[Commander Shepard]

As everyone knows here, I am a noobie. I can count the number of partners I've hand on both hands.

Before I launch into the game I've been spending time laying a solid foundation. I've been working out a lot, eating right, and enjoying hobbies.

The big hurdle I have is mental/emotional. I notice I have a lot of sexual shame, approach anxiety, sexual anxiety, etc, due to my upbringing and unfortunate events in my childhood. The degree of my anxiety is moderately high. I noticed when it is time for me to escalate with a girl or when I start talking about my sexual desires for a girl my body starts shaking, my hands start trembling, and my heart rate jumps up. My big concern is my body having a physical response to this. It is weird. I didn't know something that is essentially thoughts in my head can have such a powerful response physically.

Anyway, luckily, I've been getting counseling and doing some NLP work. The results are coming in but I am starting to wonder if I am better off just meeting this head on, approaching, getting blown out, just going balls to the wall.

The fear is there though. When I see a girl it is like I am stuck in a cage with a tiger in the corner. My current technique for handling my anxiety is to breath deep and just think about what is the worst that can happen? It helps to do that but it doesn't launch me into action.

As I mentioned earlier, I will be moving to Tampa, Florida in May of this year. I am spending the rest of the time before that date getting in shape, doing mental exercises, pursing hobbies, and finishing up my English studies in college. I figure to hit the ground running once I land by finding a place to stay and landing a full time job. I'd like to have a large portion of my inner game issues handled before I land in Florida.

How important is inner game? Is the mental gymnastics the way to go or should I take baby steps and do real life application of game? I am not sure if anyone is as "fucked up" with anxiety as much as I am, but those who have suffered and overcome this I'd love to hear some feedback.

I read Bang and Roosh mentioned just going out and approaching. I've used some of his lines and have got good responses. I did go through a bit of a break down when a girl called me out on using a pick up line in front of everyone at the bar and had got this shaming and embarrassment feeling like I was on a tight rope walking across the Grand Canyon naked in front of my mother.

Thanks.

Commander Shepard.

[soup]

I think you've come to the right place. Inner game is very important. You have to be able to breathe and move with confident intentions. You actually sound pretty confident, which is good. Work on getting your body language together, and expect, but don't accept, an awkward growth phase. Set reasonable goals, and stick to them, no matter how you feel. Sometimes your feelings will work to cockblock you, so learn to differentiate yourself from them. Don't get lazy, and don't procrastinate.

[Hencredible Casanova]

Thanks for sharing your story.

I think inner game is tied to overall game. Everyone comes into self-actualization in their own time, so just keep doing what you're doing and over time you'll get over your anxiety.

That's the thing people don't realize. Even the young guys reading this stuff, it's helpful, but they still have a long way to go emotionally and mentally as men before they truly reap all of this game.

It's a natural progression. Keep following your progression and keep talking to girls. See every interaction as a game and remember not to doubt yourself. Inner game is all about the right attitude. You gotta have the attitude that any girl is just a game. If they can't get on board, on to the next one. There's no time to dwell on her crazy ass and wondering why she did or didn't get with you. See your successes and your losses as part of the same game.

[Greek kamaki]

My inner game is I am dominant,unstoppable,Balkan power,superior sth like that.To develop inner game is difficult because the more you try to achieve superiority the more the environment presses you down.The external display of it does not go unchallenged.It is important to exercise control of the environment.Girls notice which man is control who is the chief.Getting you out of control is the goal of most AMOGs.
Easy and superficial ways to develop inner game are:
1.Walk in very dangerous areas with fearless attitude.(middle of the road,slowly,neck uncovered,moving hands over space as you walk,not being afraid of guys standing and watching around as you invade their teritorry).Do the same in front of police army etc.Gnerally do not let anyone disturb your status.
2.When in bar sit with back on bar extend hands and legs take space.The same relax lower your head take space when sitting in cafe etc.Do not let any passer by annoy you.
3.Appear a bit more threatening.This is done if you walk with neck slightly extended forwards while hands do not stick on your body but float around.Also walking plays role walk with legs a bit more distanced from each other aka bad ass guy.
4.When talking to girls put one hand in pocket to reduce tremor or anxiety.You also avoid being pushed by other guys passing by this way they do not see a hand to push.
5.I also drink quantities of coffee to keep up high energy and superior status.
6.I listen to Russian rap which makes me aloof of the surroundings.It makes me concentrate on girls and be in a rage mood.
7.I do not take any shit from anyone who tries to scare me.(guys do it common they will try to pass close from you on their motorbikes to make you scared,speed up their cars so you have to run,do all kind of noises.With powerful status I disregard them or cause them all kinds of troubles.)

