[theoogabear]

i'm pretty bad at small talk. all my life it's never been something i've been too skilled at. dominating conversations is a HUGE struggle for me, unless i really adore the girl, or it's with a close bro. hell, i don't even follow conversations, i'm withdrawn.

i thought for awhile that maybe it's because i'm scared, i lack the confidence, and people don't want to hear what i have to say. but now as i'm gaining more and more confidence, i've realized i just...don't care to have small talk. i feel indifferent towards majority of conversations i have with majority of the people i meet.

this EXTREMELY problematic with women, i know the old man opener is huge on here, and i SUCK at it. i don't get it at all. but i won't even worry about that, i'm more worried about breaking this odd indifference i hold to conversation itself.

has anyone had any problems similar? how did you get past it?

[theoogabear]

i grammatically slaughtered this, i am sorry. :c

[Pinch]

I know exactly what you mean about "small talk" . It's just not as sincere as you want it to be, that's why you have to take control and make it interesting . It's a bitch. . You can really speak about what you want so long as it seems interesting to you . .

I've always struggled with it as well (Still do)

However, I've also had some serious shining moments and from those experienced what I've gathered is to :

Slow down
Focus your attention outward (instead of shit like "oh fuck, what do I say, what is the right response? ?? ! etc. .
Listen to what she's saying and direct it further

I mean, you've gotta bring her into your frame of mind . Say what you want, and don't just spit it out, but say it like you mean it, with good inflection and purpose . We all know how bad nervous, speed talking and boring subjects are .

Pretty much, if you're in a situation where you've been in your head all night, it's going to be a lot more difficult . I'm a very introspective person and I think too much for my own good , but I have had those moments where I was on fire and my mind was directed outwards .

[Chad Daring]

Practice, or better actually take control of the conversation and push it into a direction that interests you.

I'm not bad at small talk, I just really dislike it. I hate shooting the shit for the sake of nothing more then to just talk, but practice. At work just randomly start talking to a co-worker or customer or whoever. You'll build that skill eventually.

[Enfant_Terrible]

I'm like you guys too, I don't care for small talk and don't like wasting words and energy on meaningless stuff.

But if I need to improve myself with women, I have to be able to at least carry interesting conversation.

OP, I think you just need to take pressure off of yourself to "do well" or "impress somebody" with talking. I would start with being more observant about things like the stuff that you notice or stuff that happened in your life and really listening to yourself and others.

You can start writing a diary to talk to yourself first. This is one of the ways to listen to yourself. Write down ANYTHING what happened to you that day no matter how lame it is and see if you can make an observation. Then see if you can do the same with a co-worker or friend by starting a random conversation about what recently happened to you. Make sure you listen and observe. This is where you will get your follow up questions or thoughts that you want to share which are things that will sustain a conversation.

And don't just talk to girls, talk to everybody. No pressure to be good, no big deal, so there should be little awkwardness on your part with time. People are people and girls are people, no big deal at all!

Hope this helps.

[Gmac]

Practice.

[calex]

I find it hard to imagine that you don't know what to talk about. Most guys have a ton of trivia floating around their heads, and small talk elderly chat is about the only meaningful activity that enables you to use all that junk. If you can do it when you really like a girl or with a buddy, that means that you can do it with everyone else - so maybe the issue is not the small talk, but your lack of motivation for the approach?

Also, i found that having a few select stories that i can transition to from different topics really helps. As long as you find the stories cool, and they make you sound cool, i don't see how you should have an issue telling them.

[Greek kamaki]

Women do not like small talk so much.Women like big talk.They can run small talk with their girlfriends.If you are interested in small talk you ask ''what music do you like?'',who is your favourite actor?'',what is your horoscop?'',what fashion do you prefer?,just get a women's magazine and talk about the subjects there(fashion,gossip,relationships).This is small talk for women.

[theoogabear]

(03-04-2012 04:45 PM)Greek kamaki Wrote:  

Women do not like small talk so much.Women like big talk.They can run small talk with their girlfriends.If you are interested in small talk you ask ''what music do you like?'',who is your favourite actor?'',what is your horoscop?'',what fashion do you prefer?,just get a women's magazine and talk about the subjects there(fashion,gossip,relationships).This is small talk for women.

can you specify "big talk"?

&thanks bros

[ATTA]

I'd have to add - again - practice.

Yet, often times when a girl is giving me nothing to work with and I'm in the zone, with a wave of the hand I say, "They're boring" and walk off. This has led to quite a bit of re-engagements later on in the night by the victims of this move.

Also, try reading a ton of books on a variety of subjects. I can't really explain why, but little factoids and stories stay with you. One pithy word from from her can ignite a barrage of conversation in you, stemming from one little piece of crap you remember from a book you read years ago.

[Neo]

I dislike small-talk because for me talking for the sake of just talking seems like a waste of time. But in all reality to bang girls you have to master the skills of conversation. So just keep doing it until it becomes natural.