[K-man]

After the thread "How do you think forum members look like" I thought it would also be fun to have a thread with jokes starring forum members.
Here goes:
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Roosh's new girlfriend is bragging to her girlfriends:
- So I'm banging this new guy.
- Is he cute?
- Well, everyone says he looks like Jesus.
- You got a picture?
- Here.
- Jesus...

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The G Manifesto went thru his Mom's wallet and found a few singles and quarters. He went and bought a pack of smokes and a Bud Light, jerked off, lit up a cig, cracked the beer open, kicked the cat, and shouted:
- Whooo! That's life, G-style! Cash, drugs, alcohol, sex, and violence!

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Spartan was traveling thru Eastern Europe on the night train. It so happened that on the berth below him was a cute girl. When they went to bed, he threw down a string with the following note attached:
- If you would like to have sex with me, pull on the string once. If you don't, pull 20 times, the last 5 more vigorously.

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Samseau was gaming in the salsa club wearing his tight pants.
Samseau: Girl, I like you!
Girl, looking down: I can tell.

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Neil Skywalker took out a girl and towards the end of the date steered her towards his place.
Neil: So you want to come upstairs for a coffee?
Girl: Oh, I don't know, coffee this late...
Neil: Come on, I haven't had coffee in 6 months!

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After a night of drinking, Vorkuta is taking a piss in a London underpass. A girl walks by and when she sees him, she jumps back startled.
Vorkuta: Don't worry girl, I'm holding him tight!

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Athlone McGinnis starts dating a girl and she tells him "I like my man to be well-read, so you better start reading up!". He agrees and after a while she asks him "So tell me about what you've read, and you'd better have picked up some of it because I want you to make love to me like Casanova, to be jealous of me like Othello, to read poetry under my balcony like Romeo". Athlone replies "Well, you can bite my ass now, because I'm only up to the "Hound of the Baskervilles"

[FretDancer]

Hahaha awesome! Great post and thread.

[AntiTrace]

(09-13-2012 03:09 AM)K-man Wrote:  

After a night of drinking, Vorkuta is taking a piss in a London underpass. A girl walks by and when she sees him, she jumps back startled.
Vorkuta: Don't worry girl, I'm holding him tight!

got a good laugh out of me

[Samseau]

Damn we got a comedian here!

[Cincinnatus]

I found the jokes about Spartan and Roosh especially amusing. Good job!

[WanderingSoul]

Spartan one got a legit lol out of me.

[RandalGraves]

He'll be doing standup weeknights at the "AlphaBeta Bar".

[j r]

Emech's friend: How was your date last night?
Emech: Went great. Got drunk, hit it all night and passed out, but now she won't leave.
Emech's friend: Man, I hate when that happens. Women bring nothing but hassle into your home.
Emech: True. Plus, every time she coughs, the TV shuts off.

[K-man]

Got a few new ones:

El Mechanico was riding in his pimp-mobile and stopped at a red light. Next to him a hottie stopped in her car.
El Mech rolled down his window and put his arm up on the frame. The chick also rolled her window down.
El Mech grinned at her: "What, you farted too?"

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Greek Kamaki was gaming a Ukranian chick and promised her a present. When they got to his hotel room she asked what her present was, and he said "A baby elephant!"
The chick started to jump with joy, all excited: "A baby elephant - where?"
Greek faced her, turned his pants pockets inside out, and said "Here are the ears, now find the trunk!"

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Tenderman got a job as a truck driver. When out in the country, he saw two hitch-hikers: one a young hottie, and the other a wrinkled old hoe. He took them for a ride, but put the hottie back with the cargo, and the old hoe in the cabin. After a while, he pulled over, banged the grandma, and started up again.
When they finally got off, the young hottie asked "What kind of pervert you are, to put me back with the cargo and bang this old bag instead?"
Tenderman said "I may still pick you up another time, but this old momma may die tomorrow and then I lose that notch forever"

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Samseau, Tuthmosis, and Fisto applied to join the CIA as commandos. They passed all tests - running, swimming, shooting, push-ups, hand-combat, and got to the final test: they were each given a pistol and told they had to go in this room where a young hottie was tied up, and shoot her!
Samseau got in first but when he saw her he got all teary-eyed and couldn't pass the test.
Tuthmosis went in next, and aimed the pistol, cocked the trigger, but his hand started shaking and he also couldn't pass the test.
Fisto went in last, closed the door behind him, and loud noises of gunshots and struggle were heard for about 15 minutes... he finally went out all covered in sweat and blood, and said "Goddamn it, the mutherfucking gun was loaded with blanks, so I had to finish her off bare-handed"

[Spike]

Dude, you're good at this!

[Deluge]

The Kamaki one is gold.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Quote:

Neil: Come on, I haven't had coffee in 6 months!

[Greek kamaki]

K-man was relaxing in Sunny Beach Bulgaria when a hot blonde came to him.She asked:Can you treat me some Bulgarian ice cream?-Of course he answered and pulled his tongue out.

