[RCron]

I apologize for the lengthy thread but I want to be detailed and thorough. I've had a few scenarios similar to these and feel like I'm missing something in my date game. Had another date where I got the girl home but couldn't close on the bang.

To set the stage, the first date we met at a bar midway between where we both live and things went pretty good. Lots of banter, flirty conversations and a ton of kino on my part. About 45 mins in we're making out at table. The total date lasted for almost two hours and in saying our goodbyes she aggressively kissed me, lots of T and A fondling over her clothes and I said "come on, let's go back to my place for a nightcap." She playfully pushed me away and said no, not tonight and got in her car and left.

Fast forward to last night. We met at an outdoor shopping mall walking distance to my place and split a pizza and sat at an outdoor table and ate. Again, more flirting and good conversation. After eating I said "let's go, I'll give you the tour" and we walked around the mall with my arm around her. In our joking she somehow brought up the subject of "gag balls" and I teased her about that and tried to take her into dark lingerie store but they had just closed. She also brought up reading 50 shades so I'm thinking she's definitely DTF. After a little more walking I said "let's get a drink, I'll show you my bar tending skills" and we went back to my place.

Once at my place I turned on the music, made our drinks and we sat on the couch and I showed her some recent photos I took all the while kinoing. After about 30 mins we began making out again but as soon as I would start kissing her neck she would giggle and say how ticklish she was. No problem, two steps forward, one step back. More chatting and then making out again. Finally I just stood up and said "come on" and led her to my bedroom. Once in there she started saying "I don't think this is a good idea" where I said "we won't do anything you don't want to do". More kissing and I started to take her sweater off and this is where the real resistance kicked in. She backed away and said "ok, I should go now, but thanks for the nice evening." Sensing she needed more comfort I switched gears and said "lay down, let's talk".

From there we BS'd about life, past relationships, future plans, the works. Throughout my hand was resting on her breast lightly rubbing it over her shirt. When the convo died down I went for the make out again and things started to heat up and then she jumped off the bed and said "I need to get home". At that point I walked her out to her car.

I felt like I played this one as by the book as best as I could but maybe I'm missing something here. Lay it on me guys, what the hell is going on?

[Divorco]

How old are you both? Obviously she wasn't ready for sexual intimacy yet, and was too sober and mature to get fooled. Give her one more date and then apply the three date rule (no more dates if she doesn't reciprocate your enthusiasm).

[RCron]

I'm 41 and she's 28. As a footnote the one thing that I felt worked against me was that she only had 1 drink.

[BeeRye]

Ive had cases like this.

What are good anti-LMR tactics for when the girl digs you but has barriers with intimacy for whatever reasons?

[BarkChompson]

(04-26-2013 12:46 PM)RCron Wrote:  

...she only had 1 drink.

That's a big part.

"By the books" did you mean you actively did freeze-outs? If she's that self-conscious you might need to make it more obvious.

I have that problem sometimes: when they resist I'll pull back, but not hard enough. I'll stop when they say stop, but keep touching/cuddling them. That gives them the message "You can get my physical affection/validation without sex".

There's gotta be a STARK contrast. That way you're communicating that touching you makes her feel good, and not touching you makes her feel bad.

[RCron]

I didn't do a complete freeze out because she was already standing up, ready to leave and I figured that if I fully disengaged she would leave and it would be over, which ended up being the case after all.

After I wrote my original report I remembered something she said. As we were talking while laying on my bed she mentioned in conversation how much she loves dirty martinis and if she had had one of those she'd be "in serious trouble right now". I really think the issue lies in the fact that she hadn't drank much and wasn't feeling completely uninhibited.

Thinking back to the times when I had the successful first or second date bang all of them were after at least couple of drinks. One even asked me for an additional drink before suggesting we go in my bedroom. Seems like she was pregaming!

[MrXY]

Overall- you've done pretty well but i can see a couple of problems

Lack of alcohol- women use alcohol to lower their inhibitions when they want to fuck. I predict if she drinks more on the next date you will get it, if she doesn't you won't.

Start trying freeze outs with resisters-physically separate yourself, get up go sit in a chair, or go start getting something to eat, turn on the TV or whatever. You have to teach her if she doesn't give you what you want-sex- you don't give her what she wants-affection and emotional validation. It's surprisingly effective- numerous times I've had girls just come over and jump on me after I froze her out

That's why continuing to lie on the bed with her and let her blather all the usual female stuff and continuing to touch her a little bit was a mistake. You were giving and she was taking-no reciprocity

[RCron]

(04-26-2013 03:49 PM)MrXY Wrote:  

Overall- you've done pretty well but i can see a couple of problems

Lack of alcohol- women use alcohol to lower their inhibitions when they want to fuck. I predict if she drinks more on the next date you will get it, if she doesn't you won't.

Start trying freeze outs with resisters-physically separate yourself, get up go sit in a chair, or go start getting something to eat, turn on the TV or whatever. You have to teach her if she doesn't give you what you want-sex- you don't give her what she wants-affection and emotional validation. It's surprisingly effective- numerous times I've had girls just come over and jump on me after I froze her out

That's why continuing to lie on the bed with her and let her blather all the usual female stuff and continuing to touch her a little bit was a mistake. You were giving and she was taking-no reciprocity

Thanks MrXY I completely agree. One question on the freeze out. How do you do it so that it doesn't come across as passive agressive pouting? Honestly I worry that if I get up or move away she'll ask something like "are you mad?"

[MrXY]

Good point- you have to be careful about not acting butthurt

It's all in your demeanor- you have to come across that you not getting sex is no problem at all-just use a light or joking tone of voice, smile, get up and say "I'm hungry!" or "I need to check my email" or "I wonder how (your sports team) did?"

"No big deal" is what you want to project.

[Lothario]

(04-26-2013 02:48 PM)BarkChompson Wrote:  

By the books" did you mean you actively did freeze-outs? If she's that self-conscious you might need to make it more obvious.

I have that problem sometimes: when they resist I'll pull back, but not hard enough.

I'll stop when they say stop, but keep touching/cuddling them. That gives them the message "You can get my physical affection/validation without sex.

There's gotta be a STARK contrast. That way you're communicating that touching you makes her feel good, and not touching you makes her feel bad.

Very well said BarkChampion, This used to be my problem as well, I did pull twice (post # 13), using the stark contrast freeze out and you got to mean it and not put a show, Girls can sniff a fake freeze out.

[bojangles]

I usually pretend I'm the one getting LMR, I'll stop kissing and say "this is going too fast, we need to slow down"
"hey we only just met"

and shit like that. I preempt the LMR, works all the time.