For the last 3 years I've had no desire for a relationship. I saw the ideal situation to be living a "player" lifestyle, juggling multiple women and not being tied down. Living in NYC, settling down never sounded like a desirable option.
I'm 28 now, been traveling the world for the last 7 months (currently in Ukraine), and for the first time since I can remember, I'm craving a serious relationship and am bored of one night stands and shallow sex with mediocre women. Going to the club to pick up girls doesn't appeal to me because I'm not attracted to the type of trashy girls that go to clubs, smoke cigarettes, and whore themselves on the dance floor for validation while not even putting out and treating men like trash. I'm also not in the top 10% of looks where I can just easily and consistently clean up in the club or on Tinder.
Maybe I'm just jaded because I feel like the dream of having a rotation of quality women (ie. 8+) as friends with benefits that's sold to us is not actually realistic unless you're in the top 10% of attractive men, have some pipeline that constantly brings women into your life (eg. you work at a modeling agency or are a hot shot club promoter - that 9-5 IT job certainly won't bring any women into your life), or are a rock star / celebrity.
But also for the first time in my life I've gotten a taste of being in a relationship with what I'd consider a 9 (the type you'd never see at a nightclub), and for the first time I felt content and without any desire for other girls. When I'd walk down the street and see other beautiful women (they're everywhere here) I didn't feel like I was missing out or needed to approach them because I already had what I wanted. On the other hand when I'm walking down the street with a 6 or a 7 I can't help but constantly check out every other attractive girl and lust after them with a strong sense of jealousy - "I'd rather have a girl like that. Why am I settling with this girl?" I thought this was something I'd feel even if I was with a 9, but it wasn't the case - though to be fair we were only together for a month so perhaps I would've felt differently after 6-12 months, though I think that even if I did eventually feel that way it'd be at most a minor complaint in the context of my life - I'd rather devote my energy towards real goals like building a business and adding value to the world than finding yet another girl to fuck.
I've found cold-approach to be extremely time consuming and inefficient, and even when you get the bang, my experience has been that the possibility of it turning into a friends with benefits and getting repeat bangs (without it becoming a relationship) is actually very low. Most women don't seem to want "friends with benefits" and just want a relationship (my last bang told me "I'd be friends with benefits with Elon Musk. Otherwise it's not something me or any girl I know is interested in"). Putting in all this work of cold-approaching for what in all likelihood will amount to just one or maybe two bangs with a girl you probably don't really even connect with just doesn't feel like a good investment of time.
Of course if we're talking women in the 7 or below range, then sure I guess the player lifestyle is attainable. But I don't care about 7s anymore, I want 8+s. I'd rather be spending time with a girl whose looks I'm content with and could potentially see myself settling down with than f*cking a mediocre girl where the thought of accidentally getting her pregnant gives me suicidal thoughts. Hooking up with moderately attractive girls you've just met was fun at first, but now it's kind of "been there done that". In my experience the 8+s are exponentially harder and way more likely to be exclusively looking for relationships (unless they're golddiggers, which to me is no different than being a prostitute).
Of course game is necessary regardless of what you're looking for, but I think there's a tendency in this community to glorify this "player" lifestyle of having a rotation of hot girls that's not actually realistic unless you're a fucking Instagram celebrity like Dan Bilzarian, someone in the top 10% of looks who can clean up on Tinder / nightclubs, or devote so much time to game that it's practically a full-time job. For those of us without the gift of celebrity, model-like looks, and who'd rather not devote our lives to chasing pussy, being in a relationship with a hot girl seems like the better and more realistic option most conducive to a man's happiness and achieving one's goals. I guess all of us men need to go through that phase of trying to bang as many different girl's as possible, I just didn't expect to get tired of it so quickly.
I'm 28 now, been traveling the world for the last 7 months (currently in Ukraine), and for the first time since I can remember, I'm craving a serious relationship and am bored of one night stands and shallow sex with mediocre women. Going to the club to pick up girls doesn't appeal to me because I'm not attracted to the type of trashy girls that go to clubs, smoke cigarettes, and whore themselves on the dance floor for validation while not even putting out and treating men like trash. I'm also not in the top 10% of looks where I can just easily and consistently clean up in the club or on Tinder.
Maybe I'm just jaded because I feel like the dream of having a rotation of quality women (ie. 8+) as friends with benefits that's sold to us is not actually realistic unless you're in the top 10% of attractive men, have some pipeline that constantly brings women into your life (eg. you work at a modeling agency or are a hot shot club promoter - that 9-5 IT job certainly won't bring any women into your life), or are a rock star / celebrity.
But also for the first time in my life I've gotten a taste of being in a relationship with what I'd consider a 9 (the type you'd never see at a nightclub), and for the first time I felt content and without any desire for other girls. When I'd walk down the street and see other beautiful women (they're everywhere here) I didn't feel like I was missing out or needed to approach them because I already had what I wanted. On the other hand when I'm walking down the street with a 6 or a 7 I can't help but constantly check out every other attractive girl and lust after them with a strong sense of jealousy - "I'd rather have a girl like that. Why am I settling with this girl?" I thought this was something I'd feel even if I was with a 9, but it wasn't the case - though to be fair we were only together for a month so perhaps I would've felt differently after 6-12 months, though I think that even if I did eventually feel that way it'd be at most a minor complaint in the context of my life - I'd rather devote my energy towards real goals like building a business and adding value to the world than finding yet another girl to fuck.
I've found cold-approach to be extremely time consuming and inefficient, and even when you get the bang, my experience has been that the possibility of it turning into a friends with benefits and getting repeat bangs (without it becoming a relationship) is actually very low. Most women don't seem to want "friends with benefits" and just want a relationship (my last bang told me "I'd be friends with benefits with Elon Musk. Otherwise it's not something me or any girl I know is interested in"). Putting in all this work of cold-approaching for what in all likelihood will amount to just one or maybe two bangs with a girl you probably don't really even connect with just doesn't feel like a good investment of time.
Of course if we're talking women in the 7 or below range, then sure I guess the player lifestyle is attainable. But I don't care about 7s anymore, I want 8+s. I'd rather be spending time with a girl whose looks I'm content with and could potentially see myself settling down with than f*cking a mediocre girl where the thought of accidentally getting her pregnant gives me suicidal thoughts. Hooking up with moderately attractive girls you've just met was fun at first, but now it's kind of "been there done that". In my experience the 8+s are exponentially harder and way more likely to be exclusively looking for relationships (unless they're golddiggers, which to me is no different than being a prostitute).
Of course game is necessary regardless of what you're looking for, but I think there's a tendency in this community to glorify this "player" lifestyle of having a rotation of hot girls that's not actually realistic unless you're a fucking Instagram celebrity like Dan Bilzarian, someone in the top 10% of looks who can clean up on Tinder / nightclubs, or devote so much time to game that it's practically a full-time job. For those of us without the gift of celebrity, model-like looks, and who'd rather not devote our lives to chasing pussy, being in a relationship with a hot girl seems like the better and more realistic option most conducive to a man's happiness and achieving one's goals. I guess all of us men need to go through that phase of trying to bang as many different girl's as possible, I just didn't expect to get tired of it so quickly.