[Commander Shepard]

(03-25-2012 12:44 PM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

"I did go through a bit of a break down when a girl called me out on using a pick up line in front of everyone at the bar and had got this shaming and embarrassment feeling like I was on a tight rope walking across the Grand Canyon naked in front of my mother."

What was the line and what did she say?

One of the classic fears of the aspiring approacher is being "called out for using a pickup line." Usually it never happens, congratulations on getting it out of the way! I get the same anxiety on closing in public, I am anxious I'll get mocked from the peanut gallery and that will kill her buzz for me as she feels shame for giving her my number.

"Hey, are you into horses?" Or something to that degree. It is an opener by Brad P. I did his 30/30 club, a year long pick up camp. I did about three months before I got involved in other things. Honestly, I never had success doing canned stuff with the exception of sexual oriented openers . Asking a girl what kind of shoes she was wearing as an opener netted me laughs and quick blow outs. I guess I took some bad advice.

[Commander Shepard]

(03-25-2012 02:45 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Commander,

What do you mean by "Inner Game?

confidence?
eliminating your anxiety?
getting over your childhood issues?
all of the above?

All of the above.

[el mechanico]

I think you told me before but why are you moving here? Also make sure you get with me before you pick what area to live in. This can go very bad or very good it depends on where you place yourself.

[Commander Shepard]

(03-25-2012 03:11 PM)babelfish669 Wrote:  

Anxiety is an imaginary condition that exists when people have no experience with something. But anxiety is still important, because it tells you that you don't have experience in a certain area. The solution isn't NLP or counseling any more than you'd go to a psychic to find out what degree to go for in college.

You end your fears by getting over them. If your afraid of talking to girls then you need to talk to a lot of them.

If your moving to Tampa, spend your nights talking to strippers in a strip club, who will approach you for free (Tampa has a lot of them.) Once that doesn't bother you, take the next step, and so on.

Thanks Babelfish. I like your approach, albeit an expensive one. After years of doing the psychoanalysis, I can honestly say the only solution is to take baby steps to overcome my anxiety rather than sitting on a chair and talking about it or playing tapes of meditations every morning for years. I mean, I don't know if the counseling and self help work I've already done made the fear any less severe. I think Casanova is right. I just have to learn to have the right attitude and embrace emotional pain, something I've avoided almost my whole life.

[Commander Shepard]

I'll finish replying to the rest of the posts when I have more time. But I think everyone should know something before they dedicate their time to responding to this thread.

I've done lots of inner work. Someone mentioned No More More Nice Guy and I have done that book and all the exercises that come with it. I've done therapy for years, medications, and have actually approached quite a few women. What bothers me is the fear that accompanies me in the field. Despite all my work, I have yet to get over the fear and I think I just have to accept that fear, shame, and embarssement are going to accompany me in this endeavor.

I asked if inner-game was overrated primarily because I've done lots of inner game work, have done some outer-game work (saying "Hi" to random attractive women over a period of time), have done approaches (more than hundred over a lifetime), got rejected, got laid, etc. What bothers me is that I am still terrified of women's reactions to me and have issues asserting myself sexually.

There is a history as to why that is. I don't want to turn this thread into another discussion of my past events but a brief synopsis, I was raised by a single mother who was a draconian evangelical Christian and had a baby sitter who did things to me as a child that would make Jigsaw vomit.

I hate bringing up my past, but maybe knowing this, people can understand why I have such a psychological and emotional burden when it comes to women.

I've made great progress but I still struggle with the whole pick up aspect in my life. There is still the fear of approaching, fear of taking things sexually, I just freeze. It is weird. I have had some success but usually under the influence of medication or drinking. I don't want my sex life dependent on Buspar,Wellbutrin, or alcohol. I need to be free to express myself sexually. That to me is my victory, more than netting flags or sex. I want to be free of the shame that binds me.


I think in the end I have to just accept that it is going to be a painful process and deal with it. I hate the feeling of being rejected, feels like I am getting stabbed in the chest, and I still have a problem being sexual period (going for kisses, whipping my dick out, etc) but what is the alternative? To suffer?

Anyway, I will dedicate more time later but I just want to be honest with everyone. If anything it will make your advice more concise rather than shooting in the air hoping you nail a duck.