[el mechanico]

Sounds to me like you need some Emech hardcore bootcamp and you're moving into his domain. Tell your therapist to suck you off! I'll have you backhanding strippers in two weeks.

[BadgerHut]

Inner game is important, but inner game won't get you laid by itself. You still need to meet women, escalate, and seduce. Taking it to an extreme, you could have great inner game and sit at home on the Internet all day and you'll sleep with your hand every night. (A similar fate can befall the workaholic, esp in fields without a lot of women in the workplace.)

Additionally, there's a relatively new crop of game bloggers who are preaching inner game uber alles, and sadly I think there's a real chance they'll mislead a lot of men. They essentially are preaching a bolder variant of "be yourself" and "just become a high-value man and the women will flock to you." (FWIW, the chicks online absolutely eat these guys up, they love hearing a guy who says "well I just be myself and the women like that.")

From what I can tell, these guys are naturals or they honed their game so long ago they have lost perspective and don't recall what it's like to be a guy with no idea how to talk to women or turn them on.

The external game stuff for them has become automatic (they also tend to be very extroverted with a high tolerance for meeting new prospects). So their success at any given time is most closely linked to their inner spirit, how confident they are feeling at that point in their lives, because they have automatic skills for expressing that inner game to the outside world. But most guys, esp noobs and introverts, don't have those external skills built up yet, so good inner game has a limited payoff (like a good engine hung on a shitty chassis with a rusty transmission). These are guys who for lack of a better term need to fake it till they make it - build up those relating and seducing skills, and as they get more comfortable with that, they can worry about solidifying their inner game.

There are plenty of guys who get laid without "strong inner game" - some guys are driven to social dominance and personal success out of insecurity.

I personally have found that a little bit of insecurity helps keep me motivated. If I'm not a little bit nervous (a little bit) about losing my status, success or the respect of my peers, I get complacent. So having strong inner game can hurt you beyond a certain point if you're not motivated to go show your stuff to the world.

[BadgerHut]

"I did go through a bit of a break down when a girl called me out on using a pick up line in front of everyone at the bar and had got this shaming and embarrassment feeling like I was on a tight rope walking across the Grand Canyon naked in front of my mother."

What was the line and what did she say?

One of the classic fears of the aspiring approacher is being "called out for using a pickup line." Usually it never happens, congratulations on getting it out of the way! I get the same anxiety on closing in public, I am anxious I'll get mocked from the peanut gallery and that will kill her buzz for me as she feels shame for giving her my number.

[davidkm590]

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

The big hurdle I have is mental/emotional. I notice I have a lot of sexual shame, approach anxiety, sexual anxiety, etc, due to my upbringing and unfortunate events in my childhood. The degree of my anxiety is moderately high. I noticed when it is time for me to escalate with a girl or when I start talking about my sexual desires for a girl my body starts shaking, my hands start trembling, and my heart rate jumps up. My big concern is my body having a physical response to this. It is weird. I didn't know something that is essentially thoughts in my head can have such a powerful response physically.

Anyway, luckily, I've been getting counseling and doing some NLP work. The results are coming in but I am starting to wonder if I am better off just meeting this head on, approaching, getting blown out, just going balls to the wall.


Commander Shepard.

I can identify with this. My fucking goodness, there were so many times I was so in my head and trying to figure out the inner game cure that I did nothing or I was running around in my mind.

My advice and from my experience: Just do it, keep doing it and doing it and doing it. Massive action cures a lot, and as you go along, I'm sure you'll still try to figure things out and 'fix' your inner game. A drop of experience is worth more than a library of books etc. you read.

I actually went to a NLP seminar before (got in for free!), but I realized I was just trying to use "inner game" and all these other techniques as a crutch to not take massive action, get my life handled, and truly be an attractive guy.

