[Sebastian]

I am frustrated by people with insecurities.
I think it's my fault since I choose to hangout with them.

I realized it's all about how you carry yourself when meeting a women.
Of course, you gotta have some handicaps (not wealthy family, minority, language, height, looks, small dick, curly hair, narrow shoulder, weird voice and bunch of other things)
but that's a life. you either deal with it or hate yourself rest of your lives.

I've been trying to tell them it doesn't matter and didn't listen to their excuses but it's literally bugging the fuck out of me.

When I hangout with guys, I don't care how much they make, how hot their GF is. As long as they act normal, don't do illegal stuffs, have something in common and dress similar, I am fine with that.

Here are things I hate about.

-lying about his nationality and where he is from to get laid.
-lying about jobs or religion sometimes to get laid.
-trying to prove he makes good money and thinks he is better than the majority of Americans (we are talking $30 an hour)
-gets mad when a women lower than his status rejects him (ugly, fat, lower end job, single mom)
-bitches about how women in our state is different than other states
-Blames on his race because of their bad image on media
-Worships a woman like a queen who turned out to be not hot
(I really think he can do better)
-hates me because I approach women non-stop like some weirdo who reads pua bullshit. But he joins me when I talk to 2 girls.
-trying to fight because of small things ('he stared at me')
-hitting on trash women, they won't meet during daytime just to get laid. (it's embarrassing for me since I don't want to be seen with those women)
-getting drunk to have more confidence
-thinks looks really matters (I am talking about above average looking guys think that way and hit on trash women)

You can say it's common for guys to bullshit at the bar and get bitter when they get rejected.
Is this something you guys deal with every time you go out?

how would you deal with that?

[Jackhammer]

I just think it's sad and pathetic, but nothing I'd get too worried about. If someone has to live in a delusional fantasy to get by, then it's not my place to judge.

I have a friend who, no matter what, always has a story that tops mine. If I went out drinking and fucked 5 girls in one night, then he has a story when "back in college" he fucked 10 girls in one night. If I skydived and my parachute didn't open and I still survived with no injuries, then he has a story where his chute didn't open and he landed into a supermodel's house where not only did he receive no injuries, but banged the supermodel. Annoying shit like that that I just know are lies. I just nod and smile, since I know mine legitimately happened and his are a load of shit.

[Deluge]

(03-26-2012 05:27 AM)Jackhammer Wrote:  

I just think it's sad and pathetic, but nothing I'd get too worried about. If someone has to live in a delusional fantasy to get by, then it's not my place to judge.

I have a friend who, no matter what, always has a story that tops mine. If I went out drinking and fucked 5 girls in one night, then he has a story when "back in college" he fucked 10 girls in one night. If I skydived and my parachute didn't open and I still survived with no injuries, then he has a story where his chute didn't open and he landed into a supermodel's house where not only did he receive no injuries, but banged the supermodel. Annoying shit like that that I just know are lies. I just nod and smile, since I know mine legitimately happened and his are a load of shit.

I know a guy like that too. He makes up the most insane stories to impress people. Like the time a cop pulled a gun on him because they thought his bow and arrow case was a rifle case. The time he got sued for hacking people's Google Ads and making tons of cash from it. The time his friends girlfriend blew him at a party and he claimed to have pictures but never showed. The time he fucked a girl in her school bathroom and her teachers caught them...

The guy is both uber insecure and "beta" while also being a narcissist.

[ElJefe]

I think it's interesting you use the word "hate".

It's almost common knowledge that if you really despise something about someone else, it's usually because you suffer from it yourself.

There's no reason to hate something that's not part of you.

[Lothario]

Sebastian : I am going to take a shot at your problem, Kudos to you for starting to learn Game and please do not take what I have to say offensively.

You are in the beginning stages of Game and have to learn to " Not give a Fuck ", at this point sounds like you are giving a fuck to a lot of things what other players are doing to get hot GF.

Agreed you do not get Style points for lying and scoring but fake it till you make it and then you do not have to lie, Belive me even the best of us Lie , Distort the Truth, Get biches drunk etc etc and do so many other things that are wrong (Questionably) to get to the Bang.

(03-26-2012 05:11 AM)Sebastian Wrote:  

I am frustrated by people with insecurities.
I think it's my fault since I choose to hangout with them.

Stop hanging out with these people that frustrtae you and find some like minded people like RVF members to hang out with

Quote:

I realized it's all about how you carry yourself when meeting a women.
Of course, you gotta have some handicaps (not wealthy family, minority, language, height, looks, small dick, curly hair, narrow shoulder, weird voice and bunch of other things)
but that's a life. you either deal with it or hate yourself rest of your lives.

