How do you get past approach anxiety? I have only approached one girl (went well, until we discovered the age difference), but I was nervous as hell. It was one of those nervousness things that literally everything you hear is like the teacher from charlie brown that whole "womp womp womp womp womp". How can I get past this? I've been told experience, and I'm sure thats' the case, but, it's too difficult for me to get started.
Approach Anxiety.
Starting out, get a little tipsy.
Advanced mode, you're just going to have to approach more.
Advanced mode, you're just going to have to approach more.
There's no magic pill on overcoming your approach anxiety (as I've learned) you'll just have to keep putting the work in and slowly train yourself to become outcome independent, the biggest thing with approach anxiety (imo). Just learn to stop giving a fuck, seriously, just no longer give a single fuck what people think about you. Do you man. That's the biggest thing I've been learning, the less you give a fuck what people think, the more comfortable you will be with yourself. I still have some trouble with this but I just have to keep training every single day to not give a flying shit what any girl thinks about me. Do this and approaches should get easier...because there's really no getting around making approaches, the more you do, the more confident you'll become. But you already know this as you said, so drinking just a little to help you loosen up is one option. Overall though, you'll have to work on yourself from the bottom up every single fucking day which in turn will make you more confident in making approaches.
Here's some posts I think you should read through, they sum up everything I was trying to say much better.
Definitely start with this...
http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-14405.html
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-14041-...#pid237655
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-14192-...#pid235446
Read through this as well, west coast dropped serious gem's in here and that's the type of attitude you should definitely have when going out to make approaches.
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-14316.html
Here's some posts I think you should read through, they sum up everything I was trying to say much better.
Definitely start with this...
http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-14405.html
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-14041-...#pid237655
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-14192-...#pid235446
Read through this as well, west coast dropped serious gem's in here and that's the type of attitude you should definitely have when going out to make approaches.
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-14316.html
is it THAT difficult to say "hi how are you" to few girls a day at first? maybe start with saying hi, smiling and leaving immediately. just.. start
Haha, alright, so, here's the thing right? I have no issues going out and making a fool of myself, not even in front of really hot girls, in fact, they're the ones who give the best reactions, but, for me to go up and try sarging her, there's a different feeling there. I'm headed out of country for a few weeks, i'll try sarging there, less fucks given. It's strange, usually my motto is "0 fucks given" but... doesn't work with girls... fuck...
Quote: (07-20-2012 12:17 AM)carbanim Wrote:My first piece of advice would be to stop saying "sarging". I'm guessing that's some PUA slang.
Haha, alright, so, here's the thing right? I have no issues going out and making a fool of myself, not even in front of really hot girls, in fact, they're the ones who give the best reactions, but, for me to go up and try sarging her, there's a different feeling there. I'm headed out of country for a few weeks, i'll try sarging there, less fucks given. It's strange, usually my motto is "0 fucks given" but... doesn't work with girls... fuck...
Quote: (07-20-2012 12:17 AM)carbanim Wrote:
Haha, alright, so, here's the thing right? I have no issues going out and making a fool of myself, not even in front of really hot girls, in fact, they're the ones who give the best reactions, but, for me to go up and try sarging her, there's a different feeling there. I'm headed out of country for a few weeks, i'll try sarging there, less fucks given. It's strange, usually my motto is "0 fucks given" but... doesn't work with girls... fuck...
There's a big difference between making a fool of yourself for laughs, and putting in the effort to get a girl to respect you, like you, and follow your lead.
There's nothing cool about not giving a fuck if you're not getting what you want.
People always (including myself) get it fucked up. It's not giving a fuck about what she THINKS..not just "eh fuck the world i dont give a fuck im gonna smoke all night and play xbox fuck it." I give lots of fucks in life..im just learning to not give a fuck about if a certain chick is feeling me. Move on, try to figure what you did wrong (if anything) the next day, and work on it. It takes practice. Just dont give a fuck about the OUTCOME which is hard to do but you just gotta have that abundance mindset. If a girl isnt feeling you and dismisses you off..fuck it..who cares? And you have to open your mouth to get sex from a chick. You absolutely have to say something it's not gonna magically fall on your lap. Just realize everyone gets rejected. Roosh and these other players on this site still get rejected all the time..that's just how it is. Babe Ruth hit 700 home runs but I'll bet my ass he struck out twice that many times.
Glad some guys are getting it. When you say I don't give a fuck lets look at 2 examples:
"I don't care about anything, fuck the world!"
Versus
"I don't give a fuck if I get shut down, there are billions of people out there NO BIG DEAL"
The second person you want to hang out with the first brings down the mood!
When you hang out with a cool player, you feel good everyone feels good, in fact everyone is having more fun because you are around. When you leave though, the entire place dies, the hot air balloon is deflated and the dj stops spinning. That's the difference between "game" and "no game".
