I've been a lurker here for a while and you guys seem to really know what's going on. That said, I've often debated my position and current situation and asking others that don't have a similar sexual past or believe in only monogamy often say the same old shit. Basically you're made out to be an asshole, ungrateful, objectifying, untrustworthy idiot. But why? Sex is natural, sex is fun, and I can't fully accept the popular belief that sex should equal love in most people's lives. A lot of people just seem to "do what you're supposed to do" and that scares the shit out of me, esp. since I feel as we get older my LTR is slowly moving that direction.
That said I'm hoping some of those skilled in the game and have had experiences more like mine (casual sex, FWB, etc) can give their feedback on my current situation and my thoughts. Apologies if this is long, so I'll try to keep it as short as possible:
I'm in my late 20s and have been with the same girl for close to 9 years. I met her way back early in undergrad, she was a virgin, and most she did with guys before me was make out. For some reason she struck me as someone worth pursuing (and to be honest before her I rarely pursued girls, they ended up pursuing me and as a teen at the time that was damn awesome to me) and thus I set out to pursue her which was pretty easy.
Her friends warned me she didn't put out and thats just how it was. My reputation as a guy who had a decent amount of FWB and casual sex was well known and the girl quickly learned this but dated me anyways. Took a year and a half to have sex with her, to this day she points out how I pursued her and waited for her yet that wasn't expected given my past experiences with women.
So a brief run down on my sexual experience before the LTR:
Like most straight guys it was like discovering the meaning of life when I discovered the female body. By my mid teens girls were pursuing me with little to no effort on my part and so I had a series of short relationships and off and on fuck buddies and a fling or two. Literally once girl's locked onto me it was them initiating the sex , not me. At one time one fuck buddy stepped aside for a friend who wanted to date me and then came back around after the friend dumped me.
So basically my view of sex and girls was "it's casual sex, sex can be without love, and friends can fuck." I'm on speaking terms with almost every girl I fucked, and consider myself on good terms with most of them. Interestingly enough, every girl I "dated" and wasn't a fuck buddy ended up dumping me or we drifted apart, I was never a dumper apparently.
I even fucked some older girl in college like a week before meeting my current LTR and it got around the social circles and she knew it and STILL was cool with dating me.
Anyways my current LTR is pretty chill, we've been together so long it almost would seem weird to not be with her. We started out with more in common and changed over the years. Sexually she's a bit dull, and with both of us being busy we don't have much sex. I initially thought she was a clinger but not really, we pretty much do our own thing, she doesn't get jealous, she doesn't protest if I want to go out with friends, she acknowledges my female friends, and basically lets me do what I want and I the same towards her. I have tried to end it with her a few times, usually around sex issues but for some reason things ended up coming back together. Other than that we get along quite well, she's stereotypically the "girl that every guy ideally wants if they decide to settle down" because theres little to no bullshit, there's no chain, and she's nice. We've never officially said we're exclusive, but we're girlfriend and boyfriend which seems to everyone to automatically mean "exclusive."
I feel like once we started living together a few years ago my desire to get back out and get some variety in my sex life again came back full force. She knows my views on sex as being possible without love and my support of those who engage in fwb and casual sex. I struggle to justify fucking just one girl the rest of my life and sometimes reason in my head that sex isn't that important or "required" for her so why am I depriving myself? I'm a bit of a nihilist in that I don't believe in monogamy per say, and I believe sex can be just like a glass of wine or a cold beer, it can be shared among friends or new people and it's fun, it's all just pleasure because in the end we all die and cease to exist.
I'm always checking out new girls and have a few old girlfriends/fuck buddies and possibles that essentially would fuck me but won't because of the LTR. So in a way I'd like to get back to some old fuck buddies and find a few new ones for fun :
-One is a fuck buddy who comes and goes when my relationships end. She won't fuck me now because she doesn't want to "hurt or ruin relationships" yet she used to fuck me behind her boyfriend's back.
- One ex was a beast in the bedroom, I'm talking pornstar shit. I'd probably get it again, but again she wouldn't "want to interfere."
- One friend has wanted to fuck me since we were in high school. She was too shy and another girl beat her too it. We've fooled around making out and shit before, my LTR has no idea but it's interesting my LTR says "I really hate that girl and I don't know why."
- One friend I lost touch with from high school , we crushed on each other a bit and past two years reconnected and hang out. I think it's mostly platonic but if I was single I believe she'd be DTF as long as guys don't get attached to her.
- One friend older than me just enjoys sex. She may be looking for more but she could be a nice FWB.