I went on a bit of a rant there, but do find what psychological/inner game techniques make you feel better, but at the end of the day, taking action and facing your fears head-on is the bulk of where your efforts should go. Funny thing is, instead of living in your head, you'll actually find yourself living (i.e. talking to hot chicks, banging them, etc.)

Hope this helps.

[Aliblahba]

Inner game is everything. Get it together and the pussy will flow.

[Greek kamaki]

Inner game is the inspiration.I once was in Kiev and an American guy tried to steal the girl I was talking to.He had perfect technique he told exactly the right things but he lacked the soul of it.It was quite easy to fool him out.If he had strong inner frame he would not have fallen into the trap.

[Giovonny]

Commander,

What do you mean by "Inner Game?

confidence?
eliminating your anxiety?
getting over your childhood issues?
all of the above?

[babelfish669]

Anxiety is an imaginary condition that exists when people have no experience with something. But anxiety is still important, because it tells you that you don't have experience in a certain area. The solution isn't NLP or counseling any more than you'd go to a psychic to find out what degree to go for in college.

You end your fears by getting over them. If your afraid of talking to girls then you need to talk to a lot of them.

If your moving to Tampa, spend your nights talking to strippers in a strip club, who will approach you for free (Tampa has a lot of them.) Once that doesn't bother you, take the next step, and so on.

[ElJefe]

Inner game is just a reference to how much charisma, character and strength you've got, and you can never have too much. It's a never ending process so stop thinking there's some kind of final destination. There's always another weakness to manage, another demon to face, more development to be had.

There are faster ways to develop those things than reading about them, but the most important is understanding the lesson you're being taught when you receive it.

It's very easy to miss the point of what it is you need to learn from life experiences. This has been true for me. So I've had to be taught the same lesson more than once in several cases. Don't underestimate your own stupidity. Especially if you're an intelligent guy.

[BadgerHut]

(03-25-2012 01:21 PM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

Inner game is everything. Get it together and the pussy will flow.

See, this is what I'm talking about as misleading to guys. Some guys are pumping this idea that if you build up your inner game/true value/charisma/character/whatever, a true transformation will take place and you'll automatically know what to do in any game situation.

Women don't seduce themselves, and even confident, attractive guys can still fuck up the seduction at one point or another. Conventional game advice is still very useful for these situations, because even confident people with real inner value still fuck up the details.

[BadgerHut]

(03-25-2012 01:04 PM)davidkm590 Wrote:  

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

The big hurdle I have is mental/emotional. I notice I have a lot of sexual shame, approach anxiety, sexual anxiety, etc, due to my upbringing and unfortunate events in my childhood. The degree of my anxiety is moderately high. I noticed when it is time for me to escalate with a girl or when I start talking about my sexual desires for a girl my body starts shaking, my hands start trembling, and my heart rate jumps up. My big concern is my body having a physical response to this. It is weird. I didn't know something that is essentially thoughts in my head can have such a powerful response physically.

Anyway, luckily, I've been getting counseling and doing some NLP work. The results are coming in but I am starting to wonder if I am better off just meeting this head on, approaching, getting blown out, just going balls to the wall.


Commander Shepard.

I can identify with this. My fucking goodness, there were so many times I was so in my head and trying to figure out the inner game cure that I did nothing or I was running around in my mind.

My advice and from my experience: Just do it, keep doing it and doing it and doing it. Massive action cures a lot, and as you go along, I'm sure you'll still try to figure things out and 'fix' your inner game. A drop of experience is worth more than a library of books etc. you read.

I actually went to a NLP seminar before (got in for free!), but I realized I was just trying to use "inner game" and all these other techniques as a crutch to not take massive action, get my life handled, and truly be an attractive guy.

I went on a bit of a rant there, but do find what psychological/inner game techniques make you feel better, but at the end of the day, taking action and facing your fears head-on is the bulk of where your efforts should go. Funny thing is, instead of living in your head, you'll actually find yourself living (i.e. talking to hot chicks, banging them, etc.)

Hope this helps.

