Sorry for the long post. Maybe someone will be interested without being too sarcastic.
I was dating 4 girls off of Match and one I actually had a lot in common with so getting her interested with some basic rapport game and framing was relatively easy. I make heavy use of hypergamy when dating since I'm not a looker and I don't have a lot of experience but I have a good body, make a decent amount of money, get to travel for work, and am a really accomplished artist. She is 33, I am 31. I am looking for a quality girlfriend and she fits the mold. She is single for 2 years out of a long term relationship. Since she's older, I am worried that I'm competing with 40 year old men and that she's looking for 'the one' on an online dating site, so no one will be good enough for her. I have heard that older women in their 30s are easier but maybe not when they are looking for someone to marry within 2 years. I am thinking that my age works against me here.
Date 1 (2 hours) is coffee on a Friday night and flirting with some basic kino. I text her on Sunday night and she re-initiates Monday morning and I call her to set up another date for next Friday night.
Date 2 (3.5 hours) is dinner and bar, and very fucking expensive. She's a half hour late, apologetic, and embarrassed about it, so I know she is into me. She sits with her leg on mine at the bar. We barely touch at the table but after dinner, when we walk down the street I guide her through the crowds by the back. I instinctively offer her a hand for her to help cross a puddle (like I would my mother, lol) and she takes that as a cue to hold hands down the street. After the bar, she drives me back to my car (her idea) and we kiss at a stop light. She stops in the parking lot to let me out but I tell her to park and I initiate a make out session before I leave. It seems like she might be intentionally blocking me from touching her body (it's dark) but I end up rubbing my hand up and down her her leg and she's enthusiastic about the kissing and allows that at least. She texts me when she gets home that she had a good time. I call her Monday night to ask her about how her cat's surgery went (yep) and we set up a date for another Friday night.
Date 3 (3 hours), I have her over my place for dinner. She brings over almost 25 dollars worth of food and wine so I take that as a good sign. After dinner, we are on the sofa and she has open body language, but I get performance anxiety so I delay until I can calm down by showing her funny videos on YT at my computer, most of which she thinks are hilarious. She sits with her hip resting on my shoulder as we watch. We kiss when we're done watching but I don't escalate. She's fine with me putting my arm around her back and resting my hand on her hip and leg, but she never touches me. I lie back on the sofa and encourage her to as well but she doesn't get particularly close. We talk for about fifteen minutes. I'm sitting with my hand rubbing her shoulder, our legs touching, and we hold hands. She says something cute and I kiss her on the forehead affectionately (I actually like this girl). We are connecting emotionally but I'm afraid that she's not hot for me. She excuses herself to the bathroom suddenly, (her eye went red so maybe it was a contact?). I put on some music and when she gets back she sits on the sofa. She has to leave soon, it's 11 pm and she has to wake up at 6 am for a 7 am running group. I sit back on the sofa and show her my art, and we start making out. I don't get grabby, but I am maybe a little too enthusiastic with the porno tongue, until I open my eyes and notice that her wrists are between her legs and her elbows are completely blocking her breasts, so I stop. I make a remark about her huge earrings being in the way of her neck and tell her I don't want to wait until next weekend to see her (a misstep) and she says "I'll let you know." We talk casually for a bit as I put on my shoes, I walk her downstairs, she turns around at the door, we kiss one more time and say good night. My most major misstep is that I was a bit self-deprecating over the course of the night. I suffer from depression and negativity gets out sometimes. I'm very stressed by having to cook so it's hard to focus and the conversation isn't amazing like it was the last two dates.
So the mixed signals, I'm worried that I missed my opportunity to escalate earlier in the night, and that I made a complete misstep by escalating too late in the night. I know that women can be very judgmental about men when it comes to how they escalate and taking risks. But I'm extremely confused by the closed body language. She looked like a rape trauma victim but she was fine with making out in that state, and it may have been the exact same thing that she did in the car on date 2. I sent her a feeler text on Sunday and she took 7 hours to respond (she usually responds within 15 minutes). I texted her this morning about going to a concert for one of her favorite bands tomorrow night (maybe a misstep but I thought it would offer value and I needed to buy the tickets immediately) and she replied an hour later "ohhh shoot I can't tomorrow![[Image: sad.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/sad.gif)
" She is also still logging into her Match account daily. One of my problems is that I am an extremely smart and pessimistic person so I can analyze any situation to death and see everything as a bad sign, and I don't have enough dating experience to put any of these things into context.
Right now, I am completely indecisive. Should I simply call her tomorrow to try to make plans for the weekend like I've done in the past or should I ghost and return to contact next week? I am afraid that I came on too strong.