More later.

[Basil Ransom]

I have no experience with situations like yours, so my comments are general.

What do you see among other men, that garners your respect, or even makes you feel threatened? Try and obtain those qualities, execute those accomplishments, yourself, and your confidence will rise. For me, it could be things like strength, looks, size, charisma, style, humor, body language, grooming, skin tone, the sound of my voice. The better those qualities, the better I feel, the more I get laid, the more accrued confidence I have over time. If you start looking and behaving like the man you want to be, it will eventually feel real and congruent, within reason. Don't get all Ali G on us.

Stop being overly polite, stop caring about what other people think, stop giving a fuck, identify what you want and go after it unapologetically. If a girl accuses you of just wanting sex, don't suddenly trip over yourself to sound like a nice guy.

Personally, I think greater confidence must come from some real change in your life. Maybe it's because I've never tried it, but I'm skeptical of all this 'inner game' shit that says you don't have to do anything except read a book or play a tape recorder. Good 'inner game' is always expressed externally, in one way or another. By aping the physical (or phenotypic) expression of confidence, you will start to feel more confident. Yes, fake it until you make it. And keep doing the things that make you a little nervous, and do them successfully, and the anxiety will seep away over time. Experience begets confidence. And, I don't think it's such a bad thing to use alcohol as a crutch, to put some more notches or successful social interactions or whatever under your belt, to enhance your confidence.

If you're having trouble with hot girls, try on slightly uglier ones. One way to release anxiety is to use body motions that are almost unnoticeable, but still let you dissipate your nervous energy. Instead having your entire arm shake, you can take your thumb and rub it against the side of your index finger. Conventional game advice is to have your arms at your side, but sometimes it feels weird to just let it hang there, so I'll sink one thumb around one of my belt loops, actually a rather sexually aggressive pose.

I don't think GK's advice is bad per se, but some of those are more expressions of confidence instead of things that will make you more confident.

[Commander Shepard]

(03-26-2012 02:03 AM)jerome Wrote:  

(03-26-2012 12:05 AM)Hades Wrote:  

I read "No More Mister Nice Guy". This will help your inner game tremendously.
You'll identify bad thoughts and behaviors you were not even aware you have currently. And you can take an active role with a counselor and support group about your issues with your anxiety and shame.

Thats a good website to deal with social anxiety, shame and sexuality.

To answer your question. Would take such a long time. Like many others have comment. Inner game is about confidence and life experience.

I cannot sum up confidence and experience in life, in a paragraph.

All I can advise you to do is, get some life experience. The more experience you gain, the more inner game you will have. If you live a great life, your inner game will be rock solid. Because you have live life, and seen many things that other mortal man have not. To see the world as a young man. Is a blessing.

Traveling is a good way to gain inner game. Why? when your in a different country by yourself. And do not speak the language. You have to grow as a person. Its do or die. Socially.

Also I do not like the idea of you moving to Tampa. Why? because its such a small slow city. There is little opportunity for a young man to gain experience there. Financially or socially.

What financial opportunity or career can tampa give you? compare to major cities like Miami, LA, NYC, Seattle, Boston.

On top of that, Tampa does not have a great nightlife or social life.

I think it is a great place to retire. If your an old man.

Tampa will limit your growing curve. Because its fucking slow and full of retiree.

My suggestion is to move to NYC or LA. You say that you will graduate with an english degree. You may consider applying for graduate school. That is a better way to spend your youth. A master degree in Journalism or english in NYC or LA would be very wise for your career and social life.

There are alot of good players, wingman in LA and NYC. A young man in NYC will have the opportunity to learn pickup from better wingman. NyC have tons of hot girls, nightlife and day game.

Remember life is about opportunities. If you go to NYC you will the opportunity to meet hot girls and make great friends and build a career.

Tampa has very little upside. There is no point going there. Orlando or Miami is a better choice. If you have to stay in florida.

Thanks for your advice, especially about living life leading to better inner game.