So basically most girls I know I can fuck won't out of "respect." And fair enough, I recall telling my LTR once that if I wanted to fuck another girl I'd break up with her before cheating on her, unless of course she was cool with it. The making out girl, I don't know how she's react if she knew, it's not sex.
It's easy to say "oh just break up with her and take your chances" or "just go behind her back." Something stops me from going behind her back, it's almost like she's too nice and too deserving of some monogamy loving dude who never fucked another girl in his life. So out of respect I suppose, I can't bring myself to fuck another girl.
The other option is to figure out if I can get her to accept that I want to fuck a few other girls, safely of course. She wouldn't have to know about it if she didn;'t want. I base this option on the fact that she knows fully of my sexual past, my views on sex, and that she was far from my first fuck. Maybe she's looked past that, is totally in love, or I'm wrong and she just stays because "it's been so long."
As I've thought about this desire to get back into the casual sex game while figuring out how to keep or gently drop the LTR I've considered a few changes that might have prompted this resurgence in desire to sleep around:
Once we started living together I def felt more cramped. Not controlled or held in, but just like my style was cramped. Before we lived together I'd say her on some weekends and some weeknights and rest of time I did whatever I wanted. Now that we live together I feel like theres an expectation to include her in plans more (even though she insists I can go out with friends or do what I want as long as I spend some time with her) and less ability to just "do whatever I feel like."
I distinctly noticed I see my friends from back home ALOT less since the move in, and spend most of my social time with our mutual friends (who are all cool but it would be a blow to the social circle if her and I broke up...which is probably why I won't fuck behind her back, I'd look like a true asshole instead of just breaking up over another reason). Also friends have been getting married and popping out kids, she's said she wants this one day but wants to get our careers fully going first. Some days I'm like "yeah I'm down" and other days I'm like "no way." Part of me misses the freedom of living alone (or at least not having a girl always living with me) and the freedom of just being able to do whatever,whenever and sometimes I wonder where I'd be had I not met this girl. Other times I think its great and maybe I'm afraid of losing the good sure thing for what I once had before her that isn't guaranteed at all.
Overall she's a great girl, in a way I'm probably a fool for even wanting to ditch such a loyal girlfriend. But we only live once and I feel I can only deny my sexual urges so much, what's so wrong with having a loving relationship then getting purely physical needs met elsewhere and having both? There's just so much in my head right now and people who haven't gamed before, haven't had casual sex with friends, and haven't considered that monogamy isn't everything just don't understand...
Damn that was longer than expected, but if you read through it...any insight, experiences, comments would be very welcome!
That said I'm hoping some of those skilled in the game and have had experiences more like mine (casual sex, FWB, etc) can give their feedback on my current situation and my thoughts. Apologies if this is long, so I'll try to keep it as short as possible:
I'm in my late 20s and have been with the same girl for close to 9 years. I met her way back early in undergrad, she was a virgin, and most she did with guys before me was make out. For some reason she struck me as someone worth pursuing (and to be honest before her I rarely pursued girls, they ended up pursuing me and as a teen at the time that was damn awesome to me) and thus I set out to pursue her which was pretty easy.
Her friends warned me she didn't put out and thats just how it was. My reputation as a guy who had a decent amount of FWB and casual sex was well known and the girl quickly learned this but dated me anyways. Took a year and a half to have sex with her, to this day she points out how I pursued her and waited for her yet that wasn't expected given my past experiences with women.
So a brief run down on my sexual experience before the LTR:
Like most straight guys it was like discovering the meaning of life when I discovered the female body. By my mid teens girls were pursuing me with little to no effort on my part and so I had a series of short relationships and off and on fuck buddies and a fling or two. Literally once girl's locked onto me it was them initiating the sex , not me. At one time one fuck buddy stepped aside for a friend who wanted to date me and then came back around after the friend dumped me.
So basically my view of sex and girls was "it's casual sex, sex can be without love, and friends can fuck." I'm on speaking terms with almost every girl I fucked, and consider myself on good terms with most of them. Interestingly enough, every girl I "dated" and wasn't a fuck buddy ended up dumping me or we drifted apart, I was never a dumper apparently.
I even fucked some older girl in college like a week before meeting my current LTR and it got around the social circles and she knew it and STILL was cool with dating me.