Had this experience tonight. I'd wimped out on a couple of closes lately, and was worried I was losing my edge. Decided to tell myself that fear was fear and I'd just have to face it and go through it. Went to close a woman tonight, was shaking and totally garbled the line and she asked me quizzically what I was saying. I repeated the line and she assented and gave me her number. Then I closed a second chick ten minutes later - this one was way easier. Facing fear is the best way through it.

The other thing is that fear is natural. As Mark Twain said, "courage is not the absence of fear - it is the mastery of fear." Guys should get used to having some butterflies...even guys with good inner game get the quips of fear. It's part of the fun.

[Mr.GM]

(03-25-2012 12:16 PM)Hencredible Casanova Wrote:  

Thanks for sharing your story.

I think inner game is tied to overall game. Everyone comes into self-actualization in their own time, so just keep doing what you're doing and over time you'll get over your anxiety.

That's the thing people don't realize. Even the young guys reading this stuff, it's helpful, but they still have a long way to go emotionally and mentally as men before they truly reap all of this game.

It's a natural progression. Keep following your progression and keep talking to girls. See every interaction as a game and remember not to doubt yourself. Inner game is all about the right attitude. You gotta have the attitude that any girl is just a game. If they can't get on board, on to the next one. There's no time to dwell on her crazy ass and wondering why she did or didn't get with you. See your successes and your losses as part of the same game.

Brilliant post by Henc.

Inner game for me is the sum of all your experiencesinteractions with the opposite sex , plus the cultural and emotional baggage that you have. So it is way more important than any textbook techniques or a one-size-fits-all opener IMO

[Hades]

I read "No More Mister Nice Guy". This will help your inner game tremendously.
You'll identify bad thoughts and behaviors you were not even aware you have currently. And you can take an active role with a counselor and support group about your issues with your anxiety and shame.

[jerome]

(03-26-2012 12:05 AM)Hades Wrote:  

I read "No More Mister Nice Guy". This will help your inner game tremendously.
You'll identify bad thoughts and behaviors you were not even aware you have currently. And you can take an active role with a counselor and support group about your issues with your anxiety and shame.

Thats a good website to deal with social anxiety, shame and sexuality.

To answer your question. Would take such a long time. Like many others have comment. Inner game is about confidence and life experience.

I cannot sum up confidence and experience in life, in a paragraph.

All I can advise you to do is, get some life experience. The more experience you gain, the more inner game you will have. If you live a great life, your inner game will be rock solid. Because you have live life, and seen many things that other mortal man have not. To see the world as a young man. Is a blessing.

Traveling is a good way to gain inner game. Why? when your in a different country by yourself. And do not speak the language. You have to grow as a person. Its do or die. Socially.

Also I do not like the idea of you moving to Tampa. Why? because its such a small slow city. There is little opportunity for a young man to gain experience there. Financially or socially.

What financial opportunity or career can tampa give you? compare to major cities like Miami, LA, NYC, Seattle, Boston.

On top of that, Tampa does not have a great nightlife or social life.

I think it is a great place to retire. If your an old man.

Tampa will limit your growing curve. Because its fucking slow and full of retiree.

My suggestion is to move to NYC or LA. You say that you will graduate with an english degree. You may consider applying for graduate school. That is a better way to spend your youth. A master degree in Journalism or english in NYC or LA would be very wise for your career and social life.

There are alot of good players, wingman in LA and NYC. A young man in NYC will have the opportunity to learn pickup from better wingman. NyC have tons of hot girls, nightlife and day game.

Remember life is about opportunities. If you go to NYC you will the opportunity to meet hot girls and make great friends and build a career.

Tampa has very little upside. There is no point going there. Orlando or Miami is a better choice. If you have to stay in florida.

[el mechanico]

(03-26-2012 02:03 AM)jerome Wrote:  

(03-26-2012 12:05 AM)Hades Wrote:  

I read "No More Mister Nice Guy". This will help your inner game tremendously.
You'll identify bad thoughts and behaviors you were not even aware you have currently. And you can take an active role with a counselor and support group about your issues with your anxiety and shame.

Thats a good website to deal with social anxiety, shame and sexuality.

To answer your question. Would take such a long time. Like many others have comment. Inner game is about confidence and life experience.

