[malc]

I recently read about adult attachment styles and it fucking blew my mind. It explained so much and I know it has helped my game considerably. It can remove the 'this feels like psychopathy' angle a lot of game has, and help you avoid the drama queens.

There are 3 types:

Secure: These are women who aren't jealous drama queens or ice cold. They are not insecure people. You can text them the next day if your first date went good. They usually end up in another long term relationship fairly quickly and end up not being on the dating market long. As a result, even though they're the majority of people, they're a minority on the dating market.

Anxious: These people are far more sensitive than the average to people abandoning them, and are the OAG personified at the extreme end of things. They can confuse their 'attachment' system trying to reattach with their lover with feelings of love. As an ironic result, anxious and avoidant people attract each other like magnets and anxious people don't find secure people as interesting. An anxious person with a secure person although will calm down eventually and not act so anxious.

Avoidant: These people have a hard time getting too close because they want a strong feelings of independence and control. They freak out when they get 'too' close to someone. They're a good chunk of game advice. Whats funny although is even though they act like they don't want the person they're with, they still feel the same high amounts of stress that an anxious person going through an jealously attack when they feel worried. A pair of a avoidants never get anywhere since they don't have the glue to stay together, and secure people usually leave them quickly because they won't put up with their bullshit. This puts them on the dating market frequently. As a result, even though avoidants are a minority of people, they're the majority of the dating market.

A lot of game is playing the avoidant to the anxious chicks or not doing things that will fuck up with the avoidant chicks. Secure women might leave you fairly quickly because they don't want to deal with your player BS that smells like an avoidant a mile away. Knowing what kind of girl your dealing with and adjusting your game as a result can help you considerably. You might not want to deal with avoidants anymore after you know although.

I don't explain it that well, but these will explain it better:
Wikipedia: Attachment in Adults
Book I read (directed towards women more than men, but still useful): Attached

[Samseau]

First off, the fact you linked to a book's webpage is suspicious.


Second off, as far as I can tell the theory is hugely flawed. Never is the word "attachment" defined. They give a rough explanation of what attachment looks like,

Quote:

For example, romantic partners desire to be close to one another. Romantic partners feel comforted when their partners are present and anxious or lonely when their partners are absent. Romantic relationships serve as a secure base that help partners face the surprises, opportunities, and challenges life presents. Similarities such as these led Hazan and Shaver to extend attachment theory to adult romantic relationships.

But they never define what qualifies as attachment. For example, I know men who cheat on their girlfriends regularly yet have plenty of success in keeping their main girl with them for long periods of time.

Are these men attached? They meet the description of romantic relationships, yet I'm sure the authors of this book would not consider him as part of the "secure attachment" category since he cheats.



Since the book misses this all-important distinction so early on with a fundamental premise, it seems this entire theory is nothing to take seriously.

[JJ Roberts]

Interesting but flawed in that it assumes all people are operating the replacement model when it comes to attachment (can only be attached to one person at a time and must replace that person with another if the relationship fails).

In other words it assumes that the only kind of attachment that is possible or desirable is a fenced attachment (enforced exclusivity).

Hugely flawed assumption.

[malc]

You can be attached to more than one person guys, I thought that was obvious. Attachment anxiety comes from losing a person your attached to, not having more than one person at a time. Look at xsplat and his setup for example, he really shows it well.

Your attached to two parents after all. And siblings. Baring broken family fuckups. A mainstream book for general audiences isn't going to spout a red pill fact that people are poly and can have romantic feelings for more than one person.

Attachment theory is part of psychology, go get a textbook on it if you want more precise definitions.

[iknowexactly]

I do think people have different speed and depth of pair bonding. When I am making out with a hot chick I like it kills my desire for other women. I think I get attached quickly.

I've brought this up before, but megastars who could fuck a different model every night still often get married.

I think a lot of guys into ONS have weaker pair bonding circuits. Not a criticism, just individual differences. It's disingenuous for those with weaker bonds ( less "oneitis") to judge those who are wimpier. more romantic. Promiscuity is probably a good survival characteristic for men-- leave more babies behind.

If everyone was an anonymous sperm donor / ONS guy too clever to give his real name and stay around to help raise kids, world would be more unstable.