I plan on pursuing journalism. I am not sure if Journalism school is on the horizon but it is a consideration. I figured I'd try to network with the media outlets in Tampa Bay first before I pursue a masters in Journalism at the University of Florida. I would have to focus on online content since all the other industries in journalism are on the decline big time. My life dream is to be a successful novelist and journalism would be a great way to get my writing edited. Plus, I am opinionated as hell and love politics. I could work the political beat and get a lot of opportunities to write with all the assignments I'd be getting that involve political events.

Miami is a consideration. I haven't been to Miami in a while but from what I remember I didn't like how superficial and ghetto it was. Also, I never liked the beaches down there. Do they still import the sand? I haven't visited the city since 2005 so things may have changed.

I could never move to NYC (too cold, too big, too much hustle and bustle).

Tampa looks like the best bet for me. It is cheaper than South Florida, has great beaches, and the job market is growing there. I'd be about two hours away from where I'd be going to graduate school (University of Florida), so I can network and start planting seeds in the area. Tampa has a lot of nice areas with a night life (a guy I've met who went to USF told me about South Howard, and Ybor City being good spots). It is not south beach but it is something.

USF is in Tampa as well as other colleges. Orlando, which houses UCF, is about an hour away,and Gainesville is a huge party-college town (UF). I can still party with college oriented folks and meet a lot of young professionals, people my own age.

But you are right, I am concerned that Tampa may be really slow paced and I would have more fun in Miami. I haven't been to Tampa ever so I won't know for sure until I visit. You are wise to point out that I need to enjoy my youth. That is an aching concern that I have. I am 28 and haven't got a chance to party/club much at all. Too busy studying and being depressed. I need to make up for lost time.

[Commander Shepard]

(03-26-2012 11:15 AM)el mechanico Wrote:  

I think you told me before but why are you moving here? Also make sure you get with me before you pick what area to live in. This can go very bad or very good it depends on where you place yourself.

I wanted to move to Florida to be closer to family ( I am originally from West Palm Beach). I also plan on attending graduate school in Florida and wanted the in-state tuition reduction. And, I miss the beach.

I met a guy who went to USF the other day and he mentioned South Howard (SoHo), Hyde Park, and Dale Maybury were the best places for me to go if I wanted a good night club/party scene filled with twenty somethings. I am not sure what to expect but I will let you know what' my plans are when I get closer to my move date. Things are still in development.

[Basil Ransom]

(03-26-2012 12:35 PM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

(03-26-2012 11:15 AM)el mechanico Wrote:  

I think you told me before but why are you moving here? Also make sure you get with me before you pick what area to live in. This can go very bad or very good it depends on where you place yourself.

I wanted to move to Florida to be closer to family ( I am originally from West Palm Beach). I also plan on attending graduate school in Florida and wanted the in-state tuition reduction. And, I miss the beach.

I met a guy who went to USF the other day and he mentioned South Howard (SoHo), Hyde Park, and Dale Maybury were the best places for me to go if I wanted a good night club/party scene filled with twenty somethings. I am not sure what to expect but I will let you know what' my plans are when I get closer to my move date. Things are still in development.

If you're going to college, being near a good nightlife scene can be a BAD thing. College IS the scene. A good nightlife scene just means older, bigger, richer ballsier dudes competing for those college birds. Not always a bad thing, but it's definitely not an unalloyed good.

[babelfish669]

(03-26-2012 11:19 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

Thanks Babelfish. I like your approach, albeit an expensive one. After years of doing the psychoanalysis, I can honestly say the only solution is to take baby steps to overcome my anxiety rather than sitting on a chair and talking about it or playing tapes of meditations every morning for years. I mean, I don't know if the counseling and self help work I've already done made the fear any less severe. I think Casanova is right. I just have to learn to have the right attitude and embrace emotional pain, something I've avoided almost my whole life.

Yeah, don't spend money on strippers (ok, drinks + admission isn't "cheap".) Go on off days when things are really slow, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, generally, and girls will talk even if they figure out you aren't going to spend.

When it comes to anything in life people struggle with -- girls, money, business -- there are armies of sales people making fortunes selling you baloney. I've noticed self help addicts can not separate the sales pitch from the "meat" of the product. People feel great when they go see Tony Robbins because he is selling them, not because he is giving them a new life.

Self help for self help is reality. You must combine what others say with your own experiences. If your advice comes from idiots and liars, unless your really sharp and completely ignore them, your going to be in trouble and you'll end up with no inner game. If you take good advice, and combine it with experience, your going to have strong inner game and be in pretty good shape.

