[FLA]

Thank god it's the 1st.

I'm probably one of the youngest members of the forum. I've been reading your guy's posts for some time now. I've recieved tons of useful advice, but nothing is working right now.

So here's my circumstances. Tall, average build, i'd say my looks are fine, and my sense of style is good. I hear advice on getting with the cool crowd, but i'm already there. Girls find me funny. I'm a witty and quick person with people i'm familar with. I'll talk loudly and become the center of attention. But that's not helping.

My lack of girls creates a lot of problems. Socially, i feel like an outsider in my group cause i'm just not pulling. I've dealt with depression because of this. I'll avoid situations where I could potentially be called out on this fact. When I'm in an uncomfortable situation i'll just shut down and become a timid version of myself. So I avoid conflict and come off as a pussy.

This shit is really side-tracking me as I prepare to apply to colleges. I'm near the top of my class and have tons of collegiate options. But this lack of girls is constantly nagging away at me. I tend to overthink and internalize shit so you could imagine the problem.

What tactics or just small tweaks should I use? I'm getting back into lifting. I'm trying to assume that alpha personality.

I'm also under 21, so day game and house parties are my only chances. I also smoke weed which I see as a possible outlet to chicks. Can you guys just point me in the right direction and give me some tips on what you did around my age? Appreciate everything in advance!

[teh_skeeze]

You're the entertainment monkey.

Heartiste Wrote:

However, the good news is that, like disap wrote, a laconic, terse, devil-may-care frame will trump a string of try-hard witty ripostes almost every time. ALPHA FRAME, aka the ATTITUDE, is the foundational substructure that scaffolds the social savviness and personality peacocking that drapes over it like a virile raiment. Or, to put it in clearer terms, if you are all wit and no frame, you are an entertainment monkey who arouses women’s brains but leaves their pussies dry. In contrast, if you are all frame and no wit, you are a sexy beast women can’t help but find alluring, even as they gripe about your curt assholery to their friends.

Emphasis mine.

You Wrote:

Socially, i feel like an outsider in my group cause i'm just not pulling. I've dealt with depression because of this. I'll avoid situations where I could potentially be called out on this fact.

You reek of desperation, and you are too emotionally invested. I obviously haven't seen how you interact with girls, but I think it's safe to assume that you come off as a try hard. You talk loudly and bring attention to yourself because deep down inside you are insecure. When you feel like it isn't working, you shrink into your shell and try to disappear. You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.

The good news is that you are young and still figuring yourself out, and you are going to make your mistakes along the way. Change your mindset from one that stews in failure to one that extracts the lesson and moves on. Nobody bats 1.000.

Focus on your schoolwork and your inner game. I suggest getting a book on body language so you can become aware of what your posture is saying to people. You have outer game, but you are unsure of yourself. This is why inner game is so important. Stop thinking about what people perceive of you because you are just making yourself sick. Don't worry about being alpha, worry about being a man.

[FLA]

Thanks Skeeze. That entertainment monkey idea definitely strikes a chord. I'll work to change that persona. Good looking out bro.

[MidniteSpecial]

Cut back on the weed and start drinking liquor more. Weed = paranoid and closed. Alcohol = fearless and open.

[durangotang]

(04-01-2013 07:45 PM)FLA Wrote:  

My lack of girls creates a lot of problems. Socially, i feel like an outsider in my group cause i'm just not pulling. I've dealt with depression because of this. I'll avoid situations where I could potentially be called out on this fact. When I'm in an uncomfortable situation i'll just shut down and become a timid version of myself. So I avoid conflict and come off as a pussy.

Nice advice teh_skeeze. Also, I'd say nobody is going to be harder on you than yourself. Like skeeze said, nobody bats 1000, so don't be afraid to try new things and fuck up. Don't let your ego get in the way too much. If you need to, try them outside your social circle. Branch out. You'll have a clean slate when you hit college, but soon enough you'll establish a new social circle and find yourself in a similar spot. The difference between yourself now and then will be just how much you pushed your comfort zone and grew as a result of it. There will be successes and failures, perhaps more failure then you like at first but if you persist that will change too. Learn from it the failures and focus on the wins.

Also, I wouldn't smoke weed or drink too much to get laid - instead focus on working out and mastering something that appeals to you (guitar, photography, dancing, surfing, etc.).

