[Benelli]

Hey,


Noticed that FB has a handy feature in the "Activity log" on one's profile page. Expanding the left additional menu enables one to see what search history oneself, or someone else has on their account.

I have noticed that the girl im currently dating is routinely checking up on her ex BF, loser/asshole guy. Even though we went through a little drama (more on that HERE) she has seemed to be very much into me, and also shows it in many nice ways. Sure, the occasional shit test erupts, but aside from that It's going well.

The Ex BF searching was happning like twice weekly, after the drama (and her calling out her disinterest in him), into january and slowly vanishing to one-off searches of his profile. They seem to be done in conjunction with another search (usually right before or after) of a certain girls name. I guess she has heard some gossip of him meeting someone else or whatever.

I don't like that she's checking up on him. However, I'm checking up other girls from time to time. Not too often, but it sure happens. Not too much into the FB thing.

How "serious" is this? Just a spillover of hypergamy, or do I need to amp up my game big time?

[Ensam]

Are you logging into her account (or using it after she's logged in) to see her searches?

In any case I just cleared that shit. One less reason to use FB.

[Benelli]

Checked it from her comp, while she was away and still logged in.

[ElBorrachoInfamoso]

It's serious. You're way too insecure and she's not girlfriend material.

[polymath]

A) you care too much....sometimes you have to keep boundaries on how far you will go to track other people's behavior, if only to keep yourself sane.

B) she probably still wants his dick inside of her, so maybe you shouldn't get involved too seriously just yet.

[WesternCancer]

Instead of being on facebook spend your time fucking her.

[kinjutsu]

Way too much investment in her.
If you suspect she still pines for him drop her now.
A couple reasons:

The insecurity you're showing by going behind her back is showing in subtle ways when you are with her.

Eventually you will see something that you don't like and that will set you off. You'll act all emotional over her behavior. By simply doing this she'll become less attracted to you. Over time she will lose all but cursory interest in you. After that it'll only be a matter of time before she messages him on facebook asking to meet up etc...

If she's your gf then she should be acting like one. Women can't be alone. They must have attention, affection or drama on some level. Her compulsive need to "check up on him" is an issue. There could be a million and 1 excuses for her doing this, none of them matter. She could easily put that energy into making you food, working out or giving you more sex you can handle.


Ask yourself this: Is she going through your facebook checking up on your activities online?
Who is more invested in the relationship? Her or You?


A tip for the next time you enter into a LTR with a girl.
Within the 1st month set the boundaries of whats acceptable and not acceptable. That way when she decides to test them you can tell her get lost. She'll most likely beg for another chances at which point you can slide her into a lower position on the totem pole and find a new girl to occupy the majority of your time with.

[ryanf]

That is your girlfriend, who trusts you not to check her private and personal things. What a terrible thing to do......


....
....
....

Just kidding. Get rid of her immediately.

[aphelion]

I wouldn't worry about this. The accessibility of the internet makes it too easy to check out what exes are up to -- there's not inherently evidence of investment here.

Drop her if she's mailing him tho.

[Matt3B]

Why do guys do this? Seriously, what's the point?

You're way too invested in her. If you were fucking a few other girls you wouldn't even have bothered going into her Facebook.

[Ensam]

(03-09-2013 11:57 AM)MattC Wrote:  

Why do guys do this? Seriously, what's the point?

You're way too invested in her. If you were fucking a few other girls you wouldn't even have bothered going into her Facebook.

Yeah, this is really the proper way to handle it. Always have at least two girls in rotation. Whenever you get too invested in one call the other one up. Also, I swear girls have a sixth sense for knowing how invested you are. I really believe that the less invested you are the less likely she'll step out of line. If she feels like you've always got one foot out the door then she'll be spending all her time and energy thinking about how to keep you and not what her ex is up to.

[RouteBackwards]

(03-08-2013 01:40 PM)Benelli Wrote:  

is routinely checking up on her ex BF, loser/asshole guy.

I think you have your answer right there.

He does not give a fuck about her and that breeds curiosity.

You give too much of a fuck about her (creeping her facebook when she isn't looking) and that's pushing her away.

[RouteBackwards]

(03-08-2013 02:05 PM)Ensam Wrote:  

Are you logging into her account (or using it after she's logged in) to see her searches?

In any case I just cleared that shit. One less reason to use FB.

Just out of curiosity, Facebook tracks my search and viewing history?

If so, anyone know how the fuck I can disable this so people can't see what the fuck I'm doing on facebook?

[Ensam]

Google, 'facebook activity log' and it'll tell you how to get to it. Then on the left hand side click search (mine was hidden in a drop down menu) at the top you'll see a button that lets you clear all the searches. You can also remove individual ones. As far as I can tell it doesn't keep track of your views, just your searches.

Personally, I've just about had it with Facebook so I'm just never going to search for anybody again.

[MrXY]

Ex was a no-good asshole( who probably cheated on her), right?

You have oneitis and sounds like you are faithful to her

She pines for the ex

There's a lesson here if you are willing to learn it

[ChocolateCockOfZeus]

I forgot fb even existed. You should too.

[Millz]

Everyone gets curious once in a while and wants to check what a female is up to regardless of how many chicks he is fucking..
Its always nice to know so that you can just get rid of them

[Benelli]

Many good points made. Mr XY - you're on point. Feel free to elaborate.

Oneitis, not really. I got options, so to say, and can actively pursue them. I have been faithful for some time, banged some girls in the beginning of our dating. This girl is just nice, fun, really good looking and cool to hang with. I chose to spend more time with her than with other girls.