In business I found things progressed this way:

100% reading - haven't done anything
90% reading 10% reality - newb, or whatever word you want to call it
50% reading 50% reality - making things happen
1% reading 99% reality - veteran

If your still at stage 1, you have have all this knowledge you've learned and absolutely no way to know whats real and whats bullshit. Once you hit the 50/50 range you have a good idea but it will be hit and miss. Once your at 99% there is little anyone else can teach you, you'll keep learning through observation. You'll see right through people "succeeding" for bullshit reasons.

The final stage isn't the end, but it gets you to the point where you can comfortably do the difficult stuff.

[Screwston]

Why would you move to Miami if you're scared to approach? What a horrible idea. Move near mechanico so he can help you out. He knows what he's doing.

[BadgerHut]

(03-26-2012 11:11 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

(03-25-2012 12:41 PM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

Inner game is important, but inner game won't get you laid by itself. You still need to meet women, escalate, and seduce. Taking it to an extreme, you could have great inner game and sit at home on the Internet all day and you'll sleep with your hand every night. (A similar fate can befall the workaholic, esp in fields without a lot of women in the workplace.)

Additionally, there's a relatively new crop of game bloggers who are preaching inner game uber alles, and sadly I think there's a real chance they'll mislead a lot of men. They essentially are preaching a bolder variant of "be yourself" and "just become a high-value man and the women will flock to you." (FWIW, the chicks online absolutely eat these guys up, they love hearing a guy who says "well I just be myself and the women like that.")

From what I can tell, these guys are naturals or they honed their game so long ago they have lost perspective and don't recall what it's like to be a guy with no idea how to talk to women or turn them on.

The external game stuff for them has become automatic (they also tend to be very extroverted with a high tolerance for meeting new prospects). So their success at any given time is most closely linked to their inner spirit, how confident they are feeling at that point in their lives, because they have automatic skills for expressing that inner game to the outside world. But most guys, esp noobs and introverts, don't have those external skills built up yet, so good inner game has a limited payoff (like a good engine hung on a shitty chassis with a rusty transmission). These are guys who for lack of a better term need to fake it till they make it - build up those relating and seducing skills, and as they get more comfortable with that, they can worry about solidifying their inner game.

There are plenty of guys who get laid without "strong inner game" - some guys are driven to social dominance and personal success out of insecurity.

I personally have found that a little bit of insecurity helps keep me motivated. If I'm not a little bit nervous (a little bit) about losing my status, success or the respect of my peers, I get complacent. So having strong inner game can hurt you beyond a certain point if you're not motivated to go show your stuff to the world.

Interesting observation. Be yourself for me didn't really work out since I had an unhealthy emotional and psychological paradigm to work with. I've gotten lays before by being myself but that was because I was on social anxiety medication. The absence of that "inner voice" helped me become more confident with myself and netted me girls (though made a lot of enemies since it also made me not aware of my social impact on people). Also, the sexual dysfunction was terrible. I couldn't cum at all.

After taking most of the medication that what was recommended for my social anxiety/depression I ceased all medication and have been doing my own version of CBT with limited success.

I'm not a doctor but I've seen real psychological boosts from taking 2-3 grams of fish oil daily. Also heard that theanine helps keep you calm.

[CharleyHorse]

No. In fact inner game is everything since women have an incredible ability to pick up on even the slightest signs of nervousness or fakeness. All the technique in the world won't help you until your inner game is solid, thats why everyone here puts so much emphasis on getting out there and approaching. You will see more success by starting with inner game and letting the outer game flow naturally than the reverse.

Watch these videos and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Its some great shit that gotten me past most of my sticking points:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H9-3RKcJNs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmI9r7Py4...ure=relmfu

Everything he says is something you've already seen men who are successful with women do. A large part of it for me was just hearing it come from a natural cause a lot of the time we won't believe in something no matter how many times we see it until someone else comes to the same conclusion as us.

[Commander Shepard]

I am busy today so I'll be brief.

