Thanks for sharing Sphere, my situation with my psycho-ex was a bit different, but I can most certainly relate to where you are coming from and feel your pain. Not to play arm chair psychologist here, like I so often do, but I am willing to bet your ex suffered from some form of personality disorder (most likely of the "Cluster B" variety
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorders)
After therapy, reading a couple books, and tons of online research, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that my ex has borderline as well as narcissistic personality disorders.
Like your ex, she was extremely jealous, to the point where is I so much as looked at another girl, or another girl looked at me it could set her off into some form of hysterics. Ironically, she was so jealous and obsessive with me, but if I acted the same way with her, she'd find a way to twist things and turn them around against me, to make me out to be the one who was insecure and had issues.
With these types, the true reality is always lingering below the surface, and this reality is one strange, cruel, fucked up mistress.
Like you Sphere, when I met my ex we "moved into a very deep, very close relationship much too quickly".... I kind of saw some red flags, but I was just swept away by all the excitement, sex, and good emotions I was feeling. This was an absolute gorgeous girl (8 on the scale) who was proclaiming her love for me, wanting to spend all her time with me, it seemed we had so much in common. However, this was all a charade, it was a byproduct of her mental disorder... She was simply figuring me out, my personality, likes, wants, needs, etc., and she was "mirroring" my personality, making me believe that we had so much in common and that we were perfect for each other.
Most relationships with a BPD woman start off extremely quick, and you experience a "honeymoon" phase at the very beginning, (normally around the first 3 months), where everything seems so perfect. You get the sense that you've known each other for much longer, and sadly I hate to admit, but you almost feel like you've met "your soul mate".
From there, there are strange twists. The true person lurking beneath the shiny veneer of the surface, occassionally comes out to rear its ugly head. Before long, the outbursts, attacks, psychological games, etc. start to become a constant.
Like your ex Sphere, mine played a game that I called "subtle psychological sabotage", she'd alternate between putting me on a pedestal and saying I'm the greatest man in the world, and she's never been so in love, to totally trashing me, putting me down, treating me like shit.
I believe that she is a narcissist, but in reality, a lot of her ego is just a mask to cover up the reality that she really does have a very low self esteem, and like you write: I feel that she had a whole in her soul that could not be filled. With my ex, I'd even go as far to say that she has no soul, or a blackhole of a soul, she is such a fucked up, cold calculating person, who feel absolutely no remorse for her actions, or empathy for others.
Sphere, your situation with having bought a house with your psycho ex, sounds really shitty, stressful and fucked up. I feel bad for you on that. I got really fucking burned by my ex, to make a long story short....
Repeatedly lied to, manipulated, cheated on (I later found out), stabbed in the back, she gave me an STD... and to top it all off, got blacked out belligerent drunk one night, started acting like a total fucking bitch... When we got into a *verbal* fight, she went off the deep end and got violent with me... When I tried to restrain her physically, she ran into her kitchen and called 911 on her house phone... About 10 mins. later the cops showed up... About 10 mins after that, I am handcuffed and thrown in the back of a pig car... Arrested for B.S. I didn't even do... Assaulting my GF, who in fact assaulted me... Forced to pay $4,000 in fines, and attend a 52 week domestic violence class... Run by an angry old feminist, who made my life hell for 6 months, accusing me of anger, violence, etc. issues.... Basically, I was a victim of the blue pill and the B.S. laws of this feminized society.
In the end when I did break up with her, it was much like you describe. Constant calls and texts, emails, showing up at my house unannounced, etc. She made every attempt to lure me back in, even succeeding one time, when she acted like she was really sick one night and was crying and begging for me to come check out her. At one point he claimed she was so sick and needed to go to the hospital, but ofcourse when I showed up to check on her, and she seduced me... It must have been my dick in her mouth that treated her... right?
In the end after all the fucked up shit he did to me, I had acted like a good man, a good lover, a man of principle, honesty, etc. She fucking treated me like a piece of toilet paper she wiped her ass with... Even after all the fucked up shit she did to me.... She still acted like the fucking VICTIM... She had the audacity to cry uncontrolably and say how I treated HER like shit, etc. A complete and total byproduct of her BPD, the feeling of being a victim, and fearing abandonment.
In the end, going Amish is the only solution to the crazy bitch!! It may take a couple months, but if you ignore, all their texts, calls, etc. Eventually they will get the message that you don't want to have anything to do with them.
To wrap this up, like you Sphere, to add insult to injury... My EX still goes around town trashing my name to our formerly mutual friends (most all women)... The nature of her mental disorder, makes her take out all her shit on her significant other, while her friends are largely spared of the insanity. She is extremely outgoing, fun, and charming, and therefore her friends all think she is great, but little do they know, of the psycho lingering, below the surface....