I've been trying to tell them it doesn't matter and didn't listen to their excuses but it's literally bugging the fuck out of me.

When I hangout with guys, I don't care how much they make, how hot their GF is. As long as they act normal, don't do illegal stuffs, have something in common and dress similar, I am fine with that.

Sounds like you do care how much they make and how hot their GF is.....

Quote:

Here are things I hate about.

-lying about his nationality and where he is from to get laid.

Part of the Game my friend, deal with it

Quote:

-lying about jobs or religion sometimes to get laid.
-trying to prove he makes good money and thinks he is better than the majority of Americans (we are talking $30 an hour)
-gets mad when a women lower than his status rejects him (ugly, fat, lower end job, single mom)
-bitches about how women in our state is different than other states
-Blames on his race because of their bad image on media
-Worships a woman like a queen who turned out to be not hot
(I really think he can do better)
-hates me because I approach women non-stop like some weirdo who reads pua bullshit. But he joins me when I talk to 2 girls.
-trying to fight because of small things ('he stared at me')
-hitting on trash women, they won't meet during daytime just to get laid. (it's embarrassing for me since I don't want to be seen with those women)
-getting drunk to have more confidence
-thinks looks really matters (I am talking about above average looking guys think that way and hit on trash women)

You can say it's common for guys to bullshit at the bar and get bitter when they get rejected.
Is this something you guys deal with every time you go out?

how would you deal with that?

Do not give a fuck and stop hanging out with people who do not understand and are non believers in Game.

Happy Hunting........

[theIVth]

Its best not to hang around insecure people cause they will fuck your whole shit up. They will talk about you behind your back to feel bigger than you. They will passive aggressively try to spite you whenever they can. They love to hang negative shit that happens to you over your head. Like when a chick disses you or rejects you, that type of shit makes their day.

Best thing to do is to rarely fuck with people like that. Make them associates as opposed to friends.

[germanico]

(03-26-2012 06:20 AM)ElJefe Wrote:  

There's no reason to hate something that's not part of you.

I believe it was Jung who said that what we hate in others are the parts of ourselves that we despise.

I also have contempt for munchhausen types. I know a couple of dudes like that, who are always trying to 1-up everyone with fantastic stories.

One of them, a former roommate and "pua", still has a reputation as "one of the greatest in the local community" even after years of him "retiring" because "he had had enough of that crazy lifestyle". I lived with the dude for 2 years and can only testify of him getting laid 3 times, 2 of them with friends of girls I had brought home. Why would people believe him to be good with women? because of his crazy stories.

The other guy Im thinking of tried his hand as a "PUA coach". His claims of threesomes and banging celebrities got him one client that I know of. $500 for teaching him the cube routine and sending him to approach. "Ill watch from over there, if I go into your set, girls will be into me instead"

Who knows how many more dudes he scammed?

So, if we hate the parts of ourselves that we see in others, perhaps what I hate is the side of me that requires other peoples attention. I want to improve, I want to succeed, I want to be a better man. Do I care what other people think of me? I say I dont, so why then do I feel good whenever someone says something nice about me?

[All or Nothing]

(03-26-2012 09:18 AM)germanico Wrote:  

So, if we hate the parts of ourselves that we see in others, perhaps what I hate is the side of me that requires other peoples attention. I want to improve, I want to succeed, I want to be a better man. Do I care what other people think of me? I say I dont, so why then do I feel good whenever someone says something nice about me?

Needing validation from others doesn't make you insecure, it makes you a normal human being. Being absolutely desperate for validation and craving it around every other corner would be a whole other story.

[Spike]

@Sebastian - When i read your post it looks like you had a fight with one of your friends and wrote a post to write away your frustration with him. I bet you felt better already when you finished your post.

Don't worry, we all had argument/frustrations with our friends. Its part of life. Either fix the problem you have with your friends or dump him.

(03-26-2012 05:11 AM)Sebastian Wrote:  

-trying to fight because of small things ('he stared at me')

This is enough to dump him as a friend. I had a "friend" like that always getting us in trouble with his drunken aggressiveness and trying to take out his own frustrations out on others. I dumped my "friend" and never looked back.

[Giovonny]

(03-26-2012 05:11 AM)Sebastian Wrote:  

I am frustrated by people with insecurities.
I think it's my fault since I choose to hangout with them.

Haha. I think you solved your own problem.

But, you don't have the drop your friends, you could also try to to help them.