I decided to do No More Mr Nice Guy again since I haven't touched the book in five years and need to update my masculinity paradigm. Also, since a lot of my anxiety with women and sex is shame based, I bought a 12 step plan on reducing sexual shame and will start going to SA meetings. If anything, I will use the group to share my shame and correct my "acting in" behaviors that have held me back sexually. I think that, along with all the other stuff I've done, is more than enough to get a solid foundation of inner game going. From there, it is all about real life application.

Also, I plan on doing the 10% theory 90% action route since peeling back layers of the subconscious onion can take months, years, even a decade. Better to be in route while you are recovering than contemplating before you take action.

I got about eight-nine weeks before I launch off into Florida so I have a good amount of time to dig deep and update my paradigms. I've already been doing a lot of SA recovery stuff (haven't watched porn since December 8th, haven't jerked off to fantasy or masturbated at all since Feb 9th (playing life on hard mode, no pun intended). I'm making strides and seeing results.

It won't be long before I get my courage wolf on.

[Giovonny]

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I didn't know something that is essentially thoughts in my head can have such a powerful response physically.

You didn't know that your mind controls your body?!?!

Well, now you know! Fix your mind and you will fix your body.

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I am starting to wonder if I am better off just meeting this head on, approaching, getting blown out, just going balls to the wall.

Of course it would be better to meet this head on! We are always better off meeting our fears head on!

Drastic times call for drastic measures!

If you are not going "balls to the wall", then I say you don't care enough. If you want to make progress you have to GO HARD! Harder then 99% of the other guys out there. This has to be your main mission in life! What's more important then this? That education and career won't mean much if you can't even get laid! Make this a priority!

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

How important is inner game?

How important is confidence and belief in yourself???

Shit! it's only the most important fucking thing in the world!

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

Is the mental gymnastics the way to go or should I take baby steps and do real life application of game?

Both! Work on eliminating the negative experiences from your mind, AND AT THE SAME TIME, approach, talk to, and interact with as many girls as possible to start to train your mind for its future.

It sounds like you have done alot of "mental gymnastics" and you are ready to focus more on "real world" stuff. I think that actually talking and interacting with girls would be the best thing at this point. But, we always have to working on both.

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I am not sure if anyone is as "fucked up" with anxiety as much as I am, but those who have suffered and overcome this I'd love to hear some feedback.

Many people have had it worse the you. Stop this self defeating pattern of feeling sorry for yourself and take action. Physical action more so then thought action.

[Gmac]

Inner game is your foundation. It can't be overrated.

[I'mWaitingForTheMan]

I just registered on the forum but I was checking out this thread a few days ago. I'm just going to throw in my two cents and hope it helps even if it's not the right advice for you.
1. I would say that if you are about to move to Florida soon, why not get your feet wet as much as possible regarding approaches? You are moving anyways, so you can use the whole "who gives a shit" type attitude to help you get over some of your anxiety.
2. I'm not your doctor but I can tell you that Wellbutrin is a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor, though a mild one. I'm guessing that is what you are using for depression. It's a mild stimulant however so it does have somewhat of a tendency to increase anxiety. I'm guessing then that the Buspar is your anxiolytic. It seems like you may have been seeing doctors for a while so you probably have tried a range of different medications. Once again this is just my two cents and not a substitute for medical advice but Buspar is really hit and miss, it has a tendency to work fine for some people and not really at all for others. Keep in mind that the science of neuropharmacology is still in it's infancy. The majority of these medications only target one or maybe two neurotransmitter systems and none of them have been convincingly shown to be the root cause of any psychiatric disorder.
3. I know this is probably stating the obvious but if some adults fucked up when you were a kid, it's not your fault. You shouldn't feel shame for what happened in the past and most certainly not for someone else's religious views. It seems you already have a college degree because your talking about going to grad school soon. This is something you can feed off of and use as a source of positive energy. I think you need a healthy dose of narcissism right now.
4. If it were me in this situation I would put the self-help stuff away. It tends to perpetuate a victim type mentality in my experience.

[Commander Shepard]

(03-31-2012 05:59 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I didn't know something that is essentially thoughts in my head can have such a powerful response physically.

You didn't know that your mind controls your body?!?!

Well, now you know! Fix your mind and you will fix your body.

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I am starting to wonder if I am better off just meeting this head on, approaching, getting blown out, just going balls to the wall.

