So i tell this girl to come out with me and party she says yes but then says she wants to bring a friend so she doesn't feel left out. i say sure, turns out its some dude...what would you guys do in this situation?
Inviting a chick out
Need more information.
I would probably say, "Is she cute? I'll invite one of my buddies along." This is your shit-test for her.
I would probably say, "Is she cute? I'll invite one of my buddies along." This is your shit-test for her.
Vice-Captain - #TeamWaitAndSee
Tell her why you asked her out (ie a date) and that you want some alone time with her.
She's either really stupid and didn't know this in which case you can salvage it, but my guess is that she's agreed knowing your intentions and doesn't want to lead you on.
She's either really stupid and didn't know this in which case you can salvage it, but my guess is that she's agreed knowing your intentions and doesn't want to lead you on.
Quote: (05-30-2013 07:40 AM)MattC Wrote:
Tell her why you asked her out (ie a date) and that you want some alone time with her.
She's either really stupid and didn't know this in which case you can salvage it, but my guess is that she's agreed knowing your intentions and doesn't want to lead you on.
I agree with Matt on this one. Based on the OP it doesn't appear that you made the nature of the girl coming out with you known. By simply saying 'Come party with me' she might assume its a friendly thing and doesn't think inviting a friend girl or guy as a bad thing. Maybe she wanted her friends approval of you before she hangs out with you alone. If I were you I would go out with her and the friend, be fun, be friendly, and flirt with her enough so she knows your interest.
pretty much i invited her to come out with my friends( have known her for a bit as a friend mostly) and she first didnt want to go because she thought she would be left out or something, then she said yes and wanted to bring a friend with her. After finding out it was a guy i didn't wanna sound to insane so i kinda just said "sure" im thinking that was a mistake. how would you guys have handled this? might just un invite her now and try next time
Quote: (05-30-2013 09:22 PM)greensmycolor Wrote:
pretty much i invited her to come out with my friends( have known her for a bit as a friend mostly) and she first didnt want to go because she thought she would be left out or something, then she said yes and wanted to bring a friend with her. After finding out it was a guy i didn't wanna sound to insane so i kinda just said "sure" im thinking that was a mistake. how would you guys have handled this? might just un invite her now and try next time
next time be up front. "come party with me" almost sounds like you are going to a party, in which case, it would make perfect sense to bring more people.
next time ask her out for drinks or tell her you want a date.
Quote: (05-30-2013 09:22 PM)greensmycolor Wrote:
pretty much i invited her to come out with my friends( have known her for a bit as a friend mostly) and she first didnt want to go because she thought she would be left out or something, then she said yes and wanted to bring a friend with her. After finding out it was a guy i didn't wanna sound to insane so i kinda just said "sure" im thinking that was a mistake. how would you guys have handled this? might just un invite her now and try next time
Why would you un-invite her? Get a couple of your buddies to come with you (preferably a guy and a girl), hit the club, isolate and have some drinks/dance/escalate. Don't go for the kiss, just build up the attraction. send her a message a couple days later about hanging out somewhere (for drinks or some other non-group activity). Proceed from there.
If you have already known her for awhile you can't just jump in and try to sleep with her. As I understand it girls have a timeframe from when you meet them that you must get the notch before she permanently "friend zones" you. if that is the case you should cut ties with her and move onto other prospects.
"Look Mama, no hands..."
@greensmycolor- Based on what you wrote I can tell you already made a lot of mistakes. What exactly were your intentions with this girl? Did you want to bang her or just use her as social practice? If your intentions were sex you can pretty much forget about it at this point. You should have never mentioned your friends when you asked her out, that way she could have seen that this was just about the 2 of you and not a group date. If she still mentioned bringing someone else you would know she was never that interested to begin with. What you should do now is proceed as scheduled. Go to the party with your friends, the girl, and her friend. Test & observe the guy friend & see whether he's an alpha or just another common beta orbiter. Spit some game towards her while also chatting with other chicks at the party. Hopefully they're receptive to you and your girl takes notice but don't get your hopes up regarding her. Use this opportunity the hunt some new tail. Good luck.
i guess i wanted to see if i could bang her by inviting her out but we did go anyways, she ended up just hanging around the party and wasn't really having good conversations with her seemed like she was either intimidated/shy. so i started hunting and danced with a bunch of random girls and made out with another but couldn't get any numbers as i had to leave because of a drunk fight(not me, a friend) some valuable lessons were learned here and im going to forget about this chick now
=/. Bro, first things first.
1) You brought her to the party. Its almost de-facto your responsibility to ensure she has a modicum of fun. Introduce to people. Dance w/her a little. Ship some drinks over. Play beer games. WTVR!!!
2) Make friends w/the guy. This guy is likely no threat. From your tone and context, I assume you are in college. Hes prolly just a friend. If hes the BF, who cares. She might have hot friends!!!! Be cool. Girls talk, you dig?
3) Dancing w/other girls is cool, but circle back to her every once in a while and try to get her to loosen up.
4) Don't obviously make-out w/girls in front of a chick you brought- why are you shooting yourself in the foot?.
5) Considering how you handled this, I think you need to consider wider-range implications and what you want from the interactions AT THE START. Do you want a date? Do you want a partydate? Do you want a dance partner? Do you want a partyfriend?