If you're not happy with your life, no one wants to be part of it.
"I don't care about anything, fuck the world!"
Versus
"I don't give a fuck if I get shut down, there are billions of people out there NO BIG DEAL"
The second person you want to hang out with the first brings down the mood!
When you hang out with a cool player, you feel good everyone feels good, in fact everyone is having more fun because you are around. When you leave though, the entire place dies, the hot air balloon is deflated and the dj stops spinning. That's the difference between "game" and "no game".
If you're not happy with your life, no one wants to be part of it.
Quote: (07-20-2012 12:30 PM)Thatdude Wrote:
People always (including myself) get it fucked up. It's not giving a fuck about what she THINKS..not just "eh fuck the world i dont give a fuck im gonna smoke all night and play xbox fuck it." I give lots of fucks in life..im just learning to not give a fuck about if a certain chick is feeling me. Move on, try to figure what you did wrong (if anything) the next day, and work on it. It takes practice. Just dont give a fuck about the OUTCOME which is hard to do but you just gotta have that abundance mindset. If a girl isnt feeling you and dismisses you off..fuck it..who cares? And you have to open your mouth to get sex from a chick. You absolutely have to say something it's not gonna magically fall on your lap. Just realize everyone gets rejected. Roosh and these other players on this site still get rejected all the time..that's just how it is. Babe Ruth hit 700 home runs but I'll bet my ass he struck out twice that many times.
Easiest way I overcame it is by saying "Hello" to random sexy girls on the street. Also, some badass awesome songs which seem designed for smoking cigarettes and riding bikes help set the "I am one awesome and sexy motherfucker", like smoke on the water cover by metalium. Also, you should keep your chin up and have a slight smile ("I'm getting pussy" smile). Oh, and read this: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/12/2...assholery/
Check out my thread Essential android tools for modern players and alphas to find out how to make your android phone your wingman, or click here and scroll down if you only need to root it.
Want sound that puts iPods and iPhones to shame? I got you covered!
Welsome to the forum Carbanim.Young player the fact that you are are on RVF forum means you want to improve your Game , Hell I wish i found a forumlike this at age 19 ...... That would have added a few hundred notches to my score....
Now to answer your question.
like some one said before just say some thing to girls , get it out of yor mind that you are trying to fuck them, just talk to them, ask what time is it, where is the closest starbucks, Hell... even talk to dudes, become the most gabbiest perseon ever.... you are everybody's best friend, the happiest person alive... get it.
Where are you located kid.... Find any RVF member close to you , go on hunting session with them your game will improve exponentially....
Feel free to ask any question or PM......
Happy Hunting......
Now to answer your question.
like some one said before just say some thing to girls , get it out of yor mind that you are trying to fuck them, just talk to them, ask what time is it, where is the closest starbucks, Hell... even talk to dudes, become the most gabbiest perseon ever.... you are everybody's best friend, the happiest person alive... get it.
Where are you located kid.... Find any RVF member close to you , go on hunting session with them your game will improve exponentially....
Feel free to ask any question or PM......
Happy Hunting......
"You can not fake good kids" - Mike Pence
The book Models by Mark Manson have a whole chapter devoted to this and his approach is well thought out.
Quote: (07-18-2012 02:49 AM)carbanim Wrote:
How do you get past approach anxiety? I have only approached one girl (went well, until we discovered the age difference), but I was nervous as hell. It was one of those nervousness things that literally everything you hear is like the teacher from charlie brown that whole "womp womp womp womp womp". How can I get past this? I've been told experience, and I'm sure thats' the case, but, it's too difficult for me to get started.
My buddy often refers to alcohol as "alpha juice". In the context of the party/nightclub scene there's plenty to go around. Have something to drink, and your approach anxiety will diminish.
I think the more you ponder and think about it the more you're rational side of the brain will talk you out of it so if you want to approach just do it and see what happens, but of course alcohol helps get you over the so called "activation energy" of actually approaching as well
I brainstormed a list of the main (irrational) beliefs that cause Approach Anxiety. Let me know if there are others:
1.I believe rejection is a really big a deal.
2.I fear that I might shock or surprise her.
3.I fear I am disturbing her or bothering her.
4.I fear not having anything to say and then looking stupid.
5.I fear a rejection might reveal some unbearable truth about me unbeknownst until now.
6.I fear that other people might witness me doing an approach and judge me.
7.I prefer assuming a girl is attracted to me over actually seeing if she is or not and making a real connection.
8.Approaching women is somehow inappropriate.
9.I fear she might make a scene. She might yell and scream or say bad things about me.
10.If she rejects me bad, I fear I will be in a shitty mood for days or weeks.