[ElJefe]

(03-26-2012 11:54 AM)All or Nothing Wrote:  

(03-26-2012 09:18 AM)germanico Wrote:  

So, if we hate the parts of ourselves that we see in others, perhaps what I hate is the side of me that requires other peoples attention. I want to improve, I want to succeed, I want to be a better man. Do I care what other people think of me? I say I dont, so why then do I feel good whenever someone says something nice about me?

Needing validation from others doesn't make you insecure, it makes you a normal human being. Being absolutely desperate for validation and craving it around every other corner would be a whole other story.

How about we distinguish between "needing" and "liking". Some people might think they "need" it, but we all like it when we do get it.

@ Germanico; I also have a hell of time with stuff like that, but good job identifying your own pit-fall. I think I have exactly the same fault.

I am honest enough with myself to know I care very much how others perceive me, but as I mature, I learn that the best way to deal with being viewed negatively by others is;

1) Avoid it by not being a dumbass
2) Accept it when it does happen, but don't judge yourself or others.
3) Do not try to "fix" it (by getting angry, trying to control others, etc.)

[the chef]

a good sign of insecurity (for men atleast) is how much they talk.

if they can't accept some silence in a conversation and try to fill it with a ton of pointless chatter you KNOW they are insecure.

one of my roommates is a good looking dude(pause)... tall, in decent shape, pretty affable, from a wealthy family. yet when we have conversations it's obvious that he is so insecure. a minute cannot go by with him trying to fill the air with forced laughter, or some kind of futile babbling.

similarly, if they are too silent and withdrawn, then you know they are insecure as well.

[oldnemesis]

(03-26-2012 05:11 AM)Sebastian Wrote:  

I am frustrated by people with insecurities.
I think it's my fault since I choose to hangout with them.

Everyone has insecurities - and this includes you and me. It is just you're not frustrated with yours - the same way your buddy might not be frustrated with his.

You may think about why do you hang out with the people whose insecurities frustrate you. Maybe this is because it helps you to feel superior to them? Not to mention half of the "insecurities" you mentioned could be considered "game strategies".

Quote:

I've been trying to tell them it doesn't matter and didn't listen to their excuses but it's literally bugging the fuck out of me.

Because this is not true. It does matter, you'll have the things easier if you have the model looks and making a lot of money. Sure you still can get the same things if you're average looking and making average money, but you'll have to put significantly more effort just to get the same results that this other dude would get with much less effort, if any at all.

Quote:

Here are things I hate about.
-lying about his nationality and where he is from to get laid.
-lying about jobs or religion sometimes to get laid.
-trying to prove he makes good money and thinks he is better than the majority of Americans (we are talking $30 an hour)

You hate it when your buddy lies to a chick he wants to fuck about his nationality, religion or job???
You should ask yourself why it is even your business. I don't get why it affects you in any way.

Quote:

how would you deal with that?

I do not deal with that. My friends are the people I respect, with all their strong sides and weak sides. There is no fucking way I'd ever judge my friend because he said something stupid to some random chick in a bar. If he chooses to lie to her, I'll have his back and do my best to support him, and I'll lie for him too if necessary. If he fails I'll never mention it nor I would mentor it unless he asks for my advice. It is not my job to be his moral counsel, and the unwanted advice often has negative value.

Something makes me feel that for you this is exactly the case - you feel superior to your buddy, you try to teach him your way, and it makes you frustrated that he ignores your teaching.

[Spike]

How nice of Sebastian not to post a reply back to his own thread while others try to help him out.

Don't waste our time anymore !

[Jackhammer]

(03-27-2012 09:34 AM)Neil Skywalker Wrote:  

How nice of Sebastian not to post a reply back to his own thread while others try to help him out.

Don't waste our time anymore !

Dude, it's been a day. Sometimes I don't check back here for a few days cause I'm busy.

[Spike]

(03-27-2012 04:11 PM)Jackhammer Wrote:  

(03-27-2012 09:34 AM)Neil Skywalker Wrote:  

How nice of Sebastian not to post a reply back to his own thread while others try to help him out.

Don't waste our time anymore !

Dude, it's been a day. Sometimes I don't check back here for a few days cause I'm busy.

Its been over a day and besides that its bullshit to write a rant,ask for advice and than not react to it anymore. Its not everyday checking of threads. He wrote one.

[Sebastian]

I wrote something and I was hesitant to press button because I thought it would be like arguing with my friends.
But I guess I shouldn't give a fuck about the person living thousands miles away and I know it won't affect their views.