Of course it would be better to meet this head on! We are always better off meeting our fears head on!

Drastic times call for drastic measures!

If you are not going "balls to the wall", then I say you don't care enough. If you want to make progress you have to GO HARD! Harder then 99% of the other guys out there. This has to be your main mission in life! What's more important then this? That education and career won't mean much if you can't even get laid! Make this a priority!

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

How important is inner game?

How important is confidence and belief in yourself???

Shit! it's only the most important fucking thing in the world!

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

Is the mental gymnastics the way to go or should I take baby steps and do real life application of game?

Both! Work on eliminating the negative experiences from your mind, AND AT THE SAME TIME, approach, talk to, and interact with as many girls as possible to start to train your mind for its future.

It sounds like you have done alot of "mental gymnastics" and you are ready to focus more on "real world" stuff. I think that actually talking and interacting with girls would be the best thing at this point. But, we always have to working on both.

(03-25-2012 11:59 AM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I am not sure if anyone is as "fucked up" with anxiety as much as I am, but those who have suffered and overcome this I'd love to hear some feedback.

Many people have had it worse the you. Stop this self defeating pattern of feeling sorry for yourself and take action. Physical action more so then thought action.

Good response. I am working on doing both now. Sunday is my theory day and six days of action. Also, I am trying to not be so hard on myself. Yeah, I had a dark past but it is not like I am stuck in a North Korean work camp right now.

[Commander Shepard]

(04-01-2012 02:19 AM)ImWaitingForTheMan Wrote:  

I just registered on the forum but I was checking out this thread a few days ago. I'm just going to throw in my two cents and hope it helps even if it's not the right advice for you.
1. I would say that if you are about to move to Florida soon, why not get your feet wet as much as possible regarding approaches? You are moving anyways, so you can use the whole "who gives a shit" type attitude to help you get over some of your anxiety.
2. I'm not your doctor but I can tell you that Wellbutrin is a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor, though a mild one. I'm guessing that is what you are using for depression. It's a mild stimulant however so it does have somewhat of a tendency to increase anxiety. I'm guessing then that the Buspar is your anxiolytic. It seems like you may have been seeing doctors for a while so you probably have tried a range of different medications. Once again this is just my two cents and not a substitute for medical advice but Buspar is really hit and miss, it has a tendency to work fine for some people and not really at all for others. Keep in mind that the science of neuropharmacology is still in it's infancy. The majority of these medications only target one or maybe two neurotransmitter systems and none of them have been convincingly shown to be the root cause of any psychiatric disorder.
3. I know this is probably stating the obvious but if some adults fucked up when you were a kid, it's not your fault. You shouldn't feel shame for what happened in the past and most certainly not for someone else's religious views. It seems you already have a college degree because your talking about going to grad school soon. This is something you can feed off of and use as a source of positive energy. I think you need a healthy dose of narcissism right now.
4. If it were me in this situation I would put the self-help stuff away. It tends to perpetuate a victim type mentality in my experience.

I am starting to believe that as well. I do see some gaps in my armor sorta speak, but I am noticing how endless self-help can be, almost an addiction. I plan on working on my values as a man (NMMNG), assertiveness (When I Say No I Feel Guilty), and 12 steps (Healing The Shame That Binds You, A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps). I think that is enough instruction for a lifetime. But my greatest teacher will be real life and introspection.

For example, I noticed in class the other day I was checking out a girl and as soon as she looked at me with her eyes I quickly looked away. Realizing this was sexual shame, I went home and made an affirmation saying I would check out every good looking female I want, look them in the eyes, and enjoy sexual tension. I think that is a much more tailored approach to my issues than just reading a whole book and hoping the author hits somewhere. The problem is in my head so I have to start repairing my mental process.

[Giovonny]

(04-01-2012 06:18 PM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I am trying to not be so hard on myself.

Being hard on yourself is the #1 worst thing to do! You should be easier on yourself then you are with other people. You should love yourself more then you love other people. Why do you speak to strangers with gentle, positive, encouragement, but yet you talk to yourself with negativity and discouragement?!? ! It doesn't make sense!?!? Rule #1 - Always love yourself. Rule #2 - Never hate yourself. Rule #3 - Fix your weaknesses. Follow the rules!

