American women for my own problems and shortcomings? Should I try to experience things outside the US to see if they're even that much different/better?
Any general advice?
Thanks.