11.She might not be alone. Her boyfriend might come around the corner and catch me trying to pick up his girlfriend.
12.She probably already has a boyfriend.
13.Other avoidant behaviors with thoughts like: I’m not sure I am interested enough in her, she looks too bitchy, etc.
After you do a few approaches, you mostly put the lie to these beliefs, and mostly get over AA.
1.I believe rejection is a really big a deal.
2.I fear that I might shock or surprise her.
3.I fear I am disturbing her or bothering her.
4.I fear not having anything to say and then looking stupid.
5.I fear a rejection might reveal some unbearable truth about me unbeknownst until now.
6.I fear that other people might witness me doing an approach and judge me.
7.I prefer assuming a girl is attracted to me over actually seeing if she is or not and making a real connection.
8.Approaching women is somehow inappropriate.
9.I fear she might make a scene. She might yell and scream or say bad things about me.
10.If she rejects me bad, I fear I will be in a shitty mood for days or weeks.
11.She might not be alone. Her boyfriend might come around the corner and catch me trying to pick up his girlfriend.
12.She probably already has a boyfriend.
13.Other avoidant behaviors with thoughts like: I’m not sure I am interested enough in her, she looks too bitchy, etc.
After you do a few approaches, you mostly put the lie to these beliefs, and mostly get over AA.
Take care of those titties for me.
Once you accept that there will always be a certain amount of rejection it gets easier. Even now I get rejected or cock blocked 20-30% of the time. Knowing and expecting this going in makes it somewhat easier.
One more thing, to this day I still get a bit anxious before I approach ANY girl. This never goes away. What happens is that confidence level gets to a point where you feel you can pretty much handle anything so you are all approach even with the little anxiety because of your belief in your competence.
One more thing, to this day I still get a bit anxious before I approach ANY girl. This never goes away. What happens is that confidence level gets to a point where you feel you can pretty much handle anything so you are all approach even with the little anxiety because of your belief in your competence.
Let the anxiety be there. Embrace it and explore it and allow yourself to feel it fully.
Also accept that it might always be there, no matter how good you get at game.
Trying to fight the feelings is counterproductive. So is trying to convince yourself of various untruths like "I don't give a fuck." etc.
So I say, let the anxiety be there. But go make your play in spite of these feelings. Show up.
On a practical note, what another poster mentioned above about chatting with a lot of people throughout the day is awesome advice. It's so simple. Just yak with everybody. Cashiers, baristas, old ladies, bus drivers. It gets you socially lubricated and when a hot chick comes along, you're much smoother.
Also accept that it might always be there, no matter how good you get at game.
Trying to fight the feelings is counterproductive. So is trying to convince yourself of various untruths like "I don't give a fuck." etc.
So I say, let the anxiety be there. But go make your play in spite of these feelings. Show up.
On a practical note, what another poster mentioned above about chatting with a lot of people throughout the day is awesome advice. It's so simple. Just yak with everybody. Cashiers, baristas, old ladies, bus drivers. It gets you socially lubricated and when a hot chick comes along, you're much smoother.
It really comes down to practice and self confidence.
I understand why guys go and say, "do a hundred cold approaches". But honestly, that's like running into a gun fight with a knife.
Try this instead, start small conversations with everyone you meet. Guys, girls, etc. i love asking wait staff how they're day is going. You'll get the canned "good" response: i always like to take to the next level: good as in i won the lottery or good as in cold pizza?"
Stuff like that, you want to work on being clever in a fun and delightful day. The world always smiles back at you if you start smiling. Start smiling more with a relaxed face and see who responds back. Open the people who smile at you.
With that said, i suffered a lot of self esteem and confidence issues that game helped slightly overcome. You should work on becoming a master at 1 or 2 things. The confidence derived from that will spill over socially and will power your lack luster game and level it up.
I understand why guys go and say, "do a hundred cold approaches". But honestly, that's like running into a gun fight with a knife.
Try this instead, start small conversations with everyone you meet. Guys, girls, etc. i love asking wait staff how they're day is going. You'll get the canned "good" response: i always like to take to the next level: good as in i won the lottery or good as in cold pizza?"
Stuff like that, you want to work on being clever in a fun and delightful day. The world always smiles back at you if you start smiling. Start smiling more with a relaxed face and see who responds back. Open the people who smile at you.
With that said, i suffered a lot of self esteem and confidence issues that game helped slightly overcome. You should work on becoming a master at 1 or 2 things. The confidence derived from that will spill over socially and will power your lack luster game and level it up.
Relieve the anxiety. Force it out of your mind and body..
How to do this???
Shock it out of your system.
Put yourself in life and death situations. This will cause the fear to boil over and force its way to the surface. Once it has risen to the surface you can more easily allow it to exit.