If you don't risk failure and you let your ego get in the way, nothing will change. The psychological mechanism that makes you afraid of failure and causes you to cave in is the same at 18 as it is at 25 or even 30. You will feel the exact same way only with extra time reinforcing your negative perception of yourself - if you let it. Make the approach. Get blown out. Approach. Get the number. Approach. Get flaked on. Approach. Get the bang.

As your successes stack up you will gain confidence and like they say "nothing succeeds like success."

[iknowexactly]

I agree that you are too much doing the entertainment thing, but it is a good ability to use as an additive to being seen as sexual. Weed is really bad if you are still growing intellectually, I think it made me more paranoid for life. Also, long-term bad effects on memory may limit your ability to move further professionally when you are, say, in your 40's.

Try doing some over-correction, a term used in psychotherapy. With a girl that you have some rapport with, in a non-joking way, talk about how you are really nasty sexually, and if she shows some interest talk about twisted shit you like to do. Do it without any desire for a successful sexual outcome.

Get used to the pluses and minuses of being seen as a sexual being. Then worry about becoming successful.

This links to a concept I've posted about elsewhere about frigidity, and how it's more a trait rather than a state with women. We need to separate low-drive from high-drive women, there's little time for the low-drive ones.

Also athletics and psychotherapy with an OLDER male therapist who isn't naive about women. I had a therapist who was an MD from an Ivy League school and it helped a lot-- I knew I was getting the viewpoint that successful people have. Not crazies on the internet like me. "Redpill" guys say education doesn't count-- they become much quieter when asked to compare paychecks and status with a guy like that. I wanted to be crazier than he thought wise, but if HE thought it was a good idea, then it was probably a reasonably conservative path.

and keep focus on some career path. It' s not a sprint it's a marathon.

[Frank Mackey]

It was only when I was 21 that I actually started doing anything relevant at ll when it comes to seducing girls... Before around that age I was more concerned about playing soccer at high school ahah

So there is really no reason for you to be depressed... Ok, you can't go to clubs now. But I imagine you won't also be capable of cold approaching in a supermarket... well, you know what, neither are 90% of the ppl in this forum... for the simple reason that in most cases such approach won't work at all and will be embarassing for both persons.

I just want to mean that, at this stage and since you can't go to clubs, it's better you stick to the other normal routes for banging chicks . Try to be in a social group surrounded with them, invite everyone for a house party, rely on social networks such as ok cupid etc, travel to easy dating destinations such as Brazil or Eastern Europe. And of course, go to the gym, work out, sign up for Esquire and other men magazines and get some tips there on how you can wear sharper clothes (please don't wear t-shirts with funny sayings or the sort!)

To sum it up, do your best, at this stage fail more than you succeed, and don't think much about it... You'll fail many times, and if you continue to be persistent, in some years you'll be far more successful, trust me!

[FLA]

(04-01-2013 09:28 PM)MidniteSpecial Wrote:  

Cut back on the weed and start drinking liquor more. Weed = paranoid and closed. Alcohol = fearless and open.

Quitting after this werkend for a bit so I can get my head straight and fitness back on track.

Over-correction is definitely worth a try iknowexactly. I know some girls that i could give a shit how they though about me. I think with some practice I can apply this mentality to every chick. Good tip bro.

Frank, helpful stuff man. I've been hanging out with my boys primarily but I see it's time to revaluate that. Throwing a party is not an option, but attending more is no problem.

[Sombro]

Once you get to college it's waay easier. Because there's chicks who are going through the female equivalent of the same thing at that point -- leaving home and wanting to spread their... wings, ahem. Everyone sees this time as a "clean slate" and for many it is.

Lay off the pot. Drink in moderation. Maintaining frame is most important at this time.

[Snowflake]

(04-02-2013 08:39 AM)Frank Mackey Wrote:  

But I imagine you won't also be capable of cold approaching in a supermarket... well, you know what, neither are 90% of the ppl in this forum... for the simple reason that in most cases such approach won't work at all and will be embarassing for both persons.

you're trolling right?

[FLA]

I'm definitely quitting smoking after this weekend. I'm hanging out with a girl one on one and smoking. She has loose morales so I have a chance to easily escalate. This would be great for my confidence. Any idea on how to approach this situation?