[Handsome Creepy Eel]

I'm used to plenty of shit tests, and I can pass most of them instinctively now (usually with generous use of Agree & Amplify), but some of them still stump me. Today, a girl I'm seeing texted me this out of the blue (after we talked on the phone in the morning and everything was ok):

Quote:

Do you love me?

How to respond to this? This stumps me with its lack of proper answer because of its yes/no nature, the confusion about its origin (is she shit testing, being clingy, or really wants to know?), potential consequences...

I chewed on it for 20 minutes, then wrote back "Come here and I'll show you", to which she responded with a happy ")))) oooooh ". Still, 10 minutes later she calls to ask why I haven't given her direct answer, and I'm forced to bullshit something about how that is way too serious to write in a text message. I got the feeling that this satisfied her, but what are my options here other than saying "yes"? I didn't want to lie.

Have you seen this before? What would you do?

p.s. she's warm and tells me that she likes me a lot, but hasn't told me that she loves me so far.

[Greek kamaki]

The answer is yes.Girls always fish for that answer.It is in order to present you your next term of obligations since you admitted you love them.

[Anxieter]

Shit test. why do u have to bring it first?

[HiFlo]

Agree & amplify

i luv u more than romeo loves juliet
i luv u more than a fat man loves a feast
i luv u more than a junkie luvs heroin
i wub u more than a cat wubs mice
i luv u more than capone loved moonshine

have fun with it

[durangotang]

I Googled around for a good answer to this because I don't like agree & amplify for this question. This forum came up with what I thought was the best answer (source).

Shit Test: Do you love me?
Reply: Nope, I'm using you to get to your best friend. Didn't you know?



I'd like to hear what other people come up with one this very serious shit test. Nice thread.

Here's one off the top of my head:

Shit test: Do you love me?
Reply: Ask me after a blowjob.

[Duke Castile]

I'm not in love with you, but I love the person you are.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

I'm not too fond of HiFlo's suggestions because they all fit the "How much do you love me?" well, but not the yes/no "Do you love me?". At least that's my impression. Anxieter's seems a bit confrontational for me, but if I could rewind I'd probably go with durangotang's "Nope I'm really using you to get your best friend". I wish I could rewind, even if my reply did work for the time being.

p.s. the girl called me YET AGAIN to ask why I haven't given her a direct answer... this time I turned it away with an "Awwww, you're worried about that! That's so cute!" That seems to have shut her up for the time being.

[HiFlo]

Tell her, "Baby, I'm currently working on a complex mathematical algorithim in C++ and MATLAB in which I will be able to input a number of variables pertaining to our relationship. The derivative-based formula will then quantify my love for you. I will then present this value to you."

I think this way of speaking tactfully avoids answering her question while still giving her something to latch onto.

Oh yeah, hopefully she's an engineer...

[durangotang]

(04-13-2012 06:53 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

I'm not too fond of HiFlo's suggestions because they all fit the "How much do you love me?" well, but not the yes/no "Do you love me?". At least that's my impression. Anxieter's seems a bit confrontational for me, but if I could rewind I'd probably go with durangotang's "Nope I'm really using you to get your best friend". I wish I could rewind, even if my reply did work for the time being.

p.s. the girl called me YET AGAIN to ask why I haven't given her a direct answer... this time I turned it away with an "Awwww, you're worried about that! That's so cute!" That seems to have shut her up for the time being.

Nice save. Next time she asks will be in person. Pull her in, passionately kiss her. Then flip her over and pound it doggie style while smacking her ass and pulling her hair. Make it rough.

When you are done and both lying there, sweating, look at her and tell her you know what she is about to ask. When she asks again if you love her, look her in the eyes... pause... and with a grin on your face say "no."

[tenderman100]

It all depends on context. Before or after the first bang?

If before the bang, it's a shit test.

So if it's after a bang, or a series of bangs, then the title of this thread is misleading. After a bang, or a series of bangs, The question "Do you love me?" really isn't a shit test. It's attempt to get you to confirm to her that she isn't a slut.

Moreover, did she say she loved you first? Are you responding, ultimately, to her declaration of love?

If she hasn't yet told you she loves you, you CAN say you love her...but in so many ways.

"Baby, if this isn't love. I don't know what it is."
"What else could this be?"
"You know that I love everything about you."

If she HAS told you she loves you, and then asks you if you love her, you can always says "yes." Even if you don't.

Though the reality is I am in love with every woman I am banging. All three I have in rotation. My love net is wide.

[durangotang]

Good question Eel, how long have you been with this broad for? One week? One month? One year? More?

If you have been with her for a long while you may not want to try my last idea.

[Veloce]

(04-13-2012 04:15 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

I'm used to plenty of shit tests, and I can pass most of them instinctively now (usually with generous use of Agree & Amplify), but some of them still stump me. Today, a girl I'm seeing texted me this out of the blue (after we talked on the phone in the morning and everything was ok):

Quote:

Do you love me?