I was dating 4 girls off of Match and one I actually had a lot in common with so getting her interested with some basic rapport game and framing was relatively easy. I make heavy use of hypergamy when dating since I'm not a looker and I don't have a lot of experience but I have a good body, make a decent amount of money, get to travel for work, and am a really accomplished artist. She is 33, I am 31. I am looking for a quality girlfriend and she fits the mold. She is single for 2 years out of a long term relationship. Since she's older, I am worried that I'm competing with 40 year old men and that she's looking for 'the one' on an online dating site, so no one will be good enough for her. I have heard that older women in their 30s are easier but maybe not when they are looking for someone to marry within 2 years. I am thinking that my age works against me here.
Date 1 (2 hours) is coffee on a Friday night and flirting with some basic kino. I text her on Sunday night and she re-initiates Monday morning and I call her to set up another date for next Friday night.
Date 2 (3.5 hours) is dinner and bar, and very fucking expensive. She's a half hour late, apologetic, and embarrassed about it, so I know she is into me. She sits with her leg on mine at the bar. We barely touch at the table but after dinner, when we walk down the street I guide her through the crowds by the back. I instinctively offer her a hand for her to help cross a puddle (like I would my mother, lol) and she takes that as a cue to hold hands down the street. After the bar, she drives me back to my car (her idea) and we kiss at a stop light. She stops in the parking lot to let me out but I tell her to park and I initiate a make out session before I leave. It seems like she might be intentionally blocking me from touching her body (it's dark) but I end up rubbing my hand up and down her her leg and she's enthusiastic about the kissing and allows that at least. She texts me when she gets home that she had a good time. I call her Monday night to ask her about how her cat's surgery went (yep) and we set up a date for another Friday night.
Date 3 (3 hours), I have her over my place for dinner. She brings over almost 25 dollars worth of food and wine so I take that as a good sign. After dinner, we are on the sofa and she has open body language, but I get performance anxiety so I delay until I can calm down by showing her funny videos on YT at my computer, most of which she thinks are hilarious. She sits with her hip resting on my shoulder as we watch. We kiss when we're done watching but I don't escalate. She's fine with me putting my arm around her back and resting my hand on her hip and leg, but she never touches me. I lie back on the sofa and encourage her to as well but she doesn't get particularly close. We talk for about fifteen minutes. I'm sitting with my hand rubbing her shoulder, our legs touching, and we hold hands. She says something cute and I kiss her on the forehead affectionately (I actually like this girl). We are connecting emotionally but I'm afraid that she's not hot for me. She excuses herself to the bathroom suddenly, (her eye went red so maybe it was a contact?). I put on some music and when she gets back she sits on the sofa. She has to leave soon, it's 11 pm and she has to wake up at 6 am for a 7 am running group. I sit back on the sofa and show her my art, and we start making out. I don't get grabby, but I am maybe a little too enthusiastic with the porno tongue, until I open my eyes and notice that her wrists are between her legs and her elbows are completely blocking her breasts, so I stop. I make a remark about her huge earrings being in the way of her neck and tell her I don't want to wait until next weekend to see her (a misstep) and she says "I'll let you know." We talk casually for a bit as I put on my shoes, I walk her downstairs, she turns around at the door, we kiss one more time and say good night. My most major misstep is that I was a bit self-deprecating over the course of the night. I suffer from depression and negativity gets out sometimes. I'm very stressed by having to cook so it's hard to focus and the conversation isn't amazing like it was the last two dates.
So the mixed signals, I'm worried that I missed my opportunity to escalate earlier in the night, and that I made a complete misstep by escalating too late in the night. I know that women can be very judgmental about men when it comes to how they escalate and taking risks. But I'm extremely confused by the closed body language. She looked like a rape trauma victim but she was fine with making out in that state, and it may have been the exact same thing that she did in the car on date 2. I sent her a feeler text on Sunday and she took 7 hours to respond (she usually responds within 15 minutes). I texted her this morning about going to a concert for one of her favorite bands tomorrow night (maybe a misstep but I thought it would offer value and I needed to buy the tickets immediately) and she replied an hour later "ohhh shoot I can't tomorrow
" She is also still logging into her Match account daily. One of my problems is that I am an extremely smart and pessimistic person so I can analyze any situation to death and see everything as a bad sign, and I don't have enough dating experience to put any of these things into context.Right now, I am completely indecisive. Should I simply call her tomorrow to try to make plans for the weekend like I've done in the past or should I ghost and return to contact next week? I am afraid that I came on too strong.