6) Sack up and ask her like a man. "I want to take you out tomorrow. Do you like burgers? (or some other silly stuff that college aged kids love). Dont jump into "expensive dinner mode" especially at your level. There will be tension before and after you ask her out. Accept this. There will silence- don't stamme or stutter, or offer a social excuse like "w/my friends". Hold the line and stay silent Either she says yes or she says no. She will appreciate your sexual honesty and the fact that you put yourself out there (w/out being pushy).
7) Make sure she gets home OK, or at least try to make sure shes OK before leaving. You are trying to build a connection w/this girl, not a BJ in the bathroom vibe from a random bottleslut.
I realize my tone is harsh, but consider that I made a lot of these same mistakes. You live and you learn...but learning is important. Reflect. Pontificate. Theorize. Test. Re-test. Attempt to improve and you will.
Furthermore, treat others with respect and give respect far beyond whats due. Its hard for a bitch to continue acting like a b-tch if you are considerate. Just like its hard for others to treat you poorly if you treat them w/kindness. Don't mistake awkardness for lack of interest. Sometimes people need to be drawn out of their shell and get used to you. You are responsible for this, at least for the first 2 days of interest-building.
Its easy to dismiss the notion of putting a good foot forward, but all this plate theory, moving on, and keeping your options open works (long-term) BUT you should put a good foot forward (especially short-term), and it sounds like you are having trouble doing that. Take every interaction with zest, and dont dismiss people outright. Social communities are small and reputation can harm or hurt you.
1) You brought her to the party. Its almost de-facto your responsibility to ensure she has a modicum of fun. Introduce to people. Dance w/her a little. Ship some drinks over. Play beer games. WTVR!!!
2) Make friends w/the guy. This guy is likely no threat. From your tone and context, I assume you are in college. Hes prolly just a friend. If hes the BF, who cares. She might have hot friends!!!! Be cool. Girls talk, you dig?
3) Dancing w/other girls is cool, but circle back to her every once in a while and try to get her to loosen up.
4) Don't obviously make-out w/girls in front of a chick you brought- why are you shooting yourself in the foot?.
5) Considering how you handled this, I think you need to consider wider-range implications and what you want from the interactions AT THE START. Do you want a date? Do you want a partydate? Do you want a dance partner? Do you want a partyfriend?
6) Sack up and ask her like a man. "I want to take you out tomorrow. Do you like burgers? (or some other silly stuff that college aged kids love). Dont jump into "expensive dinner mode" especially at your level. There will be tension before and after you ask her out. Accept this. There will silence- don't stamme or stutter, or offer a social excuse like "w/my friends". Hold the line and stay silent Either she says yes or she says no. She will appreciate your sexual honesty and the fact that you put yourself out there (w/out being pushy).
7) Make sure she gets home OK, or at least try to make sure shes OK before leaving. You are trying to build a connection w/this girl, not a BJ in the bathroom vibe from a random bottleslut.
I realize my tone is harsh, but consider that I made a lot of these same mistakes. You live and you learn...but learning is important. Reflect. Pontificate. Theorize. Test. Re-test. Attempt to improve and you will.
Furthermore, treat others with respect and give respect far beyond whats due. Its hard for a bitch to continue acting like a b-tch if you are considerate. Just like its hard for others to treat you poorly if you treat them w/kindness. Don't mistake awkardness for lack of interest. Sometimes people need to be drawn out of their shell and get used to you. You are responsible for this, at least for the first 2 days of interest-building.
Its easy to dismiss the notion of putting a good foot forward, but all this plate theory, moving on, and keeping your options open works (long-term) BUT you should put a good foot forward (especially short-term), and it sounds like you are having trouble doing that. Take every interaction with zest, and dont dismiss people outright. Social communities are small and reputation can harm or hurt you.
WIA- For most of men, our time being masters of our own fate, kings in our own castles is short. Even those of us in the game will eventually succumb to ease of servitude rather than deal with the malaise of solitude
Thanks dvy im still learning as you can see, i guess i should have tried to make it more fun for her but it seemed like she was in her protective shell and i didn't feel like putting in the work. Looks like from your advice i shouldn't give up so easy on these girls who seem un interested first. about being kind and respectful i try to do that but i dont want them to think they can walk all over me because im nice
whats "WTVR" and seems like everyone likes calling dudes "beta" whats that about?
whats "WTVR" and seems like everyone likes calling dudes "beta" whats that about?
whatever= wtvr. Do whatever you need to do for her to loosen up.
WIA- For most of men, our time being masters of our own fate, kings in our own castles is short. Even those of us in the game will eventually succumb to ease of servitude rather than deal with the malaise of solitude
Don't worry about being too nice. Worry about being stepped on. Theres a big difference. Being nice (or polite)= smile+ did you get home ok? Being stepped on= girl asking you to buy you shoes. Blatantly manipulating you. Bringing 4 of her friends out to drink on your tab. Etc etc etc. Ask yourself, would my friend do this to me? If no, shes using you.
Youll get the hang of it.
Youll get the hang of it.
WIA- For most of men, our time being masters of our own fate, kings in our own castles is short. Even those of us in the game will eventually succumb to ease of servitude rather than deal with the malaise of solitude
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