How to respond to this? This stumps me with its lack of proper answer because of its yes/no nature, the confusion about its origin (is she shit testing, being clingy, or really wants to know?), potential consequences...

I chewed on it for 20 minutes, then wrote back "Come here and I'll show you", to which she responded with a happy ")))) oooooh ". Still, 10 minutes later she calls to ask why I haven't given her direct answer, and I'm forced to bullshit something about how that is way too serious to write in a text message. I got the feeling that this satisfied her, but what are my options here other than saying "yes"? I didn't want to lie.

Have you seen this before? What would you do?

p.s. she's warm and tells me that she likes me a lot, but hasn't told me that she loves me so far.

I refuse to answer this question these days. I'm incredibly avoidant and I'll always answer with humor. Something like, "In love with you? How could I not be? You swallow my cum every time you blow me." Or something along those lines. If she presses the matter and demands sincerity, I play the emotionally shy guy, like, "I don't like expressing my emotions, but that could change if I get to know you better. I really like you and enjoy hanging out with you." If she presses beyond this, probably time to hit the eject button.

Oh, and if she hasn't said it first? HELL NO. If you admit you love her, I don't care how warm and sweet she is, she'll take this as her having the upper hand and you'll notice the dynamic change real quick. The "I Love You" thing is like a game of chicken. Whoever says it first is the clear loser and automatically gives the other person full control of the relationship.

[Veloce]

(04-13-2012 04:15 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

I'm used to plenty of shit tests, and I can pass most of them instinctively now (usually with generous use of Agree & Amplify), but some of them still stump me. Today, a girl I'm seeing texted me this out of the blue (after we talked on the phone in the morning and everything was ok):

Quote:

Do you love me?

How to respond to this? This stumps me with its lack of proper answer because of its yes/no nature, the confusion about its origin (is she shit testing, being clingy, or really wants to know?), potential consequences...

I chewed on it for 20 minutes, then wrote back "Come here and I'll show you", to which she responded with a happy ")))) oooooh ". Still, 10 minutes later she calls to ask why I haven't given her direct answer, and I'm forced to bullshit something about how that is way too serious to write in a text message. I got the feeling that this satisfied her, but what are my options here other than saying "yes"? I didn't want to lie.

Have you seen this before? What would you do?

p.s. she's warm and tells me that she likes me a lot, but hasn't told me that she loves me so far.

I refuse to answer this question these days. I'm incredibly avoidant and I'll always answer with humor. Something like, "In love with you? How could I not be? You swallow my cum every time you blow me." Or something along those lines. If she presses the matter and demands sincerity, I play the emotionally shy guy, like, "I don't like expressing my emotions, but that could change if I get to know you better. I really like you and enjoy hanging out with you." If she presses beyond this, probably time to hit the eject button.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

We've already banged, she occasionally sends me dirty texts, and it's been going on for two weeks or so. What particularly confuses me about this is that her character is warm and open, and usually there is no need for games. She has no problem telling me first that she cares about me, misses me and etc. - which she does get reciprocated (so she shouldn't feel like a slut!) - and I value that quality of hers. However, fishing for "I love you" (particularly after only a few weeks and without her ever saying it), is a sign of trouble for me.

Yet I felt that both "yes", "no" and "I'll get there in time" are wrong answers (and particularly "yes" because it's a very loaded expression and I don't want to lie when I'm not there yet). The question is fishy. Hopefully this had put a rest to it.

[Tengen]

(04-13-2012 08:51 PM)tenderman100 Wrote:  

It all depends on context. Before or after the first bang?

If before the bang, it's a shit test.

So if it's after a bang, or a series of bangs, then the title of this thread is misleading. After a bang, or a series of bangs, The question "Do you love me?" really isn't a shit test. It's attempt to get you to confirm to her that she isn't a slut.

Moreover, did she say she loved you first? Are you responding, ultimately, to her declaration of love?

If she hasn't yet told you she loves you, you CAN say you love her...but in so many ways.

"Baby, if this isn't love. I don't know what it is."
"What else could this be?"
"You know that I love everything about you."

If she HAS told you she loves you, and then asks you if you love her, you can always says "yes." Even if you don't.

Though the reality is I am in love with every woman I am banging. All three I have in rotation. My love net is wide.

This post reflects my thinking.

The red flags that come to me here are:

1/ she hadn't said "i love you" first (although she has said she "cares" about you.)
2/ it's only been 2 fucking weeks.
3/ she asked via text

I'm coming from the angle that you should give the answer that you feel she deserves. If she comes across as one of those silly twats who would go on a cock-carousel overseas trip to "find herself" at the drop of a pin, agree and amplify. If she's a sensitive homely kind of girl, a positive answer sill suffice, but as it's only been two weeks don't make it sound like you're committed. Either way, text is the worst medium to communicate either. Meet up and say it with words and body.