I cannot sum up confidence and experience in life, in a paragraph.

All I can advise you to do is, get some life experience. The more experience you gain, the more inner game you will have. If you live a great life, your inner game will be rock solid. Because you have live life, and seen many things that other mortal man have not. To see the world as a young man. Is a blessing.

Traveling is a good way to gain inner game. Why? when your in a different country by yourself. And do not speak the language. You have to grow as a person. Its do or die. Socially.

Also I do not like the idea of you moving to Tampa. Why? because its such a small slow city. There is little opportunity for a young man to gain experience there. Financially or socially.

What financial opportunity or career can tampa give you? compare to major cities like Miami, LA, NYC, Seattle, Boston.

On top of that, Tampa does not have a great nightlife or social life.

I think it is a great place to retire. If your an old man.

Tampa will limit your growing curve. Because its fucking slow and full of retiree.

My suggestion is to move to NYC or LA. You say that you will graduate with an english degree. You may consider applying for graduate school. That is a better way to spend your youth. A master degree in Journalism or english in NYC or LA would be very wise for your career and social life.

There are alot of good players, wingman in LA and NYC. A young man in NYC will have the opportunity to learn pickup from better wingman. NyC have tons of hot girls, nightlife and day game.

Remember life is about opportunities. If you go to NYC you will the opportunity to meet hot girls and make great friends and build a career.

Tampa has very little upside. There is no point going there. Orlando or Miami is a better choice. If you have to stay in florida.

And what makes you qualified to give any advice on Tampa bay sir?

[Commander Shepard]

(03-25-2012 12:10 PM)soup Wrote:  

I think you've come to the right place. Inner game is very important. You have to be able to breathe and move with confident intentions. You actually sound pretty confident, which is good. Work on getting your body language together, and expect, but don't accept, an awkward growth phase. Set reasonable goals, and stick to them, no matter how you feel. Sometimes your feelings will work to cockblock you, so learn to differentiate yourself from them. Don't get lazy, and don't procrastinate.

I think the awkward growth phase is what I am desperately avoiding. The whole "approach this girl you are attracted too even though you are shaking and thinking of every reason not to approach her" is my biggest issue.

But thanks for pointing out that I need to set goals as I've had an aimless existence for a while. I've done some self help but nothing that relates to actually going out and gaming.

My feelings man. Ugh, such a huge road block for me.

[Commander Shepard]

(03-25-2012 12:16 PM)Hencredible Casanova Wrote:  

Thanks for sharing your story.

I think inner game is tied to overall game. Everyone comes into self-actualization in their own time, so just keep doing what you're doing and over time you'll get over your anxiety.

That's the thing people don't realize. Even the young guys reading this stuff, it's helpful, but they still have a long way to go emotionally and mentally as men before they truly reap all of this game.

It's a natural progression. Keep following your progression and keep talking to girls. See every interaction as a game and remember not to doubt yourself. Inner game is all about the right attitude. You gotta have the attitude that any girl is just a game. If they can't get on board, on to the next one. There's no time to dwell on her crazy ass and wondering why she did or didn't get with you. See your successes and your losses as part of the same game.

Thanks for the reply. I think that you nailed my success in game, it will be natural progression of other things going on in my life, primarily, becoming my own man and growing into my own.

I need to learn how to forget my negative experiences with women. It is difficult though. My mind seems hell bent on remembering every negative interaction with girls and minimizing the positive ones. I need to learn how to get my head out of my own ass!

[Commander Shepard]

(03-25-2012 12:33 PM)Greek kamaki Wrote:  