[Commander Shepard]

(04-01-2012 06:53 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(04-01-2012 06:18 PM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I am trying to not be so hard on myself.

Being hard on yourself is the #1 worst thing to do! You should be easier on yourself then you are with other people. You should love yourself more then you love other people. Why do you speak to strangers with gentle, positive, encouragement, but yet you talk to yourself with negativity and discouragement?!? ! It doesn't make sense!?!? Rule #1 - Always love yourself. Rule #2 - Never hate yourself. Rule #3 - Fix your weaknesses. Follow the rules!

Thanks. Also, the sentenced you mentioned about all the education and success in the world meaning nothing if I can't get laid. That is so true. For so long I thought success would breed pussy (as a well off friend who is in his mid thirties thought, now 36 with only one sexual partner and all the money to spend). Guess in the end the only way to solve this is to meet it head on.

[Giovonny]

(04-01-2012 06:57 PM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

(04-01-2012 06:53 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(04-01-2012 06:18 PM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I am trying to not be so hard on myself.

Being hard on yourself is the #1 worst thing to do! You should be easier on yourself then you are with other people. You should love yourself more then you love other people. Why do you speak to strangers with gentle, positive, encouragement, but yet you talk to yourself with negativity and discouragement?!? ! It doesn't make sense!?!? Rule #1 - Always love yourself. Rule #2 - Never hate yourself. Rule #3 - Fix your weaknesses. Follow the rules!

Thanks. Also, the sentenced you mentioned about all the education and success in the world meaning nothing if I can't get laid. That is so true. For so long I thought success would breed pussy (as a well off friend who is in his mid thirties thought, now 36 with only one sexual partner and all the money to spend). Guess in the end the only way to solve this is to meet it head on.

Of course the only was to meet it is head on!! Since when was beating around the bush a good option?!?!

Success doesn't breed pussy! It might attract some pussy but you gotta have some conversation and seduction skill in order to close the deal. We all know rich dorks who can't get laid. I can tell that you are not taking this seriously enough or being aggressive enough.

[Commander Shepard]

(04-01-2012 07:04 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(04-01-2012 06:57 PM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

(04-01-2012 06:53 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(04-01-2012 06:18 PM)Commander Shepard Wrote:  

I am trying to not be so hard on myself.

Being hard on yourself is the #1 worst thing to do! You should be easier on yourself then you are with other people. You should love yourself more then you love other people. Why do you speak to strangers with gentle, positive, encouragement, but yet you talk to yourself with negativity and discouragement?!? ! It doesn't make sense!?!? Rule #1 - Always love yourself. Rule #2 - Never hate yourself. Rule #3 - Fix your weaknesses. Follow the rules!

Thanks. Also, the sentence you mentioned about all the education and success in the world meaning nothing if I can't get laid. That is so true. For so long I thought success would breed pussy (as a well off friend who is in his mid thirties thought, now 36 with only one sexual partner and all the money to spend). Guess in the end the only way to solve this is to meet it head on.

Of course the only was to meet it is head on!! Since when was beating around the bush a good option?!?!

Success doesn't breed pussy! It might attract some pussy but you gotta have some conversation and seduction skill in order to close the deal. We all know rich dorks who can't get laid. I can tell that you are not taking this seriously enough or being aggressive enough.

Correct. I am not really going all the way in until I have finished school (this May) and have moved (also this May). I have a lot of projects that need my desperate attention. My work load will be alleviated after May 09th, freeing the time for game. For now, I just study, work, work out, and go out with my friends. I've been invited to a lot of graduation parties so I figure that will be my "welcome to the game" moment.

[Commander Shepard]

delete

[I'mWaitingForTheMan]

You said that when you broke away from the girl looking back at you that this was sexual shame. I strongly disagree. I still do this and it is a knee-jerk reaction unless I get myself into a sort of predatory mindset. Hell if for whatever reason I was mugging some dude and he caught me looking at him I would probably look away. Is that sexual shame? I think it has more to do with if in your own head you were looking at somewhat in a covert manner. If you adopt the attitude that you can look at anyone you want as long as your not leering at them there won't be that knee-jerk reaction after you "got caught."