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Being Yourself

Being Yourself

Let me start with the experience I had yesterday.

I met this girl from match. I had a good feeling about this girl before meeting her.
I met her at the coffee shop. When she saw me walking up to her table, she gave me those looks of 'puppy getting excited when the owner is home'. It made me feel very comfortable and put me into high confident state.
We started conversation and within a minute, she started cracking up.
I was being sarcastic about what I do, background etc.
Since she was laughing and smiling whole time, I didn't have to think about 'hm if I say this, would she laugh', 'hm would she get offended by this comment?', 'Is it lame to say this around those strangers?'
I just basically said anything that comes to my mind and it was going well. I felt like a standing comedian with one audience in front of me. There were other people around us, however, it didn't bother me to keep her entertained.
I felt like we were two gears rotating smoothly with the help of our sarcastic humors (which worked as a lubricant)
I threw something at her. Instead of giving me 'WTF looks' she was giving me funny responses. 'my job...I sell something...I am kind of a know...', 'oh yeah?? do you have a sample? lol'

I think it's because we had the attraction from the get go.
I also believe, she was the right audience for my style of humor.(vice versa)
(can you imagine upper white class in their 40's watching David Chappelle's comedy show?)

Attraction + good conversation= making out within an hour.
No attraction + good conversation= 'that funny guy' among her friends.

So a lot of people say 'just be yourself' which can frustrate many people since it's just very vague phrase.
(Btw, 'being yourself' doesn't mean stop improving yourself. It doesn't mean stay fat, depressed, anti social and uninteresting)

What I am trying to say is that to build an attraction by being yourself, there should be some sort of 'attraction foundation' from the beginning. (how do you set the roof without building posts)

I think it would be hard to attract someone by given time frame when you approach someone on street, bar, coffee shop unless she already finds you somewhat attractive. (we find a girl attractive in a matter of second, how can we deny if they are doing the same thing)

I am not trying to discourage anyone. I think it's all about finding the right audience who will appreciate your looks, voice tone, facial expression, gesture and type of humor you use.
There are people who hates Dane Cook but loves Chris Rock (or vice versa) Both people are very successful but some people just can't stand them.

So it basically all comes down to 'numbers game'
I think I will still try to say 'hi' to those chicks who don't give me serious eye contacts. I will still try to get their # and txt them couple times before I give up.

I changed just my mindset alone and it helped my confidence a lot. If I didn't attract the chick, instead of blaming myself 'hey man, you should've done this and this, what an idiot', I just say 'hm she is just not the right type of women for me, Next'

The bottom line is that we shouldn't get discouraged just because we got turned down. It's because we just invited the wrong audience to the show that some other people will fall in love with.

Keep improving the quality of your 'show' and at the same time, go out and meet many people to separate the 'right audience'

Being Yourself

Good info. This is a great mindset to have.

I have always said instead of being just yourself, you should be a more awesome version of yourself. It has put me in a more confident state of mind and helped me keep a positive attitude.

We always need to be working on our inner game.

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