My inner game is I am dominant,unstoppable,Balkan power,superior sth like that.To develop inner game is difficult because the more you try to achieve superiority the more the environment presses you down.The external display of it does not go unchallenged.It is important to exercise control of the environment.Girls notice which man is control who is the chief.Getting you out of control is the goal of most AMOGs.
Easy and superficial ways to develop inner game are:
1.Walk in very dangerous areas with fearless attitude.(middle of the road,slowly,neck uncovered,moving hands over space as you walk,not being afraid of guys standing and watching around as you invade their teritorry).Do the same in front of police army etc.Gnerally do not let anyone disturb your status.
2.When in bar sit with back on bar extend hands and legs take space.The same relax lower your head take space when sitting in cafe etc.Do not let any passer by annoy you.
3.Appear a bit more threatening.This is done if you walk with neck slightly extended forwards while hands do not stick on your body but float around.Also walking plays role walk with legs a bit more distanced from each other aka bad ass guy.
4.When talking to girls put one hand in pocket to reduce tremor or anxiety.You also avoid being pushed by other guys passing by this way they do not see a hand to push.
5.I also drink quantities of coffee to keep up high energy and superior status.
6.I listen to Russian rap which makes me aloof of the surroundings.It makes me concentrate on girls and be in a rage mood.
7.I do not take any shit from anyone who tries to scare me.(guys do it common they will try to pass close from you on their motorbikes to make you scared,speed up their cars so you have to run,do all kind of noises.With powerful status I disregard them or cause them all kinds of troubles.)

Honestly, I am not sure if I can take these suggestions seriously. I mean, some are cool, be open with your body when you sit in a bar, and others are odd, listening to Russian rap? Walking in a dangerous area? Look intimidating?

[Commander Shepard]

(03-25-2012 12:39 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Sounds to me like you need some Emech hardcore bootcamp and you're moving into his domain. Tell your therapist to suck you off! I'll have you backhanding strippers in two weeks.

Heh. Well, we will have to see if you can make a man out of my beta ass when I am in town. I am not sure if shock therapy is the best solution but I've been doing counseling, self-help books, cognitive behavioral therapy, and medication on and off for years. I think the only solution is actual action since I've done pretty much everything else.

[Commander Shepard]

(03-25-2012 12:41 PM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

Inner game is important, but inner game won't get you laid by itself. You still need to meet women, escalate, and seduce. Taking it to an extreme, you could have great inner game and sit at home on the Internet all day and you'll sleep with your hand every night. (A similar fate can befall the workaholic, esp in fields without a lot of women in the workplace.)

Additionally, there's a relatively new crop of game bloggers who are preaching inner game uber alles, and sadly I think there's a real chance they'll mislead a lot of men. They essentially are preaching a bolder variant of "be yourself" and "just become a high-value man and the women will flock to you." (FWIW, the chicks online absolutely eat these guys up, they love hearing a guy who says "well I just be myself and the women like that.")

From what I can tell, these guys are naturals or they honed their game so long ago they have lost perspective and don't recall what it's like to be a guy with no idea how to talk to women or turn them on.

The external game stuff for them has become automatic (they also tend to be very extroverted with a high tolerance for meeting new prospects). So their success at any given time is most closely linked to their inner spirit, how confident they are feeling at that point in their lives, because they have automatic skills for expressing that inner game to the outside world. But most guys, esp noobs and introverts, don't have those external skills built up yet, so good inner game has a limited payoff (like a good engine hung on a shitty chassis with a rusty transmission). These are guys who for lack of a better term need to fake it till they make it - build up those relating and seducing skills, and as they get more comfortable with that, they can worry about solidifying their inner game.

There are plenty of guys who get laid without "strong inner game" - some guys are driven to social dominance and personal success out of insecurity.

I personally have found that a little bit of insecurity helps keep me motivated. If I'm not a little bit nervous (a little bit) about losing my status, success or the respect of my peers, I get complacent. So having strong inner game can hurt you beyond a certain point if you're not motivated to go show your stuff to the world.

Interesting observation. Be yourself for me didn't really work out since I had an unhealthy emotional and psychological paradigm to work with. I've gotten lays before by being myself but that was because I was on social anxiety medication. The absence of that "inner voice" helped me become more confident with myself and netted me girls (though made a lot of enemies since it also made me not aware of my social impact on people). Also, the sexual dysfunction was terrible. I couldn't cum at all.

After taking most of the medication that what was recommended for my social anxiety/depression I ceased all medication and have been doing my own version of CBT with limited success.

[Vicious]

(03-26-2012 11:06 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

Honestly, I am not sure if I can take these suggestions seriously. I mean, some are cool, be open with your body when you sit in a bar, and others are odd, listening to Russian rap? Walking in a dangerous area? Look intimidating?

GK is completely random, take his advice with a pinch of salt.