Well here is what I think.
When I meet a girl, I take it as a job interview. Yes we lie at job interview all the time. eg: 'I am people person, I work hard, I am organized'. When meeting girls, I lie things about 'I only smoke when I drink, I can make sushi like a chef, I like to climb mountains etc' But there are things we can't lie about.
Some guys say, 'just say whatever you want, girls at the bar are dumb'. I really don't think all girls are dumb. I don't approach those types either. do you really want to create something that is not true? do you think girls won't see through that?
I am not trying to preach 'hey be honest and be yourself'. I just don't understand how it feels like to lie about something and you know deep inside you are not. (you tell them you have a big mansion and you go back to your little studio. how does it make you feel?)
I am ok with small lies at the bar since that's what people do. But, I realized people who lies like breathing an air, lies at real life too.
Of course it won't affect my life if they talk about money, cars and hot chicks I never saw and never will but that's just a huge turnoff.

I was frustrated because I felt they wanted me to believe what they believe.
'hey we are foreigners, american girls won't accept our foreign face. can you imagine her parents reaction if she brings an immigrant to her house?' 'Americans are not just friendly to foreign people'
'women in our state is weird. go to big cities like seattle, la, boston, they are different'
I had a negative thoughts about my race for a long time. I felt inferior and didn't feel I belong to the place when I saw bunch of white crowds having fun together. I mentioned about my racial insecurity to some people I was hanging out and I noticed they were going away.
It took me a while to accept who I am. 'If I can't change it, then I should accept it and work on other things'
Now, I talk to attractive girls whom I thought they would never even talk to me. (I tried in the past but I was getting rejected. I am sure they read my mind 'I don't think she will talk to a guy like me but let me try..'
It's amazing when they giggle like average girls and call me cute and charming. I won't lie. I am not banging them yet. I know how to go through the entrance now. I need to work on building a comfort and closing the deal.

I think, I've been trying to change them because I genuinely cared about them, I know how it feels like in that situation and I didn't want to hangout with negative people. I know it makes people mad when someone preaches. My ex gf talked to me about my insecurity. I had to yell at her because I knew she was totally right but I didn't want to admit and just wanted to deny the reality.

I realized it's like dating a girl. you should find a girl of your type. It won't never work if you find a slutty girl and try to change her into a good girl.
I think friends are the same.
From now on, I will I will let them whoever they want to be. If they want to feel inferior, fine I can't help unless they ask.
However, I think I should move on if they want to bring me into their 'nightmare'

[Timoteo]

(03-26-2012 09:18 AM)germanico Wrote:  

(03-26-2012 06:20 AM)ElJefe Wrote:  

There's no reason to hate something that's not part of you.

I believe it was Jung who said that what we hate in others are the parts of ourselves that we despise.

I also have contempt for munchhausen types. I know a couple of dudes like that, who are always trying to 1-up everyone with fantastic stories.

One of them, a former roommate and "pua", still has a reputation as "one of the greatest in the local community" even after years of him "retiring" because "he had had enough of that crazy lifestyle". I lived with the dude for 2 years and can only testify of him getting laid 3 times, 2 of them with friends of girls I had brought home. Why would people believe him to be good with women? because of his crazy stories.

The other guy Im thinking of tried his hand as a "PUA coach". His claims of threesomes and banging celebrities got him one client that I know of. $500 for teaching him the cube routine and sending him to approach. "Ill watch from over there, if I go into your set, girls will be into me instead"

Who knows how many more dudes he scammed?

So, if we hate the parts of ourselves that we see in others, perhaps what I hate is the side of me that requires other peoples attention. I want to improve, I want to succeed, I want to be a better man. Do I care what other people think of me? I say I dont, so why then do I feel good whenever someone says something nice about me?

I appreciate the way you presented this. Most of us are quick to say we don't care what others think of us, but we all have people in our lives that we want to think the best of us. It's just a matter of how hard you TRY to please or impress others. If everything you do is with the hope of earning praise and approval, that's dangerous. If you do your best to treat people decently, live a decent life and simply appreciate the praise and move along, that's ideal.

[Timoteo]

(03-26-2012 03:21 PM)the chef Wrote:  

a good sign of insecurity (for men atleast) is how much they talk.

if they can't accept some silence in a conversation and try to fill it with a ton of pointless chatter you KNOW they are insecure.

one of my roommates is a good looking dude(pause)... tall, in decent shape, pretty affable, from a wealthy family. yet when we have conversations it's obvious that he is so insecure. a minute cannot go by with him trying to fill the air with forced laughter, or some kind of futile babbling.

similarly, if they are too silent and withdrawn, then you know they are insecure as well.

I don't agree with this. Maybe a person doesn't feel the need to speak a lot because they ARE self-assured and simply prefer to listen more than they talk. If a person is a virtual mute, I would speculate that the problem is that they might be autistic, not insecure!