Anyways my current LTR is pretty chill, we've been together so long it almost would seem weird to not be with her. We started out with more in common and changed over the years. Sexually she's a bit dull, and with both of us being busy we don't have much sex. I initially thought she was a clinger but not really, we pretty much do our own thing, she doesn't get jealous, she doesn't protest if I want to go out with friends, she acknowledges my female friends, and basically lets me do what I want and I the same towards her. I have tried to end it with her a few times, usually around sex issues but for some reason things ended up coming back together. Other than that we get along quite well, she's stereotypically the "girl that every guy ideally wants if they decide to settle down" because theres little to no bullshit, there's no chain, and she's nice. We've never officially said we're exclusive, but we're girlfriend and boyfriend which seems to everyone to automatically mean "exclusive."
I feel like once we started living together a few years ago my desire to get back out and get some variety in my sex life again came back full force. She knows my views on sex as being possible without love and my support of those who engage in fwb and casual sex. I struggle to justify fucking just one girl the rest of my life and sometimes reason in my head that sex isn't that important or "required" for her so why am I depriving myself? I'm a bit of a nihilist in that I don't believe in monogamy per say, and I believe sex can be just like a glass of wine or a cold beer, it can be shared among friends or new people and it's fun, it's all just pleasure because in the end we all die and cease to exist.
I'm always checking out new girls and have a few old girlfriends/fuck buddies and possibles that essentially would fuck me but won't because of the LTR. So in a way I'd like to get back to some old fuck buddies and find a few new ones for fun :
-One is a fuck buddy who comes and goes when my relationships end. She won't fuck me now because she doesn't want to "hurt or ruin relationships" yet she used to fuck me behind her boyfriend's back.
- One ex was a beast in the bedroom, I'm talking pornstar shit. I'd probably get it again, but again she wouldn't "want to interfere."
- One friend has wanted to fuck me since we were in high school. She was too shy and another girl beat her too it. We've fooled around making out and shit before, my LTR has no idea but it's interesting my LTR says "I really hate that girl and I don't know why."
- One friend I lost touch with from high school , we crushed on each other a bit and past two years reconnected and hang out. I think it's mostly platonic but if I was single I believe she'd be DTF as long as guys don't get attached to her.
- One friend older than me just enjoys sex. She may be looking for more but she could be a nice FWB.
So basically most girls I know I can fuck won't out of "respect." And fair enough, I recall telling my LTR once that if I wanted to fuck another girl I'd break up with her before cheating on her, unless of course she was cool with it. The making out girl, I don't know how she's react if she knew, it's not sex.
It's easy to say "oh just break up with her and take your chances" or "just go behind her back." Something stops me from going behind her back, it's almost like she's too nice and too deserving of some monogamy loving dude who never fucked another girl in his life. So out of respect I suppose, I can't bring myself to fuck another girl.
The other option is to figure out if I can get her to accept that I want to fuck a few other girls, safely of course. She wouldn't have to know about it if she didn;'t want. I base this option on the fact that she knows fully of my sexual past, my views on sex, and that she was far from my first fuck. Maybe she's looked past that, is totally in love, or I'm wrong and she just stays because "it's been so long."
As I've thought about this desire to get back into the casual sex game while figuring out how to keep or gently drop the LTR I've considered a few changes that might have prompted this resurgence in desire to sleep around:
Once we started living together I def felt more cramped. Not controlled or held in, but just like my style was cramped. Before we lived together I'd say her on some weekends and some weeknights and rest of time I did whatever I wanted. Now that we live together I feel like theres an expectation to include her in plans more (even though she insists I can go out with friends or do what I want as long as I spend some time with her) and less ability to just "do whatever I feel like."
I distinctly noticed I see my friends from back home ALOT less since the move in, and spend most of my social time with our mutual friends (who are all cool but it would be a blow to the social circle if her and I broke up...which is probably why I won't fuck behind her back, I'd look like a true asshole instead of just breaking up over another reason). Also friends have been getting married and popping out kids, she's said she wants this one day but wants to get our careers fully going first. Some days I'm like "yeah I'm down" and other days I'm like "no way." Part of me misses the freedom of living alone (or at least not having a girl always living with me) and the freedom of just being able to do whatever,whenever and sometimes I wonder where I'd be had I not met this girl. Other times I think its great and maybe I'm afraid of losing the good sure thing for what I once had before her that isn't guaranteed at all.
Overall she's a great girl, in a way I'm probably a fool for even wanting to ditch such a loyal girlfriend. But we only live once and I feel I can only deny my sexual urges so much, what's so wrong with having a loving relationship then getting purely physical needs met elsewhere and having both? There's just so much in my head right now and people who haven't gamed before, haven't had casual sex with friends, and haven't considered that monogamy isn't everything just don't understand...
Damn that was longer than expected, but if you read through it...any insight, experiences, comments would be very welcome!