That the EX doesn't give a fuck isn't entirely true - as some ppl pointed out. The guy got back in touch with her almost at the same time her and I met for the 1st time. She was basically spinning both plates simultaneously until I told her it was off. That led her to commit to me (sure, one should judge by actions not words!). The EX was very beta in his contact and not gaming, more beta-esque asking her out for hot chocolate and writing texts such as "I like you".

As Fisto pointed out HERE - she actually told me the other day, that my "breakup with her" made her realize that I have "real" of values - which in her own words "deepend her respect for me". To add a fact, I have had a past in modeling, and a google search will not only show pics from former campaigns but also with many chicks (some kissing) :-D. So, when we started dating she had googled me, found the pics and thought of me as a player and not as BF material. Could be BS, or not, but it sounds likely.

To add to the modeling past, looks trump game sometimes, but not in a relationships or dating context by my own experience. I have not had many problems swooping hotties from parties, but have challenges with dating - which eventually led me to find heartiste, then Roosh and other cool cats.

My own conclusion is that I'll just go with the flow now, and keep pursuing other possibilities while enjoying the time I also spend with her, which after all is cool. She is not the future mother of my kids and not my future wife, we're both too young for that - so fuck it, let's just have fun and roll. That mindset should probably have foregone this post and my over-analysis of the situation.

[Matt3B]

(03-10-2013 03:42 PM)Benelli Wrote:  

Many good points made. Mr XY - you're on point. Feel free to elaborate.

Oneitis, not really. I got options, so to say, and can actively pursue them. I have been faithful for some time, banged some girls in the beginning of our dating. This girl is just nice, fun, really good looking and cool to hang with. I chose to spend more time with her than with other girls.

That the EX doesn't give a fuck isn't entirely true - as some ppl pointed out. The guy got back in touch with her almost at the same time her and I met for the 1st time. She was basically spinning both plates simultaneously until I told her it was off. That led her to commit to me (sure, one should judge by actions not words!). The EX was very beta in his contact and not gaming, more beta-esque asking her out for hot chocolate and writing texts such as "I like you".

As Fisto pointed out HERE - she actually told me the other day, that my "breakup with her" made her realize that I have "real" of values - which in her own words "deepend her respect for me". To add a fact, I have had a past in modeling, and a google search will not only show pics from former campaigns but also with many chicks (some kissing) :-D. So, when we started dating she had googled me, found the pics and thought of me as a player and not as BF material. Could be BS, or not, but it sounds likely.

To add to the modeling past, looks trump game sometimes, but not in a relationships or dating context by my own experience. I have not had many problems swooping hotties from parties, but have challenges with dating - which eventually led me to find heartiste, then Roosh and other cool cats.

My own conclusion is that I'll just go with the flow now, and keep pursuing other possibilities while enjoying the time I also spend with her, which after all is cool. She is not the future mother of my kids and not my future wife, we're both too young for that - so fuck it, let's just have fun and roll. That mindset should probably have foregone this post and my over-analysis of the situation.

That's good, you seem to have your shit locked down.

In the future, I would discourage you from checking a girl's Facebook if you have the chance to. There will always be a lot of stuff on there from guys macking on her and it'll piss you off if you're into her. Remember, most guys think that even the smallest and quickest friendly exchange with a girl is a buying sign and will pursue it as if she's bent over in front of him. Anything will set this off. For example, she could post a photo, a guy comments, she "likes it" or comments back with something like "thanks" and he thinks he's in there and will go for it.

Personally, I think it's weak and a sign of insecurity.

I just automatically assume it now. I just assume every girl I'm talking to is fucking another dude behind my back and it makes things a lot easier in terms of being aloof and not getting caught up in emotions.

[yolo]

My first love/relationship years ago, I was super insecure about her ex, and went through her phone and e-mails and found nothing. I became addicted to looking through her shit, invading her privacy. I went so far as to check her iCloud account and could tell where she was at all times using the FindMyPhone feature. Needless to say, I lost her, love just dwindled away, and I learned to NEVER look through a girl's privacy ever again. It usually makes things worse. Looking back at it, I was so paranoid for no reason whatsoever. I think it's because your mind begins to search for an outcome that may never be there, and it basically becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In my opinion, if you find yourself going through a girl's phone, you already lost.

[BadgerHut]

(03-09-2013 02:01 PM)Ensam Wrote:  

Also, I swear girls have a sixth sense for knowing how invested you are.

My friend used to say, "dude, girls can smell pussy on you."

[Mr Finish]

To me it seems like you're worrying too much and I'm guessing she can sense it. Her disdain towards her ex is clearly feigned. There's really not much you can do except run some serious dread game; lightly flirt with your waitress when you two go out, dress nice so you get plenty of IOI's and start working on a few side chicks. Women can tell when a man is desired.

[kaotic]

(03-10-2013 09:29 PM)MattC Wrote:  

Personally, I think it's weak and a sign of insecurity.

I just automatically assume it now. I just assume every girl I'm talking to is fucking another dude behind my back and it makes things a lot easier in terms of being aloof and not getting caught up in emotions.

I had this same exact thinking at the beginning of last year, it's toxic to be honest.

Keeping your emotions in check and gaming other girl reduces that thought process and sooner or later it's out the window.

You just enjoy women who are there in the moment, you don't worry if she's cheating or not because you've already got other girls.

You also learn to find girls who complement your life so you don't even have to think about if the girl you're with is fucking other dudes or not.

I agree with being aloof, but if we're talking LTR's being aloof sooner or later will make her check out.

[Ausguy]

Most people seem to check on their exs from time to time. Doing it twice a week, it means she still has feelings for her ex!

If you want a relationship from this girl, she isn't ready for one.
If you want a root, keep banging her but at some stage, it's highly likely if her ex contacts her, she will open her legs for him!