[Kitsune]

There are some good answers in this thread. I loved the programming one, it made me laugh out loud. Going to use it when the situation next arises.

I usually playfully say something along the lines of "Except when you..." Or, "I did until..." Alternatively "Only when you.." And stuff like that. It requires a lot of calibration though, so there isn't a straightforward answer really.

[Veloce]

(04-14-2012 04:20 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

We've already banged, she occasionally sends me dirty texts, and it's been going on for two weeks or so. What particularly confuses me about this is that her character is warm and open, and usually there is no need for games. She has no problem telling me first that she cares about me, misses me and etc. - which she does get reciprocated (so she shouldn't feel like a slut!) - and I value that quality of hers. However, fishing for "I love you" (particularly after only a few weeks and without her ever saying it), is a sign of trouble for me.

Yet I felt that both "yes", "no" and "I'll get there in time" are wrong answers (and particularly "yes" because it's a very loaded expression and I don't want to lie when I'm not there yet). The question is fishy. Hopefully this had put a rest to it.

She's obviously into you. Speaking for myself, when I know a girl's into me there's always a balance of sincerity/aloofness. You want the maximum amount of aloofness and the minimum amount of sincerity to get by, ensuring that she's the one chasing you. At some point most girls give up when they realize they're not going to get any serious commitment out of you. But if you do want to commit to this girl and are looking for an LTR, then you can up the sincerity a bit, but not too much.

There is always a need for games

[Veloce]

(04-14-2012 04:20 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

We've already banged, she occasionally sends me dirty texts, and it's been going on for two weeks or so. What particularly confuses me about this is that her character is warm and open, and usually there is no need for games. She has no problem telling me first that she cares about me, misses me and etc. - which she does get reciprocated (so she shouldn't feel like a slut!) - and I value that quality of hers. However, fishing for "I love you" (particularly after only a few weeks and without her ever saying it), is a sign of trouble for me.

Yet I felt that both "yes", "no" and "I'll get there in time" are wrong answers (and particularly "yes" because it's a very loaded expression and I don't want to lie when I'm not there yet). The question is fishy. Hopefully this had put a rest to it.

She's obviously into you. Speaking for myself, when I know a girl's into me there's always a balance of sincerity/aloofness. You want the maximum amount of aloofness and the minimum amount of sincerity to get by, ensuring that she's the one chasing you. At some point most girls give up when they realize they're not going to get any serious commitment out of you. But if you do want to commit to this girl and are looking for an LTR, then you can up the sincerity a bit, but not too much.

There is always a need for games

[Sushifan]

If she's one of the girls that you're currently juggling, then just ignore the text message.

Very simple. She wants love from you? She can come over and spread her legs and you'll give her plenty of love.

[johnw28]

I tell them yes but not nearly as much as my dog with a grin.

[MrWombat]

How about "nawww, I'm just using you for sex. Do you love me?"

[Black Knight]

She asked about love after two weeks? Game this situation hard and get ready to hit the eject button. Girls who sincerely think about love after this short time are riddled with image issues, daddy issues, etc. Alternately, if she's just trying to mess with you (highly likely, since she was fishing without saying it first), amplify the asshole game as in the prior three posts.

The fact that she appears sweet, open, etc after two weeks means nothing. Women are programmed to sniff out beta orbiters and try to take the upper hand in a relationship, and I think this is clearly the situation. Either way, there is no upside to doing anything but maintaining your current frame.

[Aliblahba]

Her: Do you love me?
Me: Baaaaaby!! Of course I love you...but only when I'm drunk. That's why you should let me go to the bar, and 20 pints from now, I'll love you A LOT more!*


*disclaimer- This has never turned out well, and mostly ends up with no sex for the night....a least from her.

[WhoZis]

(04-13-2012 04:38 PM)Greek kamaki Wrote:  

The answer is yes.Girls always fish for that answer.It is in order to present you your next term of obligations since you admitted you love them.

Jeeezzis this is SO TRUE.

You SAID you LOVED me...

[King Solomon]

"I love strawberry whipped cream. Your kisses remind me of strawberry whipped cream. Therefore, I clearly have fallen in love with you.

Now come over, all this whipped cream talk makes me crave your dirty sex... ummm.. I mean kisses."

Or any variation.

First you devalue the word, then you step up to the (diminished) plate, keeping it light hearted.

In general when you are trying to get a "real thing" going, you have to make her say it first to preserve hand. Or, you can be the leader and declare it up front, so as to not say it in a reactionary fashion.

Of course, its an inane dumbfuck question to begin with.

Love is like a fart- if you have to force it, its probably shit.


You can also answer it with a kitten/string answer: "I keep catching all these feelings for you... if you keep it up, we'll be in all sorts of trouble." which of course says "I'm not dropping the L word in response to your shit test, but keep trying real hard to fuck me well, and you may be rewarded ambiguously.