[DiorHomme]

Sometimes I think "enabling" gets turned into this irrefutable buzzword. If you don't expect someone to pull themselves up from the bootstraps when they don't have any to pull themselves up from, you're all of a sudden "enabling". I also do think this world can be too harsh on anyone who made some mistakes early on in life.

The only thing I said I would do was only help the first month so he can get in the place...the rest is up to him.

[PoosyWrecker]

(06-05-2013 02:53 AM)DiorHomme Wrote:  

I really think just a small push might get him in the right direction. I told him he wouldn't have to pay me back anything, and he knows I won't go above $500. He can cover the rest if he wants something more expensive, and I'm only helping out the first month, that is it. I told him it has to be month-by-month.

I'd like to see him "get a place" though, , I think that would really help him out a lot.

Why not take that $500, get him an ASVAB tutor and some practice tests so he can score high enough to get a technical MOS with good post-enlistment career prospects. Make sure he can pass urinalysis as well.

http://www.marines.com/eligibility/requirements
http://www.navy.com/joining/qualifications.html
http://www.airforce.com/joining-the-air-...-overview/
http://www.goarmy.com/about/service-opti...ldier.html

[GenJx]

how hard is it to save up a couple hundred dollars living at home and paying no rent? why does he need your help so bad

[Drazen]

(06-05-2013 03:03 PM)DiorHomme Wrote:  

Sometimes I think "enabling" gets turned into this irrefutable buzzword. If you don't expect someone to pull themselves up from the bootstraps when they don't have any to pull themselves up from, you're all of a sudden "enabling". I also do think this world can be too harsh on anyone who made some mistakes early on in life.

The only thing I said I would do was only help the first month so he can get in the place...the rest is up to him.

You're actually hurting his chances of success (yes, enabling failure) by getting him into a new place. He has low cash flow and can't afford rent and you're putting him into a situation where his cash flow will be less than it already is and he's admitted he can't afford it. Its unsustainable and all he'll do is incur more debt. He has no business getting a place on his own.

I mean he gets a new place, what changes in his life? He can drink and party more? Do you really think that's what he needs?

[DiorHomme]

I think he just needs to feel normal again. Also, I can tell he feels like an idiot still at home and this might lift a weight off his back.

[MikeCF]

scopion pulled at

If you help him, it's due to your male rationalization hamster.

I'll always help a friend out with cash (a "loan" to a friend is in my mind a gift; if he pays me back, great) but you must never let your friend's bad choices become your bad choices.

[Drazen]

(06-05-2013 03:31 PM)DiorHomme Wrote:  

I think he just needs to feel normal again. Also, I can tell he feels like an idiot still at home and this might lift a weight off his back.

incurring massive debt = lifting a weight off his back?

[DiorHomme]

(06-05-2013 03:22 PM)GenJx Wrote:  

how hard is it to save up a couple hundred dollars living at home and paying no rent? why does he need your help so bad

He says he's reached a breaking point, has set aside what he saved up for a cheap car. Just needs to get in a place (month-by-month basis) but needs help first month.

[DiorHomme]

(06-05-2013 03:32 PM)PartyonBro Wrote:  

(06-05-2013 03:31 PM)DiorHomme Wrote:  

I think he just needs to feel normal again. Also, I can tell he feels like an idiot still at home and this might lift a weight off his back.

incurring massive debt = lifting a weight off his back?

After the first month, it's up to him. He knows not to ask me for anything else. If he does, he knows I can't help him further.

[samsamsam]

Sort of late now, you are already had the discussion.

Depends if you told him you would or you would think about it.

If you told him you would, you have to follow through - keep your word (#1 rule in life).

As a dumbass who has helped tons of people with money (sorry the bank is closed RVF), I have learned just give what you want, DON'T make it a loan. A lot of relationships get messed up by money. Give only what you can afford to - do not stretch yourself. My rule of thumb - sounds terrible - a good friend of mine would never put me in a position to ask for money - they have too much pride and would rather save, sell their shit or ask their family.

If has reached a breaking point because he can't do stuff like "can't even smoke", "can't drink", "going crazy", "mitigating insanity", etc. I get the not having women come over - maybe he can use your couch for that. But because he can't drink and smoke doesn't seem like he has much pain tolerance. If he is going crazy get another job and get the fuck out of the house, save money and then move into his own place. Be so tired when he gets home he passes out.

I wouldn't do it. Not going to judge people that do bad stuff to their bodies, but I will...but he doesn't seem to have good decision making skills.

[Vakarian]

I care a lot for my best friend. I can honestly say I am closer to him than members of my family. Because of that, I would have no qualms about going to the ends of the earth for him.

However, that only works if he is willing to make the journey with me. You seem to care about your friend more than he cares about himself. Its one thing if someone is unable to help themselves, but its another if they are unwilling to help themselves.

You can be a brother to your best friend, but don't be his mother.

[Nonpareil]

As long as I don't have to co-sign on a lease with him being broke and having a suspect personality and work ethic, I'd do whatever was in my means.

Let him twist in the wind and stay at home, it'll force him to get his shit together. If you get a place with him (and his no money, no job and suspect personality), it's not going to be 'if his problems become my problems', it'll be 'when his problems become my problems.'