Neil took his young Pinay princess to a date:''A cup of water for me and half a lemonade for the lady''.The girl was enthusiastic:You are so generous today Neil.''It is true he answered,sometimes I act like a spoiled white knight.''

Spartan saw a Belarussian lady passing by:''Excuse me,do you know any pet shop nearby?''-Izvini,she said I have told you already five times the closest pet shop is in Gomel.''-''I just came from Gomel Spartan said,do you sense my radioactivity?''

Vorkuta went to the famous village of Begladavisk in the area of Novosokhol in upper Staroduznietsk.There he met a nice Russkaya passing by:''Excuse me is here Begladavisk?''-Oh no,she said this is Begladayarsk,Begladavisk lies 20 km away after the forest.''Sorry he said I come from London,my knowledge is limited about your places.''London,she said,are you a real English gentleman?I am so pleased.I have never met an Englishman before.''There is always a first time he said and offered her a flower.

Deb decided this would be a difficult day.He sat down in toilet and arranged three new dates in no time.While arranging his long Serbian hair looking at the mirror to admire his idol,the first girl was already hitting on his door.''Wait a bit darling he said.I am still taking a dump.''

[littleG]

PJ25: I only game 10's.

[Hades]

Can I get made fun of?

[Technics]

These are all just jokes guys so please nobody get offended.

It was Neil Skywalker's birthday so his grandma wired him 100 euros on the condition that he "take a nice young lady out on a date." Not sure how to mentally reconcile this with his strict 30 euro/day budget, he gave the money back.

G_Manifesto was riding back home fresh off a custom suited boxing session at Aces Gym in Hollywood when a young fly honey pulled up next to him in her car. Another guy nodded to the girl and said "What's up?" G_Manifesto turned to his passenger and said "That guy reads my blog." The passenger says "how do you know?" G_Manifesto replies because he just used my exclusive "Double-nod, West-Coast Playboy, Road Swoop" move!

Roosh was at home on a Wednesday night when he realized his favorite porn site was down for maintenance. Not willing to give up getting off for the night, he went straight over to the Admin panel at RVF to ban some members.

[Technics]

A team of the world's leading investigative researchers were dispatched to discover Greek Kamaki's identity. After months of grueling research, they found it. Turns out, Kamaki is Santa Claus who was knocked off his sleigh as it was passing over Ukraine, giving him partial amnesia.

Spartan wanted to make the Ultimate Eastern European experiment. Not content with merely recording his approaches with girls in Poland and Ukraine, he plans to have a friend make recordings of him recording his approaches with girls. If all goes well, in early 2014, Spartan will consult with Stephen Hawking to determine if there could be any repercussions to the universe if Spartan takes the experiment to the next stage.

[Technics]

blockedurl was traveling one night when the ultimate opportunity presented itself: The Saudi Arabian flag. However, unfortunately it was in a London hotel room, so he had to turn it down. Why capture the flag in London when you can pass secretly into Saudi Arabia through Oman, bang a Royal's daughter in a storage room as there are armed guards lurking and then flee to the airport with a 200 person man-hunt on your trail?

[Technics]

One day, God appeared to Tuthmosis in his sleep. He said "My son, you most choose right now a life without sex or a life without memes. Make your choice." Make the long story short, Tuthmosis appeared on RVF the next day with a meme telling the guys what happened the night before.

[Lothario]

Nice run by Technics, We need more from K-Man.............

[Vacancier Permanent]

Hilarious stuff! There are some golden ones here! Keep'em coning guys! Specially like Roosh banning members after his fav porn site was down and the Kman's on G. LOL

[Technics]

Vacancier Permanent was at a house party on a friday night. A girl walked up and said "Hi, what's your name?"

VP's response was "Guys, anybody who's interested in making some business happen should put together $50k and head over Guanzhou, China."

[Spike]

Delete

[haywire]

Pusscrook met up with his friend for a late night snack after banging his latest gf. Not looking too content, his concerned friend asks him "What's the deal man? Why is there a grim look on your face instead of an afterglow?". "Well the sex wasn't that good". "How come?" "Well, it was like putting my penis in a vacuum box, her tits sagged so much on the sides that the chest looked flat, couldn't do her from behind for long enough as she got really tired after a minute, so we switched back to missionary. I eventually made her cum and then she passed out, which scared the crap out of me initially, so I had to stop and jerk myself off" "Goddamn! why would you subject yourself to such extreme torture?" "For a new TV set".

[Tigre]

Deb Auchery was back in Lvov, searching for a rental apartment. He found something that looked perfect, and declared to the landlord that he wanted to take it.

The Ukrainian landlord decided to tell him, in a moment of honesty: "Is only one problem with apartment. Water heater not working very good. Is no hot water in shower".

"Oh, no problem", replied Deb Auchery. "I just step under the shower and the water heats up by itself".