Don't let the anxiety simmer below the surface. Highlight it and bring it out. Don't ignore it or hide from it.
FACE YOUR FEARS -- This is the only way to overcome them.
Some examples are:
Skydiving
Shooting guns
Boxing/Fighting
Facing fear of heights.
Travel
Having that talk with your parents that you were always afraid to have.
Face your fears head on and eliminate them. Write down all your fears and them face each one of them directly.
Approach anxiety is a mild form of insanity since you are worried about an imaginary problem.
Approach anxiety is death because by not approaching girls you are guaranteeing that your genes will not survive.
To live is to suffer, to approach girls, is to add meaning to the suffering.
How to do this???
Shock it out of your system.
Put yourself in life and death situations. This will cause the fear to boil over and force its way to the surface. Once it has risen to the surface you can more easily allow it to exit.
Don't let the anxiety simmer below the surface. Highlight it and bring it out. Don't ignore it or hide from it.
FACE YOUR FEARS -- This is the only way to overcome them.
Some examples are:
Skydiving
Shooting guns
Boxing/Fighting
Facing fear of heights.
Travel
Having that talk with your parents that you were always afraid to have.
Face your fears head on and eliminate them. Write down all your fears and them face each one of them directly.
Approach anxiety is a mild form of insanity since you are worried about an imaginary problem.
Approach anxiety is death because by not approaching girls you are guaranteeing that your genes will not survive.
To live is to suffer, to approach girls, is to add meaning to the suffering.
It's all about mental conditioning. Cops and soldiers have been mentally conditioned to fight, players to approach women.
This topic fascinates me. I'm writing a book about conquering approach anxiety. I don't want to reveal too much yet, but I developed an easy to follow program using empirically tested techniques from the field of psychology.
Take care of those titties for me.
My post only pertains to night game.I used to be petrified of making approaches, but one thing really helped me and that was going out with my friends of mine that were really good with women(they don't know about game). And it didn't help me in the way that you are probably thinking either(I didnt ask them for tips or anything). Rather, I learned just by observing how they used things like body language or how they made approach after approach even after getting blown out. Their spirits were high and unphased and we had a great camaraderie that helped develop a jubilant care-free vibe that Roosh talks about in Bang. The vibe or how you are feeling is the most important factor of the night. I know alot of guys on here advocate rolling dolo but as a beginner, I find it hard to psych myself up when I try to go out alone. May not be the case for you.
However, by going out with guys that expect to get women, it puts you in the frame of mind that to not look like a pussy you have to put in work too. Who wants to be the guy at the end of the night with no story or no numbers, while everyone else is reflecting on how hot the girls they bagged were that particular night? Not many guys. By surrounding yourself with guys that have not internalized rejection and truly do not give a fuck, eventually that attitude rubs on you whether you feel that way or not. You'll find yourself in plenty of uncomfortable situations where you have to wing for your boy, even if you have no idea what to say or you lose track of your friends in the venue because they are all talking to chicks and the only way to not look like a lame is to approach that chick by herself in the corner looking bored.
Put yourself in tough situations where you will be held accountable by your peers and you will grow quickly. I know I did, and even if I still freeze up regularly I have grown leaps and bounds from where I used to be. Make sure to pregame and get one or two drinks intermittently throughout the night, to help suppress the fear a little more. You'll find that most approaches are very anti-climatic and painless considering you've studied a book like Bang and have a baseline of knowledge. I've personally come to enjoy the adrenaline rush of walking up to a chick and saying, "You look like your're having fun tonight" and you will learn to as well in due time. Cheers and happy hunting!
However, by going out with guys that expect to get women, it puts you in the frame of mind that to not look like a pussy you have to put in work too. Who wants to be the guy at the end of the night with no story or no numbers, while everyone else is reflecting on how hot the girls they bagged were that particular night? Not many guys. By surrounding yourself with guys that have not internalized rejection and truly do not give a fuck, eventually that attitude rubs on you whether you feel that way or not. You'll find yourself in plenty of uncomfortable situations where you have to wing for your boy, even if you have no idea what to say or you lose track of your friends in the venue because they are all talking to chicks and the only way to not look like a lame is to approach that chick by herself in the corner looking bored.
Put yourself in tough situations where you will be held accountable by your peers and you will grow quickly. I know I did, and even if I still freeze up regularly I have grown leaps and bounds from where I used to be. Make sure to pregame and get one or two drinks intermittently throughout the night, to help suppress the fear a little more. You'll find that most approaches are very anti-climatic and painless considering you've studied a book like Bang and have a baseline of knowledge. I've personally come to enjoy the adrenaline rush of walking up to a chick and saying, "You look like your're having fun tonight" and you will learn to as well in due time. Cheers and happy hunting!
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